Manchester

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{{OWQ|Madchester}}
 
 
'''Madchester''' ''aka Gunchester'' is a [[Sun|sunny]], warm and [[Friends|friendly]] country located somewhere between the Nations of [[Liverpool|Scouseland]] and [[Grim North|Tup North]]. Madchester is sometimes know as [[Moss Side]] or (incorrectly) [[Manchester]].
 
 
{| border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" align="right" width="300px" style="margin-left:5px"
 
|-
 
|style="background:#ffffff" align="center" colspan="2" |[[Image:Madchester_flag.jpg|230px|Flag of Madchester]]<br>''Motto: Rave On''
 
|-
 
|'''[[Language|Official Language]]'''
 
|[[Scally]]
 
|-
 
|'''[[Capital]]'''
 
|[[Haçienda|The Haçienda]]
 
|-
 
|'''Largest City'''
 
|[[Moston]]
 
|-
 
|'''[[God-King]]'''
 
|[[Tony Wilson|Anthony H. Wilson]]
 
|-
 
|'''Established'''
 
|[[1980|1980 A.D.]] ([[Disco|After Disco]])
 
|-
 
|'''Total Area'''
 
|115.65 km²
 
|-
 
|'''Estimated Population'''
 
|60,432,474
 
|-
 
|'''[[Currency]]'''
 
|The [[Rock]] made up of 100 [[VCR]]s.
 
|-
 
|'''[[national anthems|National Anthem]]'''
 
|''"[[Blue Monday]]"''
 
|-
 
|}
 
 
==Geography==
 
Madchester is surrounded by a three sides of water. The River Mersey (aka Scouse Water) to the south, the Madchester Shit Canal to the north, and River Thames to the west. It also has Mount Everest that was stolen and placed in the north east to keep out scummy Yorkshire folk.
 
 
Madchester also has a zig zag of canals, much like Venice. This is so that the weekly "Hang and drown the Cock-ney" can take place.
 
 
Madchester city centre had at one time some of the ugliest landscapes known to man including the dreaded bog [[Arndale]]. However the urban renewal programme started by the progressive terrorist group the [[IRA]] has largely remodelled the landscape (although perversely the [[Arndale]] remains).
 
 
Madchester is surrounded by the [[Great Wall of Madchester]] created by [[MadDog 60/60]] ([[MadDog 20/20]]'s Grandfather) it bears the moniker [[M60]] in deference to him.
 
 
==History==
 
Madchester was founded by the [[Immortal]] [[God-King]] [[Tony Wilson|Anthony H. Wilson]] in [[1980|1980 AD]] ([[After Disco]]). It subsequently absorbed the principalities of [[Salford]] (after the [[War of Lowry's Pinky]]), [[Bolton]] and [[Stockport]] although many refuse to accept Tony's rule and active [[terrorist]] groups persist including the [[IRA|IRA - I Really 'Ate (madchester)]] known for their lack of spelling and the [[Salford Lads Club]] led by [[Morrissey]].
 
 
[[Image:Dummies_museum2.JPG|right|thumb|175px|Inside the Rape Museum]]
 
Madchester has been [[Rape]] capital of the [[United Kingdom|U.K]] for just under 240 years. In short, your chances are good. Especially during the summer months when it hosts its Annual Festival Of Rape. Also known as [[Rapefest]]. [[Ian Brown]] and [[Paul Scholes]] are said to be avid enthusiasts of the yearly shindig. [[Paul Scholes|Scholes]], usually the reserved type, was heard saying to [[Gary Lineker]] " seriously get your arse down, its a free for all".
 
 
=== Disasters ===
 
A number of notable disasters have occurred in Madchester.
 
 
==== Stupid fire of Manchester ====
 
In [[1968]], British Education Minister Sir Donald Duck published figures which showed that for the first time in it's 700 year history, the average [[IQ]] of people in Manchester had surpassed 50. To "celebrate this feet (sic)" the city organized a large mardi-gras parade through the town centre, with a dazzling array of shows and entertaiment, illuminated by a fantastic lighting system and deafening bass drums. Unfortunately, they chose local [[electrician|electrician]] [[David Beckham]] to rig the lighting system. The resulting fire which was ignored by the local fire departments because they couldn't hear the phone call over the bass drums destroyed one third of the buildings in the city centre, including the library, the polytechnic, several schools, and the local [[ITV]] television transmitter. The net effect of this was that within 6 months, the average IQ had dropped back to a pre-war 37, and is yet to recover.
 
 
==== Ecstacy riots ====
 
In 2001, following a highly successful promotion by [[Sky Television]], an estimated 27% of Manchester households acquired satellite television receivers in a period of just 7 weeks. On [[August 14th]], an episode of [[COPS]] showed a large shipment of ecstacy being seized by Sheriff [[John Burnell]] in [[Manchester, Georgia]]. A large number of residents believed this to have occurred in their town, and many went out immediately to search for a supply, before it dried up.
 
More than 700 people died in the resulting riots, including 100 who had barracaded themselves in the Rovers Return pub. When surrounded by police who'd learned that they had each acquired between 20 and 200 pills, they quickly decided to swallow the evidence and deny everything. Subsequently, the average IQ recovered by 3 points.
 
 
==== The Cheese Wars ====
 
In [[4536 BC]] Lord Wensleydale Von Duffledar declared war on the rogue Chorlton Cheese Society, who were lobbying Parliament to reduce cheese tax by 5.6%. The fierce war raged for approximately 895 years until a succession of [[Morrisseys]] were brought in to mediate. After a hugely successful reconciliation between the groups, Lord Wensleydale was killed in a tragic goat herding drive-by in the then beautiful district of [[Moss Side]].
 
Madchester physically recovered from the war quickly, but the effect on the local cheese economy was devastating, with 70% of stiltons, 85% of cheddars and 96% of Edams destroyed or crippled.
 
 
==Tourist Attractions==
 
Madchester has many famous attractions for [[tourists]] that are visiting the city. Here is a brief selection.
 
 
====The Madchester Stupid Idiots Museum====
 
Home of the famous people that were born in Madchester, or have been famous as a result of being in Madchester. As they are such stupid [[George W. Bush|idiots]] they are trapped inside the museum even though there is an easy way to get out. Many can be seen wondering around, and you can even ask them questions. Such people are: footballer [[David Beckham]], [[You]], A man who thought a train would stop if he stood in front of it, and many many more.
 
 
====The Madchester football ground thingy====
 
 
This is where the super awesome amazing football team resides. A lesser team elsewhere was previously captained by David Beckham but now captained by a black pudding.
 
 
====MAN Arena====
 
The female shopping centre of Madchester. [[Girls]] come from miles arround to shop for a new man, and other [[Shoes|stupid girly things]]. It get's it's name from a local buisinessman's [[patent|patented]] free daily newspaper, The Manchester Afternoon Nap. Which causes anyone to read it to instantly fall asleep.
 
 
====Apollo Crator====
 
 
Although [[NASA]] would like you to believe that [[Apollo 13]] bus is still in service running up and down between Madchester and [[London]]. It did indeed crash in the site now known as the Apollo Crator, situated next door is now a small unknown theater, purely designed to cash in on tourists trying to see the crash scene. Apollo 14 was later renamed as Apollo 13 to fool the residents of Madchester and London into thinking that the bus service was never under threat.
 
 
====Traffic Centre====
 
 
The place on [[Britain|britain's]] motorway network that introduces traffic to everywhere else in the world. Tourists can see how traffic jams are made and then later sent out to the various parts of the world slowing it down. Tourists can ride in their own traffic jam, and evey buy a traffic jam for their own town or country. The [[Railway|Railways]] have recently been protesting against the use of the traffic centre as it is causing a surge in lateness, as the [[trains]] have patented lateness the road network has to pay out in passengers to the trains.
 
 
====University Of Gunchester====
 
Founded in 1342 by renegade knights from the southern realms of Cowbridge, most importantly Honest Rutherwood who was the first knight of the Ancient Palatine of Lancashire to split atoms into 4 pieces to feed to the poor of Greater gunchester. The University Of Gunchester hosts at least 5 different courses and 24 different faculties including School Of Rooneyology. Applicants become more equine each year as rejects of cowbridge flow into the city to have their pockets emptied by the merry jab-jab of the local youths.
 
 
====Gunchester Institute Of Study of Study====
 
More a youth club to occupy chavs far and wide before they go off to a promising apprenticeship in Tesco. A long time enemy of University Of Gunchester and an unworthy contender to the Gunchester crown.
 
 
====The Londoner's Eye====
 
 
In 2005 sometime the Londoner's eye was stolen driven "up north" to Madchester and placed in Txt-change Square. This was popular until mid 2006 when the stoned Cock-neys (who blatently [[Nobody cares|didn't care]]) finally realised the Eye was stolen, and indeed stole it back. Proving two wrongs do indeed make a right. Annoyed at the cheek of the southern shandy drinking bastards the neighbouring kingdom of Scouseland has stolen the Eye for themselves.
 
 
==Famous Madchester Places==
 
 
[[Image:Hacienda-1.jpg|right|thumb|120px|The Hacienda]]
 
[[Image:Madchester_museum.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Manchester Rape Museum (1960's)]]
 
 
 
*[[Haçienda|The Haçienda]]
 
*[[Longsight]]
 
*[[Ye Olde Boddingtons Factory]]
 
*[[Abduls]]
 
*[[Manchester United]]
 
*[[Curry Mile]]
 
*[[Hell|Owens Park]]
 
*[[Gay Street]]
 
*[[Tramp Hotel (formally Withington Cinema)]]
 
*[[Manchester Rape Museum]]
 
 
==Sports==
 
The national [[sport]] of Madchester is [[Rave|Raving]]. Madchester is also home to the [[MLB]] team, [[Manchester United|United]]. Matches between the [[London Brawl]] and [[Manchester United|United]] are highlights of the British sports calendar every year, but usually end up in a brawl on the streets. Way back in 1919 United started a spin-off team, Madchester City. In their first season they were in the European cup final, which they lost and confidence was severely knocked. They gained large debts through manager [[Wayne Rooney|Wayne Rooney's]] gambleing problem, who was quickly sacked. City then found themselves at the bottom of Division 1 ( later renamed The champions(are in the league above you)hip ), and are slowly cimbing their way up.
 
 
Madchester hosted the XVII commoners games in 2002. This involved peasants from arround the world playing simple games, followed by the Madchester citizens laughing at them, if they didn't make anyone laugh, they would be executed. This ended in the famous [[Pub crawl]] of all the pubs in the City being drunk dry. Many accused those who organised the events such as "watch the poor forigner dance badly" of being [[racist]]. The government didn't approve of these comments, and as a result had them dance badly to see how it is done. The did very well to their supprise, and were quickly [[executed]].
 
 
==Religion==
 
[[Baggy]] is the official religion of Madchester, although [[house]] does have a small and all too vocal following of late.
 
 
Madchester is also known for their competitions with each other to see who can out chav each other, thats why Madchester has become off limits to the world.
 
 
(Second laters the rest of the world rejoiced)
 
 
==Armed Forces==
 
Madchester lacks a standing [[army]] or [[navy]]. However at times of need or when Tony decides that [[Factory Records]] has lost too much money that month, the [[New Order]] album sales are down and he has to [[invade]] somewhere, the [[Admiral]] (previously [[Dessie Noonan]] until he committed [[suicide by boasting]]) will <s>steal</s> requisition a fleet of [[Astras]], [[Escorts]] and assorted [[white vans]] along with their [[crew]].
 
 
==External Relations==
 
Currently in a [[cold war]] with [[Leeds]] and [[Liverpool|Scousland]].
 
Negotiating an alliance with [[New York]] to form the 51st state Manhattenchester however this is proceeding slowly due to Madchester's prediliction for sodomy and New York's local laws regarding marrige too 1st cousins
 
 
==Primary Exports==
 
*[[Sugar Spun Sisters]]
 
*[[Drugs|Draw]]
 
*[[Sports Wear]]
 
*[[Stone Roses]]
 
*[[Freaky Dancing]]
 
*[[Pills|Pills 'N' Thrills and Bellyaches]]
 
*[[Ex-Students]]
 
*[[Fools Gold]]
 
 
==Primary Imports==
 
*[[Drugs|Draw]]
 
*[[Pre-Students]]
 
*[[Manchester United|Sports Wear]]
 
*[[TV|Daytime TV]]
 
 
==See also==
 
*[[Chav|Scallies]]
 
 
{{Template:Lancashire}}
 
 
[[Category: Countries]][[Category:Definitely not fucking Texas Cities]]
 
[[Category:Surreal_Places]]
 
[[Category:Cities in England]]
 

Revision as of 17:46, January 15, 2007

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