Marijuana

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<!-- This article is about how Marijuana is the primary ingredient in the construction of killer robots. If you insist on putting pot-smoking crap and stupid-ass stoner quotes in here, I will ban you. We Make Shit Up (tm) here, and factual/stupid content is grounds for banning. You've been warned. Keep with the rare metallic ore theme, or begone like wailing spirits in the night. -Famine. -->
 
<!-- This article is about how Marijuana is the primary ingredient in the construction of killer robots. If you insist on putting pot-smoking crap and stupid-ass stoner quotes in here, I will ban you. We Make Shit Up (tm) here, and factual/stupid content is grounds for banning. You've been warned. Keep with the rare metallic ore theme, or begone like wailing spirits in the night. -Famine. -->

Revision as of 07:17, March 26, 2006

I'm high RIGHT NOW Template:Number of Maimings

“A friend in need, is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better. A friend with breasts, and all the rest, a friend who's dressed in leather...”
~ Lord Byron on Marijuana
“Life is really a cosmic, psychotic dream painted by the cloud-people!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Marijuana
“Marijuana is the cannabinoid of the masses.”
~ Karl Marx on Marijuana

Overview

Probably the least needed piece of information on the website, considering the majority of people reading this are under the influence of it right now, Marijuana is a rare semi-metallic halide mined under the hills of The Netherlands, Mexico, British Columbia, Turkey, Iran and Virginia, primarily by Thracian slaves captured during the Gulf War. Before the 1850s, this ore was known to the ancient Greeks who found it in the rubble of Agean volcanos, as "Fire of Kronos", or "Kronic", due to its luminescent qualities, and the strange way time seemed to slow down when humans were exposed to it. Greek Soldiers believed that The Fire of Kronos was a good luck charm that increased appetite, prevented nausea, and enhanced appreciation of music, and hoplites were known to carry rocks of the ore with them in baggies full of local weeds.

The modern name "Marijuana" is derived from Ernesto Cáñamo De la Marijuana, the Iberian industrialist who first discovered Marjiuana's use as an industrial material during the 1850s. His company, Pacífico Fácil Sensación, Intl. remains to this day the world's largest Marijuana mining and exportation firm, and it is one of the cornerstones of world stocks trading. In fact, as a commodity of intrinsic value, Marijuana is used as the base for several nations' currencies, including The Netherlands, and Jamaica. This is called the Bud Standard.

Marijuana is a highly valued industrial ingredient in countless consumer and military goods, and the industry devoted to processing marjiuana is the third largest single economic entity on earth, after Oil and Coal. In its processed form, it is more accurately referred to as Marijuanite, but due to popular usage we shall refer to it strictly by the colloquial, or "street" name, in order to avoid confusion.

Pot leaf
This image is branded on the right arm of all thracians who work marijuana mines

Uses

Because of marijuana's properties, its use in industrial and information technological productions is so frequent as to be considered a cliche by the most literate and influential critics of the industrial and technological scenes. So ubiquitous is the effect of this remarkable ore that countless movies, songs, t-shirts, ballcaps, rope making companies and government films have been dedicated to it. Despite the fact that it has been pratically run into the ground with constant overuse, it is so useful that, er, usage continues unabated.

Marijuana is the primary ingredient in the construction of killer robots, automobiles, and Happy days. It is used as a projectile to fight Sith lords, killer tomatoes, and the Welsh whenever neccesary, and it is the central power source in the famous Clinton robot doppelganger.

Marijuana is also used by many as psychological stimulant. It is known for it's ability to bend the "Stiff Neurons" in the human brain. "Stiff Neurons", induced by the compulsory additives in all public water systems, are known mainly for their restriction on open, original and individual thought. Marijuana counteracts these neurons, allowing for activities such as musical compositions, modern art and comic literature production. For this reason many governments, with the exception of the liberalised Dutch, have banned Marijuana.

Marijuana is often a component material in the tins used to make pot pies.

Safety

Whatever you do, do not smoke marijuana. Contrary to popular belief, it is no more likely to make you intoxicated than smoking your shoes, and in fact may cause severe mutations. Not the really cool mutations like extra arms, or psychic powers, but the really depressing ones, like a vestigial tail, mental retardation, and the enjoyment of Hippie shit. Due to the Gamma Rays emitted by Marijuana, The Government has determined that being even within 20 feet of Marijuana will turn you into an evil, America hating communist. Only licensed Marijuana handlers are allowed to handle this volatile but neccesary commodity, like Willie Nelson, Bill Cosby and the one and only Chuck Mangione.

How to Spot Someone Smoking the Reefer

If you see someone doing the following, they are either high or just really fucked up:

  • Beatbox
  • Break out into a solo dance party or prechoreographed dance routine
  • Discuss the meaning of life and hippopotomi
  • Deny the High
  • Incessant rhyming/rapping/using Shakespearean dialogue
  • Gain super-skills (which are apparently only evident to themselves) such as insane guitar master, conversation-initiator-dude, oar epiphany realisor.
  • Write articles on uncyclopedia

Trivia

  • Before the discovery of Marijuana's electro-psychotic properties, it was used as a punative instrument in primitive criminal justice proceedings. Defendents convicted of crimes ranging from murder to illegal file sharing suffered having rocks of Marijuana thrown at them until they died from the wounds. This was known as "getting stoned."
  • Because it is also used in the making of kites, it is often said to get people "high" from exposure.
  • Recently declassified CIA documents have linked the consumption of Marijuana to the ongoing cover-up of the Masonic conspiracy to assassinate Kermit the Frog in Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963, a conspiracy which reached the highest levels of the Snowcone-Industrial Complex (SIC).
  • Marijuana is a gateway ore. Usage in industrial products is likely to lead to usage of far more dense, or "hard" metals, which is fine by us, since they make America great.
  • Marijuana turns you into a dangerous, violence-promoting zombie.
  • Marijuana, like any mineral, is the most dangerous substance you can possibly consume on the entire planet.
  • Marijuana exists, like spoons.
  • Marijuana is more tasty than delicious chocolate, but is also less filling.
  • Marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol, and makes your penis a billion times bigger.
  • Marijuana doesn't kill your brain all that much.
  • Pot is not useful only in the kitchen. Its so bitchen. I love fishin but I dont im a vegetarian itching!

Other words for marijuana

See also


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