Neurotypical syndrome

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 15:23, September 7, 2006 by The Divine Fluffalizer (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search

Neurotypical syndrome or NT is a life-long and serious disorder affecting people everywhere. Persons afflicted with this disorder should be referred to as persons with Neurotypical syndrome, persons with NT or persons who have NT. It seems that most persons with NT would prefer to be referred to as neurotypicals, NTs or even normals, but who cares really?


Persons with Neurotypical Syndrome, commonly and to a significant degree, display a variety of symptoms of their debilitating condition. Here, some of the most significant ones are summarized.

One of the most striking symptoms, likely to shock and alienate any healthy individual attempting to more than briefly communicate with them, is their acute averseness to honesty; they find it greatly insulting whenever people disrespect them so deeply as to actually tell the truth instead of manipulating them emotionally with blatantly obvious lies. Knowing how other NTs are the same in this regard, such behavior has become the standard among NTs, and they expect not only people of their kind, but others as well, to follow and show their appreciation of it.

Another highly visible symptom is that of their ritualistic activities, such as the rote utterance of phrases of little apparent meaning, particularly in social contexts. Typically, NTs involved in such "conversation" will exchange memorized stock phrases related to things such as the weather or the feelings of themselves and others, showing no interest whatsoever in the responses unless they do not fit the expected pattern, in which case the NTs will be offended by, or ironically, concider the person to make the comment mentally deficient. Other common ritualistic activities include, but are not limited to, excessive use of body language, incoherent shouting and monkey-like vocalizations, (particularly when inebriated in the presence of a pack of fellow NTs) and the obsessive-compulsive performing of strange gestures and uttering of nonsensical phrases, often as part of a religious practice.

Intellectual Deficits

Persons with NT, when compared to healthy individuals, commonly have a set of distinct intellectual impairments. Apart from a lower average IQ, they show a lack of interest in technicalities, and are as a result remarkably ignorant. In addition, as they generally believe to know all that is of importance, they have few inclinations to search for new information. This brings us to the next issue, arrogance.

Once a person with NT has made up his or her mind, a process typically involving little mental activity, he or she likely refuses to acknowledge even the slightest possibility of being mistaken, no matter how much solid, logical evidence is presented. For some reason, they are however generally very quickly convinced when exposed to emotional manipulation, the standard method of argumentation between NTs.


The disease affects as many as 9,600 out of 10,000 individuals, which is clearly alarming. There is good and bad news in this regard. The good news is that incidence appears to be going down. Several possible causes for the decrease in incidence have been proposed, for example, nutritional improvements in the last few decades may be allowing these poor kids to develop proper neurology. Another possibility is that more and more neurotypicals are becoming doctors. The bad news is that there are so many of them that they have taken over all areas of government and medicine and may even resort to genetic testing to ensure only sick people like them exist in the world.


NT is in the process of curing itself through the process of evolution. While incurable in indivuiduals, it should be considered a great comfort to us, as a species, that the suffering afflicting so many of us will end some day.

In rare cases a person has been cured by severe head trauma, emotional shock or religious revelation. Geriatriscendence has also cured a great many individuals; it surely is a sight to behold, an old woman's ego border dissolving and turning her mind to a transcendent ball of light. Or maybe she's just gone senile.


This disease is characterized by experiences of the soul of humanity looking in from the outside. Since it's so widespread and since reality conforms to the consensus of majority it's considered a normal, healthy state. Agents of disorder must critically examine the consciousness from a vantage point of distance and loudly point it out, by screaming "WAKE UP! YOU'RE LIVING IN A LIE!" in order for the dysfinction to be acknowledged by the majority and thus come into existence. Then it's caused by distinct anomalies in brain development, including overuse of socio-linguistic areas of the brain. These defects are thought to be genetically transferred. (Note that it's perfectly OK to ignore overwhelming scientific evidence that points to a genetic origin in favor of wild speculation.)

Oh, and did we mention abnormal and damage? There's clearly bad bad abnormal damage; much much damage that is abnormal in nature. Abnormal anomalies in the form of damage are expected to be found. Of course we don't have any evidence that the neurological differences observed in a generality of those with NT are due to damage or pathology, but clearly, given how weird persons with NT are, there definitely has to be damage. (Oh, there's actually a new study that looked at the brains of persons with NT who had died in car crashes which clearly shows distinct brain trauma.)

Children with NT, much like lower species, are known to develop rather quickly. The exact reasons for this abnormally fast development are unknown, but one particular theory associated with neural nets suggests that reduced neuron counts allow their brains to learn quickly albeit not very well. They also fail to properly develop intense and unique interests (except for sex, and in some cases, sports.)


Lacking all telepathic skill and narrow fields of specialization, persons with NT will be entirely left out from the next step of human evolution and die from loneliness and uselessness. While we who rank higher on the Autism spectrum will enjoy a world without dissonance, without the distraction of multiple conversations at the same time, without lies or pretense, without metaphor or irony; a world where we can completely understand each other. And trust. And love. For ever and ever. Yay.

NT rights movement

A dangerous faction of self-described NT sufferers have begun to learn to use computers and are demanding tolerance for their defective neurological wiring, which after all, is the wiring of most people. Even some NT sufferers who allegedly party every day are still able to use a keyboard and make a good case for acceptance of NT syndrome. The (nutty) position the movement considers most fundamental is that NT is not a disease, syndrome or disorder at all, but simply a way of being, part of their personality. Can you imagine that?

But as several expert over-the-internet diagnosticians have pointed out, computer use is inconsistent with a diagnosis of NT syndrome. This vocal minority of alleged persons who have NT promote "doing nothing" about NT syndrome, and would rather let it fester. They oppose life-saving treatment such as the Borg assimilation with arguments that border on the ridiculous. These guys are nothing like our poor NT children, and don't know what a pain in the ass it is like to be the parent of one.

We are clearly dealing with a vast conspiracy carried out by lunatics who must have some kind of diagnosis, but definitely not a diagnosis of NT syndrome. In order to deal with this conspiracy, we declare that from now on only NTs with no computer skills are allowed to post comments on the internet.

NT throughout history

No historical figures were Neurotypical, zero zilch none. None, that's nada, because NEUROTYPICAL SYNDROME IS A DISEASE DAMMIT.

External links

Personal tools