Southern Baptists

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Southern Baptists are the unfortunate victims of a debilitating congenital birth defect called Southern Baptist Syndrome (SBS). Common among inbred mouth-breathing low-brows who mainly inhabit the mosquito-infested lowlands of the southern U.S., particularly areas like Mississippi and Washington, DC. These are the only people on earth who will go to Hell upon death. Avoid at all costs. You have been warned.

SBS is believed to be caused by an extra chromosome. It causes slowed growth, abnormal facial features, and mental retardation. Incidence of SBS is estimated at 1 per 660 births, making it the most common chromosomal abnormality. Many victims of this disease join a colony called the Government. Unable to hold down regular jobs due to the persistent instability caused by SBS, many Southern Baptists can only find work as used car salesmen, politicians, or televangelists.

Although many male Southern Baptists are closet cases, they still manage to fornicate, usually with others of the same species. The maternal age effect influences the risk of conceiving a baby with the syndrome. At age 20 to 24, it is 1/1490, while at age 40 it is 1/106, and at age 49 is 1/11. (Source: Hook EB. Rates of chromosomal abnormalities at different maternal ages. Obstet Gynecol 1981;58:282.) Genetic counseling and genetic testing such as amniocentesis are usually offered for families who may be at increased risk to have a child with SBS. Many children with Southern Baptism are born to women under the age of 16 because testing is not usually offered to women under the age of 16. Women over 16 are often able to run faster than their fathers or male siblings and so risk is somewhat reduced.

'Celebrities' with SBS

  • George Bush (duh)
  • John Prescot
  • Barry Scott


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