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Sharks

Sharks with freaking laser-beams.
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Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - F4

F4 is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four fs.

Linguistically, ffff is known as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in one's throat.

To produce the purest ffff sound, however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy-like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.

The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on typewriters as typewriters cannot carry out functions. (more...)

Recently featured: F4 - Napoleonic Wars

Yesterday's Featured Article - Napoleonic Wars

The Napoleonic Wars were a series of conflicts that swirled around a cross Corsican named Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon was too short to be a king but barely tall enough for the title of Emperor, a rank sufficient to accomplish the longstanding French dream — creation of a unified Europe run not entirely by the Germans. Waging this war let him plant his flag — and seed — in every country he crossed. As a result, everyone in Europe loves France and there are many short people in villages throughout the continent.

During the conflict, the French were supported by many diverse countries, such as Spain, up to the very moment that France invaded them. They were opposed by shifting coalitions of Britain, Austria, Russia, and Prussia. Britain's UKIP maintains the fight against Napoleon even today.

At the beginning, Napoleon extended his empire everywhere on the continent that did not matter to Britain and Russia. This was not successful in making the Russians and British capitulate. He then invaded Russia, which did not work either. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

July 12: Feast of Peter and Paul (Catholic Church), Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) (pictured)

  • 1870 - In the midst of high school, and without the convenience of LiveJournal, Oscar Wilde expresses his angst and sorrow by composing the poems Poems.
  • 1917 - The The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 minors from Bisbee, Arizona. The children are forced to wander the Arizona desert in search of shelter and sustinence.
  • 1993 - The sale of Chex Mix is officially banned in the United States after disturbing trends regarding improper usage come to light.
  • 1998 - Icelandic megastar Björk is arrested for allegedly causing several thousand dollars worth of damage to an Icelandic bed and breakfast. She is later acquitted after testifying "I am the round and the square, the ocean is sea."
  • 2004 - Harold And Kumar finally make it to White Castle.
  • 2008 - The United States Presidential race heats up, as Senator John McCain reveals his platform and begins intensive campaigning.

Archived Anniversaries

Writer of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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