Robin "Bird" Rihanna Fenty (born February 20, 1988), better known as simply Rihanna (pronounced Anna Anna Aeyh, Aeyh, Aeyh, I got my ass beat with an umbrella), is a Barbadian R&B and pop recording artist. She is, however, primarily best known for her forehead. Rihanna's Forehead suffers gigantipithicus. Her gigantic forehead has it's own sole properties, as explained in its own article (yes, Rihanna's forehead is so large it has its own article!). She also has had more than 70 number one songs and is also known solely for getting the shit beaten out of her by her super hyperactive dancing boyfriend.
Facially resembling a giant, startled Easter Egg, Rihanna is singlehandedly responsible for irritating the fuck out of every person in the entire world with her single "Umbrella". It's so irritating that whenever or wherever anybody hears the intro, an over bearing rage takes over to destroy the object of which the song is playing on. The song temporarily became a pop culture sensation among chavs and teen mothers everywhere.
Rihanna is also responsible for having the most copied sex positions from 1988-present.
Rihanna was born in Barbados (This means she's barbaric). She attended special ed classes at Charles F. Broome Memorial School, then at 15 achieved her big break. A big black gorilla pedophile named Dr. Jason Zimmerman, or Jay-Z for short, attended one of the talent shows put on by the school. He had been searching the world for an underage stripper to perform in his secret experiment to see how many people he could corrupt. When he saw Rihanna perform Mariah Carey's lapdance, he knew he had found his singer. So he roguely stole her from Ronald and Monica and together they swam the Pacific Ocean and entered the United States illegally. Jay-Z then disguised himself as a streetwise music producer and started his own record label, Fuc-A-Fella Records records. Rihanna was signed to the label and was a huge success. The two had been good friends, but once the fame got to her head, she ditched Jay-Z for her new Hollywood friends. And after Rihanna stopped returning his calls, texts, emails, IMs, and gifts made out of his own hair, he killed himself by eating too many bananas.
She WAS dating Chris Brown until he accidentally beat her in a huge fit of orgasm rivalling a wrestling match during passionate lovemaking in the back seat of Chris Brown's Lamborghini. So now, the two stars cannot be seen with each other.
At the age of 15 Rihanna wish to be a Caribou was granted. And now whenever she wants she can insert a quarter into her head and evolve into a Caribou.
The Success Of Umbrella
In 2007 Rihanna released a song dedicated to the uses of the umbrella. Since the releasing of the song, umbrella sales world wide are increasing with some umbrellas even fitted with the addicting "ella, ella , eh eh " clip from the song.
It is further proven that artist Rihanna is warning of us of a future apocalypse, in of which only an umbrella can save us and we are urged to carry one at ALL times, like Michael Jackson. It will rain meteors, and only those with umbrella ella elle ella eh eh eas can survive. If you survive the attack then you will see the second part of the apocalypse in of which zombies who were once of Resident Evil's umbrella corporation to attack you in of which you will have to ward them off by singing umbrella.
Since Rihanna's song it has become illegal to say the word Umbrella and have nobody pitch in and go ella elle alla eh eh...If such a act occurs you will be presented as a test subject to the umbrella corporation and offered up to postpone our apocalypse on the album's four year anniversary.
The song was number one for 10 weeks in the UK where the curse of the song caused it to rain continuously until it was removed from the top spot. The funny thing is that I'm not even making this up. The UK had some of the worst floods that period. For real!
Rihanna's music, best described as a underground hardcore satan polka, is loved by no people not even by her own mother. The same people, in fact, that like tangerine lip gloss, jumpsuits, and Tom Sizemore.Her single "S.O.S" was a rip-off of "Tainted Love", but not only that, it gave sea captains a fun (not to mention gay) way to send an S.O.S signal when encountering danger at sea. But it was undoubtedly the single "Umbrella" that took the world by storm. LOL. Umbrella, storm. Get it? The song was written by Satan, who personally recorded a backmasked message into it, which may be responsible for the single's success.
Rihanna has also been know to have a HUGE lack of orginality and talent, yet she makes up for this by copying other artists such as Beyonce, Leona Lewis, Lady Gaga and about everyone else. She claims that all the stuff she copied she made herself. However, many claimed she learnt her lesson after she copied Chris Brown.....
Her other singles include "Shut Up, Put The Bottle Down, And Drive" (which was later renamed "Shut Up And Give Me The Keys"), "Please Dont Stop The Mumbling" "Drink All Night" "Take a Hint (You Suck)" and the smash hit SOS (Suck Our Sperm)
When not being beaten mercilessly by Chris Brown, performing, creating music or making appearances dressed to the nines on red carpets, Rihanna is an enthusiast of Xbox Live. In an interview with Seventeen magazine, she said, "Yeah, I'm really into Medal of Honor and Call of Duty, stuff like that. But I haven't played in a while because I got banned from Live for a month for trash talking. I swear, call a fat kid a fag and there's no turning back beyond that. I only did it four times, too."
Rihanna and Chris Brown do have occasional arguements about Chris cheating. Rihanna stated "When we go to the shops he always wants to Run it, Run it to the stripper club afterwards". CB claims he is spoken to poorly by Rihanna: "I get told to Shut up and drive a lot".