Sir Francis Drake

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Captain-revenge
Sir Francis Drake: in no way sexually suspect despite his clothes, stance, years at sea and lack of interest in procreation.

Sir Francis Drake was born in Tavistock, Devon, in February 1540. He was the eldest of the twelve sons of Charlie Drake, a Protestant farmer, preacher, and comedian known for his ferocious hatred of Catholics and cheerful catchphrase "Can I burn you now, Paddy?" Unlike other famous British explorers, Drake's family were not wealthy but astute self-promotion and an unparalleled ability to kill Spaniards endeared him to the Queen and common people alike.

But it could have all ended much differently, and Drake was in many ways lucky to survive childhood. He was nine when the Prayer Book Rebellion swept seemingly unstoppably across England’s South West. Tavistock was soon threatened by an army of pro-Catholic protestors bent on destruction. These men, mostly landless Cornish peasants, had turned their pitch-forks against their overlords to seek the restoration of the true church, the abolition of the Book of Common Prayer and greater access to pasty-grazing land.

Marching under the slogan “Kill all Humans” the rebellion tapped into resentment over the enclosure of common land, becoming especially popular upon the adoption of a revised slogan - “Kill all gentlemen”. Drake’s family - with its ties to the local peerage – fled to Kent where support for Protestantism was firmer and there were opportunities for hop-picking holidays.

It is said that this early brush with danger affected Drake deeply, sparking a life-long aversion to Catholicism and familiarising the young boy with life beyond the narrow confines of rural Devonshire. Drake himself never spoke of the time, stating only “Papish incense doth trouble my nose and I have no fondness for ostentatious prayer – not with my knees.”

Francis the Seafarer

The sea is there
An experienced sea-dog teaches a youthful Drake the location of the sea, circa 1550.

How the son of a tenant farmer came to be a sailor is unclear. What is certain is that by the age of twelve the young Francis was already an apprentice seaman on the cross channel route. Here he amassed a fortune avoiding excise duty on imported continental brandy. He also made his first impact on British culture by introducing the country to tobacco in the form of cheap cigarettes smuggled from Calais hypermarches. At twenty three he became owner-master of a trading-barque when its previous owner died unexpectedly from blood-poisoning brought on by the dagger he had inexplicably thrust between his own shoulder blades. Drake was the first to find the body of his beloved master and thus the first to hear news of his bequest, which was written across the walls of the master’s cabin in his own blood. For the rest of his life Sir Francis kept the dagger (fortuitously already inscribed with his own name) as a remembrance of his generous benefactor.

From that moment onwards Drake used his wealth and connections to indulge his twin passions:

“Ye pursuit of greater fortune yet and ridding [ye] worlde of Dagoes”.

In 1568, he sailed to the West Indies in a squadron commanded by his cousin, Sir John Hawkins. Despite favourable winds the fleet became trapped in the port of San Juan de Ulua, Mexico by a superior Spanish fleet. Drake's reputation began to be made as he was one of only two captains to fight his way free, losing two thirds of his crew in the process but retaining the plunder from the Spanish city. His taste for adventure had begun, as had his appetite for the spoils of war.

The Birth of a Legend

File:Man carries horse.jpg
Far from home comforts, many of Drake's crew were more interested in carrying off the more attractive pack-horses than their cargo.

In 1572 Drake captured the town of Nombre de Dios, Panama - the port from which Peruvian precious metals were embarked for Europe following overland trans-shipment from the south. While his men imprisoned the dispirited garrison and broke into the treasury, Drake rounded up the maidens of the town and confined them within his chambers “for their greater protection”. Alerted by screaming, Drake’s men burst into the room to find their gallant leader had been stripped naked by his wanton prisoners and appeared to have suffered a grievous wound “for there wast blood in great profusion upon his groin.”

Drake’s crew panicked. They fled the town carrying their protesting master, pausing only to kill and rape the maidens, and to regret the order in which they had carried out these actions. Later they would have plenty of time to rue the estimated 12 tons of bullion they had abandoned as Drake remained in the area for a year, seeking in vain to intercept a shipment of nuns from the convents of Andalusia.

Fortune turned in 1573 when Drake teamed up with Guillaume Le Testu ("William the Bollock" to Drake’s crew) for another attempt on the Spanish bullion shipment. This time they planned to take the shipment before it arrived at the reinforced Nombre de Dios. In an audacious ambush they intercepted the mule train a few miles from the city, catching its military escort off-guard after a long jungle trek. The attack succeeded beyond Drake’s wildest dreams, capturing 20 tons of bullion and causing the death of many of his French allies.

The remaining men hauled as much as they could carry through 18 miles of jungle to their appointed rendezvous with Drake’s ships. Instead of their boats however, the exhausted men found only an abandoned camp and open waters. Drake and his men, downhearted and hungry, had nowhere to go and the Spanish were not far behind.

At this point Drake showed exceptional leadership. He rallied his men by temporarily lifting the ban on sodomy, buried the treasure on the beach and built a raft to sail himself ten miles along the fearsome surf-lashed coast to where he had left his flagship. The raft was continually awash up to their chests and Drake was forced to stand on one or other of the crew members for most of the journey. However, he pushed onwards despite the lack of provisions until he reached their ship. When Drake arrived his men were alarmed at his bedraggled appearance, but delighted that their share of the spoils would no longer be decreased by the need to share with his two companions. The two lifeless, partly consumed corpses were happily tipped into the ocean.

Fearing the worst they asked how the raid had gone. Drake, in spite of everything, could not resist a joke and teased them by looking downhearted. Then he pulled a necklace of Spanish gold from around his neck.

"Our voyage is made, lads!" He laughed "And scarcely a Frog survives."

They returned to the rendezvous to find that the Spanish had recovered much of the treasure. But all was not lost, as Le Testu and his remaining crew had been tortured and executed, a several chests of gold had not been discovered. By August 9, 1573, Drake was back in Plymouth and from this point he appears to have graduated from mere fame to legendary status.

The Violent Pacific

Gibbet
"It is notable how the men no longer lean towards papacy once they have hanged. Surely the gibbet is God's own instrument for the spread of Protestantism."

With the success of the 1577 Panama raid, Elizabeth I of England was keen that Drake should maintain pressure on the Spanish treasury. Drake, however, felt that renewed attacks in the vicinity of Nombre de Dios would surely be expected and fiercely resisted. Unwilling to disappoint his sovereign by failing to intercept that year's bullion export, he hatched a plan beloved of all sailors - to take it from the rear.

Drake aimed to round South America unseen by his enemies and attack the mule train as it made its way along the Peruvian coast. As he approached Cape Horn, bad weather forced him far to the south of Tierra del Fuego and the route followed by his hero, Magellan. Undeterred by the uncharted reefs, Drake's relentless probing eventually saw him penetrate the almost mythical "Back Passage" and he made it his own despite a great loss of seamen.

Triumphant following this successful navigation into the Pacific via a previously undiscovered route, Drake's small fleet were again caught in a mighty storm which saw them seek the shelter of the South American coast. Coincidentally, they made landfall in the same bay where Magellan had landed to hang mutineers among his crew sixty years earlier. Drake's men stood silently, taking in the bleached remains and the decaying gibbet. Hastily, they dismantled the gallows and solemnly cut down the grizzly victims. Lastly, they cast the rotting timbers into a trench they had excavated on the beach, built a fire and used it to make a hearty broth from the bones.

"T'was wholesome if gamey, but much needed after our perilous voyage."

Determined to emulate his hero in every aspect, Drake decided to hang a mutineer of his own. Thomas Doughty had commanded the ship Mary bravely but she was now scuttled as her timbers had rotted irredeemably. As a captain, Doughty had taken a considerable financial investment in the expedition and stood to benefit from its profits by 10%. He died on September 15th 1578 following condemnation by Drake himself.

"Methinks Doughty naught but a traitor. He hath an unseemly interest in livestock which, t'is true, is common enough in sailors. He hath also a swarthy demeanour and an effeminate lisp which make him most popular amongst his men. And still I wouldst not believe him a Spaniard had I not observed myself his daily habit of sleeping through the afternoon. He shall dangle high for all his pleading of so-called Mal-aria."

Now down to only one ship, (The Pelican, renamed Golden Hind in honour of his favourite Plymouth pub) Drake set about capturing Spanish vessels in search of Gold and more accurate charts. Armed with these, Drake attacked one coastal town after another, adding to his plunder and losing ship-mates owed a share of the haul with each successive assault.

Near Lima, the plucky adventurers captured a Spanish ship laden with 37,000 Gold Ducats and heard news of the Nuestra Señora de la Concepción which was sailing for Manila. Following the Spanish prisoners' unexplained mass-suicide, Drake abandoned his original plan and set off in pursuit. Eventually he caught and boarded the treasure-ship, taking another 80 lb. of Gold, 26 tons of silver, and 13 chests of jewellery. Sadly, Drake was forced to compel another 50 crew-mates to walk the plank for ungentlemanly displays of ostentatious bravery in the face of enemy fire.

Nova Albion

MirandaRichardson(Blackadder)
Queen Elizabeth was said to be much surprised by Drake's reply to her question "And what do your men do to amuse themselves for all those months at sea?"

On June 17, 1579 Drake landed on the American coast, somewhere north of Spain's northernmost claim. He had discovered Nova Albion - the area now thought of as California. Here they restocked and repaired while keeping friendly relations with the local inhabitants. It was during these brief weeks of rest that Drake communicated his discovery to the same indigenous tribes, who celebrated the news with three days of feasting, having previously been unaware that they were living anywhere.

On his departure, Drake left an embryo colony of twenty five "goode Englishemen and true" to seed England's claim to this part of the New World. Sadly none of these men survived to claim their rightful share of the booty. Drake and his now much diminished crew then ventured further north, becoming the first Europeans to sight Alaska and the first Europeans to shiver, turn around and head back south. The weather not withstanding, Drake made some important scientific break-throughs by discovering that both Eskimos and walrus were prepared to eat British sailors who demanded an advance on their wages.

Drake now headed westward across the mighty Pacific, reaching the Moluccas (in today's Indonesia) within months. Here, the Golden Hind became stuck on a reef and was almost lost. After dumping most of the crew, the supplies of food and water, and finally the least valuable cargo, they eventually floated free. Drake sailed at once for home, making multiple stops along the way to restock and hang more "mutineers" - the number of whom multiplied as they approached England.

On September 26th, 1580 the Golden Hind sailed into Plymouth with Drake at the helm. At once 59 crew emerged from their hiding places and ran for the obscurity of the taverns. Such was the success of the journey that the Queen's half-share of the profits yielded more than the rest of the entire crown income for the year. Drake was a rich man, a hero and was soon knighted for his services to the nation. The Queen presented the captain with a jewelled miniature of herself; Drake himself boasted to his friends of having given the Queen:

"Such a pearl necklace as she willst narry forget. I hadst been at sea many months."

No record of this gift was entered in the Crown records.

The Invincible Armada

Drake card
A contemporary copy of the calling card left by Drake at Cadiz, 1587.

War broke out in 1585 when Queen Elizabeth refused to bow to the unreasonable, bullying demands of King Phillip II of Spain that "English ships shouldst cease attacking my towns and trade, killing my people and carrying off their goods and chattels." He began to assemble a mighty invasion fleet at once.

Drake had been serving as mayor of Plymouth, and seeking to improve his social status. Though a national hero and wealthy beyond most aristocrats' dreams, his humble origins were held against him and he had taken great measures to advance his standing in society. On the advice of his secretary, Coleman Atkins, he emulated his Tudor sovereign by ostentatiously avoiding all vegetables at the many public dinners he attended, branding them peasant-food. He also eschewed the plentiful fish dishes of the region in favour of the more expensive meat of farm livestock. So famous was his addiction to pork and ham, that he became widely-known as Sir Francis Bacon.

It was in this period that he made another lasting impact on British culture. Within months of adopting Atkins' suggested diet, Iodine-deficiency had led to the development of a striking goitre which he could only conceal beneath ever larger neckerchiefs. Finally, his tailor had to construct the world's first ruff to hide a swelling now seven inches in diameter. Fashion in Europe would follow Drake's lead for the next 150 years.

Now Drake had the chance to once more make a name for himself on the high seas. In 1587 he set out with a plan to "Singe ye beard of ye Kinge of Spain." With this in mind, he brazenly sailed into both Cádiz and La Coruña, two of Spain's major ports. His men set about sinking 40 Spanish vessels while Drake himself set fire to Phillip II's head. The combined loss of ships, supplies and the King's third degree burns delayed the Armada by a year, giving England precious breathing space to prepare its defence.

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Map showing the locations of Saga cruiseship wrecks since 1987.

By 1588, Drake was Vice Admiral of the Royal Fleet pursuing 140 enemy vessels along the English Channel. As darkness gathered, Drake's ship broke off the chase and captured the Spanish galleon, Rosario. However, in doing so Drake extinguished the lantern leading the rest of the English fleet in pursuit of the main Armada, an action for which he has been accused of being an opportunistic pirate.

"I could not do otherwise," Drake argued. "Rosario carried ye entire treasury for payment of Philip's armies in ye Lowlands. T'was my duty to take her e'en though it meant losing most of my crew" - many of whom died of previously unnoticed wounds, some up to four days after the attack.

As a result of Drake's action, The Armada made Calais safely but were forced to flee when the English sent fire ships into the harbour, the majority still crewed by Drake's surviving sailors. Fleeing the flames, the Spanish ships were scattered and then blown east and, unable to land in Holland or head back along the Channel, were forced into a compulsory circumnavigation of the British Isles. Many lives were lost as the ships of the Armada were wrecked on the rocky coasts of Scotland and Ireland, with unlucky survivors bludgeoned to death by suspicious locals for their jewellery and credit cards, not unlike similar Saga cruises today.

The most famous anecdote about Drake in this period relates to his activities prior to the battle. According to this story, by the time news of the Armada reached England, Drake had hired a Plymouth Ho to play with his balls. He remarked that she had plenty of time to "beat-off an English hero" before he needed to pull up his breeches and beat off the Spaniards.

Death of Drake

Drake's sea-faring career continued into his fifties, with campaigns against the mainland of Spain and South America. In both of these campaigns Drake skilfully gave the impression of failure, the better to trounce the Spanish at a later date when they had become complacent. Sadly, there would be little time for his planned counter-strike.

In 1596, on another anti-Spanish campaign he discovered El Dorado, the legendary city of gold far in the Venezuelan interior. Drake knew what he must do. He manoeuvred his men into battle with local Indians armed with poison blow-pipes and bravely sailed single-handedly back to the coast along the Orinoco river in a boat horribly overloaded with gold. At Caracas he assumed the name to Sir Walter Raleigh, put out the story that Drake had died of dysentery and set up a bicycle manufacturing factory. To this day it is said that, when England is most in peril, Drake's drum will sound again, beaten by King Arthur dressed as Winston Churchill.

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