Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
and Todd "Howlin'" Lyons worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Some "Fingers" User .
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
On this day...
March 17: Sex Day (not Belgium)
45 AD - Julius Caesar decides to invade the United States, but is hampered by the non-existence of the US at the time, and his untimely death 101 years previously.
387 St. Patrick: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking isle!" Proceeds to rape have sex with Nicol Aydelotte, in the name of Tim Allen.
1702 - Irish leprechauns were reported to be having sex on the moors.
1861 - After a quick shag, returning from Belgium, Napoleon proclaims the Kingdom of Italy.
1918 - Germany loses some of its lands to Austria against Sarah Mae Miller in an amicable game of Texas Hold 'Em.
1926 - Al Capone decided to have a cheese and baloney sandwich for breakfast. Unbeknownst to him, this event would eventually culminate in the following year's St. Valentine's Day massacre.
1931 - Nevada legalizes gambling whilst having sex.
1950 - California discovered by bombarding Los Angeles with ionized Hentaium and the heavy element Michaelmoorium.
2010 - The cancellation of American Idol leads to mass suicide in many American including Zachary Adams.
2011 - Jose Gomez purchased 2000 Chevrolet Camero's and sold them all on ebay to Heather Dudash for 8 times the retail price.
2011 - Bobby Shrum from the band Seraphik causes mass destruction in all the cities in the United Kingdom. Beets the Beatles by 50% in all metal rock hits.
2011 - I love you man, I really do, oh good I am so fazed.
2014 - St. Patrick's Day renamed by Scottish Parliament to St. Alex Salmond Day. Salmond, The Scottish First Minister, denied having anything to do with the change.
Word of the Day
Death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
In the news
writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
Oscar Wilde of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint Editors -human hybrid to manage Recent News.
earwig was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
Jesus people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
Gothic The commit mass suicide, but emos nobody cares...duh...
Mourners flow through the streets of in New York fashion, melodramatic demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
All are wearing black armbands.
Uncyclopedians The are comitting mass seppuku.
Japanese The are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In British France, rioting ensues.
Physicists at publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
IITb The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
All the are drunk. All the Russians are Dutch . Peyote use at an alarming high among stoned .
Native Americans In the the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
middle east The have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
...that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.