India

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Indians are also well known to be the most odoriferous nation on earth, with the least amount of hygienic consciousness. This is thought to have evolved from Gandhi’s pee drinking habits.
 
Indians are also well known to be the most odoriferous nation on earth, with the least amount of hygienic consciousness. This is thought to have evolved from Gandhi’s pee drinking habits.
   
  +
In addition to being smelly and drinking pee, Indian men are known to have the world's smallest penises. This is hard to explain since their neighbors the Pakistanis and the Bengalis have on average a 9 inch penis. Indian scientists are currently working on a way to add a few inches to the genetic stalk, hopefully raising the national average to 3.6 inches by 2020.
   
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Indian women are also known to be extremely unattractive. However they often bring women in from a parralell universe for bollywood movies. This other universe is known as "Opposite-Universe" or in their local parlance "serevinU-etisoppO", where Indians are very beautiful and smell really good and are not jelous of Pakistanis.
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It is alleged that Ms. World and Ms. Universe winners are also from this other India in that other universe, hence may stand as grounds to disqualify their contestants, since the competition is not called "Ms. Multi-verse"
   
 
==History==
 
==History==

Revision as of 05:21, April 29, 2006

Bouncywikilogo2
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about India.

“Why didn't we kill them all?”
~ Oscar Wilde on India

“ I don't think they'll think it´s worth wasting that amount of bullets.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi on Oscar Wilde's quote thing
Republic of India
India flag Coat of Arms of India
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Are you married? Why not?"
National Anthem: "Hare Krishna, Hare Rama"
290px
Official languages Sanskrit, Hindi, English + 45 others
Capital New Delhi
Previous Capital Kosher Deli
Government Jawaharlal Nehru relatives
Mahatma Jumbo
National Heroes Me, King Ashoka, Freddie Mercury, 10 000 000 cows, Buddha in descending order
Established by the British Empire in 1949
Currency Rupee notes so worn out that you can look through them
International Organizations Unamerica
Religion Everyone


India is the New Jersey of Asia. The very name means "the wrong side of the river" given to it by those posh downtown Persians who used to stare at it down the ravines of the Hindukush.

India is also the Manhattan of Asia. It is the big huge melting pot where everything that ever enters it melts down to an ever increasing experience of cultural madness and confusion.

This strange complementary yet totally non unitable features has made India the universal home of mysticism and ludicrousy. Many are those who has pondered about how something can be both New Jersey and Manhattan at the same time, just to end up in a merry-go-round on Coney Island.

Culture

Indian culture may be hard to grasp for people from other countries, except Californians and drunk street salesmen from Barcelona. Most countries keep themselves with a national mainstream culture, a daft upper class high culture and a lot of misfit outbursts called subcultures. India needs no more than a few blocks around your tourist Hotel at Connaught Place to cover that part. If you dare to go further away to see something more, remember to wear a mental helmet of etnocentric bigotry to protect yourself from whatever is going on, or you might easily find your self drowning, like generations of intruders before you, in the Indian vortex of continously expanding cultural confusion.

In spite of Indias rich cultural heritage, it is in some parts quickly being displaced by the more evolutionarily fit "American Culture"©. The Taj Mahal, a burial plot for some woman, who died, has assumed significant importance because it is featured in many American Saturday morning cartoons.

Indian religions have a rich tradition of innovative rituals. Most of them have continued till the present day. As a part of recruiting people to their religions, the religious officials were under pressure from the mullahs to promote new ritual gimmicks. The louder and more aggressive the ritual the bigger the following.

Indians are also well known to be the most odoriferous nation on earth, with the least amount of hygienic consciousness. This is thought to have evolved from Gandhi’s pee drinking habits.

In addition to being smelly and drinking pee, Indian men are known to have the world's smallest penises. This is hard to explain since their neighbors the Pakistanis and the Bengalis have on average a 9 inch penis. Indian scientists are currently working on a way to add a few inches to the genetic stalk, hopefully raising the national average to 3.6 inches by 2020.

Indian women are also known to be extremely unattractive. However they often bring women in from a parralell universe for bollywood movies. This other universe is known as "Opposite-Universe" or in their local parlance "serevinU-etisoppO", where Indians are very beautiful and smell really good and are not jelous of Pakistanis.

It is alleged that Ms. World and Ms. Universe winners are also from this other India in that other universe, hence may stand as grounds to disqualify their contestants, since the competition is not called "Ms. Multi-verse"

History

The History of India is an iterative function with the following structure:

char History_of_India(int residents = Dravidians)
{
int intruders;
char Indian_history[ENDLESS];
.
 wend{
.
 intruders = Hindukush::read_stack();
  if (intruders==0,Intruders = British Empire,); 
   working_their_way_down_the_ganges(intruders);
   Indian_history += Squabble(residents,intruders);
.
 residents += intruders;
 }while t< END_OF_TIME  
.
return Indian_history
}

Unfortunately this function - as with all other kinds of Indian logic - hangs up in an infinite loop.

(For the content of the Hindukush stack - Read Asian People )

For non C speaking readers:

The people of India used to be very civilized until they got bored of it. Then, some Europeans saw India and decided they wanted it. Then, one very old bald man said that we must not fight for independence. His idea was that this would confuse the British. Actually, he was an ally of the Britishers, so they tried to show they were getting annoyed by this stupidity, but in reality, they were quite happy with the ols man's performance. Unfortunately, after Hitler's attack during the 2nd world war, the Britishers were short on resources (they had already sucked out whatever India could provide them) and left. And till today, most of the Indians believe that the old man's crappy ideas are what earned them their independence.

Until the population of India exploded, India was a country where each person was allotted 5 square feet of space for living. Even as the government tried hard to do nothing to stop the population from growing, it kept growing and is still exploding which has led to the nation take a lot of loans to develop infrastructure. As of January 1, 2001, the number of people in India exceeded the number of pigs on the earth. Hence Indians proved that they are no less than pigs. This led to a request for creation of more pig camps, which were constructed with the help of a loan of $200 billion from the World Bank. Seven years ago, every 7th person in the world was an Indian, today every 5th person is an Indian and very soon, everyone will be an Indian. This is a very ingenious idea to get help from the entire world as Indians soon will be omnipresent.

The population explosion is the most lethal of a notorious pair of Indian weapons of mass destruction, the other being the “peaceful nuclear explosions” which replaced the bow-and-arrow with many tests being conducted from 1974 onward. The original Canadian-language documents which served as the basis for the first Indian atomic bombs may be viewed during tourist season at the Mahatma Gandhi memorial World Peace and Nuclear Explosions theme park in downtown New Cleveland.

Politics

The most important Indian politician is Lalu Prasad Yadav, the dictator of Bihar. He has set his eyes on becoming the next US president and there are rumours that Bush is willing to make him a US citizen so that he may continue his agendas. Lalu is illiterate & pays uneducated voters a beer or 2 to secure votes. It is this qualification that makes Bush afraid of Lalu. However, even Lalu is afraid of this woman Sonia. Sonia is an evil woman who escaped from Italy's main mental hospital and has now become the leader of the Nowhere-in-India-Congress. Although technically, Manmohan Singh is the current PM, there is no one who believes it, including Manmohan's wife. He is a man who hides his brains in his blue turban. He was born in the middle of an ethiopian forest, where his father was doing community service for the malnourished children. Unfortunately most of them perished, so he kept Manmohan undernourished and today, the whole country is suffereing because of it. One of the most fascinating facts about Manmohan Singh is that he had always dreamed of becoming a bus driver, until one of the former presidents who was travelling in that bus (who was gay ) hired him as his personal assistant because of his superior looks. In 1882, U.S. President James A. Garfield, improved U.S.-Indian relations after uttering the famous line, "Ask not what you can do for your country; ask what brown can do for you."

Sport

The game of Rioting was a jount venture between India and Pakistan. Thus now everytime a cricket game is finished everyone must riot and burn down a stand. This also keeps the bigilion people in the country employed. Pakistan is india's long time rival in cricket, Pakistan tends to win the vast majority of the near thousand cricket encounters historically, in all version of the game. This can be attributed to the fact that Indians smell really bad. However India has won 4 out of 4 “World Cup” encounters, which Indians say means that India has a much better team. This proves that Indians are excellent statisticians, since losing a large number of encounters can clearly be offset by winning 4 encounters.

Economy

Economically, India is very large, as large numbe of people have to live economically. India is a leading exporter of leather, beef, Call center clerks and pacifism, and importer of, among other things, American Culture and Russian Vodka. Also, terrorism and terrorists from Pakistan are other involuntary import goods, for which India pays in kind by helping poor pakistani in getting rid of their dictators in accidental plane crashes. India is also paying by initiating bus and train services with paksitan allowing pakistani insurgents to cheaply get into India with their bulk of explosives and ammunitions (aircrafts technically have a bound of 10kg per ticket) while trains and buses are benevolent enough to allow as much ammunition as the Pakistanis please.

The primary export of India is India ink, which is produced in massive quantities by the Indian-held megacorporation Camel, Inc. for export worldwide.

India is currently involved in repelling a takeover bid for the region of Kashmir, a key garment district which is home of the famous sweater.

A large part of Indian economy is dependent on Bollywood, founded by Robinhood, the film factory from where clones such as Hollywood, Lollywood, Tollywood and many others 'woods' have originated. Tiger Woods has slapped a law suite on Indian Government for infringing upon his Intellectual Property Rights. Robert Frost also claims that the names were inspired by his poem - Stopping By Woods ....

Everyone in India is born computer genius superior to any other loser race on this planet. They all can do calculus before thay can speak. Although there are talks to change the national language to Java. However, the HRD ministry believes that C++ would be a better choice. Currently, talks (read riots) are happening all over the country to resolve the issue. It has also been speculated that India is more of a mindset or hologram, than a real place.


Cities

  • Ahmedabad, Texan for 'I am the bad'
  • Amritsar, Punjabi for 'Am Rat's Head'
  • DarjeeLing, hindi for 'Tailor's Penis'
  • Dharamsala , Hindi for 'Dharmendra's Brother-in-law'
  • Dhramtaramtaramtasala
  • Bangalore, Kannadiga for 'Bad copy of Singapore', changed to Bengaluru (meaning city of nuts)
  • Mumbai Mum's place (used to be Bombay at a time until somebody bombed the bay, when india realised the irony)
  • Chandigarh chinglish for 'Chan dig Arh'
  • KolKuta Bengali for "Cold Dogs" (used to be calCutta, people used MadrasCalcutta together for obvios reasons, so they changed to KolKuta)
  • Madras shortened for 'Mad Rasam' (now Chennai, god-knows what this means)
  • Carpet
  • Indiapolis
  • Slough
  • Jamaica


Mathematical Formula to Estimate India's Population


p = \int_{3000BC}^{2006AD} (x^6 + 135.5x^4 + 83270x^2 + 5318) dx

sometimes also referred to as a lot.

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