Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Protected "Main Page": Because it's not April 1. ([edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite)))
(It's Zombiebaron Day!)
Line 1: Line 1:
__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__
+
{{User:Zombiebaron/Zombiebaron Day}}
<!------------ Top banner ------------------------------ -->
 
{| style="width:100%; background:#fcfcfc; margin-top:1.2em; border:1px solid #ccc;"
 
|style="width:56%; color:#000"| <!--
 
 
---------- "Welcome to Uncyclopedia" etc ----------- -->
 
{| style="width:280px; border:solid 0px; background:none;"
 
|style="width:280px; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
 
<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
 
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
 
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
 
|}<!--
 
 
---------- Portals on right hand side ---------------------------- -->
 
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
 
*[[:Portal:Politics|Politics]]
 
*[[:Portal:Games|Games]]
 
*[[:Portal:Music|Music]]
 
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
 
*[[Portal:Science|Science]]
 
*[[:Portal:History|History]]
 
*[[:Portal:Art|Art]]
 
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
 
*[[:Portal:Television|Television]]
 
*[[:Portal:Film|Film]]
 
*[[:Portal:Theatre|Theatre]]
 
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
 
*[[:Portal:Society|Society]]
 
*[[:Portal:People|People]]
 
*'''[[:Portal:Portals|All Portals]]'''
 
|}<!--
 
 
---------- Links under banner --------------------- -->
 
{|style="width:100%; background:none; margin:-.8em 0 -.7em 0;"
 
|style="font-size:95%; padding:10px 0; margin:0px; text-align:left; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
 
[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Donations]]
 
|style="font-size:95%; padding:10px 0; margin:0px; text-align: right; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
 
[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
 
|}
 
 
<!--
 
 
---------- Beginning of main table ------------------ -->
 
{| style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
 
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cef2e0; background-color:#f2fff9; vertical-align:top;"| <!--
 
 
---------- Beginning of left column ----------------- -->
 
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
 
|{{r|Featuredarticle}}{{FFA/include|z}}
 
|-
 
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did you know...</h2>
 
|-
 
|<div style="margin-left:0.5em;">{{DYKimage}}{{DYK|r}}{{DidYouKnow|a}}{{DYK|n}}{{DidYouKnow|d}}{{DYK|o}}{{DidYouKnow|m}}</div>
 
<div align="right" class="noprint" style="clear:all">
 
'''[[Did You Know|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions|Suggest new entries]]'''
 
</div>
 
|-
 
|}<!--
 
 
---------- Beginning of right column ----------------------- -->
 
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cedff2; background-color:#f2f8ff; vertical-align:top;"|
 
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2f8ff;"
 
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">In the news</h2>
 
|-
 
| <div class="nonwhite">{{RecentUnNews}}</div>
 
<div style="text-align: right;" class="noprint">'''[[UnNews:Main Page|UnNews]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''</div>
 
|-
 
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
 
|-
 
| <div class="nonwhite">{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}</div>
 
<div align="right" class="noprint">
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{tomorrow}}|View tomorrow]] &ndash; [[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|More anniversaries...]]'''
 
</div>
 
<!-- This appears to be dead
 
|-
 
! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Colonization of the Week
 
|-
 
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>-->
 
|}
 
|}<!--
 
 
---------- Featured picture ----------------- -->
 
{|class="MainPageBG" style="margin: 0; padding: .5em; width:100%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top; color:#000;"
 
! <h2 style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em">Today's featured picture</h2>
 
|-
 
|style="color:#000;"|{{FI}}
 
|}<!--
 
 
------------- Recent Articles ---------------------- -->
 
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
 
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
 
|-
 
|{{Recent}}
 
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
 
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested rewrites]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
 
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' |
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]''' |
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stuck articles needing a push|Stuck articles needing a push]]''' |
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Ideas|Great ideas]]'''
 
|-
 
|} <!--
 
 
-------------------- Start of Awards etc ------------------------------ -->
 
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;" |
 
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2F2CE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Writer and Noob of the Month</h2>
 
|-
 
|{{MonthlyAwards}}
 
{{Vote Reminder}}
 
|}
 
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
 
 
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
 
[[Category:Uncyclopedia]]
 
{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}
 

Revision as of 20:20, January 16, 2012

Zombiebaron Zombiebaron,

30,551 Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron · Zombiebaron

Today's Featured Article - RAF Packington

Exit sign

Royal Air Force Station Packington (RAF Packington) is a top secret military establishment in the English County of Staffordshire. It is home to the UK's stockpile of Weapons of Mass Distraction (WMDs). Packington is currently under the steely command of Group Captain Johnny "Nimrod" Hunter-Harrier DFC JPA QDJM. RAF Packington started off in 1826 as a pork-and-mustard factory run by local pink industrialist Jeremiah Gottmein-Himmel, who leased the site to the burgeoning Royal Scottish Air force (RSAF) who needed to establish a grass runway emergency landing strip (GREMLIN) for their aircraft returning from the disastrous First Porridge War against Kent. This saw the permanent loss of SRAF Branston, now Kent International Airport. Branston fell into disrepair and is now home to the Defence Fire and Risk Taking Organisation who regularly set fire to aeroplanes to scare the living daylights out of weary passengers on their final approach to KIA. This is an unfortunate acronym as it also abbreviates "Killed in action"

Gottmein-Himmel was an unpopular character and was notorious for hurling complex obscenities such as "puke up ya clunge" and "piss up a pole, fuck-stick," a habit that later became the basis of the character Timmy the Rude Kid in the 20th century comic Viz. Ill health befell him as a consequence of existing on a diet of Irn Bru, vodka and cider mixed in 5-litre plastic flagons and marketed as Kremlin Smash. He died alone in abject poverty, though his life is commemorated by the annual Pancake Races in Bore Street, Lichfield. One of Gottmein-Himmels final acts was to throw eggs and flour at the local magistrates court building, Griddle house. (more...)

Recently featured: RAF Packington - Accountant

Yesterday's Featured Article - Accountant

Adriana Lima 45

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured The Yardbirds, featured on 20 April 2012. See the featured version.
People Who Like to Fuck Naked, featured on 20 April 2011. See the featured version.
Giant Jew Band, featured on 20 April 2010. See the featured version.
Ingmar Bergman, featured on 20 April 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Fleagorth the awesome

In the news

On this day...

Weedpile

April 20: Hitler's Birthday (Germany), International Marijuana Day (Countries that use the M/D/Y date)

  • 420 - Thousands of marijuana users get throughly ripped as a once-in-a-lifetime numerical coincidence coincidentifies with a 75-times-in-a-lifetime num...where was I?
  • 571 - Cassius Clay born; later changes name to Muhammad, hails himself as "greatest prophet of all time, baby!"
  • 1607 - White settlers arrive at Jamestown, find nothing of value except some inedible, brown leaves and some equally inedible brown people, so they go home.
  • 1792 - France declares war on itself and surrenders.
  • 1814 - The War of 1812 begins, two years behind schedule.
  • 1889 - Adolf Hitler, perhaps best known for his genocide of the Jews brilliant artwork, is born.
  • 1889 - Adolf Hilter is certainly not born.
  • 1943 - France so despises Vichy Government that they do nothing to overthrow.
  • 1991 - A Very Brady Easter premires; Alice crucified to the songs of the Lovin Spoonful.
  • 1993 - Al Gore invents the Environment
  • 1994 - A fireworks display in Oklahoma City goes horribly wrong; bystander blamed and later executed.
  • 1999 - Columbine high school opens the very first high school shooting range in the United States.
  • 2007 - Cho Seung-Hui is welcomed in Hell. Even Satan is not amused.
  • 2008 - Hitler given a Cookie Monster shirt by Jim Henson for his birthday.
  • 2012 - The largest Marijuana festival is held in San Francisco, California with as many as a billion pot smokers attended
  • 2014 - The time code was discovered and the code is 3.141592653589793238462643383279

Today's featured picture

Poker hand

Figuring he would at last turn around his luck, Wild Jim drew the fabled dead man's hand.

Image Credit: Sonje
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

End Time | Strange Fruit | Isaac Asimov | Kent | Ad hominem | Satchel | Malala Yousafzai‎‎ | Paramedic | Police | Fuck the Police | 1990s (rw) | Accountant (rw) | Yorkshire | Cracker Jack | Top 100 things we learn from the movies | After Burner | Liberals | Christy Turlington | RationalWiki (rw)| Windjammer | Absurdity | WikiHeaven | Out Run | Bob Dole | Kings of Leon | 9/11 (rw) | Unsolved problems in physics | Fracking | Cheka | Etiquette | Television | Moruga Scorpion Chili


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,551 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30649
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
35457
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
16220
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 20323
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 12328
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 7257
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 8775
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5328
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 5520
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
6804
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on August 12, 2011.
cy:

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/01 April 2008Template:FA/2008</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects