Sania Mirza

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“Ah balls!!”
~ Oscar Wilde

“You have two very good,big,soft,tender set of ...........(He wanted to say eyes but forgot the pronunciation -Gandhian's) ”
~ Mahatma Gandhi on Sania Mirza

Sania Mirza is supposedly an Indian tennis player who will soon follow in her mentor Mahesh Bhoobpatty's footsteps to relocate to another country where she hopes to meet with greater success.

Sonia mirza

Sania, moments before executing BBT

Early Years

Born Sania Mammariza in a Bangladeshi slum in Mumbai, to a disgruntled Muslim woman who was never given the opportunity to showcase her assets thanks to her conservative upbringing, her last name was shortened by self to Mirza later to avoid embarassment, though the genes were passed on without doubt.

Sania was brought up under the able tutelage of Pamela Anderson from whom she learnt to remove her breasts and fit them back on at will. Females reading this are requested not to try this at home without expert supervision (even then only if they are in possession of gazongas of size in excess of 36-DD).

Into Tennis

Coached by Mahesh Boobpatty, Sania further improved her knowledge to perfect the Boob Boomerang technique, which she uses effectively in the game of tennis to shock opponents owning smaller assets into confusion and subsequent submission.


In usual tennis, the player attempts to hit the ball back across the net. In BBT, the player rapidly plucks off one of her (or his, if you have read Breasts on men by Arnold Schwarzenegger like Wimby 2006 winner Abel Machismo has) boobies and hits it across the court to stun the opponent who is not expecting it. Advanced exponents of BBT can actually remove both breasts and hit them across for enhanced effect. Sania's technique is so pro that she can hit across both her mammaries AND the ball!

Disadvantages of BBT

Since this technique requires one to remove her jugs rapidly with the non-playing hand and hit them across the court with the playing hand, it is impossible to cross arms and execute this shot on your backhand, which explains why Sania has such a bad backhand (and JustIn Henna-HardOne does not).

Also, it cannot be used on a serve because in case it becomes an ace, the opponent might stamp on your boob in frustration and injure it beyond repair, which almost happened in Sania's match against Maria Sharpasoprah, but Maria's father swooped on court just in time to rescue Sania's left titty.

Out of Tennis

Sania's on-court antics met with stiff resistance from the Islamic community which did not like her exposing herself frequently. They issued a fatwa, so she employed one of the gazillion MBA graduates churned out by India to do a study on what course of action to pursue.

The audit revealed that Sania was paid more by advertisements and endorsements than winning tournaments paid others (she never won any herself), so she embarked on a perennial national tour of all Indian Petroleum (one of the brands which sponsors her) outlets, where she fuels customers' cars and gives them a free squeeze for every Rs.1000 of Quick, a popular brand of petrol in India.

This resulted in a dramatic increase in India's fuel imports from the GCC, subsequent to which the fatwa was retracted.

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