Politician

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[[Image:Nosferatu1.jpg|right|thumb|300px|Richard Nixon a typical politician. The smile and outward charm masking the souless husk within.]]
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[[Image:Nosferatu1.jpg|right|thumb|300px|Richard Nixon a typical politician. The smile and outward charm masking the soulless husk within.]]
   
'''Politician''' is a [[PC]] term used to describe sufferers of a strange psychotic derrangement. Which we may never understand. This sociopathic disease, is very common among middle aged men. And could be linked to the mid life crisis. Like psychotics, politicians radiate a superficial feeling of [[charm]] and warm, masking the emotional cripple within. Such behavior may make politicians seem normal; but the fact is that when they [[smil]]e, Its at the thought of drinking your fliuds. Reassuringly the only way to contract the disease is to be bitten by another politician. Politicians may appear freindly, like father [[christmass]] or [[valium]], but they hide terrible [[secrets]]. What if you found out father christmas was a lawyer? what would you think then? The same is true for politicians.
+
'''Politician''' is a [[PC]] term used to describe sufferers of a strange psychotic derangement. Which we may never understand. This sociopathic disease, is very common among middle aged men. And could be linked to the mid life crisis. Like psychotics, politicians radiate a superficial feeling of [[charm]] and warm, masking the emotional cripple within. Such behavior may make politicians seem normal; but the fact is that when they [[smile]], Its at the thought of drinking your fluids. Reassuringly the only way to contract the disease is to be bitten by another politician. Politicians may appear friendly, like Father [[Christmas]] or [[Valium]], but they hide terrible [[secrets]]. What if you found out father Christmas was a lawyer? what would you think then? The same is true for politicians.
   
Their illness which has several stages is firstly characterized by a lack of empathy or conscience, poor impulse control, and manipulative behavior, such as extream possesivness, in some cases politicians have been known to actually attach [[puppet]] strings to wives, children and collegues, in an attempt to control their every movement.
+
Their illness which has several stages is firstly characterized by a lack of empathy or conscience, poor impulse control, and manipulative behavior, such as extreme possessiveness, in some cases politicians have been known to actually attach [[puppet]] strings to wives, children and colleagues, in an attempt to control their every movement.
   
   
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Politicians are often prematurly aged and balding as a result of the disease which depleates their blood supply, this is why politicans often feel a need to take and [[drink]] [[blood]] from others. This is not difficult for them, as they Lack any sense of conscience or empathy, beyond the sort of contempt, a ravonus [[vulture]] might show to a corpse.
+
Politicians are often prematurely aged and balding as a result of the disease which depletes their blood supply, this is why politicians often feel a need to take and [[drink]] [[blood]] from others. This is not difficult for them, as they Lack any sense of conscience or empathy, beyond the sort of contempt, a ravenous [[vulture]] might show to a corpse.
   
 
[[Image:Richard-m-nixon-sized.jpg|left|thumb|300px|A typical vampire often mistaken for a politician.]]
 
[[Image:Richard-m-nixon-sized.jpg|left|thumb|300px|A typical vampire often mistaken for a politician.]]
   
Politicians feel compelled take what they want, often by voices. They also do as they please, to their victims (''Which they refer to as voters Becasue of a beleif that all non politicians have 'elected to be worthless.)'' in a repressed bid for attention and acceptance. Many politicans feel that taking the [[blood]] of others will rejuvinate their lost youth, others just find it refreshing.
+
Politicians feel compelled take what they want, often by voices. They also do as they please, to their victims (''Which they refer to as voters because of a belief that all non politicians have 'elected to be worthless.)'' in a repressed bid for attention and acceptance. Many politicians feel that taking the [[blood]] of others will rejuvenate their lost youth, others just find it refreshing.
   
Doctors belive that subconciously all these poor people really want is 'a big hug!'. Their desire to be 'accepted' and even 'trusted' causes them to violate social norms and expectations without a sense of [[guilt]] or regret. The medical fraternity, continues to dither over this issue and hesitate from terming this illness dysfunctional. Politicians, therefore, continue to be at large. Your next door neighbor might be one.
+
Doctors believe that subconsciously all these poor people really want is 'a big hug!'. Their desire to be 'accepted' and even 'trusted' causes them to violate social norms and expectations without a sense of [[guilt]] or regret. The medical fraternity, continues to dither over this issue and hesitate from terming this illness dysfunctional. Politicians, therefore, continue to be at large. Your next door neighbor might be one.
   
The [[disease]] (called '''politomania''') is degenerative and has several distinct stages, each more fenidishly grotesque than the last. Eventually the victim is reduced to a dribbling mass of congeled slime, they can’t even urinate and the only thing they can say, is the word ‘haggis’.
+
The [[disease]] (called '''politomania''') is degenerative and has several distinct stages, each more fiendishly grotesque than the last. Eventually the victim is reduced to a dribbling mass of congealed slime, they can’t even urinate and the only thing they can say, is the word ‘haggis’.
   
   
 
== First Stage: Caligula- Stalin derangement. ==
 
== First Stage: Caligula- Stalin derangement. ==
 
 
At first the symtoms are mild enough, headaches, toothache, bed wetting, derranged voices screaming the word ‘[[KILL]]’. But then it becomes sinister. The [[victim]] begins to lack empathy and conscience, instead of froliking through woodland saving injured squirels, the poltician will burn down the wood, file an insurance claim, and prosicute the squirels for starting the fire. The Nosfratu complex is not presant, as the disease has not begun to digest the victims skin. Although they may have the odd grey hair, once in a while. This is the spark which ignites their [[paranoia]], and fear of all things grey. Politicians will avoid grey ties, lampshades and even towel’s beliving that the colour will, ‘infect’ their [[skin]] and permeturly age them.
+
At first the symptoms are mild enough, headaches, toothache, bed wetting, deranged voices screaming the word ‘[[KILL]]’. But then it becomes sinister. The [[victim]] begins to lack empathy and conscience, instead of frolicking through woodland saving injured squirrels, the politician will burn down the wood, file an insurance claim, and prosecute the squirrels for starting the fire. The Nosferatu complex is not present, as the disease has not begun to digest the victims skin. Although they may have the odd grey hair, once in a while. This is the spark which ignites their [[paranoia]], and fear of all things grey. Politicians will avoid grey ties, lampshades and even towel’s believing that the colour will, ‘infect’ their [[skin]] and prematurely age them.
   
At this stage the politician begins to develop the notion that all other people are pawns in a twisted game of chess which they imagine they are playing with the inhabitants of Hell. Politicans belive the game is a way to ‘aquire more souls’ and therby achive greater ‘supremicy’ over those they see as inferior. Because we are still unsure of life in [[Hell]], we have no way of definitivly declaring a politician's condition to be delusional. Other participants include their[[ children]], grandchildren, their unborn foetuses and their wives
+
At this stage the politician begins to develop the notion that all other people are pawns in a twisted game of chess which they imagine they are playing with the inhabitants of Hell. Politicians believe the game is a way to ‘acquire more souls’ and thereby achieve greater ‘supremacy’ over those they see as inferior. Because we are still unsure of life in [[Hell]], we have no way of definitively declaring a politician's condition to be delusional. Other participants include their[[ children]], grandchildren, their unborn foetuses and their wives
   
   
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As the ilness worsens, the emotions become superficial and shallow (if they exist at all). Victims are considered callous, manipulative and incapable of forming any lasting relationships, except with their so called [[wife]] or ‘familiar’ whom they depend on for blood.
+
As the illness worsens, the emotions become superficial and shallow (if they exist at all). Victims are considered callous, manipulative and incapable of forming any lasting relationships, except with their so called [[wife]] or ‘familiar’ whom they depend on for blood.
   
It is important to note that politicians are people, but yet they aren't: they have no ability to love, to be loved or to make love, and every time they see a [[butterfly]] they pull off its wings then giggle. During ths satge the emotions that politicians exhibit are from watching and mimicking real people. Like fleshy ventriloquists dummy's.
+
It is important to note that politicians are people, but yet they aren't: they have no ability to love, to be loved or to make love, and every time they see a [[butterfly]] they pull off its wings then giggle. During this stage the emotions that politicians exhibit are from watching and mimicking real people. Like fleshy ventriloquists dummy's.
   
In general, they show poor impulse control, hence their tendency to sexually harrass female secretaries and collegues. They also have a low tolerance for frustration and aggression. They have no empathy, remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to their behavior. In short, they become truly devoid of conscience. They fail to understand right and wrong. For example They would see nothing wrong with stealing a [[pen]], locking a [[puppy]] in a microwave, or killing a tramp with a [[spade]]. They'd enjoy it if they could -- which of course they cannot, owing to no perception of pleasure -- but yet they do it out of slavishness A common symptom of their unfortunate disease.
+
In general, they show poor impulse control, hence their tendency to sexually harass female secretaries and colleagues. They also have a low tolerance for frustration and aggression. They have no empathy, remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to their behavior. In short, they become truly devoid of conscience. They fail to understand right and wrong. For example They would see nothing wrong with stealing a [[pen]], locking a [[puppy]] in a microwave, or killing a tramp with a [[spade]]. They'd enjoy it if they could -- which of course they cannot, owing to no perception of pleasure -- but yet they do it out of slavishness A common symptom of their unfortunate disease.
   
[[Image:Nosferatu4.jpg|left|thumb|200px|A poitician out hunting for victims , or 'voters' as they like to call them.]]
+
[[Image:Nosferatu4.jpg|left|thumb|200px|A politician out hunting for victims , or 'voters' as they like to call them.]]
   
The politician often feels the need to hide or be hidden, by concealing his true nature behind a well crafted "[[Mask]] of Sanity," which may be made out of paier mache, or even cardboard. The average politician is often able to infiltrate his way into a position of power. His true nature is only if the mask accidentally slips and the extent of his pathological lying and murder are revealed. Politicians are usually discovered because they have a markedly distorted sense of the potential consequences of their actions -- not only for others, but also for themselves. They do not, for example, recognize the risk of being caught, disbelieved or injured because of their behavior.
+
The politician often feels the need to hide or be hidden, by concealing his true nature behind a well crafted "[[Mask]] of Sanity," which may be made out of paper mache, or even cardboard. The average politician is often able to infiltrate his way into a position of power. His true nature is only if the mask accidentally slips and the extent of his pathological lying and murder are revealed. Politicians are usually discovered because they have a markedly distorted sense of the potential consequences of their actions -- not only for others, but also for themselves. They do not, for example, recognize the risk of being caught, disbelieved or injured because of their behavior.
   
[[Image:Mask2.jpg|right|thumb|200px|A poitician wearing his, mask of sanity]]
+
[[Image:Mask2.jpg|right|thumb|200px|A politician wearing his, mask of sanity]]
   
   
This is because they feel that an imaginary 'aura of brilliance' will protect them from harm, 'like an invisible [[anthrax]] cloud'. Politicians often write down or record all of their achivements in notebooks or on tape, so that they may be able to return to them later and drool as they reminice their own lost brilliance. Their attempt at mimicing normallity is often sucssesful however subtle discrepancies in a politician's speech patterns reveal their true nature to an observant [[psychatrist]]: {{cquote|''What will we do when you elect us? Why we're going to help you, you disgusting little plebs. Now on election day if you could just put you're 'mark' into the box labeled 'conservative'. Thats C-O-N-S. I'm sorry was I too quick for you? I'd write it down, but you probably can't read.''}}
+
This is because they feel that an imaginary 'aura of brilliance' will protect them from harm, 'like an invisible [[anthrax]] cloud'. Politicians often write down or record all of their achievements in notebooks or on tape, so that they may be able to return to them later and drool as they reminisce their own lost brilliance. Their attempt at mimicking normality is often successful however subtle discrepancies in a politician's speech patterns reveal their true nature to an observant [[psychiatrist]]: {{cquote|''What will we do when you elect us? Why we're going to help you, you disgusting little plebes. Now on election day if you could just put you're 'mark' into the box labeled 'conservative'. Thats C-O-N-S. I'm sorry was I too quick for you? I'd write it down, but you probably can't read.''}}
   
   
== Third Stage: Slater-Nazi paralisis. ==
+
== Third Stage: Slater-Nazi paralysis. ==
 
 
As his condition worsesns the Politician usually suffers from crazed notions of '[[Power]]' and delusions of popularity and success. Politicians frequently enjoy exerting their percived 'power' by crushing ants and other insects, This swells their over inflated ego, rather like a bloted leach, greedy for more [[blood]]. This is complimented by a substantial martyrdom complex, and the paranoid notion that all their mistakes are due to them being ‘betrayed’ by others.
+
As his condition worsens the Politician usually suffers from crazed notions of '[[Power]]' and delusions of popularity and success. Politicians frequently enjoy exerting their perceived 'power' by crushing ants and other insects, This swells their over inflated ego, rather like a bloated leach, greedy for more [[blood]]. This is complimented by a substantial martyrdom complex, and the paranoid notion that all their mistakes are due to them being ‘betrayed’ by others.
   
Using the pricible that they should keep ‘''their ‘friends’ close and their enemies closer'',’ politicians who are beginning to develop ‘''Trotsky- Thatcher paranoia’'', often gather together to form secret societies known as ‘''governments''’. Members of these ‘governments’ all share a delusion that they have somehow been ‘elected’ by a ‘divine power’ to have authority over large numbers of people, or as politicians like to call them ‘cattle’. Because these crazed pathetic indivituals really believe they are members of an ‘elect’ they view all others as tiresome ‘[[insect]]s’ without souls, who can be ‘crushed’ with impunity, and without consequence.
+
Using the principle that they should keep ‘''their ‘friends’ close and their enemies closer'',’ politicians who are beginning to develop ‘''Trotsky- Thatcher paranoia’'', often gather together to form secret societies known as ‘''governments''’. Members of these ‘governments’ all share a delusion that they have somehow been ‘elected’ by a ‘divine power’ to have authority over large numbers of people, or as politicians like to call them ‘cattle’. Because these crazed pathetic individuals really believe they are members of an ‘elect’ they view all others as tiresome ‘[[insect]]s’ without souls, who can be ‘crushed’ with impunity, and without consequence.
   
Many politicians will attempt to stamp on non politicians multiple times, out of a disire to ground their magled remains into the floor. As they so frequently [[stab]] other in the back, polticians become excessively paranoid about being manipulated, and disposed of by a more cunning and evil politicians. Their fear of becomeing puppets sometimes leads to halluciantions, in witch they constantly check thier limbs for invisible puppet strings, attached by their enemies.
+
Many politicians will attempt to stamp on non politicians multiple times, out of a desire to ground their mangled remains into the floor. As they so frequently [[stab]] other in the back, politicians become excessively paranoid about being manipulated, and disposed of by a more cunning and evil politicians. Their fear of becoming puppets sometimes leads to hallucinations, in witch they constantly check their limbs for invisible puppet strings, attached by their enemies.
[[Image:Bush puppet.jpg|left|thumb|300px|Every poiticians worst nightmare.]]
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[[Image:Bush puppet.jpg|left|thumb|300px|Every politicians worst nightmare.]]
   
This is one of the more pathatic and dibilitating facets of their illness, some may degenerate to a stage where they perpetually stare at the ceiling, and hurl abuse at an invisble puppet master, ocasionally they weep and beg him to stop controling their [[mind]]. In the final stages motor relexes degenerate to the extent that some Politicians are completly housebound, being able to move only in jerky spasmodic steps,reminicent of puppets. In their final years some are confined to a single room,as they belive they cannot walk through doors,as the door frame will tangle the strings allowing them to move.
+
This is one of the more pathetic and debilitating facets of their illness, some may degenerate to a stage where they perpetually stare at the ceiling, and hurl abuse at an invisible puppet master, occasionally they weep and beg him to stop controlling their [[mind]]. In the final stages motor reflexes degenerate to the extent that some Politicians are completely housebound, being able to move only in jerky spasmodic steps,reminiscent of puppets. In their final years some are confined to a single room,as they believe they cannot walk through doors,as the door frame will tangle the strings allowing them to move.
   
   
== Stage Four: Bat Fuck Crazyness. ==
+
== Stage Four: Bat Fuck Craziness ==
 
 
   
Most polticians die before reaching stage [[four]], their has only been one documented case, that of [[John Reid]] a [[British]] cabinet minister. His fear of puppetry and ‘mind control’ turned his brain into a withered sponge, soaked with the stale urine of idiocy. His decent into madness was widely reported in newspapers at the time:
+
Most politicians die before reaching stage [[four]], their has only been one documented case, that of [[John Reid]] a [[British]] cabinet minister. His fear of puppetry and ‘mind control’ turned his brain into a withered sponge, soaked with the stale urine of idiocy. His decent into madness was widely reported in newspapers at the time:
   
   
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Mr. Reid then unbuckled his trousers and threw his underwear in the face of a distressed female [[journalist]]. Spreading his arms out in an effort to make himself appear larger and more intimidating, Mr. Reid continued to squawk like a mongoose as he charged towards bewildered reporters, then dived out of the third story window, flapping his arms as if he was attempting to [[fly]].
 
Mr. Reid then unbuckled his trousers and threw his underwear in the face of a distressed female [[journalist]]. Spreading his arms out in an effort to make himself appear larger and more intimidating, Mr. Reid continued to squawk like a mongoose as he charged towards bewildered reporters, then dived out of the third story window, flapping his arms as if he was attempting to [[fly]].
   
Landing in the street below, Mr. Reid stole a car and was chased by police, before crashing into a tree and running away on foot. Mr. Reid ran naked for two miles across Wimbledon common, perused by a [[polic]]e [[helicopter]].
+
Landing in the street below, Mr. Reid stole a car and was chased by police, before crashing into a tree and running away on foot. Mr. Reid ran naked for two miles across Wimbledon common, perused by a [[police]] [[helicopter]].
   
 
[[Image:Police1.jpg|thumb|right|John Reid is chased by helicopters.]]
 
[[Image:Police1.jpg|thumb|right|John Reid is chased by helicopters.]]
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Running outside, Mr. Reid then slithered up a lamp post "like an adder", according to eyewitnesses. He then hurled abuse at tabloid journalists and photographers below, before urinating on the heads of those immediately beneath him.
 
Running outside, Mr. Reid then slithered up a lamp post "like an adder", according to eyewitnesses. He then hurled abuse at tabloid journalists and photographers below, before urinating on the heads of those immediately beneath him.
   
[[Image:lamppost.jpg|thumb|John Reid slithers up a lampost.]]
+
[[Image:lamppost.jpg|thumb|John Reid slithers up a lamppost.]]
   
 
A transcription of the conversation follows:
 
A transcription of the conversation follows:
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The aftermath:
 
The aftermath:
   
After his capture Mr Reid degenerated further, it was reported that he believed, telepathic mind waves, ‘''from the planet Zog’''. Were controlling his bowels. He wrote various satanic incantations in blood on the walls and floor of his cell, and adopted a vampiric nosferatu like appearance, he shed all his bodily hair His nails grew to three inches long. Two days ago he tried to rip his way through a security guards eyes, in an attempt to reach, and consume his soul. “''I must devour the living''!” he claimed “''The great She Goat commands it''!” Today Mr Reid, who refuses to do paper work, is considered [[mad]].
+
After his capture Mr Reid degenerated further, it was reported that he believed, telepathic mind waves, ‘''from the planet Zog’''. Were controlling his bowels. He wrote various satanic incantations in blood on the walls and floor of his cell, and adopted a vampiric Nosferatu like appearance, he shed all his bodily hair His nails grew to three inches long. Two days ago he tried to rip his way through a security guards eyes, in an attempt to reach, and consume his soul. “''I must devour the living''!” he claimed “''The great She Goat commands it''!” Today Mr Reid, who refuses to do paper work, is considered [[mad]].
   
 
Every evening at midnight Mr Reid who traps, and eats flies, stands bolt upright and crawls vertically up the walls with his head twisted backwards. Once on the ceiling he screams “T''he Master! The Master is coming!”'' Mr Reid who now calls himself “''The Corpse Master Incarnate''.” refuses to eat claiming that he will only drink “The Blood of the slaughtered lamb, on the day of anointment!”
 
Every evening at midnight Mr Reid who traps, and eats flies, stands bolt upright and crawls vertically up the walls with his head twisted backwards. Once on the ceiling he screams “T''he Master! The Master is coming!”'' Mr Reid who now calls himself “''The Corpse Master Incarnate''.” refuses to eat claiming that he will only drink “The Blood of the slaughtered lamb, on the day of anointment!”
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== Treatment. ==
 
== Treatment. ==
 
 
It is a politicians self loathing that perpetuates his feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. These are the only rational feelings a politician experiences, as they are truly worthless and inadequate. In fact a politician’s belief that he or she is "[[specia]]l" and unique and can only be understood by other special people, is their most dangerous delusion. Some therapists have tried a technique called 'Worthlessness acceptance therapy' or WAT. The therepist attempts to perswade the Poiltician to accept just how useless they really are, in an attempt to curb thier unfortunate 'tendnacies.'
+
It is a politicians self loathing that perpetuates his feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. These are the only rational feelings a politician experiences, as they are truly worthless and inadequate. In fact a politician’s belief that he or she is "[[special]]" and unique and can only be understood by other special people, is their most dangerous delusion. Some therapists have tried a technique called 'Worthlessness acceptance therapy' or WAT. The therapist attempts to persuade the Politician to accept just how useless they really are, in an attempt to curb their unfortunate 'tendencies.'
It has been shown that punishment and behavior modification techniques do not improve the behavior of a Politician. American psychologists tried to cure some patients using a glove puppet called 'twiddles the conscience bunny'. They used the [[puppet]] to show politician, how their actions were wrong, for example setting fire to teiddles’s face was ‘wrong’. However the politicans were observed to respond by becoming more cunning and hiding their behavior better. It has been suggested that traditional therapeutic approaches actually make them, if not worse, then far more adept at manipulating others and concealing their behavior. They are generally considered to be not only incurable but also untreatable.
+
It has been shown that punishment and behavior modification techniques do not improve the behavior of a Politician. American psychologists tried to cure some patients using a glove puppet called 'twiddles the conscience bunny'. They used the [[puppet]] to show politician, how their actions were wrong, for example setting fire to Teiddles’s face was ‘wrong’. However the politicians were observed to respond by becoming more cunning and hiding their behavior better. It has been suggested that traditional therapeutic approaches actually make them, if not worse, then far more adept at manipulating others and concealing their behavior. They are generally considered to be not only incurable but also untreatable.
   
 
{{PeeReview}}
 
{{PeeReview}}

Revision as of 14:24, November 10, 2006

Nosferatu1

Richard Nixon a typical politician. The smile and outward charm masking the soulless husk within.

Politician is a PC term used to describe sufferers of a strange psychotic derangement. Which we may never understand. This sociopathic disease, is very common among middle aged men. And could be linked to the mid life crisis. Like psychotics, politicians radiate a superficial feeling of charm and warm, masking the emotional cripple within. Such behavior may make politicians seem normal; but the fact is that when they smile, Its at the thought of drinking your fluids. Reassuringly the only way to contract the disease is to be bitten by another politician. Politicians may appear friendly, like Father Christmas or Valium, but they hide terrible secrets. What if you found out father Christmas was a lawyer? what would you think then? The same is true for politicians.

Their illness which has several stages is firstly characterized by a lack of empathy or conscience, poor impulse control, and manipulative behavior, such as extreme possessiveness, in some cases politicians have been known to actually attach puppet strings to wives, children and colleagues, in an attempt to control their every movement.


Characteristics.

Politicians are often prematurely aged and balding as a result of the disease which depletes their blood supply, this is why politicians often feel a need to take and drink blood from others. This is not difficult for them, as they Lack any sense of conscience or empathy, beyond the sort of contempt, a ravenous vulture might show to a corpse.

Richard-m-nixon-sized

A typical vampire often mistaken for a politician.

Politicians feel compelled take what they want, often by voices. They also do as they please, to their victims (Which they refer to as voters because of a belief that all non politicians have 'elected to be worthless.) in a repressed bid for attention and acceptance. Many politicians feel that taking the blood of others will rejuvenate their lost youth, others just find it refreshing.

Doctors believe that subconsciously all these poor people really want is 'a big hug!'. Their desire to be 'accepted' and even 'trusted' causes them to violate social norms and expectations without a sense of guilt or regret. The medical fraternity, continues to dither over this issue and hesitate from terming this illness dysfunctional. Politicians, therefore, continue to be at large. Your next door neighbor might be one.

The disease (called politomania) is degenerative and has several distinct stages, each more fiendishly grotesque than the last. Eventually the victim is reduced to a dribbling mass of congealed slime, they can’t even urinate and the only thing they can say, is the word ‘haggis’.


First Stage: Caligula- Stalin derangement.

At first the symptoms are mild enough, headaches, toothache, bed wetting, deranged voices screaming the word ‘KILL’. But then it becomes sinister. The victim begins to lack empathy and conscience, instead of frolicking through woodland saving injured squirrels, the politician will burn down the wood, file an insurance claim, and prosecute the squirrels for starting the fire. The Nosferatu complex is not present, as the disease has not begun to digest the victims skin. Although they may have the odd grey hair, once in a while. This is the spark which ignites their paranoia, and fear of all things grey. Politicians will avoid grey ties, lampshades and even towel’s believing that the colour will, ‘infect’ their skin and prematurely age them.

At this stage the politician begins to develop the notion that all other people are pawns in a twisted game of chess which they imagine they are playing with the inhabitants of Hell. Politicians believe the game is a way to ‘acquire more souls’ and thereby achieve greater ‘supremacy’ over those they see as inferior. Because we are still unsure of life in Hell, we have no way of definitively declaring a politician's condition to be delusional. Other participants include their children, grandchildren, their unborn foetuses and their wives


Second stage: Nixon-Gorbels Syndrome.

As the illness worsens, the emotions become superficial and shallow (if they exist at all). Victims are considered callous, manipulative and incapable of forming any lasting relationships, except with their so called wife or ‘familiar’ whom they depend on for blood.

It is important to note that politicians are people, but yet they aren't: they have no ability to love, to be loved or to make love, and every time they see a butterfly they pull off its wings then giggle. During this stage the emotions that politicians exhibit are from watching and mimicking real people. Like fleshy ventriloquists dummy's.

In general, they show poor impulse control, hence their tendency to sexually harass female secretaries and colleagues. They also have a low tolerance for frustration and aggression. They have no empathy, remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to their behavior. In short, they become truly devoid of conscience. They fail to understand right and wrong. For example They would see nothing wrong with stealing a pen, locking a puppy in a microwave, or killing a tramp with a spade. They'd enjoy it if they could -- which of course they cannot, owing to no perception of pleasure -- but yet they do it out of slavishness A common symptom of their unfortunate disease.

File:Nosferatu4.jpg

The politician often feels the need to hide or be hidden, by concealing his true nature behind a well crafted "Mask of Sanity," which may be made out of paper mache, or even cardboard. The average politician is often able to infiltrate his way into a position of power. His true nature is only if the mask accidentally slips and the extent of his pathological lying and murder are revealed. Politicians are usually discovered because they have a markedly distorted sense of the potential consequences of their actions -- not only for others, but also for themselves. They do not, for example, recognize the risk of being caught, disbelieved or injured because of their behavior.

Mask2

A politician wearing his, mask of sanity


This is because they feel that an imaginary 'aura of brilliance' will protect them from harm, 'like an invisible anthrax cloud'. Politicians often write down or record all of their achievements in notebooks or on tape, so that they may be able to return to them later and drool as they reminisce their own lost brilliance. Their attempt at mimicking normality is often successful however subtle discrepancies in a politician's speech patterns reveal their true nature to an observant psychiatrist:

Cquote1 What will we do when you elect us? Why we're going to help you, you disgusting little plebes. Now on election day if you could just put you're 'mark' into the box labeled 'conservative'. Thats C-O-N-S. I'm sorry was I too quick for you? I'd write it down, but you probably can't read. Cquote2


Third Stage: Slater-Nazi paralysis.

As his condition worsens the Politician usually suffers from crazed notions of 'Power' and delusions of popularity and success. Politicians frequently enjoy exerting their perceived 'power' by crushing ants and other insects, This swells their over inflated ego, rather like a bloated leach, greedy for more blood. This is complimented by a substantial martyrdom complex, and the paranoid notion that all their mistakes are due to them being ‘betrayed’ by others.

Using the principle that they should keep ‘their ‘friends’ close and their enemies closer,’ politicians who are beginning to develop ‘Trotsky- Thatcher paranoia’, often gather together to form secret societies known as ‘governments’. Members of these ‘governments’ all share a delusion that they have somehow been ‘elected’ by a ‘divine power’ to have authority over large numbers of people, or as politicians like to call them ‘cattle’. Because these crazed pathetic individuals really believe they are members of an ‘elect’ they view all others as tiresome ‘insects’ without souls, who can be ‘crushed’ with impunity, and without consequence.

Many politicians will attempt to stamp on non politicians multiple times, out of a desire to ground their mangled remains into the floor. As they so frequently stab other in the back, politicians become excessively paranoid about being manipulated, and disposed of by a more cunning and evil politicians. Their fear of becoming puppets sometimes leads to hallucinations, in witch they constantly check their limbs for invisible puppet strings, attached by their enemies.

File:Bush puppet.jpg

This is one of the more pathetic and debilitating facets of their illness, some may degenerate to a stage where they perpetually stare at the ceiling, and hurl abuse at an invisible puppet master, occasionally they weep and beg him to stop controlling their mind. In the final stages motor reflexes degenerate to the extent that some Politicians are completely housebound, being able to move only in jerky spasmodic steps,reminiscent of puppets. In their final years some are confined to a single room,as they believe they cannot walk through doors,as the door frame will tangle the strings allowing them to move.


Stage Four: Bat Fuck Craziness

Most politicians die before reaching stage four, their has only been one documented case, that of John Reid a British cabinet minister. His fear of puppetry and ‘mind control’ turned his brain into a withered sponge, soaked with the stale urine of idiocy. His decent into madness was widely reported in newspapers at the time:


Case Study, John Reid:

Media:UnNews_John_Reid_Goes_Bat_Fuck_Insane.MP3 Media:UnNews_John_Reid_Goes_Bat_Fuck_Insane_Part_2.MP3


“The British Prime Minister has officially confirmed that his Home Secretary, John Reid, is bat fuck insane. A state of national emergency has been declared until Mr. Reid is apprehended, by professionals; lethal force may be required. Do not panic. He may try to eat wheel clamps, or break into your house, and watch TV static for hours on end. Do not be alarmed, instead call the police, then be alarmed.


Mr. Reid is believed to be hiding in the Hampstead health area. He may or may not have hostages, liquid explosives, and be planning to blow up 6 planes over the Atlantic. "He’s become the very thing he was trying to prevent," the prime minister explained.

27reib

John Reid loses his mind.

A warning has been broadcast on BBC television to all homes in the area:

Image6

Helpful government warning about insanity.

London may need to be evacuated if the situation worsens.

The first signs of indication of Mr. Reid’s mentalist tendencies appeared this morning at a press conference following a meeting with EU ministers in London. During a heated argument with his personal assistant, he insisted his that his name was "Jabberwocky-Fuckbend" and his legs were made of glass.

Mr. Reid sweated profusely throughout this outburst, and blamed the whole thing on "this blasted heat", before regaining his composure, saying that he just needed a glass of water and some unvarnished marshmallows. Mr. Reid then sat down and began his speech:

"The world is faced by a form of intolerant and violent totalitarianism, this is subverting a religion, Islam, whose very name stands for fuzzy, wuzzy hat bunnies and peace, sorry war. Do not be alarmed by this! "


The Finnish Interior Minister then interrupted to complain of a strange stale smell, emanating from Mr. Reid. Closer inspection revealed Mr. Reid’s pockets to be full of pickles. He tried to explain this by insisting that he had to get the bacon delivered and then go back and "legislate at the mouth." "My functions are devolving, he said, in an effort to calm increasingly worried security staff. Mr Reid then drank from what appeared to be an invisible cup of tea, before continuing his speech:


"There is a persistent, and very real threat from terrorism, this threat is, Squawk! Squaaawk! SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWK! SQUAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!"


It took a full two minutes until Mr. Reid realized he was squawking like a chicken. He blamed this on "the feathers in my cheeks" and "those damned bats". Mr. Reid became increasingly incoherent and started to make exaggerated and insane claims, saying he could crush a golf ball with two fingers: “Any two fingers,” he assured reporters. Then In the presence of five other interior ministers and top EU officials, he screamed: "I AM JABBERWOCKY-FUCKBEND! LOOOK AT MY GLASS, BATMAN! LOOOOOOOOOOOK! Squawk! SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWK! SQUAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!"

Mr. Reid then unbuckled his trousers and threw his underwear in the face of a distressed female journalist. Spreading his arms out in an effort to make himself appear larger and more intimidating, Mr. Reid continued to squawk like a mongoose as he charged towards bewildered reporters, then dived out of the third story window, flapping his arms as if he was attempting to fly.

Landing in the street below, Mr. Reid stole a car and was chased by police, before crashing into a tree and running away on foot. Mr. Reid ran naked for two miles across Wimbledon common, perused by a police helicopter.

Police1

John Reid is chased by helicopters.


Loudspeakers urged him to give himself up. Mr. Reid then somehow managed to evade police for several hours.

During that time, Mr. Reid managed to defecate on several post boxes and was shot at. Mr. Reid then disappeared into a nearby department store. Wandering in a confused state, Mr Reid picked up a towel and wrapped it around himself announcing "Nakedness is sin; I myself have never been naked, for I AM THE ARAB KING!" to bewildered shoppers, before undergoing a series of convulsions and regurgitating several cubic feet of sand. Mr. Reid then ran into the meat aisle. Wrapping a string of sausages around his waist like a belt, he declared "BACON IS GENOCIDE!", but not before complaining that the towel he was wearing was "made of acid!" He then screamed at passers-by for several minutes, demanding that they "get these rats out of my skin!"

Running outside, Mr. Reid then slithered up a lamp post "like an adder", according to eyewitnesses. He then hurled abuse at tabloid journalists and photographers below, before urinating on the heads of those immediately beneath him.

Lamppost

John Reid slithers up a lamppost.

A transcription of the conversation follows:

JOURNALIST: "Mr. Reid?"

JOHN REID: "HAGGIS!!!"

JOURNALIST: "Mr. Reid, are you going to come down?"

JOHN REID: "HAGGIS!!! HAGGIS!!!"

JOURNALIST: "Mr. Reid, why do you keep saying the word haggis?"

JOHN REID: "SHUT UP!!! YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!!!"

Mr. Reid’s head than rotated 360 degrees as he drooled uncontrollably. When news of Mr. Reid’s behaviour reached Downing Street, they attempted to play down the incident. "He’s just feeling a bit ill," the prime minister announced. "Armed police are on their way to... give him aspirin." Mr. Reid was last seen running back towards Wimbledon common, carrying a large machete and claiming that vultures and bats had come to take his eyes. Police hope that Mr. Reid will be captured "within weeks."

Streaker

John Reid running from the killer bats.

The government also warned that there is a possibility Mr. Reid may pass on his insanity to others. Doctors have urged people not to touch his saliva. The aftermath:

After his capture Mr Reid degenerated further, it was reported that he believed, telepathic mind waves, ‘from the planet Zog’. Were controlling his bowels. He wrote various satanic incantations in blood on the walls and floor of his cell, and adopted a vampiric Nosferatu like appearance, he shed all his bodily hair His nails grew to three inches long. Two days ago he tried to rip his way through a security guards eyes, in an attempt to reach, and consume his soul. “I must devour the living!” he claimed “The great She Goat commands it!” Today Mr Reid, who refuses to do paper work, is considered mad.

Every evening at midnight Mr Reid who traps, and eats flies, stands bolt upright and crawls vertically up the walls with his head twisted backwards. Once on the ceiling he screams “The Master! The Master is coming!” Mr Reid who now calls himself “The Corpse Master Incarnate.” refuses to eat claiming that he will only drink “The Blood of the slaughtered lamb, on the day of anointment!”

Treatment.

It is a politicians self loathing that perpetuates his feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. These are the only rational feelings a politician experiences, as they are truly worthless and inadequate. In fact a politician’s belief that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by other special people, is their most dangerous delusion. Some therapists have tried a technique called 'Worthlessness acceptance therapy' or WAT. The therapist attempts to persuade the Politician to accept just how useless they really are, in an attempt to curb their unfortunate 'tendencies.' It has been shown that punishment and behavior modification techniques do not improve the behavior of a Politician. American psychologists tried to cure some patients using a glove puppet called 'twiddles the conscience bunny'. They used the puppet to show politician, how their actions were wrong, for example setting fire to Teiddles’s face was ‘wrong’. However the politicians were observed to respond by becoming more cunning and hiding their behavior better. It has been suggested that traditional therapeutic approaches actually make them, if not worse, then far more adept at manipulating others and concealing their behavior. They are generally considered to be not only incurable but also untreatable.


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