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(This is an extra special holiday. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. And I'm also sure that nobody feels like reverting this and/or banning me.)
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<center>Also, '''<big><big><big>VOTE</big></big></big>''' for the '''[[Uncyclopedia:Top10 07|Top 10 Articles of 2007!]]'''</center>
 
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Revision as of 05:05, January 16, 2008

Poo Lit Surprise Logo The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo
Somebody touch me.
Also, VOTE for the Top 10 Articles of 2007!

Zombiebaron Zombiebaron,

30,555 Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron

Today's Featured Article - Accountant

Adriana Lima 45

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Making up Oscar Wilde quotes

Chaiselongue

Hello! My name is Lord Waltherington Spatula. You might have heard of me from either the news coverage of the tragic tram accident that lost me my arms, or the crown court trial where I was declared mentally incompetent after crashing a tram.

I see you're interested in Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes. I was like you once, so very long ago. If you wish to learn as I did then there is only one way. Step forward, my lovely assistant, Oscar.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best

He's such a card. Yes that's right, it turns out rumours of Oscar's death were greatly overstated as he's here, with me, in this booth, behind these curtains where you couldn't possibly see him. So, Oscar, why don't you tell everyone what they will need to get started?

Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Above Top Secret, featured on 17 April 2012. See the featured version.
Last of the Mohicans, featured on 17 April 2011. See the featured version.
You should talk about ponies - A letter to Bill Richardson, featured on 17 April 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Einsteinporn
  • ...that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (pictured)
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
  • ...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ...that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
  • ...that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
    • ...and that every person considers it at least once a month?

In the news

On this day...

Jude

April 17: Genocide Appreciation Day

  • 50 AD - The Roman Empire invests in a program where Christians die for their own entertainment. Today, this program is known a Pay-Per-View.
  • 1783 - America wins its war for independence. Agrees to continue the British policy of deindianization.
  • 1525 - Cortéz kills all the dirty Aztecs and purifies Mexico by ordering his men to rape the Aztec women. All are thankful.
  • 1555 - After 18 months of siege, Siena surrenders to the Imperial army. The Republic of Siena is incorporated into the Grand Douche of The Dark Side. Italians begin tanning. Fist pump their way to the Coastal United States.
  • 1915 - The Armenian Genocide begins. Nobody cares.
  • 1932 - Joseph Stalin starves his own people as a "practical joke"; thousands die.
  • 1940 - Adolf Hitler attempts to cleanse Europe of Jews and other minority groups; instead his efforts create resistent minorities that will eat his flesh alive.
  • 1960-something - The Beatthose write "Hey Jude", a pro-genocidal song. Everyone loves it.
  • 1992 - While not really genocide related, Rodney King is found not guilty of beating two white policemen.
  • 1994 - The Rwandan Genocide begins. Tutsis and Tootsie Rolls alike are mass exterminated.
  • 2005 - In a World of Warcraft incident, several mages performed an online funeral for their friend who died IRL. During the ceremony, they were interrupted and all killed by a ruthless clan in a genocide-style extermination.
  • 2022 - The Americans decide to conquer and exterminate their not-so-friendly neighbours to the North, the Canadians.
  • 2023 - Two trains collide and kill 30022475656732992 people

Today's featured picture

Nukemeifyoucan2

Now showing at all good Middle-Eastern warzones near you!

Image Credit: Olipro
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

End Time | Strange Fruit | Isaac Asimov | Kent | Ad hominem | Satchel | Malala Yousafzai‎‎ | Paramedic | Police | Fuck the Police | 1990s (rw) | Accountant (rw) | Yorkshire | Cracker Jack | Top 100 things we learn from the movies | After Burner | Liberals | Christy Turlington | RationalWiki (rw)| Windjammer | Absurdity | WikiHeaven | Out Run | Bob Dole | Kings of Leon | 9/11 (rw) | Unsolved problems in physics | Fracking | Cheka | Etiquette | Television | Moruga Scorpion Chili


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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