No Orleans

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[[Image:Neworleans.jpg|thumb|An aerial photograph of New Orleans (provided by Google Earth.]]
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''"If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break, If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break, And all these people have no place to stay."''
'''New Orleans''' is located in [[Louisiana]]. Out of all the cities in [[America]], it is probably the most accurately depicted in the movies. New Orleanians do have Southern drawls. We sound like New Yorkers less than anything else. Of course, the film industry would know that, because it's run by a bunch of Left-Coast pussies who are apparently too wise and big-penised to actually come down here and get their Pradas dirty. Effette bitches.
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"When the Levee Breaks": by Memphis Minnie (Queen of the Blues), reprised by Led Zeppelin
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[[Image:Neworleans.jpg|thumb|An aerial photograph of No Orleans (provided by Google Earth.)]]
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'''New Orleans''' (now '''No Orleans''' or '''Atlantis II''') [[Hurricane Katrina|was once]] located in [[Louisiana]]. Out of all the cities in [[America]], it was probably the most accurately depicted in the movies.
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No Orleanians do have Southern drawls. They sound like New Yorkers less than anything else. Of course, the film industry would know that, because it is run by a bunch of Left-Coast Pussies who are apparently too wise and big-penised to actually go down there and get their Pradas dirty. Effette bitches.
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==Climate==
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No Orleans sports a climate of mostly underwater.
   
 
==History==
 
==History==
   
New Orleans was founded by the [[Spanish]] a long time ago. Then the [[French]] came along under [[Napoleon]], whupped Spain's ass (without surrendering once), and took the entire Louisiana territory (which, at the time, went all the way up to what is now [[Canada]]) in exchange for not completely ruining Spain's shit. If that sounds unbelievable, keep in mind that France was led by a Corsican at the time. After quickly deciding that the Louisiana territory was useless, Napoleon sold the whole damn thing to the [[United States]], who broke the territory up into smaller pieces to keep from being devoured by it. New Orleans was in the Louisiana territory. It's, like, at the bottom.
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New Orleans was founded by the [[Spanish]] a long time ago. Then the [[French]] came along under [[Napoleon]], whupped Spain's ass (without surrendering once), and took the entire [[Louisiana]] territory (which, at the time, went all the way up to what is now [[Canada]]) in exchange for not completely ruining Spain's shit. If that sounds unbelievable, keep in mind that France was led by a Corsican at the time. After quickly deciding that the Louisiana territory was useless, Napoleon sold the whole damn thing to the [[United States]], who broke the territory up into smaller pieces to keep from being devoured by it. New Orleans was in the Louisiana territory. It was, like, at the bottom although most its current location in the wake of [[Hurricane Katrina]] remains unknown. What remains of New Orleans is now known as [[New Venice]]. A search party is expected to be dispatched from the city of [[New New Orleans]] as soon as the floodwaters subside. In the future, No Orleans will be annexed by Texas for use as the world's biggest Six Flags Waterpark.
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==Life in No Orleans==
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There is no life in this sunken city of the dead. It now exists only as ruins and myths, alongside Pompeii and [[Atlantis]].
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==Things for Tourists to do in No Orleans==
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Drown. Seriously. The whole city's completely submerged in twenty feet of toxic sludge. If you don't drown, you can also catch a variety of fun and interesting waterborne diseases, like [[yellow fever]].
   
==Life in New Orleans==
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== Description of Those Who Used to Live There ==
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You know how the rest of the country thinks of places like [[Tennessee]] and [[Kentucky]] as "The South"? That was "The North" to us. "North" to New Orleanians was "anywhere where it, like, doesn't snow in the yearround."
   
You know how the rest of the country thinks of places like Tennessee and Kentucky as "The South"? That's "The North" to us. "North" to New Orleanians is "anywhere where it, like, doesn't snow in the yearround."
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And we didn't have Southern accents. ''Runaway Jury'', ''The Client'', and ''Double Jeopardy'' could kiss [[My Ass|my ass]].
   
And we don't have Southern accents. ''Runaway Jury'', ''The Client'', and ''Double Jeopardy'' can kiss [[My Ass|my ass]].
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Most of us were [[French]], but we showered regularly and were not [[assholes]]. Our [[women]] were fat from all the beignets, though, and weighed, on average, the same as a [[car manufacturers|Chevy Tahoe]]. This was a boon for the local snow-shoe sellers who spent all their time repairing damaged and crushed tennis rackets.
   
Most of us are French, but we shower regularly and are not [[assholes]]. Our women are fat from all the beignets, though, and weigh, on average, the same as a Chevy Tahoe. This is a boon for the local snow-shoe sellers who spend all their time repairing damaged and crushed tennis rackets.
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==Things for Time Travelers to do in New Orleans==
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Suck on my cock. Seriously. Every [[Mardi Gras]], a bunch of drunk-ass chicks came on down here, drank overpriced [[booze]], and had drunken sex with me - fourteen at a time. Those hos on those Girls Gone Wild tapes? They were tourists. All of them. Real New Orleanians were too busy getting out-of-towners drunk, dragging one (or more) of them back to our places, and having technically consensual sex with them to waste time flashing tit, with the exception of the men.
   
==Things for Tourists to do in New Orleans==
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Yes, I am aware that I just said that we were not assholes, like, five seconds ago. I was right. You should have been so lucky as to fuck one of us, and you would have never be able to match the blow job I got when Katrina blew into town.
   
Suck on my cocks. Seriously. Every Mardi Gras, a bunch of drunk-ass chicks come on down here, drink overpriced booze, and have drunken sex with me - fourteen at a time. Those hos on Girls Gone Wild? Tourists. All of them. Real New Orleanians are too busy getting out-of-towners drunk, dragging one (or more) of them back to our places, and having technically consensual sex with them to waste time flashing tit, with the exception of the men.
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Warning: Traffic was heavy in New Orleans in the past. Plunking your [[DeLorean]] in the middle of the Interstate would have raised eyebrows, especially if the lanes were in contraflow at the time of arrival, and you'd better not have been doing 88 mph in the French Quarter.
   
Yes, I am aware that I just said that we are not assholes, like, five seconds ago. I was right. You should be so lucky as to fuck one of us.
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== See also ==
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* [[Hurricane Katrina]]
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* [[What_I_Didn%27t_Know_about_Romania|Floods in Romania]]
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* [[Looting]]
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* New Mardi Gras Atlantis
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* [[New New Orleans]]
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* [[New Orleans Square]]
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* [[Italy|Venice, Italy]] and [[New Venice]]
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* [[Atlantis]]
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* [[Amsterdam]]
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* [[Mississippi River]]
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* [[Throwing things into canals]]
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* Bikini Bottom
   
[[Category: Cities]]
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[[Category:Dangerous]][[Category: Cities]][[Category: Texas Cities]][[Category:New Orleans]]

Revision as of 22:48, September 7, 2005

"If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break, If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break, And all these people have no place to stay."

"When the Levee Breaks": by Memphis Minnie (Queen of the Blues), reprised by Led Zeppelin


Neworleans
An aerial photograph of No Orleans (provided by Google Earth.)

New Orleans (now No Orleans or Atlantis II) was once located in Louisiana. Out of all the cities in America, it was probably the most accurately depicted in the movies.

No Orleanians do have Southern drawls. They sound like New Yorkers less than anything else. Of course, the film industry would know that, because it is run by a bunch of Left-Coast Pussies who are apparently too wise and big-penised to actually go down there and get their Pradas dirty. Effette bitches.

Climate

No Orleans sports a climate of mostly underwater.

History

New Orleans was founded by the Spanish a long time ago. Then the French came along under Napoleon, whupped Spain's ass (without surrendering once), and took the entire Louisiana territory (which, at the time, went all the way up to what is now Canada) in exchange for not completely ruining Spain's shit. If that sounds unbelievable, keep in mind that France was led by a Corsican at the time. After quickly deciding that the Louisiana territory was useless, Napoleon sold the whole damn thing to the United States, who broke the territory up into smaller pieces to keep from being devoured by it. New Orleans was in the Louisiana territory. It was, like, at the bottom although most its current location in the wake of Hurricane Katrina remains unknown. What remains of New Orleans is now known as New Venice. A search party is expected to be dispatched from the city of New New Orleans as soon as the floodwaters subside. In the future, No Orleans will be annexed by Texas for use as the world's biggest Six Flags Waterpark.

Life in No Orleans

There is no life in this sunken city of the dead. It now exists only as ruins and myths, alongside Pompeii and Atlantis.

Things for Tourists to do in No Orleans

Drown. Seriously. The whole city's completely submerged in twenty feet of toxic sludge. If you don't drown, you can also catch a variety of fun and interesting waterborne diseases, like yellow fever.

Description of Those Who Used to Live There

You know how the rest of the country thinks of places like Tennessee and Kentucky as "The South"? That was "The North" to us. "North" to New Orleanians was "anywhere where it, like, doesn't snow in the yearround."

And we didn't have Southern accents. Runaway Jury, The Client, and Double Jeopardy could kiss my ass.

Most of us were French, but we showered regularly and were not assholes. Our women were fat from all the beignets, though, and weighed, on average, the same as a Chevy Tahoe. This was a boon for the local snow-shoe sellers who spent all their time repairing damaged and crushed tennis rackets.

Things for Time Travelers to do in New Orleans

Suck on my cock. Seriously. Every Mardi Gras, a bunch of drunk-ass chicks came on down here, drank overpriced booze, and had drunken sex with me - fourteen at a time. Those hos on those Girls Gone Wild tapes? They were tourists. All of them. Real New Orleanians were too busy getting out-of-towners drunk, dragging one (or more) of them back to our places, and having technically consensual sex with them to waste time flashing tit, with the exception of the men.

Yes, I am aware that I just said that we were not assholes, like, five seconds ago. I was right. You should have been so lucky as to fuck one of us, and you would have never be able to match the blow job I got when Katrina blew into town.

Warning: Traffic was heavy in New Orleans in the past. Plunking your DeLorean in the middle of the Interstate would have raised eyebrows, especially if the lanes were in contraflow at the time of arrival, and you'd better not have been doing 88 mph in the French Quarter.

See also

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