Hong Kong

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Hong Kong has one of the most retarded economies in world. It was the world's 1st place to have a group of 1st-class morons taking care of its financial system and was the world's 1st most damaged after the Asia Financial Crisis. "Endure the tribulations" was the slogan of the time, and it still is, and still will be until [[Minitrue]] releases its eleventh edition of the [[Newspeak]] dictionary.
 
Hong Kong has one of the most retarded economies in world. It was the world's 1st place to have a group of 1st-class morons taking care of its financial system and was the world's 1st most damaged after the Asia Financial Crisis. "Endure the tribulations" was the slogan of the time, and it still is, and still will be until [[Minitrue]] releases its eleventh edition of the [[Newspeak]] dictionary.
 
Actually, the above is not true. When this summary was relayed to [[Jackie Chan]], he responded, "Hi-ya! Not true man! Hi-ya!" The mayor happened to be there, and asked Jackie if he was requesting a challenge with his "Hi-ya". They got into a fight, and before you know it, [[Oprah Winfrey]] joined in, followed by [[Bono]]. Soon, the fight was televised, with the headline, "Big fight in Chinatown!" Oprah had to pay Chan for a couple leg injuries and a broken condom, but in the end it was all alright.
 
   
 
==Famous Hongkongers==
 
==Famous Hongkongers==

Revision as of 16:12, July 6, 2006

This article is also available in: 正體中文版



“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever. NO, not my face you idiot!”
~ O'Brien on future

Template:Hong Kong Infobox Template:Superstates Hong Kong is a dystopian world in which Geroge Orwell's novel nineteen-eighty-four is the ultimate reality. The inhabitants of the land, known as Hongkongers, Hongkies or Hongkongese, are a special race of proletariats with no known national identity. They were used and despised by two political powers and is now nothing more than slaves and beasts of burden for the rich.

History

The opium wars

Towards the end of the Qing dynesty, the so-called "Great China, Central of Earth", had been simutaneously occupied by 8 different foreign powers. Due to the ongoing corruption throughout the government ranks and the absence (if not rejection) of science and technology in Chinese popular culture, the ruling power was unable to fight off the occupants. In spite of the country's staggering backwardness, there existed a notion of cultural superiority, at least, in a minority of the nation, due to the entranched doctrines of fascism at the very heart of the Chinese traditions (see "Death-Worship"). This led to the rise of an underground organisation known as the Fists of Righteousness and Peace. Contrary to their name, this people was none other than a terrorist group with no more sanity than that of Hamas or al-Qaeda. They ran amok as they maimed, killed and torched whatever they considered "foreign" - embassies, churches, Caucasians, Christians, to name a few. The racist craze was eventually subdued when the joint forces of the occupying powers marched into the streets and shot everything in sight.

Later, the introduction of opium by British merchants, or "corporate giants" as they are known nowadays, indignated one of the noble few of the Chinese government officials. As a consequence, opium was put under ban and tons of the substance were seized and destroyed. Infuriated, the evil merchants called up their drink buddies, i.e. politicians, and started a series of wars, known as the "opium wars", with the Qing dynesty. Indeed, the Royal British Navy would not have won easier over the sorry little boats built by illiterate Chinese "engineers". As settlements, Hong Kong Island and the surrounding lands were leased to the British empire as compensations.

Mao02

Chairman Mao dreaming of being an evil dictator

Rise of the "Communist" Party

Some long decades after the opium wars, a certain Chairman Mao, perhaps a illiterate farmer at the time, embarked on the idea of being a totaliterian leader by pursuading his fellow villagers into a communist revolt. Due to, again, the ongoing corruption throughout the government ranks, Chairman Mao was able to gain substantial support from the poorest of the people. Shortly after the end of World War II, Chairman Mao launched his assult on the exhausted Nationalist government and forced his way to absolute power.

As both a dystopian and a Chinese tradition, Chairman Mao incited the vast majority of the nation to hatred of foreign governments - the United Kingdom and the United States of America in particular. Most of his fascist slurrs were recorded by the People's Liberation Army in what was then known as "The Little Red Book", and copies of it were distributed to the most gullible minds of the proletariats. It was, however, Chairman Mao's wife who organised the most horrifying commuity hike of all - the Cultural Revolution (for more details, please refer to "Hate Week"). As a result, People's Republic of China was thrown into chaos of hate and insanity, and it was not long before Hong Kong caught the same disease.

Burnt vw

The Volkswagen Beetle in which Lam, a radio broadcaster, was burnt to death.

When Hong Kong turned into Baghdad

Seeing the success of terrorism in (nearly) overthrowing the Portugese colonial government of Macau, local "communist" groups, as they identified themselves as, began a fascist "struggle" against the British colonial government. In 1967, rioters were rampant and the government was forced to resort to martial law, and later in the same year, the Royal British Marines struck a blow at the rebels' headquarters, seizing batches of automatic rifles and an underground hospital. Then, these "lefties", as they were better known as, were disdained by the majority of the population as they retaliated by attacking civilian targets with explosives and even murdered a radio broadcaster for his opposition to the movement. The secretary general of PRC eventually called for a halt to the ongoing madness.

The overall result of the "struggle" was nothing more than a disturbing number of civilian casualties, and thousands of Hongkongers emmigrated due to the social instability of the land.

The hand-over

In the 1980s, both the United Kingdom and People's Republic of China reached a unanimous agreement that People's Republic of China had the sovereignty over Hong Kong. The result was the official hand-over of Hong Kong on 30th June, 1997, and it was at that point Hong Kong turned into living Hell.

Politics and Government

“Power is in inflicting pain and humiliation. Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. Wait, get that gun out of my face!”
~ O'Brien on power
Tung bush

Chiecf Executive (Newspeak:Exechief) Tung, President Bush and a chimp. Note the striking similarities.

Since the hand-over in 1997, Hong Kong has been under control of the Special Adminstrative Region (SAR) government, a subsidary of the central government of PRC. At the top of the hierarchy, there is the Chief Executive, appointed by the central government to the detriment of Hongkongers' welfare. The first one, appointed days prior to the hand-over, was a primate with I.Q. that only George W. Bush could match. The second one is a duck with a high degree of fluency in duckspeak. The third, as everyone knows, will be unsurprisingly a puppet king or a puppet queen, depending on the appointed's gender.

Redefining History

On 1st July, 2001, the first Exechief Tung rewarded the Great Medal of Bauhinia, the highest honour offerable by the government, to a certain Yeung for his "contributions to the society". This man's so-called "contributions", in fact, were none other than the bombs he planted during the 1967 riots. Thus, the murderer in the days of old has now been redefined as war hero. Just as the Ingsoc slogan states, "It is who controls the past controls the future; it is who controls the present controls the past". The beginning of full-blown manipulation of history is just a matter of time.

Geography

Hong Kong is basically a few pieces of land with rock masses scatteredly lying around them. Nothing of importance, in a fairly speaking, but this little fact is precisely what keeps the land price sky high, or at the very least, this provides the real-estate developers an excuse for charging you a fortune for a darned flat made out of cardboards. Seeing the pain of paying off mortgage was not enough, the first (and the first primate) Chief Executive made a hoax that the government would purge the market with 85,000 government-built housing units. This instantaneously nailed down the land price to the rock bottom, putting a tremendous amount of extra debt on top of almost every home-owner's mortgage.

Hong Kong's strategic location also brings Hongkongers the joy of puffing somke discharged from the chimneys of a developing country 24-7, and occasional surprises of mutated viruses due to ruthless deforestation in nearby provinces and the mainlanders' peculiar habit of using wild animals as gourmand ingredients.

Economy

If you have convinced yourself that the sorry, little, broken coffee machine you have was made in Hong Kong (despite all the contraditions of all known laws of physics), then prepare for an even more outrageous conspiracy theory

Hong Kong has one of the most retarded economies in world. It was the world's 1st place to have a group of 1st-class morons taking care of its financial system and was the world's 1st most damaged after the Asia Financial Crisis. "Endure the tribulations" was the slogan of the time, and it still is, and still will be until Minitrue releases its eleventh edition of the Newspeak dictionary.

Famous Hongkongers

See Also

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