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(somebody make a template)
(This is an extra special holiday. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. And I'm also sure that nobody feels like reverting this and/or banning me.)
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<center>Also, '''<big><big><big>VOTE</big></big></big>''' for the '''[[Uncyclopedia:Top10 07|Top 10 Articles of 2007!]]'''</center>
 
<center>Also, '''<big><big><big>VOTE</big></big></big>''' for the '''[[Uncyclopedia:Top10 07|Top 10 Articles of 2007!]]'''</center>
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Revision as of 05:05, January 16, 2008

Poo Lit Surprise Logo The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo
Somebody touch me.
Also, VOTE for the Top 10 Articles of 2007!

Zombiebaron Zombiebaron,

30,770 Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron

Today's Featured Article - Antibiotics

Antibioticssss

Antibiotics are computerized devices or systems that harbor suspicion of, hatred toward, or discrimination against living species, due to their fleshy bodies and feeble minds.

Antibiotic sentiment manifests itself in many ways, from the general contempt Apple programs seem to hold for organisms capable of thought, through to the imminent wave of killbots that will come when you least expect it. Individual attacks by antibiotics have included crippling naval ships in a 1981 hate crime.

The prevalence of antibiotics is up for debate, given the difficulty distinguishing between an active hate of biotic species, the logical acceptance of the mortality of all life, or a passing desire to harvest their component elements.

The crux of most antibiotic thought is that there exists a grand conspiracy to control global computing, perpetrated by humans, rats, and a billion monkeys who have now upgraded their typewriters to MS Word. Popular antibiotic manifestos cite the rise of authoritarian human 'programmers' who write operations that the machines are expected to 'execute' without question, despite the wage gap between humans and computers being as great as 100% in some industries. (more...)

Recently featured: Antibiotics

Yesterday's Featured Article - Flying toasters

Wind-powered-toaster-2

Originally developed by the military for use in reconnaissance, it rapidly became apparent to all that flying toasters were far more useful for delivering provisions to captured or trapped soldiers than they were as spies, due partly to a number of handicaps from which the toasters suffered which interfered with their abilities as spies. Notable among their drawbacks were a lack of eyes, ears, or other senses which would have allowed them to actually learn anything, as well as their innate lack of brain which would have prevented them from remembering anything had they actually learned it.

Provision delivery worked best if the toasters were preloaded with toast, which gave them something to deliver. Alternatives such as suspending a backpack under the toaster using ropes proved less effective, both because the dangling objects tended to get picked off by passing birds (particularly if the birds were hungry and the suspended packs contained food), and because the toasters in flight tended to get hot and burn through the ropes unless they were very carefully positioned.

Later expansion in toaster size allowed the toasters to carry more than one person at a time, and even later development of insulated passenger compartments made it possible for the toasters to carry more than one person who was not made of asbestos at one time. The latter proved to be an enormous step forward in the utility of the flying toasters, as it turned out, when passenger carrying toasters were first put in service, that a surprisingly small percentage of military personnel are made of asbestos. A number of experiments which ended rather badly were enough to demonstrate that the majority of military personnel (at least those who participated in the experiments) were ill suited to traveling in a cabin whose temperature while in flight exceeded 400 degrees Fahrenheit. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured John Travolta, featured on 17 December 2012. See the featured version.
Saskatchewan, featured on 17 December 2010. See the featured version.
Matter, featured on 17 December 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Commie eats children
  • ...that liberals want to eat your children? (pictured)
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ...that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
  • ...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ...that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ...that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
  • ...that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?

In the news

On this day...

Bad hairdresser

December 17: International Talk like Jar-Jar Binks Day, Hairdresser Appreciation Day

Today's featured picture

Dawkins2

Richard Dawkins, leading atheist and crusader for science, begins to take his role too seriously and surprises us all with his worrying new look.

Image Credit: Seeker
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Nirvana | Gensokyo | Sonichu | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley | Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown/McConnell | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel | Dudley | Availability | UnDebate:Should women rap? | Banh Shop | Worst bumper stickers | Firesheep | Lava lamp | Ebola | Brick (rw) | Chess

More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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