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Today's Featured Article - My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Fonz duel

My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.

Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.

In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)

Recently featured: My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Yesterday's Featured Article - Antibiotics

Antibioticssss

Antibiotics are computerized devices or systems that harbor suspicion of, hatred toward, or discrimination against living species, due to their fleshy bodies and feeble minds.

Antibiotic sentiment manifests itself in many ways, from the general contempt Apple programs seem to hold for organisms capable of thought, through to the imminent wave of killbots that will come when you least expect it. Individual attacks by antibiotics have included crippling naval ships in a 1981 hate crime.

The prevalence of antibiotics is up for debate, given the difficulty distinguishing between an active hate of biotic species, the logical acceptance of the mortality of all life, or a passing desire to harvest their component elements.

The crux of most antibiotic thought is that there exists a grand conspiracy to control global computing, perpetrated by humans, rats, and a billion monkeys who have now upgraded their typewriters to MS Word. Popular antibiotic manifestos cite the rise of authoritarian human 'programmers' who write operations that the machines are expected to 'execute' without question, despite the wage gap between humans and computers being as great as 100% in some industries. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Clint Eastwood's Mule, featured on 21 December 2012. See the featured version.
Mount Everest Disaster, featured on 21 December 2011. See the featured version.
Skeptic's Annotated Santa, featured on 21 December 2010. See the featured version.
I will never forget, featured on 21 December 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
  • ...that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ...that your birth certificate is an apology letter from condom factory?
  • ...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ...that Did You Know is slightly broken at the moment actually working fine right now?

In the news

On this day...

PersonalHygiene

December 21: Personal Hygiene Day

  • 678 BC - Sodomy discovered in Greece.
  • 677 BC - Death penalty instituted in Greece.
  • 631 BC - The War of 1812 ends.
  • 521 BC - Two slightly inebriated Mayans and a French guy come up with an ingenious way to scare the shit out of the future population of the Earth by the means of a calendar.
  • 477 BC - Stinky Greek hobo Socrates roams the streets of fudge packing Athens, claiming he knows nothing. As a result, the goofy Greeks regard him as the greatest sage that ever lived.
  • 322 BC - Megalo-maniac Alexander the Great turns out to be a regular fag. In a letter to Aristotle, he confesses that the smell of male toil 'turns him on'.
  • 10 BC - Roman emporer Politemus IV invents the square wheel. Round wheels were outlawed under pain of death.
  • 1500 - Middle Ages officially end; Europeans can finally start taking care of their personal hygiene little by little.
  • 1939 Hitler invades France. After realising he would never make them wash he turned toward Russia
  • 1967 The interrobang is discovered. The horrible revelation drives its discoverer instantly insane.
  • 1979 Star Wars Episode XXXIV: The rising of Darth Leia comes to theaters
  • 1982 - Sudan wins "Least Hygienic Country In The World Competition" for the first time. The African country has held the title ever since.
  • 1984 - The first horseman of the apocalypse descended to herald the coming tribulations, but no one noticed apart from John Greeves, a homeless alcoholic from Brighton, England.
  • 2000 - The bearded Taliban commanders state personal hygiene is against the will of God; in Afghanistan, pretty much the worst place ever.
  • 2001 - UK prime minister Tony Blair is voted "Best Looking Twat" by the readers of Womans Realm magazine.
  • 2004 - Barry Scott surpasses Batman as the Queen of Clean with Clitoris Bang.
  • 2005 - Bermuda Triangle mysteriously disappears.
  • 2006 - Personal hygiene forced upon France by new EU ruling. The French promptly withdraw from the EU. All traces of the bathtub are destroyed and the french quickly return to smelling of bad cheese and garlic. Celebratory riots last into the new year
  • 2007 - Man discovers that the white stuff on your tongue causes your breath to smell like shit. The Government promptly forces everone to brush their tongues.
  • 2012 - World Ends only to be repopulated seconds later.
  • 2017 - Saw XVI is a deathday movie which kills anyone who watches
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

FoxSpoof

In an effort to extend its presence to areas that were previously only covered by UnNews, Fox News has founded a subsidiary in Middle Earth to stay competitive on the misinformation provider market.

Image Credit: Kharpert
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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