# Negative potato

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The negative potato is a tuber from the family of the negative tubers. You can easily tell the difference between a negative potato and a regular potato (a.k.a positive potato) : when you have a negative potato, you don’t have no potato, you have less. Minus one potato to be precise. The negative potato is sometimes called the anti-potato, or ANTI-POTATOES when capitalized.

## Discovery

The negative potato was discovered by the famous mathematician Sarah Paulin by accident (and yes, you can check, she really existed). The legend says that Mrs. Paulin went to pick ten potatoes from those stored in her closet. Machin was not very good at counting, despite her job, which caused her to take one more. Having eleven potatoes, she went back to the closet and noticed it contained now minus one potato. Frankly I don’t know why she kept potatoes in their closet, but we should mind our own business.

She had just discovered the negative potato. In her closet.

## How to obtain a negative potato ?

Take two casseroles, one with two potatoes, and the other with zero potatoes. Remove three potatoes from the casserole containing two potatoes and put all three in the casserole with zero potatoes. Now you get one casserole with three potatoes and another with minus one potato; the sum is still equal to two potatoes.

If you haven’t understood, read this chapter one more time.

## Recipes

### Orange juice

To prepare one gallon of orange juice with negative potatoes, you need :

• Three negative potatoes
• Three positive potatoes
• One gallon of orange juice

Put the orange juice in a casserole. Add the three negative potatoes (peeled). Wait 2 hours. Then add the three positive potatoes with extra skin. You get one gallon of orange juice.

### Negative French Fry

The negative french fry is a carrot stick, not to be confused with a negative carrot stick, which is in turn a potato.

## Positive potato

You may wonder what the point is of having a chapter about positive potatoes in this article? It’s actually really simple. You can easily obtain positive potatoes from negative potatoes, but you need a calculator.

Let’s say you have six negative potatoes and that, instead, you would prefer having some positive potatoes. Just put three negative potatoes in a casserole, three in another casserole, take your calculator and multiply the two casseroles. You get nine positive potatoes (unfortunately, you will lose one casserole dish : 1 casserole*1 casserole = 1 casserole, what a shame but you do now have 9 positive potatoes).

This technique was invented by Jesus Christ one day when he didn't have enough food for all of his apostles. He was very poor and only had seven negative loaves of bread. Smart as he was (so smart that some say God called him "my son" with some pride), he took his calculator, multiplied three negative bread by four negative bread and end up with twelve positive bread. As a result, the twelve apostles had something to eat.

Another method to obtain positive consists in calculating the square of negative potatoes (i.e. multiply the negative potato by itself). This seems much more efficient because you can get one positive potato with only one negative potato. But in fact, this technique is tough to master. Rookies often make the mistake of calculating the square root instead of the square of the negative potato. And of course, the square root of a negative potato is an imaginary potato, which is totally nonsensical. Try to type 'square root of nine negative potatoes' on your calculator and you’ll see it will indicate 'error' as a result.

At this stage, most of you may wonder if it is possible to extract the square root of a positive potato?. The answer is yes, of course. If you have nine positive potatoes, you can extract the roots of these tubers, although they are really not tasty. Usually, chefs prefer to extract the root of eight positive potatoes. Do the math : $\sqrt{8} = 2.8$ and change.

You get two positive potatoes and eight french fries, the french fries being the decimals of the potato. This technique is used by the french fries industry for mass production which is not without a darker side.

## Controversy

Mass production and wholesale of positive potatoes (derived from negative potatoes) began in Negative Idaho in the early 40´s. As the process became more refined, production was largely moved to the poorer regions of Negative Peru, where citizens had much higher math skills than those in Negative Idaho and production capacity is higher. Large ovens are used to bake negative potato casseroles which on an industrial scale will cook several thousand three potato casseroles which when four negative potatoes are removed results in one positive potato which can be packaged and sent in large bags to Wall-marts around the world. Production in Negative Peru is also beneficial in how locals work for a higher salary (which is paid in positive dollars which if deposited in Cayman Island accounts and a larger amount is withdrawn, the workers end up being charged the difference making it more profitable for the company). After documentaries revealed the abuse and mistreatment of Negative Peruvians, various organisations set up Fair Trade Negative potatoes, which are available in any fair trade shop, OxFam or shops in most gay neighbourhoods.

### The negative potato famine

Irish population grew enormously when Irelanders discovered they could produce more children more fastly by putting three children in their closet and then removing two negative ones and then repeating the same with three more of their children and then multiplying two of the negative children by two of the negative ones to get four. Unfortunately it never occured to them to do the same with potatoes and so an estimated -2,000,000 Irelanders died vitamin B6 deficiency.

## Nutritious facts

Eating a negative potato is equivalent to throwing up a positive potato, without the messy inconvenience. The negative potato is a recommended meal for dieters; however, avoid abuse, especially if you suffer from anorexia. Eating too many negative potatoes can result in a glucid deficiency. And you might still be hungry afterwards.

Notice that the negative potato is one of the most appreciated foods in Negative Germany[1] ; Frenchmen often call the negative German "negative potato eaters".

The negative potato is also famous in the mirror universe, where it’s called "pegative notato".

## Note

1. The Negative Germany is what you obtain when you put one Germany in a casserole and then remove two Germanies

• Positive potato
• Zero potato, commonly used for the preparation of the zero french fries or the zero gratin dauphinois
• Infinite potato: a potato that only people with a infinite stomac can eat. Make sure you dont use too much infinite potatoes in your recipes, it may change the proportions.
• John Machin, the man who discovered the negative potato
• Achid Parmentier, the man who discovered the positive potato
• The Darfur, the country where the zero potato is the national meal.