Pease pudding

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (+ICU with fix)
(Ingredients)
(17 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
  +
{{British}}
  +
{{wikipediapar|Pease pudding}}
  +
{{q|How innovative, lets take a slice|Loyd Grossman|Pease pudding}}
  +
{{q|Aaaaaargh, eckh, echk, echk, uhhhhhhhhg|A southerner|trying Pease pudding for the first time}}
  +
[[File:Pease Pudding.jpg|thumb|right|200px|A portion of Pease pudding]]
 
'''Pease pudding''' otherwise known as '''Geordie bread''', '''now-then''' and '''felch cake''' is a traditional delicacy from the north-east of [[England]] which mainly consists of split yellow or Carlin [[peas]], [[water]], [[salt]], and spices, cooked with ''secret additive''.
 
'''Pease pudding''' otherwise known as '''Geordie bread''', '''now-then''' and '''felch cake''' is a traditional delicacy from the north-east of [[England]] which mainly consists of split yellow or Carlin [[peas]], [[water]], [[salt]], and spices, cooked with ''secret additive''.
   
 
==History==
 
==History==
Pease pudding was invented in the historic northern city of Scotch Corner by Edward Pease (1767 - 1858), a local [[Quaker]] and raconteur. Since then it has become a popular dish in the north-east. From its humble beginnings as a Pease family recipe the dish has risen to unimaginable levels of popularity. For over 100 years the dish was a popular and exclusive treat amongst the super rich elite of northern England. The dish gained notoriety and popular appeal when the Geordie born celebrity illiterate [[Paul Gascoigne]] became addicted to Pease pudding in the late 1990s whilst playing for [[Middlesbrough F.C.]]
+
Pease pudding was invented in the historic [[The Grim North|northern]] city of Scotch Corner<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_Corner Scotch Corner] at [[Wikipedia]]</ref> by Edward Pease (1767 - 1858), a local [[Quaker]] and [[Rapist|raconteur]]. Since then it has become a popular dish in the north-east. From its humble beginnings as a Pease family recipe the dish has risen to unimaginable levels of popularity. For over 100 years the dish was a popular and exclusive treat amongst the super rich elite of northern England. The dish gained notoriety and popular appeal when the [[Geordie]] born celebrity illiterate [[Paul Gascoigne]] became addicted to Pease pudding in the late 1990s after winning the [[reality TV|Reality TV show]] "Musical Illiterate Navy, Celebrity Edition" (MINCE).
   
Pease pudding is exceptionally expensive due to the cost of ''secret addetive''. It is still enjoyed by the aristocracy of the north-east but it has recently gained popularity amongst the Nouveau-riche class, forming the only staple food of several wealthy north eastern towns such as Easington Colliery, Skinningrove, Catterick Garrison, Grangetown and [[Darlington]]'s exclusive Skerne Park district.
+
Pease pudding is exceptionally expensive due to the cost of ''secret addetive''. It is still enjoyed by the aristocracy of the north-east but it has recently gained popularity amongst the Nouveau-riche class, forming the only staple food of several wealthy north eastern towns such as Easington Colliery, Skinningrove, Catterick Garrison, [[Middlesbrough|Grangetown]] and [[Darlington]]'s exclusive Skerne Park district.
  +
  +
==Production==
  +
[[File:Aerial view Sellafield.jpg|290px|thumb|left|The new production facility at Sellafield, Cumbria.]]
  +
Pease pudding was traditionally made in a specialised facility in the village of [[Hartlepool]] in the north-east of England.
  +
  +
In 2010 the [[American]] food giant [[Kraft]] carried out a hostile takover of the Pease pudding company. Their first move was to close the factory in Hartlepool and [[Kill|cull]] all the trained [[monkey]]s that had staffed the facility.
  +
  +
Production has been moved to the specialised facility at Sellafield in [[Cumbria]].<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sellafield Sellafield] at [[Wikipedia]]</ref> Moving production away from the Pease pudding heartland of the north-east has caused huge controversy and a boycott of the product by angry [[Geordie]]s.
  +
  +
Following the move the packaging which used to read "Pease pudding - Made in the north-east with love" had to be redesigned. Kraft appointed [[Advertising|advertising agency]] MingeFeast who came up with the new slogan "Pease pudding - You eat this muck so we don't have to".
   
 
==Properties==
 
==Properties==
Pease pudding has several useful properties, the most useful being the severe toxic reaction it provokes in all southerners, a trait it shares with [[Brown Sauce|HP Sauce]] and [[Kendal Mint Cake]]. Northern tribes use it in communalistic rituals to weed out any [[soft southern bastards]] that may have infiltrated their communities.
+
Pease pudding has several useful properties, the most useful being the severe toxic reaction it provokes in all [[Regions_of_England#The_Southeast|southerners]], a trait it shares with [[Brown Sauce|HP Sauce]] and [[Kendal Mint Cake]]. Northern tribes such as Geordies, Mackems and Smoggies use it in communalistic rituals to weed out any soft southern bastards that may have infiltrated their communities.
  +
  +
==Ingredients==
  +
The main ingredients of Pease pudding are Peas, Water and Salt. The stuff that gives it such a kick is ''secret additive''. There are many rumours as to the precise ingredients of ''secret additive''. In recent years two whistle blowers have come out with different claims. the first; [[Steve McClaren]] who fled a Pease pudding outlet in [[Middlesbrough]] in 2007 claiming to local media that ''secret additive'' is a mixture of [[Crack Cocaine]] and [[MDMA]]. In 2008 A second whistle blower from the civil service Alan "Botney" Yentob (who now lives in exile in [[Argentina]]) claimed that it is actually the dried and cured adrenal glands of [[asylum seekers]] being culled at the [[Yarl's Wood|Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp]].
  +
  +
==Preparation==
  +
The dish is a [[Gay]] delicacy which is traditionally served with [[Faggot|Faggots]], it is also popular in [[Canada]] where it forms an essential component of Jizz dinner.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiggs_dinner Jizz dinner] at [[Wikipedia]]</ref>
   
 
==Black market==
 
==Black market==
 
As Pease pudding is so desirable, it has a price per gram market value similar to that of [[saffron]]. Luckily for plebs and scallies there is a thriving black market in bootleg Pease pudding with a price per gram more akin to that of [[caviar]]. Analysis of confiscated samples of bootleg Pease pudding (streetname: "felchings") has shown that the most common additives are [[speed]], [[petrol]], [[semen]] and [[coal|coal dust]]. Pease pudding dealers can easily be identified by their distinctive greeting call of ''Now-then?''.
 
As Pease pudding is so desirable, it has a price per gram market value similar to that of [[saffron]]. Luckily for plebs and scallies there is a thriving black market in bootleg Pease pudding with a price per gram more akin to that of [[caviar]]. Analysis of confiscated samples of bootleg Pease pudding (streetname: "felchings") has shown that the most common additives are [[speed]], [[petrol]], [[semen]] and [[coal|coal dust]]. Pease pudding dealers can easily be identified by their distinctive greeting call of ''Now-then?''.
   
==Ingredients==
+
==See also==
The main ingredients of Pease pudding are Peas, Water and Salt. The stuff that gives it such a kick is ''secret additive''. There are many rumours as to the precise ingredients of ''secret additive''. In recent years two whistle blowers have come out with different claims. the first; [[Steve McClaren]] fled Pease pudding manufacturer Cleveland Bridge<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Bridge_%26_Engineering_Company Cleveland Bridge] at [[Wikipedia]]</ref> in 2007 claiming to local media that ''secret additive'' is a mixture of [[Crack Cocaine]] and [[MDMA]]. In 2008 A second whistle blower from the civil service [[Alan Yentob]] (who now lives in excile in [[Argentina]]) claimed that it is actually the dried and cured adrenal glands of [[assylum seekers]] being culled at the [[Yarl's Wood|Yarl's Wood Detention Centre]].
+
*[[Hammus]]
  +
*[[Faggots|Faggots]]
  +
*[[Pudding]]
   
 
==References==
 
==References==
 
{{reflist}}
 
{{reflist}}
   
  +
{{tasty}}
  +
{{-}}
 
[[Category:England]]
 
[[Category:England]]
 
[[Category:Puddings]]
 
[[Category:Puddings]]

Revision as of 10:35, March 29, 2010

Bouncywikilogo7
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Pease pudding.
“How innovative, lets take a slice”
~ Loyd Grossman on Pease pudding
“Aaaaaargh, eckh, echk, echk, uhhhhhhhhg”
~ A southerner on trying Pease pudding for the first time
Pease Pudding

A portion of Pease pudding

Pease pudding otherwise known as Geordie bread, now-then and felch cake is a traditional delicacy from the north-east of England which mainly consists of split yellow or Carlin peas, water, salt, and spices, cooked with secret additive.

History

Pease pudding was invented in the historic northern city of Scotch Corner[1] by Edward Pease (1767 - 1858), a local Quaker and raconteur. Since then it has become a popular dish in the north-east. From its humble beginnings as a Pease family recipe the dish has risen to unimaginable levels of popularity. For over 100 years the dish was a popular and exclusive treat amongst the super rich elite of northern England. The dish gained notoriety and popular appeal when the Geordie born celebrity illiterate Paul Gascoigne became addicted to Pease pudding in the late 1990s after winning the Reality TV show "Musical Illiterate Navy, Celebrity Edition" (MINCE).

Pease pudding is exceptionally expensive due to the cost of secret addetive. It is still enjoyed by the aristocracy of the north-east but it has recently gained popularity amongst the Nouveau-riche class, forming the only staple food of several wealthy north eastern towns such as Easington Colliery, Skinningrove, Catterick Garrison, Grangetown and Darlington's exclusive Skerne Park district.

Production

Aerial view Sellafield

The new production facility at Sellafield, Cumbria.

Pease pudding was traditionally made in a specialised facility in the village of Hartlepool in the north-east of England.

In 2010 the American food giant Kraft carried out a hostile takover of the Pease pudding company. Their first move was to close the factory in Hartlepool and cull all the trained monkeys that had staffed the facility.

Production has been moved to the specialised facility at Sellafield in Cumbria.[2] Moving production away from the Pease pudding heartland of the north-east has caused huge controversy and a boycott of the product by angry Geordies.

Following the move the packaging which used to read "Pease pudding - Made in the north-east with love" had to be redesigned. Kraft appointed advertising agency MingeFeast who came up with the new slogan "Pease pudding - You eat this muck so we don't have to".

Properties

Pease pudding has several useful properties, the most useful being the severe toxic reaction it provokes in all southerners, a trait it shares with HP Sauce and Kendal Mint Cake. Northern tribes such as Geordies, Mackems and Smoggies use it in communalistic rituals to weed out any soft southern bastards that may have infiltrated their communities.

Ingredients

The main ingredients of Pease pudding are Peas, Water and Salt. The stuff that gives it such a kick is secret additive. There are many rumours as to the precise ingredients of secret additive. In recent years two whistle blowers have come out with different claims. the first; Steve McClaren who fled a Pease pudding outlet in Middlesbrough in 2007 claiming to local media that secret additive is a mixture of Crack Cocaine and MDMA. In 2008 A second whistle blower from the civil service Alan "Botney" Yentob (who now lives in exile in Argentina) claimed that it is actually the dried and cured adrenal glands of asylum seekers being culled at the Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp.

Preparation

The dish is a Gay delicacy which is traditionally served with Faggots, it is also popular in Canada where it forms an essential component of Jizz dinner.[3]

Black market

As Pease pudding is so desirable, it has a price per gram market value similar to that of saffron. Luckily for plebs and scallies there is a thriving black market in bootleg Pease pudding with a price per gram more akin to that of caviar. Analysis of confiscated samples of bootleg Pease pudding (streetname: "felchings") has shown that the most common additives are speed, petrol, semen and coal dust. Pease pudding dealers can easily be identified by their distinctive greeting call of Now-then?.

See also

References

Pupuplatter
   v  d  e
Chicken Soup for the Eyes
Asparagus | Awesomesauce | Baby food | Bacon| Boogers | Butter | Cafeteria food | Cake | Caviar | Cheese | Chicken | Chicken 2 | Codpiece | Corn | Cornbread | Cornflakes | Crunchy Beaver with Pine Gum Coulis | Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning | Fluff | French bikinis | Fried Chicken | Fudge | Goa Tse | Ice Cream | Hot Dog | Knuckle sandwich | Krispy Kreme | Meatloaf | Magic mushroom | Mangos | Moruga Scorpion Chili | Nutella | Peanut butter | Pie | Pills | Pink slime | Pudding | Orange sherbet | Pease pudding | Rice Pudding | Rocky Mountain Oysters | Sauce | Spam | Sunny D | Taco Bell | Turd burgers


Personal tools
projects