Jihad My Ride

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Jihad My Ride

Jihad My Ride is on fire!!

Jihad My Ride is a TV show inspired by MTV's Pimp My Ride and is shown every Saturday evening on al-Jazeera. In this series, instead of "pimping" the vehicles by installing TV screens in their trunks, the cars are "jihadded". The tuning crew, sometimes referred to as The Notorious Q.A.E.D.A, is not led by a useless rap-artist but a rising star in the business, Lil’ Laden. The show starts when the crew is preparing themselves for the day's challenge, which is usually a public transport vehicle or a crew member's own car. They get dressed in a mix of new age rappers' uniforms and traditional Middle-Eastern attire and shoot the first take of the show in which they talk about what they are going to do that day.



This car needs to be jihadded.

If a crew is to "jihad" a member's car, they start loading it up with SemTex, which is used heavily for the show. If there's enough money to make an even better episode, some petrol cans are also put in the car. Also, if the crew happens to have any useless nails, rubbish, or shotgun shells, they are also loaded in the car. Then they install a very special switch, which will complete the "jihadding-process" when the time comes.

Now, when this part is over and the crew has a almost-completely "jihadded" vehicle, they obviously want their member to hit the road and go show off to his friends, or more often to his enemies. As the member drives around in a big city such as Baghdad, and he finds a nice café or some other place where there are a lot of people, he might just be lucky enough to find police officers or soldiers around the place. Then, there is only one thing left to do: bring on the grand finalé of the episode, when the crew flips the special little switch. The closing credits roll over the rest of the crew shouting and chanting as the jihad marches on.



Mahmoud "I-Wanna-Jihad" Ahmadinejad will Jihad Your Ride!

  • Lil' Laden is the head of Jihad My Car Middle East. He is also the coolest member of the team, with bling-bling in his teeth and his nipple. As a matter of fact, he wears bling-bling all over his body. With a very big shirt covering his body, the shirt is usually used to cover many tools to jihad someone's car, including rims, body kits, 52-inch televisions and a pile of McDonald's vouchers.
  • Mahmoud "I-Wanna-Jihad" Ahmadinejad is the official Jihad My Car's spokesman, who talks in front of press and mass media. His official quote, "peace man, peace", has spread in the international world to establish the so-called world peace. Quite contrary to the ultimate Jihad My Car's true goals, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad often misleads the press into thinking that Jihad My Car is a carwash with lots of virgins in burqas.
  • Skinny Sayed in charge of the logistics for every Jihad My Ride episode. The logistics include cool shades, belts, turbans, dildos, bras and body oil. Mohamed Elamir awad al-Sayed Atta, nicknamed Skinny Sayed, is known as the quickest member of the team in finishing his job. He is also the most loyal of the crew, since he always brushes his teeth before going to bed and kisses the member driving the car good-bye during every show.
  • Mad Musab was the late electronics expert on the show. His speciality was to hardwire every "jihadded" vehicle with that special little switch at the dénouement of every episode. He was also the moral support to the member driving the car, often wishing them an "Allahu Ackbar!" before they left. Unfortunately, Musab was killed in 2006 when snakes fell from a plane over Iraq and blew up his house with their deadly explosive venom. He was subsequently replaced by Wacky Zawahiri, who has a profound obsession with the American sitcom Family Guy.
  • Mao Dogg is the person who selects the lucky car each week. As a Chinaman, he knows the exact specifications of every vehicle in the world, and even outer space. With his motto, "made in China", Mao owns everything and can select a car each week just by opening one of his eyes. Some of his favourite cars are Ferrari, Acura, Bentley and 1976 Ford Mustang.
  • Others are the other crews in the team. They have been located all around the globe and are always ready to receive some jihad message. Quite rarely, the age of the others exceed 30 years. Currently under investigation, others are always missing just shortly after the production of each Jihad My Ride episode.

Public Transport


The Jihad My Public Transport logo in the 80s style.

Over the last few years, the popularity of Jihad My Ride has risen astronomically. Lil’ Laden himself did not expect this to happen because when the show was aired for the first time, he was quite unsure about its future popularity. However, due to sponsors from many countries, such as The United States of America, The United Kingdom, Scotland, Egypt and Bahrain, Jihad My Ride has earned its own place inside the viewers' hearts.

As a result, the producers of Jihad My Car wanted to gain more popularity than ever before. In the end, Jihad My Public Transport beta was officially created in 2005, starting at the crews' backyard, somewhere south of Islington. The first trial, set on the London Underground, was considered a success, although two crews were reported dead during the experiment. However, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated to the press that the public transport version would not be continued because of the real danger they were facing while they were jihadding the vehicles, and they started to realise it.

The infamous clip of the crew while jihadding a vehicle in their backyard is currently being copied to a computer and will be ready on YouTube by winter 2007.

The 28 minutes of tears and joys is highly anticipated by President George W. Bush. In an interview on his prized Crawford golf course, he stated, "Well, we're gonna get their butts here, and I'll bring my butt, too, and we're gonna finish this. In fact, I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you."

"Now, watch this drive!"

Similar programs

Jihad My Ride model

Jihad My Ride has done it once again, in a rappin' way.

  • Jihad My Airplane
  • Jihad My Body
  • Jihad My Breast
  • Jihad My Building
  • Jihad My Face
  • Jihad My Mother-in-law
  • Jihad My Wife
  • Jihad Your Ass
  • Jihad Yourself
  • Jihad Yusuf Islam

Fun facts

  • The show is hosted by Lil’ Laden.
  • It comes every Saturday on Al-Jazeera.
  • The Crew changes after every episode.
  • MTV is not planning to replace Pimp My Ride with it because of its disapproval by Western society.
  • The Israelious B.I.G. does not like this show.

See also


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