Samuel L. Vacuum

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(This was the quickest rewrite ever. Good writing excercise, though. My fingers are fucking pumped now.)
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{{Simple Disambig|Samuel L. Jackson}}
 
{{Simple Disambig|Samuel L. Jackson}}
'''Samuel L. Vacuum''', one of numerous afro-american/vacuum (Blackuum) actors who currently share the limelight on the silver screen, is a highly successful character actor, well known for his use of profanity and that little green light that turns on when the floor is clean.
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'''Samuel L. Vacuum''' is an African-American/Vacuum (Blackuum) actor who does not like motherfucking dust on his motherfucking carpet.
   
[[Image:Samuellvacuum.jpg|thumb|275px|Samuel L. Vacuum circa 1990]]
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[[Image:Samuellvacuum.jpg|thumb|275px|Samuel L. Vacuum]]
==xXx Years==
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==Maybe you didn't find that funny.==
Samuel L. Jackson changed his motherfuckin name to Augustus Gibbons or just Gibbons or Muthafuckin Gibbons..in order to play the role for xxx 1 and 2....were he raped tim allen in the ass..................MIKE JONES
 
   
==Love Life==
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While it is certainly arguable that the above sentence, which took me an approximate amount of a month to get precisely the right pacing and accenting, is not in the slightest bit funny, I must contest. You may have reached toward the "Edit" button atop the screen, perhaps to add a deletion tag or perhaps add some qualified witiness, such as perhaps claiming that Mr. Samuel L. Vacuum "raped tim allen in the ass", or perhaps was "the inventor of ragtime music". Both of these viable options would not serve as a suitable addition to a sentence... nay, ''masterpiece'', of this quality. Because I have specific reasons to counter you, as I am well prepared, and you are not.
{{NoWikipedia}}
 
Prior to his marriage to [[Uma Khan]] (Uma Thurman possessed by the spirit of Ghengis Mutha suckin Khan) Samuel L. Vacuum was known for his high profile [[Hollywood]] romances, both to other [[Blackuum]]s, and to normal(ish) people like [[Urethra Franklin]] and [[Super Jazz-bot v 2.0]]. In 1993, one of his cleaning ladies leaked a Mutha suckin sex tape of him getting all up in the business of [[Queen Sharmel]], which led to widespread downloading and subsequent masturbation by nerdy 13 year old boys who are turned on by that sort of thing.
 
==Inventions==
 
   
It is a well documented fact that Samuel L. Blackuum is the inventor of ragtime music, as well as the [[Disposable Honky]], both of which fit easilly into your pouch or other Mutha suckin orifice.
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==It has clever wordplay.==
   
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Shaming any mindless garbage that [[Special:MyContributions|you]] have come up with, the perfection of a sentence that I have come up with contains a key element in wit; wordplay. Like Shakespeare himself, my tireless mind has come up with a brand new word made by cleverly integrating the ordinary, boring words '''black''' and '''vacuum''' to produce a brand new one: '''Blackuum.''' I have little to no doubt that in time, this word will find its way into every [[dictionary]] you could possibly find, and that I will have left my landmark on language itself.
   
== Filkography ==
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What have you done to language, huh? Nothing, that's what. How dare you look down on the ''beauty'' I have finally transcribed and released to the ''masses''.
*Mutha suckin Snakes on a Mutha suckin Plane [[2006]]
 
*Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Mutha suckin Sith [[2005]]
 
*The Mutha suckin Incredibles [[2004]]
 
*Kill Mutha suckin Bill Vol. [[2004]]
 
*Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Mutha suckin Clones [[2002]]
 
*Pulp Fiction(mutha sucker) [[1994]]
 
   
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==Pop Culture References==
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I believe that you will find, upon close examination, the prescence of Mr. Jackson's classic (and pardon my [[cheese|French]]) "[[father|motherfucker]]" line in my beautiful sentence. While this may originally seem a little cliche to you, I assure you it has been well thought out. For one, it has been edited to fit exactly the new situation I am proposing; as well as this, it allows everyone to feel a connection to the work, particularly those (such as [[you]]) who do not understand the clever [[HTBFANJS|satire]] inherent. Now, you see that my inclusion of this reference is one that is absolutely vital to the full health and imagery of the sentence.
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==Originality==
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Think hard about your creativity. Would you have ever thought of such a concept as Mr. Jackson as a vacuum cleaner? It is exceptionally doubtful, as these bursts of originality only come to geniuses such as myself. Considering the idea itself, it is marvelously whimsical; combining both the imagery of a famous actor combined with common house appliance, as well as simply hitting a peak of absurdity that is certain to elicit a hearty chuckle, followed by a deep consideration of meaning.
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It is perfection, simply enough. But I must add to it; I must make this work one of many, one to lay out a level for all those aspiring writers to jump off. I must set my example clearly, straightly, and with confidence. With that, I bring you the final section of my work:
   
 
== Trivia ==
 
== Trivia ==
 
*Unlike Samuel L. Jackson, Samuel L. Vacuum does not like peaches.
 
*Unlike Samuel L. Jackson, Samuel L. Vacuum does not like peaches.
 
*Samuel L. Vacuum is a Mormon.
 
*Samuel L. Vacuum is a Mormon.
*Samuel L. Vacuum once pleasured Chuck Norris on one cool Texas night.
 
*Samuel L. Vacuum wheres a wig.
 
   
==See Also==
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==Now, I can die with joy.==
*[[Blackuum]]
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*[[Honky]]
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My work here, I believe, has been done. With a teary gaze in my eye, I leave this beautiful passage to you; shall you always treasure it in your hearts, and realize that I am with you, my words reaching out of their flat barrier to touch your life, and the lives of those around you.
*[[Jazzhands]]
 
*[[Fellatio references]]
 
*[[Cthulhu]]
 
   
{{Idea|summary=Samuel L. Jackson as a vacuum cleaner. Obviously.}}
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[[Atheism|Godspeed]], good reader.
   
 
[[Category:People]][[Category:Appliances]]
 
[[Category:People]][[Category:Appliances]]

Revision as of 01:29, September 15, 2008

You may be looking for Samuel L. Jackson and not even know it!

Samuel L. Vacuum is an African-American/Vacuum (Blackuum) actor who does not like motherfucking dust on his motherfucking carpet.

Samuellvacuum
Samuel L. Vacuum

Maybe you didn't find that funny.

While it is certainly arguable that the above sentence, which took me an approximate amount of a month to get precisely the right pacing and accenting, is not in the slightest bit funny, I must contest. You may have reached toward the "Edit" button atop the screen, perhaps to add a deletion tag or perhaps add some qualified witiness, such as perhaps claiming that Mr. Samuel L. Vacuum "raped tim allen in the ass", or perhaps was "the inventor of ragtime music". Both of these viable options would not serve as a suitable addition to a sentence... nay, masterpiece, of this quality. Because I have specific reasons to counter you, as I am well prepared, and you are not.

It has clever wordplay.

Shaming any mindless garbage that you have come up with, the perfection of a sentence that I have come up with contains a key element in wit; wordplay. Like Shakespeare himself, my tireless mind has come up with a brand new word made by cleverly integrating the ordinary, boring words black and vacuum to produce a brand new one: Blackuum. I have little to no doubt that in time, this word will find its way into every dictionary you could possibly find, and that I will have left my landmark on language itself.

What have you done to language, huh? Nothing, that's what. How dare you look down on the beauty I have finally transcribed and released to the masses.

Pop Culture References

I believe that you will find, upon close examination, the prescence of Mr. Jackson's classic (and pardon my French) "motherfucker" line in my beautiful sentence. While this may originally seem a little cliche to you, I assure you it has been well thought out. For one, it has been edited to fit exactly the new situation I am proposing; as well as this, it allows everyone to feel a connection to the work, particularly those (such as you) who do not understand the clever satire inherent. Now, you see that my inclusion of this reference is one that is absolutely vital to the full health and imagery of the sentence.

Originality

Think hard about your creativity. Would you have ever thought of such a concept as Mr. Jackson as a vacuum cleaner? It is exceptionally doubtful, as these bursts of originality only come to geniuses such as myself. Considering the idea itself, it is marvelously whimsical; combining both the imagery of a famous actor combined with common house appliance, as well as simply hitting a peak of absurdity that is certain to elicit a hearty chuckle, followed by a deep consideration of meaning.

It is perfection, simply enough. But I must add to it; I must make this work one of many, one to lay out a level for all those aspiring writers to jump off. I must set my example clearly, straightly, and with confidence. With that, I bring you the final section of my work:

Trivia

  • Unlike Samuel L. Jackson, Samuel L. Vacuum does not like peaches.
  • Samuel L. Vacuum is a Mormon.

Now, I can die with joy.

My work here, I believe, has been done. With a teary gaze in my eye, I leave this beautiful passage to you; shall you always treasure it in your hearts, and realize that I am with you, my words reaching out of their flat barrier to touch your life, and the lives of those around you.

Godspeed, good reader.

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