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Welcome to Rodong Sinmun, the official party-controlled newspaper of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Our Dear Leader has inspired us to work on 30,313 articles since opening in 1948.


Before editing, please read the Manifesto and browse the Constitution.



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Contents

Today's Party Column


Today's Featured Article - UnBooks:The Second Conquest of the Moon

Laikahowls

Every wide-eyed toddler knows that man went to the moon in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Way before computers and other advanced technology even existed, twelve of their ancestors walked upon the lunar surface. They picked up rocks, set up American flags, rode around in fully-loaded dune buggies, hit golf balls, posed for thousands of manipulated glossy photographs, and even passed urine in their suits. The moon was man's space-pearl for a few glorious years. And then in 1972 it was left alone to rot in the sun. The twelve astronauts who'd visited it passed away and became icons, then legends, then historical action figures, then toys, and even pink dildos. The nickname "Buzz" took on a sexual connotation, Apollo turned into a famous Scandinavian ska-rapper, and Tranquility Base became a Paris bordello. Man had gloriously conquered the moon, only to spend the remainder of his time trying to convince people it was even true, what to speak of possible necessary. (More...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Cotswold Olimpick Games

TugofFence

The Cotswold Olimpick Games is an annual public celebration of games and sports now held every May in what is now Athol, a small town named, probably by someone with a lisp, after the late Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. This town is in the Cotswolds of England, probably; hence the name, probably.

The Games began in 1612, and have continued, more intermittently than the region's electricity, to the present day. They were started by a local lawyer, Cliff Dover, who said he had the approval of the current King of England, a claim you virtually had to make in order to sanction a crowd of thousands of mostly drunk Englishmen.

Dover's motivation in organising the Games may have been his belief that physical exercise was necessary for the defence of the realm, but he may also have believed that accretion of lucre was necessary for the defence of his own old age. Consequently, steep admission fees were charged to all classes of society, including royalty on one occasion, and His Majesty actually paid it, the doddering old coot. (More...)

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Our glorious history

June 20: "Have A Nice" Day Day; Nice Day Appreciation Day (NZ);Just Another Day (Earth)

  • A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away: Darth Vader, The Emperor, Yoda and Luke Skywalker ordered by Imperial Senate to take acting lessons.
  • 1782 - The U.S. Congress established the Great Seal of the United States. It is a California Seal named Buster.
  • 1801 - Buster killed in British terrorist attack on Brooklyn Zoo. Buster's daughter Bibi named National Seal.
  • 1877 - Alexander Graham Bell installs the world's first telephone service so that he can build his phone sex empire - it was very successful.
  • 1883 - Oscar Wilde completes his play The Duchess of Paduan, which would later be converted into the Star Wars septology.
  • 1893 - Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother, mostly due to the court allowing Borden to brandish as axe at the prosecution, judge, jurors, and small children in the audience.
  • 1923 - The United States Government interrupt 30 years of nothing happening on June 20 to wish everyone "a nice day."
  • 1925 - The "Have A Nice Day" riots, triggered by Government action in 1923, finally subside.
  • 1926 - Indictments for "Have A Nice Day" riots quashed. Judge says "have a nice day". Riots resume, ending after Martial Law declared.
  • 1927 - Everyone finally has a nice day on Have A Nice Day Riots Day Day. Only minor rioting happens, as people too confused by name of day.
  • 1959 - A rare hurricane struck Canada's Gulf of St. Lawrence, destroying vast Sasquatch habitat and postponing the National Curling Championships.
  • 1963 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish the "red telephone" line so that the leaders of both nations can ask how each others' day was and generally make small talk, replacing the old method of communication between the two, threatening each other with nuclear war.
  • 1973 - Snipers wish a happy day to a crowd in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Thirteen are greatly overcome with joy and more than 300 are left mildly ecstatic.
  • 1994 - John Gotti acquitted after long trial. In closing arguments, lawyer Bruce Cutler asks jury to "find Mr. Gotti innocent or we'll wack you too!"
  • 2289 - The British finally land on the moon. They discover that tea cannot be taken in 1/8 gravity, cancel mission amid a not so nice day.

Complete, fully accessible party archives

Today's hangul word is
[[Template:Wotd/06/20]]
Use this word to awe your enemies.

Party members of the month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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