HowTo:Handle Flashing Your Vagina in Public

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(Why is that here? Is there any pron here? No.)
(Zana's Vagina needed a bit of a tidy up to make it ship shape enough for featuring...)
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{{VFH}}
 
{{VFH}}
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[[Image:Vadge01.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Now hold on [[Britney Spears|Britney]], don't be an eager beaver. What, were you surprised? I mean, not that it's any of our business, but what were you doing not wearing [[underwear]] in the first place? You knew you were "commando" when you got dressed for the evening, didn't you? Right... well there's no sense in dwelling on it now... Instead, take a deep breath, and prepare to do some damage control.]]
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So... you've made it. You're a famous female [[celebrity]] out for a night on the town, drinking with friends. Maybe you just want to celebrate your new-found plastic surgery, maybe you just like to party, maybe you really don't have a drug problem, hey, we're not judging you. Maybe you aren't even a celebrity at all, maybe you just have a wild streak, [[no one cares]], okay? But anyway, you're pulling up to Fever, Pure, Bed or whatever the hippest nightclub is nowadays, wearing the latest trend in [[booty]]-shaking mini skirt, and suddenly it happens: that teensy glimmer as you stretch your leg to step down from your [[SUV]] and onto the sidewalk. They saw it. I saw it. The [[paparazzi]] definitely saw it. And now, thanks to the ever-popular use of the Internet as a means of downloading voyeur photos, '''the whole world has seen your vagina'''.
 
So... you've made it. You're a famous female [[celebrity]] out for a night on the town, drinking with friends. Maybe you just want to celebrate your new-found plastic surgery, maybe you just like to party, maybe you really don't have a drug problem, hey, we're not judging you. Maybe you aren't even a celebrity at all, maybe you just have a wild streak, [[no one cares]], okay? But anyway, you're pulling up to Fever, Pure, Bed or whatever the hippest nightclub is nowadays, wearing the latest trend in [[booty]]-shaking mini skirt, and suddenly it happens: that teensy glimmer as you stretch your leg to step down from your [[SUV]] and onto the sidewalk. They saw it. I saw it. The [[paparazzi]] definitely saw it. And now, thanks to the ever-popular use of the Internet as a means of downloading voyeur photos, '''the whole world has seen your vagina'''.
 
{{HowTo}}
 
{{HowTo}}
   
 
Better let [[Paris Hilton|Paris]] teach you how it's done.
 
Better let [[Paris Hilton|Paris]] teach you how it's done.
[[Image:Vadge01.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Now hold on [[Britney Spears|Britney]], don't be an eager beaver. What, were you surprised? I mean, not that it's any of our business, but what were you doing not wearing [[underwear]] in the first place? You knew you were "commando" when you got dressed for the evening, didn't you? Right... well there's no sense in dwelling on it now... Instead, take a deep breath, and prepare to do some damage control.]]
 
   
[[Image:Vadge02.jpg|thumb|right|200px|There, are you watching? Are you ready? Witness the master at work.]]
 
<br clear="left">
 
 
==Relax, Don't Panic==
 
==Relax, Don't Panic==
 
This is important. Confidence is key, so don't be a [[dork]], and make a big deal about it, start giggling hysterically or something like that, just gracefully finish your stride and continue as if nothing happened. That's it... there is nothing to be embarrassed about, ''you meant to do it.'' If someone asks you about it, casually shrug it off and say something about how underwear is too constricting. Remember, showing your [[vagina]] in public is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, many celebrities have built their entire careers on the publicity generated by a single well-executed and allegedly-accidental [[genitalia]] [[flash]].
 
This is important. Confidence is key, so don't be a [[dork]], and make a big deal about it, start giggling hysterically or something like that, just gracefully finish your stride and continue as if nothing happened. That's it... there is nothing to be embarrassed about, ''you meant to do it.'' If someone asks you about it, casually shrug it off and say something about how underwear is too constricting. Remember, showing your [[vagina]] in public is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, many celebrities have built their entire careers on the publicity generated by a single well-executed and allegedly-accidental [[genitalia]] [[flash]].
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Remember, it's all in the delivery. If you are too eager to show your vagina, you might be compared to the likes of [[Jenny McCarthy]] or Tara Reid, and that is never a good thing. You have to momentarily pretend to have forgotten that you're an A-list celebrity with an endless following of camera-bearing fans and paparazzi (If you can't do this on your own, try taking 2-3 Vicodins with a shot of [[vodka]]) and act completely natural. Once you're nice and oblivious you should be more than ready to - 'Oops!' - flash your goods to the crowd of waiting observers without breaking a sweat. Not obvious at all!
 
Remember, it's all in the delivery. If you are too eager to show your vagina, you might be compared to the likes of [[Jenny McCarthy]] or Tara Reid, and that is never a good thing. You have to momentarily pretend to have forgotten that you're an A-list celebrity with an endless following of camera-bearing fans and paparazzi (If you can't do this on your own, try taking 2-3 Vicodins with a shot of [[vodka]]) and act completely natural. Once you're nice and oblivious you should be more than ready to - 'Oops!' - flash your goods to the crowd of waiting observers without breaking a sweat. Not obvious at all!
 
<br clear="all">
 
<br clear="all">
[[Image:Vadge03.jpg|thumb|left|180px|Oh I see... Like this?]]
 
[[Image:Vadge04.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Yes, mm hmm, I just can't stand the way underwear chafes my bikini line...]]
 
   
<br clear="all">
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<center>
  +
{|style="background-color: white; float: centre; margin-bottom: 0.5em; border: black solid 1px"
  +
|-
  +
|[[Image:Vadge02.jpg|thumb|200px|There, are you watching? Are you ready? Witness the master at work.]]
  +
|[[Image:Vadge03.jpg|thumb|180px|Oh I see... Like this?]]
  +
|[[Image:Vadge04.jpg|thumb|180px|Yes, mm hmm, I just can't stand the way underwear chafes my bikini line...]]
  +
|}</center>
   
 
==Ease Into the Habit==
 
==Ease Into the Habit==
 
Congratulations. You've shown your vagina in public, and have managed to maintain your a-list status, your almost-sterling reputation, and most of your major corporate sponsorships. Now what? Well, if you're really daring, you can continue to show your vagina whenever you please. For instance, if you have to take a break from the night club scene for school, work, rehab, whatever, you can feel free to flash it while doing day-to-day activities like running errands or taking the dog for a walk, etc.
 
Congratulations. You've shown your vagina in public, and have managed to maintain your a-list status, your almost-sterling reputation, and most of your major corporate sponsorships. Now what? Well, if you're really daring, you can continue to show your vagina whenever you please. For instance, if you have to take a break from the night club scene for school, work, rehab, whatever, you can feel free to flash it while doing day-to-day activities like running errands or taking the dog for a walk, etc.
   
{|style="background-color: white; float: centre; margin-bottom: 0.5em; width: 95%; border: black solid 1px"
+
<center>
  +
{|style="background-color: white; float: centre; margin-bottom: 0.5em; border: black solid 1px"
 
|-
 
|-
 
|[[Image:Vadge09.jpg|thumb|140px|[[Lindsay Lohan]] is another master of the vagina flash.]]
 
|[[Image:Vadge09.jpg|thumb|140px|[[Lindsay Lohan]] is another master of the vagina flash.]]
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|
 
|
 
|[[Image:Vadge12.jpg|thumb|140px|Even fully clothed!]]
 
|[[Image:Vadge12.jpg|thumb|140px|Even fully clothed!]]
|}
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|}</center>
 
<br clear="all">
 
   
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[[Image:Vadge07.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Yeah, it's a good thing shorts are in fashion this season!]]
 
==On Second Thought...==
 
==On Second Thought...==
 
[[Image:Vadge07.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Yeah, it's a good thing shorts are in fashion this season!]]
 
 
You know what? Although there might be no such publicity as bad publicity, there might be such a thing as too much of your vagina. We liked it at first, really we did. But sadly, now the novelty has worn off, and well, it is supposed to be kind of a ''private'' part, isn't it? You don't want to start giving us nightmares, or anything... You know what, this just isn't working for us anymore... I mean, this isn't goodbye, but maybe we should take a break... It's not you, it's us....
 
You know what? Although there might be no such publicity as bad publicity, there might be such a thing as too much of your vagina. We liked it at first, really we did. But sadly, now the novelty has worn off, and well, it is supposed to be kind of a ''private'' part, isn't it? You don't want to start giving us nightmares, or anything... You know what, this just isn't working for us anymore... I mean, this isn't goodbye, but maybe we should take a break... It's not you, it's us....
   
==See Also==
+
==See also==
 
*[[Flash drive]]
 
*[[Flash drive]]
 
*[[Vagina]]
 
*[[Vagina]]
 
*[[Merkin]]
 
*[[Merkin]]
  +
*[[Poontang]]
   
 
[[cs:Jak zacházet s obnaženou vagínou ve společnosti]]
 
[[cs:Jak zacházet s obnaženou vagínou ve společnosti]]

Revision as of 19:31, February 6, 2010

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Vadge01
Now hold on Britney, don't be an eager beaver. What, were you surprised? I mean, not that it's any of our business, but what were you doing not wearing underwear in the first place? You knew you were "commando" when you got dressed for the evening, didn't you? Right... well there's no sense in dwelling on it now... Instead, take a deep breath, and prepare to do some damage control.

So... you've made it. You're a famous female celebrity out for a night on the town, drinking with friends. Maybe you just want to celebrate your new-found plastic surgery, maybe you just like to party, maybe you really don't have a drug problem, hey, we're not judging you. Maybe you aren't even a celebrity at all, maybe you just have a wild streak, no one cares, okay? But anyway, you're pulling up to Fever, Pure, Bed or whatever the hippest nightclub is nowadays, wearing the latest trend in booty-shaking mini skirt, and suddenly it happens: that teensy glimmer as you stretch your leg to step down from your SUV and onto the sidewalk. They saw it. I saw it. The paparazzi definitely saw it. And now, thanks to the ever-popular use of the Internet as a means of downloading voyeur photos, the whole world has seen your vagina.

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Better let Paris teach you how it's done.

Relax, Don't Panic

This is important. Confidence is key, so don't be a dork, and make a big deal about it, start giggling hysterically or something like that, just gracefully finish your stride and continue as if nothing happened. That's it... there is nothing to be embarrassed about, you meant to do it. If someone asks you about it, casually shrug it off and say something about how underwear is too constricting. Remember, showing your vagina in public is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, many celebrities have built their entire careers on the publicity generated by a single well-executed and allegedly-accidental genitalia flash.

Remember, it's all in the delivery. If you are too eager to show your vagina, you might be compared to the likes of Jenny McCarthy or Tara Reid, and that is never a good thing. You have to momentarily pretend to have forgotten that you're an A-list celebrity with an endless following of camera-bearing fans and paparazzi (If you can't do this on your own, try taking 2-3 Vicodins with a shot of vodka) and act completely natural. Once you're nice and oblivious you should be more than ready to - 'Oops!' - flash your goods to the crowd of waiting observers without breaking a sweat. Not obvious at all!

Vadge02
There, are you watching? Are you ready? Witness the master at work.
Vadge03
Oh I see... Like this?
Vadge04
Yes, mm hmm, I just can't stand the way underwear chafes my bikini line...

Ease Into the Habit

Congratulations. You've shown your vagina in public, and have managed to maintain your a-list status, your almost-sterling reputation, and most of your major corporate sponsorships. Now what? Well, if you're really daring, you can continue to show your vagina whenever you please. For instance, if you have to take a break from the night club scene for school, work, rehab, whatever, you can feel free to flash it while doing day-to-day activities like running errands or taking the dog for a walk, etc.

Vadge09
Lindsay Lohan is another master of the vagina flash.
Vadge05
Like Lindsay, you can flash your vagina while shopping...
Vadge08
Or while heading to the saloon...
Vadge10
When performing on stage...
Vadge11
While lounging by the pool...
Vadge06
Or when stepping off a boat...
Vadge12
Even fully clothed!
Vadge07
Yeah, it's a good thing shorts are in fashion this season!

On Second Thought...

You know what? Although there might be no such publicity as bad publicity, there might be such a thing as too much of your vagina. We liked it at first, really we did. But sadly, now the novelty has worn off, and well, it is supposed to be kind of a private part, isn't it? You don't want to start giving us nightmares, or anything... You know what, this just isn't working for us anymore... I mean, this isn't goodbye, but maybe we should take a break... It's not you, it's us....

See also

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