Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
and Todd "Howlin'" Lyons worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Some "Fingers" User .
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
On this day...
International Androgynous Goat-People Observance Day
328,987 BC - at 4:02pm Goats Evolve from Dolphins.
240v AC- Electricity became the new fad in tribes.
33 AD - St. John of Patmos has a wet dream.
1189 - Ban Kulin wrote The Charter of Kulin, which was later banned.
1490-something - Chet Columbus lands in Ohio.
1862 - Second Battle of Bull Run. This time, Bruce Willis is brought in as lead actor in an effort to stimulate box office sales.
1924 - The cheeseburger is invented in Cheeseburg, California
1927 - Helen Keller is born but doesn't even notice the difference.
1942 - In response to World War II, ham is invented. Winston Churchill proclaims it "One small step for man, one giant leap for breakfast".
1942 - Famed restaurant the Grease Hut opens it doors for the first time, collectivly clogging arteries across the nation.
1956 - In a remote corner of Canada, nothing happens.
1972 - Pringles, the first tessellating potato snack, are invented in Leicester by mathematician Dr Julius Pringle in order to save storage space in his tiny kitchen.
1999 - The War of 1812 is fought by several confused historians. Albert Einstein is the special guest referee. Soundtrack available from Arista. Shown worldwide on Pay-Per-View. Presented by Snickers. "Hungry? Why Wait?"
2005 - The Gulf Coast experiences light rainshowers and a moderate breeze.
2006 - The Antichrist comes, wearing a miniskirt.
2008 - The individual presumed to be The Antichrist was in fact the new Republican Party publicity director. Seems they dress in similar fashion.
Word of the Day
Death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
In the news
writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
Oscar Wilde of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint Editors -human hybrid to manage Recent News.
earwig was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
Jesus people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
Gothic The commit mass suicide, but emos nobody cares...duh...
Mourners flow through the streets of in New York fashion, melodramatic demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
All are wearing black armbands.
Uncyclopedians The are comitting mass seppuku.
Japanese The are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In British France, rioting ensues.
Physicists at publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
IITb The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
All the are drunk. All the Russians are Dutch . Peyote use at an alarming high among stoned .
Native Americans In the the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
middle east The have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that the song " Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
...that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
...that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
...that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.