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Revision as of 03:51, April 18, 2009

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - Constitution of the United States (actual text)

Sigs

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Section I. Any male constituent who has attained the Age of Twenty-One years shall vote for a nobleman of his choosing to represent him in the executive legislature. He shall freely cast his choice on a ballot in a designated voting bureau and deposit the ballot in a box. After all the constituents accomplished their duty of Citizenry, the box contents shall be dumped in the nearest river and the predetermined winner be announced to the People.

Section II. Any elected representative in the Land of the Free shall receive 10 slaves Free of charge, only shipping and handling to pay and shall be refunded if not satisfied before 30 days.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Power

Creation of the Sun and Moon face detail

Power . A word that is doubtless familiar to you and a concept you probably think you understand but yet, how much do we you really know about power?

Not much!

That's correct, bodiless, unexplained, yet helpful italicised text! We know next to nothing about power which, in its majesty is in all things, if you can comprehend such a concept. It could even be within you! You could have power right now and be unaware of the staggering implications of that fact.

I could have power?

Quite possibly, I can usually tell very quickly whether or not somebody has power. I have power and as a result I feel a certain kinship towards others with power.

I'd love to hear more about power!

Of course you would! (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Cologne, featured on 1 February 2014. See the featured version.
Yellow fever, featured on 01 February 2011. See the featured version.
Amerigo Vespucci, featured on 1 February 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
  • ...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ...that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
  • ...that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
  • ...that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ...and so am I?
      • ...me too?
        • ...shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ...that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ...that Did You Know is slightly broken at the moment actually working fine right now?

In the news

On this day...

Insertpic

[Insert double entendre here]

February 1: International [Insert holiday here] day
  • 24398 BC- First fat kid falls down flight of stairs.
  • 1500 AD - Caveman invents the kayak
  • 1501 AD - Caveman invents the bus
  • 1931-Boris Yeltsin born; his mother has a vodka drink while he is still in the womb, thus born drunk. *<nowiki>[Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert a year from 0-43 AD here] - [Insert overdone Jesus joke here]
  • [Insert 1337 here] - [Insert tired, pointless noob joke here]
  • A Peruvian Boeing 737 crashes in the Andes - killing 123 people. pwned by mountains ;[
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert date that doesn't follow the given order at all] - [Insert sexual innuendo with[insert name here] and [insert name here] along with an event that defies logic]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert overdone European reference here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert completely random date here] - [Insert absurd event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event that takes place in Paris here] - [Insert sentence containing 'Rioting' here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert denial of event here]
  • 2006 - James Blunt admits he was fed helium as a child and recommends it too the youth of today
  • 20X6 - Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking me for a challenge?!?!
  • [Insert A.D. 2101 here] - [Insert tired, pointless All Your Base reference here]
  • [Insert date absurdly far into the future here] - [Insert joke about robot overlords here]
  • [Insert (absurdly large number times two absurdly large numbers)AD here] - [Insert worn out and over used joke about a clone of your mother and me here].
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Uncyclopedios

"The cereal where you eat the box!"

Image Credit: InfiniteMonkey
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

New meat from the writing competition: Supply-side Jesus | NBC | ENIAC | Raphael | Horace | Renewable energy | One Thousand and One Nights | Rembrandt | Relationships (images) | Hydrocarbon | Supply-side Jesus | Randy Travis | Wind (rw) | Charlie Hebdo | Christchurch (Dorset) | Invasive species (rw) | Horace Greeley | The Jackson 5 | The Cosby Show | Ido | Galla Placidia | Barf (rw) | Nirvana | Gensokyo | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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