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All right, freaks! Listen up! The word PENTAGON has two (2) meanings!

  • 1. A five (5) sided plane figure, the five (5) internal angles of which total five hundred and forty degrees (540°)
  • 2. The building located in Arlington, VA, containing the principle HQ of the United States Department of Defence - you goldbricks think you can figure which is which? I heard that, Jenkins. Drop and give me twenty.

Do not confuse a pentagon with a pentagram or pentacle. Pentagrams are for heavy metal deviants and little sissy goth boys while pentacles are for hippies. If I see any of you ugly dogfaces playing with either of these, I'll have you tossed out of the service, and you can go back to playing tea-parties with your dolls in your little pink cubby houses, you got that?

Geometric Pentagons

'Ten-hut! We will now learn to field strip, clean and reassemble a standard, Army issue Euclidian Pentagon.

First, carefully unscrew the wingnuts holding the upper left hand line, using a counterclockwise motion. COUNTERCLOCKWISE, Johanssen! Oposite to the way Mickey's big hand goes!

With this line gone, you will find that the lower left hand line snaps out, allowing you to grab the bottom... Did I say something fucking funny, Rodruiguez? Huh? Do I look like a commedian? Did I borrow some of your lipstick to paint on a fucking clown smile? Drop and gimme fifty. Fucking candy ass college boy.

Once the bottom has been cracked, the righthand lines may be detached by means of a standard army issue lugwrench.

Get used to this ladies. Tomorrow, you're going to do it blindfolded.


Architectural Pentagons


The pentagon, a US government building.


The Rhombicuboctahedron, construction finished in 1979, overrun by terrorists in 1980.


The U.S. Government has spent 1.4 billion dollars for terrorist prevention.

Okay, listen up, I'm only going through this once and I'm asking questions at the end - that includes you, Kraustreddler!

Pentagons are special magical high-gods of the Shape-World where everybody has a slave paint bucket.

The Pentagon (also known as The Pictogon) was built during World War III - yes, Ishmael, the one with Hitler - prior to that, the United States War Office was based in a series of temporary structures. Initially, they were based in a secret location in caves beneath a mountain; then in a satellite orbiting the Earth, them in a bunker in Detroit, then in a series of embassies around the world, then in a commandeered alien vessel and finally in a watchtower on the surface of the moon. None of these proved adequate.

Then during World War III, FDR - the GOOD Democrat - initiated construction of an building of six point six million (6, 600, 000) square feet. The Nazis were unable to match this feat of American Engineering! The Nazi architect - or should I say Rechitect! - Albert Speer attempted to best the Pentagon with a gigantic Platonic solid called the octahedron, but this was only partially complete when the USA won the war single handed, and especially without any help from the Soviets.

Speaking of the Soviets, at the height of the Cold War, the Reds wanted to build a military HQ of their own in a Kepler-Poinsot solid, tentatively titled the People's Great Icosahedron - Weintraub! Do you even know what a Kepler-Poinsot solid is, you pitiful excuse for a US Marine? Huh? You call that a mathematical definition? A Kepler-Poinsot solid is a regular non-convex polyhedron, all the faces of which are identical regular polygons and which has the same number of faces meeting at all its vertices! You're on KP for a month, you worthless maggot! Maybe some study of the external topography of potatoes will teach you some respect for regular polyhedra!

Attempts to one-up on the Pentagon continued into the 1970s all over the world, but all attempts to do so ended in bankruptcy. Then President Gerald Ford smartly suggested an Archimedian solid to the recently resurrected architect Frank Lloyd Wright. In 1979 the Rhombicuboctahedron was built in Puerto Rico, despite all attempts by President Jimmy Carter to halt construction. Who's Jimmy Carter, O'Davis? That's right, the retarded Democrat. It was used briefly for the purpose of supporting the Afghan rebellion against the Soviet Union, but the building was taken over by Al Qaeda from within in 1980, and so no longer qualifies as an impressive geometric war HQ, as it is now nothing but a terrorist hive. However, with Obama in the White House we may now have a chance to attack and reclaim our HQ... Only to have to give it back to Cuba.

The rest of you, dismissed!

What's that Floondekker? I missed 9/11? I did not miss it, you good for nothing faggot! Oh, you actually are gay are you? Sorry, that was insensitive of me. Where was I... I did not miss it, you goddamned butch breeder! (Was that better? Good.) I deliberately skipped over it. You see, we in the USA are a forward looking people! We do not dwell in the tragedies of the past - we actively work to create the tragedies of the future! Remember the Marine Corps motto - "If you remember the mistakes of the past, the terrorists have already won."

Now drop and give me fifty.

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