Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
and Todd "Howlin'" Lyons worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Some "Fingers" User .
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
On this day...
February 10: International Bad Pun Day
2-First recorded bitch slap
1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland. Panhandling Leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short
1105 - Irish Potato Phantom claims responsibility for bitter harvest.
1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread.
1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself.
1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast.
1890 - Oscar Wilde's new play "Pun" is first performed in London. Critics describe it as a "play on words".
1950 - Future French actor Jean Reno is asked whether he wants to go to the toilet. "Oui, Oui" he replies.
1951 - Avocado discovers the mol. Scientific community dismisses him when he claims that they are not, in fact, brown and fuzzy.
1954 - Inventor of the handshake chokes while ingesting his own creation. Doctors attempted to finger force the patient but couldn't nail the problem in time. He died on the way to the hospital.
1965 - Pele gets his balls kicked by a fellow team member. Fortunately, his club is able to replace them and allows him to continue training.
1970 - Winnie the Pooh's son is born, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo.
1973 - Describing his spiritual journey into heavy metal, Jimmy Page admits that he was "led" into it.
1975 - Colorado Christian Boarding School-boy Dick Face is insulted for the first time. I would not be his last.
1977 - French President Mitterand explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is 'un oeuf'.
1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
1981 - Bono and The Edge agree that they, too, like the Canadian Punk band "U".
1985 - Das Boot, a German film about gender neutral enclosed footwear, is released.
1996 - "Punny" added to the Oxford dictionary. Subsequent bonfire nearly engulfs America.
1997 - During a fight with Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson's British trainer exclaims "What's this 'ere?"
1999 - The world's first cyborg can't fix himself because he is broke.
2008 - The Tea Room of Mercy Hospital, Australia, has its grand opening with hair in its tea, since the Koala tea of Mercy is not strained.
2017 - Walmart opens 1st store in Iraq. The only thing that was in its way before was that there was a target on every corner. Walmart stocks spike due to increase in Game department.
2018 - Walmart bans sale of firearms at Iraqi stores based on public outcry due to increased violence in Kuwait.
2019 - Walmart reinstates sales of firearms due to lost revenue.
2031 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot to death. Police believe the weapon to be a golf gun, because it made a hole in Juan.
2067 - The Roman Catholic church is finally bereft of nuns. There were none left.
2100 - Hugh Gass realises he has a huge ass.
Word of the Day
Death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
In the news
writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
Oscar Wilde of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint Editors -human hybrid to manage Recent News.
earwig was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
Jesus people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
Gothic The commit mass suicide, but emos nobody cares...duh...
Mourners flow through the streets of in New York fashion, melodramatic demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
All are wearing black armbands.
Uncyclopedians The are comitting mass seppuku.
Japanese The are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In British France, rioting ensues.
Physicists at publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
IITb The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
All the are drunk. All the Russians are Dutch . Peyote use at an alarming high among stoned .
Native Americans In the the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
middle east The have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
...that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.