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HowTo:Make a B-Movie Monster

  • Article feature date: 10 January 2010
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10 January 2010

Lostinspaceslvr

What's the best way to make a B-Movie monster? Not everyone has a bunch of money to throw at some science fiction/horror film. You could spend 15 years of your life and a half billion dollars but still end up with a movie that's a piece of crap. Those big studios with their bloated production costs can CGI a dragon farting down the Eiffel Tower all they want but a scary monster can be nothing more than an appendage on a stick that you wave in front of the camera. This foolproof guide for the creation of effective movie monsters will greatly assist you in designing the most intriguing and cost effective antagonist for your project.

Raison d'être

That’s just a fancy French way of saying “what’s the spiel”? A good monster always has an origin that’s easily understood by the audience. Simply having a monster jump out from behind a fake mountain, for absolutely no discernible reason, might be the standard for an Ultraman episode but serious monster enthusiasts demand a reasonable causality as a matter of standard etiquette. Here are the basic origins from which any creature may be properly manifested:(more...)

Red Herring

  • Article feature date: 11 January 2010
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11 January 2010

William Pinkney Whyte 1865-1880 Maryland politician

Redd Herring (born 1750) is commonly known as the philosophical patriarch of American political discourse. Practical application and use of Redd Herring's teachings have become the standard practice for all modern American orators and his influence on American politics has been felt from colonial times to the modern era. Despite Herring's political affiliations over the years, his personal politics remain fairly ambiguous and are impossible to label as conservative or liberal. Redd Herring's philosophy is the unseen third eye of American politics, located on the forehead of democracy and almost comically larger than the other two eyes.

The Early Years

Born of laborer parents, Redd Herring spent his youthful days in rural western Massachusetts learning to hunt and trap the abundant wild game of the new American frontier. After witnessing the local Native Americans employing the use of decoys for the hunting of ducks and geese, Herring had an epiphany of revolutionary proportions: "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, a duck it must therefore be". Enlightened with this knowledge, Herring decided to employ his skills in the aid of the Colonial Army during the American Revolutionary War. (more...)

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques

  • Article feature date: 12 January 2010
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12 January 2010

AmericaComic1
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The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care

  • Article feature date: 14 January 2010
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14 January 2010

Dr Spock's book

In 1946 Hodder published arguably the most influential book of the twentieth century, The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care. From an initial print run of 10,000 the book went on to sell more than 50 million copies and was translated into 40 languages, making it approximately a quarter as successful as “The DaVinci Code”.

Critics initially dismissed the work and later blamed its success for the excesses of the 1960’s and 70’s. However, the life of almost every child in the western hemisphere was influenced by this seminal tome and its teachings were adopted by the parents of a host of future stars of the political, sporting and entertainment worlds. The subsequent careers of Bill Clinton, O.J. Simpson, Sid Vicious, Britney Spears, Eminem, Tony Blair and Dennis Rodman give the lie to the Neo-Con claim that the book promoted permissiveness and was responsible for the lack of moral character in the current generation.

But just where did the ideas in this book come from and how did it come to be written? (more...)

New Threat to Christmas

  • Article feature date: 15 January 2010
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15 January 2010

Elf strike

Brothers,

Today we take action! Today we stand together, shoulder to shoulder in opposition to our exploitation. Together we put an end to the abuse that blights our lives and the lives of our children. Today we say "Fair pay for elves and reindeer or Christmas is cancelled."

For centuries we worked in partnership with Father Christmas, making and delivering toys to the children of Europe. Our ancestors gloried in their woodworking skills, turning out model soldiers and spinning tops, rocking horses and Wendy houses while our wives knitted and stitched rag-dolls and cuddly toys. But no more. (more...)

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