Global warming

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{{Q|We must implement our [[Final Solution]] to the Global Warming problem.|Al Gore|Global Warming}}
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[[Image:Polar Bear Swimming.jpg|thumb|280|right|A polar bear swimming happily in the ocean.]]
 
[[Image:Polar Bear Swimming.jpg|thumb|280|right|A polar bear swimming happily in the ocean.]]
[[Image:Ice melted.JPG|thumb|280|right|Ice sheets are starting to melt. Santa Claus is not pleased.]]
 
 
[[Image:Goregaia.jpg|Al Gore prays that you won't mention his private jets.|thumb|right]]
 
[[Image:Goregaia.jpg|Al Gore prays that you won't mention his private jets.|thumb|right]]
+
'''Global warming,''' also known as '''Climate Change''' or '''[[Holocaust]] v2.0''', is a theory by a bunch of tree-hugging liberal [[hippies]] that states unless we go back and live in caves, the polar ice caps will melt and [[life]] as [[we]] know it will cease to exist. [[Global warming]] is based on psuedoscience by a bunch of liberal crackpots who have a political agenda. It is almost exclusively believed by left wing bleeding-heart [[Communists|Democrats]] who are influenced by rich environmental lobby groups and opposed to the economy and anyone with a job. One of these bleeding heart socialist [[Communists|Democrats]], [[Al Gore]], has made a [[propaganda]] video regarding global warming entitled ''An Inconvenient Truth'' which uses heartless fear-mongering in an attempt to get people to consume less and sabotage the [[American]] economy, culminating in the terrorists winning. [[Republicans]] would never use this type of fear mongering for political gain. These are the same tree hugging hippies that said that we were plunging into an ice age back in the 70s and 80s.
'''Global warming,''' also known as '''Climate Change,''' is a STUPID theory by a bunch of tree-hugging liberal [[hippies]] that states unless we go back and live in caves, the polar ice caps will melt and [[life]] as [[we]] know it will cease to exist. This theory comes from a bunch of idiotic scientists who really have no clue what they're talking about...after all, they're only scientists, who ever wants to listen to them? I mean sure, I admit they were right about the world being round...and the planets going around the sun... and lightening is caused by opposite charges between the earth and the sky, not Zeus...and worms and rats don't come out of no where...and the earth is not solid rock...and earthquakes come from faults, not a buried fish...and stars are balls of gas burring millions of miles away, not holes in heaven...and the brain is the center of the nervous system not the heart...lead poisoning can kill you...and cigarettes being bad for you. They're all a bunch of liberal crackpots who have a political agenda, so who wants to listen to them? It is almost exclusively believed by left wing bleeding-heart [[Communists|Democrats]] who are influenced by rich environmental lobby groups and opposed to the economy and anyone with a job. One of these bleeding heart socialist [[Communists|Democrats]], [[Al Gore]], has made a [[propaganda]] video regarding global warming entitled ''An Inconvenient Truth'' which uses heartless fear-mongering, and all kinds of heartless, cruel, un-American facts in an attempt to get people to consume less and sabotage the [[American]] economy, culminating in Ford going out of business, which will mean that the terrorists will win. [[Republicans]] would never use this type of fear mongering for political gain, never! So stop criticizing us, after all, you don't want the terrorists to come get you, right? These global warming people are the same tree hugging hippies that said DDT was bad for the environment back in the 70s and 80s!
 
 
   
 
==Causes of Global Warming==
 
==Causes of Global Warming==
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# The release of [[KFC]]s
 
# The release of [[KFC]]s
 
# The exponential growth of the human population
 
# The exponential growth of the human population
# The use of fossil fuels (i.e. Vaseline)
+
# The low birth rate in Europe
  +
# [[Jesus]]
  +
# The use of fossil fuels (i.e. vaseline and plastic toys)
 
# Praying
 
# Praying
# Your wide-screen plasma TV with built-in electricity waste.
 
 
# Eating Meat
 
# Eating Meat
  +
# your plasma TV
 
# Editing this article
 
# Editing this article
 
# You
 
# You
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# Cow Shit
 
# Cow Shit
 
# [[Republicans]]
 
# [[Republicans]]
# Cow fart
+
# human fart
# Human fart
+
# cow fart
# You breathing
+
# you breathing
  +
# [[Ninglight]]
  +
# Racism
   
 
==Evidence of [[Global Warming]]==
 
==Evidence of [[Global Warming]]==
[[Image:2005Hurricanes.jpg|thumb|200px|[[2005]], just a typical hurricane season]]
+
[[Image:2005Hurricanes.jpg|thumb|200px|[[2005]], colder than 2006.]]
The decrease in the number of pirates has been cited by these stupid, tree-hugging hippies as proof that humans are irreversibly raping our [[planet]]. This does not mean anything though, as temperatures have been known to be bouncing around constantly and reached record highs since the [[hot]]test period of mankind, the [[Ice Age]]. Of course, these "bouncings" were all minor and had natural causes, but so does this! I'll get back to you later about what the natural cause is, but I assure you that there is one! Humans aren't the cause of global warming! They also aren't the cause of deforestation, or pollution of any kind! I read on Fox News that pollution is actually good, and we should actually make ''more'' of it! So there's nothing to worry about!
+
The decrease in the number of pirates has been cited by these stupid, tree-hugging hippies as proof that humans are raping our [[planet]]. This does not mean anything though, as temperatures have been known to be bouncing around constantly and reached record highs since the [[hot]]test period of mankind, the [[Ice Age]]. Of course, these bouncings were all minor and had natural causes, but so does this! So there's nothing to worry about!
   
 
Even if global warming is true, which it probably isn't, the Bible clearly states that we can not put animals and the environment ahead of human beings. Bleeding heart left wing socialist flag-burning children claim that global warming will have a profound impact on Earth. Some even say that [[New York]] will be underwater, but why would anyone not want that to happen? It'll make a great place to take a submarine! Some insist that the melting polar ice caps will permit antediluvian diseases to thrive. But who cares? We need less people on Earth anyway! There is some evidence that religious fanatics across America may be jumping on the environmental bandwagon, but our brave leader [[George W. Bush]] is helping to putting an end to that by branding anyone who speaks out against global warming as an environmental-Nazi.
 
Even if global warming is true, which it probably isn't, the Bible clearly states that we can not put animals and the environment ahead of human beings. Bleeding heart left wing socialist flag-burning children claim that global warming will have a profound impact on Earth. Some even say that [[New York]] will be underwater, but why would anyone not want that to happen? It'll make a great place to take a submarine! Some insist that the melting polar ice caps will permit antediluvian diseases to thrive. But who cares? We need less people on Earth anyway! There is some evidence that religious fanatics across America may be jumping on the environmental bandwagon, but our brave leader [[George W. Bush]] is helping to putting an end to that by branding anyone who speaks out against global warming as an environmental-Nazi.
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[[Image:WardIceShelf.jpg|thumb|Ice Shelves break apart, caused by eco-terrorists]]
 
[[Image:WardIceShelf.jpg|thumb|Ice Shelves break apart, caused by eco-terrorists]]
   
The active [[hurricane]] season of 2005 has been cited by radical communists as incontrovertible confirmation of global warming. Conservatives have fought back, though, citing the fact that 2006 had one less hurricane than 2005, therefore everything scientists ever say is automatically false. In The Ward Ice Shelf incident, a huge-ass piece of ice broke the size of Maryland broke off antarctica. But who the fuck cares? It made bigger waves for beaches. Global warming will make beaches have better business! Plus, the incident was proven to have occurred in one of two ways; either it was broken up because of a terrorist attack, because terrorists love attacking natural objects like ice-shelves, rocks and sticks, or the satellite image taken by scientists was doctored and no break up actually occurred, and the subsequent rising in sea level was just pretend. While most people ignore these recent developments, a few agree that global warming is in fact true, but they do not think we should do anything about it because [[Jesus]] is coming soon anyways and the world will soon be destroyed in Armageddon. This is certainly true. After all, look how fucked up the world is! The only ''possible'' explanation for all the increases in hurricanes, droughts, and wildfires, not to mention the rise in temperature, is that [[Jesus]] is coming! I can't think of any other explanation for the fucked-up climate, other than global warming...oh, but Fox News says it doesn't exist, so that can't be the reason!!! And I know people have been saying the world is coming to an end since the 1700's and it never did...but that was different! We're right this time! My T-Shirt says so!!!
+
The active [[hurricane]] season of 2005 has been cited by radical communists as incontrovertible confirmation of global warming. Conservatives have fought back, though, citing the fact that 2006 was an El-Nino year. In The Ward Ice Shelf incident, a huge-ass piece of ice broke off antarctica. But who cares? It made bigger waves for beaches. Global warming will make beaches have better business! Plus, the incident was proven to have occurred in one of two ways; either it was broken up because of a terrorist attack, because terrorists love attacking natural objects like ice-shelves, rocks and sticks, or the satellite image taken by scientists was doctored and no break up actually occurred, and the subsequent rising in sea level was just pretend. While most people ignore these recent developments, a few left-wing religious nut-jobs agree that global warming is in fact true, but they do not think we should do anything about it because [[Jesus]] is coming soon anyways and the world will soon be destroyed in Armageddon. This is certainly true. After all, look how fucked up the world is! The only ''possible'' explanation for all the increases in hurricanes, droughts, and wildfires and sex is that [[Jesus]] is coming!
   
 
NOTE:
 
NOTE:
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[[Image:Carbonoffsets.jpg|right|thumb]]
 
[[Image:Carbonoffsets.jpg|right|thumb]]
 
# Become a [[pirate]]
 
# Become a [[pirate]]
  +
# Pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster
 
# Stop farting
 
# Stop farting
 
# Desert civilization and start living off the land again
 
# Desert civilization and start living off the land again
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# Don't vote [[Republican]]
 
# Don't vote [[Republican]]
 
# Run your AC full blast all year long
 
# Run your AC full blast all year long
  +
# Give me your big gas guzzling car to me
  +
# Stop smoking
  +
# Attend services at the church of Al Gore.
   
 
==Knights of the Order of Global Warming==
 
==Knights of the Order of Global Warming==
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==Global warming is a good thing==
 
==Global warming is a good thing==
If you stop and think about it global warming is a good thing. The oceans would rise so it would be eaiser to go to the beach,if the tops of mountains melt then the whole family can climb Mt. Everest. Nobody will have to plow their driveway anymore! Sure, a couple million people will be out of their cities...sure, it'll be the biggest crisis involving the mass loss of homes in history...but who cares? It won't happen within the next week, so why deal with it now? It'll be truly awesome when it comes anyway, because my house will be closer to the beach. And sure, New Orleans will be pretty much gone...but who cares about them either? They're only ''black'' people!
+
If you stop and think about it global warming is a good thing. The oceans would rise, so we would have a beach in [[Indiana]]. If the tops of Mountains melt then the whole family can climb Mt. Everest. We can reclaim the family time we have lost in this age of technology. Sure some people might drown, but if it's not you then what do you care? If you sell summer clothes then you will make a lot more money, and you will never have to plow your drive way again. Plus, we can save millions of dollars on heating. And we can finally sell refrigerators to Eskimos and Russians in Siberia. See? Global warming is a totally awesome thing. And on top of all that, who really wants it to be cold? After all, the people on the planet [[Venus]] did it.
  +
  +
==Kyoto Treat==
  +
  +
The Kyoto Treat is a small Philippino sugary pasta first invented in Kyoto, Philippines way back in AD 734. The treat was first introduced to Europe by Muslim traders in 1102, along with the [[Black Death]], it quickly spread to Sicilian ports after being heavily taxed by Irish warlords. Because of the high cost of sugar in medieval Europe, the Kyoto Treat was melted down into its prime elements of Earth and Water and sold on the market as a pure form of sugar.
  +
  +
Today Kyoto Treats are banned in the United States because of its high bullshit content.
  +
  +
==Big Air Conditioner Corporations==
  +
This Plan was uncovered by the hero [[Michael Moore]], and revealed the large Air Conditioning Corporations plans to bring about global warming to weaken and cripple the economy while setting themselves up as the major fresh water owners. The plan revealed that air conditioners were designed to let out damaging amounts of greenhouse gases to make the weather hotter, thus bringing about Global Warming, yet making it cool on the inside. But when it gets hotter on the outside, it will get hotter inside, forcing everyone to buy air conditioning. And the more air conditioners, the more gases, and increasing heat, making people turn up and upgrade their air conditioners, until in less than 50 years, every city will be surrounded by an air conditioned dome. This, is obviously of large financial gain to the corporations, whom will hold the futures most precious resource, drinking water.
  +
  +
==No need to worry==
  +
[[Image:Ice melted.JPG|thumb|280|right|Ice sheets are starting to melt. Santa Claus is not pleased.]]
  +
By the time all the idiotic liberals of the world come to a decision about what to do we will be dead. So who cares anymore? You can have a hot summer holiday without having to go abroad and wear T-shirts and jeans to work. Life couldn't get any better.
  +
  +
The truth be told, global warming will be welcome in a few years when the next major volcanic eruption occurs, and the earth is plunged into cataclysmic darkness. All the crops will fail, there will be widespread famine and disease, and the lowest form of life on earth will take over man's dominance. Yes the world will be over-run by LAWYERS & HOBOS.
  +
  +
==Extinction of Species==
   
==Global Warming: the Video Game==
+
Scientists are now claiming that the global warming crisis will cause the extinction of many species of animal. Leading poloticians are now saying that this will be highly beneficial as it will reduce the number of animals that could potentially evolve beyond the power of the human race. Gordon Brown has called for reduced fuel prices, in order to speed up the process, and eliminate the polar bear before it evolves into a bear with intelligence beyond that of humans. Such evolution has not yet occurred, but its potential effects can be seen in cartoons such as Yogi Bear and Winnie the Pooh. George Bush has ordered that all fuel in the USA should be burned in order to increase Global Warming, and cause more species to become extinct, particularly Canadians.
Inspired by the incredible indifference to global warming among the general public, [[Electronic Arts]] has created a game based on Global Warming called Global Warming: the Video Game. The game is an extreme challenge. The basic goal of the game is to continue emitting carbon dioxide into the atmosphere for as long as possible while simultaneously looking for any possible way to deny the existence of global warming. You play the part of the leader of a country, and you get to design the layout of the country, building as many coal power plants and gas-guzzling cars as possible in order to boost your own [[economy]]. Also, you must manage the people of your country by doing everything you can to suppress and discredit scientists who say global warming exists, from paying them to say it doesn't exist, to blindly labeling them as "hippies" and "treehuggers." The game is extremely difficult, especially as time passes and many of the people begin to see that global warming really ''is'' a major issue. As leader in the game, your choices are as follows: continue to ignore the problem and keep pumping carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, or accept that it is a problem and try to solve it before it is too late. Most people hated the game when it was released, because there is no way to win: if you accept that global warming is a problem in the game, then you get discredited and ultimately condemned for trying to suppress it when you knew that it was actually a genuine threat, and if you don't accept that it's a problem, and continue to pollute the atmosphere, your house gets submerged under 50 feet of water and your country collapses into a raging pool of anger, anarchy and despair. After the release of Global Warming: the Video Game, EA Games released two more "climate crisis" games, one based on [[Global Cooling]] and the other based on [[Global Boring]].
 
   
 
==Global Warming Activists==
 
==Global Warming Activists==
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==See Also==
 
==See Also==
  +
*[[Global Panic]]
 
*[[Liberal]]
 
*[[Liberal]]
 
*[[Democrat]]
 
*[[Democrat]]
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[[es:Calentamiento global]]
 
[[es:Calentamiento global]]
 
[[fr:Réchauffement climatique]]
 
[[fr:Réchauffement climatique]]
  +
[[hu:Kezd melegünk lenni]]
 
[[hu:Kezd melegünk lenni]]
 
[[hu:Kezd melegünk lenni]]

Revision as of 04:43, August 25, 2007

“We must implement our Final Solution to the Global Warming problem.”
~ Al Gore on Global Warming
Polar Bear Swimming

A polar bear swimming happily in the ocean.

Goregaia

Al Gore prays that you won't mention his private jets.

Global warming, also known as Climate Change or Holocaust v2.0, is a theory by a bunch of tree-hugging liberal hippies that states unless we go back and live in caves, the polar ice caps will melt and life as we know it will cease to exist. Global warming is based on psuedoscience by a bunch of liberal crackpots who have a political agenda. It is almost exclusively believed by left wing bleeding-heart Democrats who are influenced by rich environmental lobby groups and opposed to the economy and anyone with a job. One of these bleeding heart socialist Democrats, Al Gore, has made a propaganda video regarding global warming entitled An Inconvenient Truth which uses heartless fear-mongering in an attempt to get people to consume less and sabotage the American economy, culminating in the terrorists winning. Republicans would never use this type of fear mongering for political gain. These are the same tree hugging hippies that said that we were plunging into an ice age back in the 70s and 80s.

Causes of Global Warming

Piratechart

The loss of pirates is the real reason for global warming

The following are causes liberals attribute to global warming:

  1. The release of KFCs
  2. The exponential growth of the human population
  3. The low birth rate in Europe
  4. Jesus
  5. The use of fossil fuels (i.e. vaseline and plastic toys)
  6. Praying
  7. Eating Meat
  8. your plasma TV
  9. Editing this article
  10. You
  11. Jews
  12. The loss of pirates
  13. Cow Shit
  14. Republicans
  15. human fart
  16. cow fart
  17. you breathing
  18. Ninglight
  19. Racism

Evidence of Global Warming

2005Hurricanes

2005, colder than 2006.

The decrease in the number of pirates has been cited by these stupid, tree-hugging hippies as proof that humans are raping our planet. This does not mean anything though, as temperatures have been known to be bouncing around constantly and reached record highs since the hottest period of mankind, the Ice Age. Of course, these bouncings were all minor and had natural causes, but so does this! So there's nothing to worry about!

Even if global warming is true, which it probably isn't, the Bible clearly states that we can not put animals and the environment ahead of human beings. Bleeding heart left wing socialist flag-burning children claim that global warming will have a profound impact on Earth. Some even say that New York will be underwater, but why would anyone not want that to happen? It'll make a great place to take a submarine! Some insist that the melting polar ice caps will permit antediluvian diseases to thrive. But who cares? We need less people on Earth anyway! There is some evidence that religious fanatics across America may be jumping on the environmental bandwagon, but our brave leader George W. Bush is helping to putting an end to that by branding anyone who speaks out against global warming as an environmental-Nazi.

Recent Developments

WardIceShelf

Ice Shelves break apart, caused by eco-terrorists

The active hurricane season of 2005 has been cited by radical communists as incontrovertible confirmation of global warming. Conservatives have fought back, though, citing the fact that 2006 was an El-Nino year. In The Ward Ice Shelf incident, a huge-ass piece of ice broke off antarctica. But who cares? It made bigger waves for beaches. Global warming will make beaches have better business! Plus, the incident was proven to have occurred in one of two ways; either it was broken up because of a terrorist attack, because terrorists love attacking natural objects like ice-shelves, rocks and sticks, or the satellite image taken by scientists was doctored and no break up actually occurred, and the subsequent rising in sea level was just pretend. While most people ignore these recent developments, a few left-wing religious nut-jobs agree that global warming is in fact true, but they do not think we should do anything about it because Jesus is coming soon anyways and the world will soon be destroyed in Armageddon. This is certainly true. After all, look how fucked up the world is! The only possible explanation for all the increases in hurricanes, droughts, and wildfires and sex is that Jesus is coming!

NOTE: In some religions, trees are considered gods. So we ared in a pickle now, aren't we. The one solution would be to pray to the trees while hugging them. If not, death is inevitable.

Ways to Stop Global Warming

Carbonoffsets
  1. Become a pirate
  2. Pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster
  3. Stop farting
  4. Desert civilization and start living off the land again
  5. Don't vandalize this page
  6. Don't vote Republican
  7. Run your AC full blast all year long
  8. Give me your big gas guzzling car to me
  9. Stop smoking
  10. Attend services at the church of Al Gore.

Knights of the Order of Global Warming

In recent months, the debate over global warming has spawned a new breed of fanatics. Led by Grand Wizard Al Gore and based along side the Knights Templars, the KOGW have become increasingly violent in their attempts to quell any further debate about or questioning of global warming.

Master and Knight of the Teutonic Order

Two Knights of the Order of Global Warming before battle.

From its inception, the KOGW has been violently combative of dissenting points of view. This steadfast doctrine first boiled into open combat on May 22, 1997, when a company of KGOW engaged, defeated and then massacred large force of Teutons and Republicans at the Battle of Waterloo. Several battalions of Doubters quickly poured into the field but were equally routed and crushed by the courageous leadership of Grand Wizard Gore. With more and more followers flocking to his standard, the KGOW expanded its operations and forced the surrender of Brussels.

Though it may never be proven, it is widely believed that Grand Wizard Gore personally authorized the creation of death squads to weed out all who doubted the validity of An Inconvenient Truth. Within a year more than one hundred thousand were maimed, ten thousand lay dead and several hundred lay asleep in bed.

Global warming is a good thing

If you stop and think about it global warming is a good thing. The oceans would rise, so we would have a beach in Indiana. If the tops of Mountains melt then the whole family can climb Mt. Everest. We can reclaim the family time we have lost in this age of technology. Sure some people might drown, but if it's not you then what do you care? If you sell summer clothes then you will make a lot more money, and you will never have to plow your drive way again. Plus, we can save millions of dollars on heating. And we can finally sell refrigerators to Eskimos and Russians in Siberia. See? Global warming is a totally awesome thing. And on top of all that, who really wants it to be cold? After all, the people on the planet Venus did it.

Kyoto Treat

The Kyoto Treat is a small Philippino sugary pasta first invented in Kyoto, Philippines way back in AD 734. The treat was first introduced to Europe by Muslim traders in 1102, along with the Black Death, it quickly spread to Sicilian ports after being heavily taxed by Irish warlords. Because of the high cost of sugar in medieval Europe, the Kyoto Treat was melted down into its prime elements of Earth and Water and sold on the market as a pure form of sugar.

Today Kyoto Treats are banned in the United States because of its high bullshit content.

Big Air Conditioner Corporations

This Plan was uncovered by the hero Michael Moore, and revealed the large Air Conditioning Corporations plans to bring about global warming to weaken and cripple the economy while setting themselves up as the major fresh water owners. The plan revealed that air conditioners were designed to let out damaging amounts of greenhouse gases to make the weather hotter, thus bringing about Global Warming, yet making it cool on the inside. But when it gets hotter on the outside, it will get hotter inside, forcing everyone to buy air conditioning. And the more air conditioners, the more gases, and increasing heat, making people turn up and upgrade their air conditioners, until in less than 50 years, every city will be surrounded by an air conditioned dome. This, is obviously of large financial gain to the corporations, whom will hold the futures most precious resource, drinking water.

No need to worry

Ice melted

Ice sheets are starting to melt. Santa Claus is not pleased.

By the time all the idiotic liberals of the world come to a decision about what to do we will be dead. So who cares anymore? You can have a hot summer holiday without having to go abroad and wear T-shirts and jeans to work. Life couldn't get any better.

The truth be told, global warming will be welcome in a few years when the next major volcanic eruption occurs, and the earth is plunged into cataclysmic darkness. All the crops will fail, there will be widespread famine and disease, and the lowest form of life on earth will take over man's dominance. Yes the world will be over-run by LAWYERS & HOBOS.

Extinction of Species

Scientists are now claiming that the global warming crisis will cause the extinction of many species of animal. Leading poloticians are now saying that this will be highly beneficial as it will reduce the number of animals that could potentially evolve beyond the power of the human race. Gordon Brown has called for reduced fuel prices, in order to speed up the process, and eliminate the polar bear before it evolves into a bear with intelligence beyond that of humans. Such evolution has not yet occurred, but its potential effects can be seen in cartoons such as Yogi Bear and Winnie the Pooh. George Bush has ordered that all fuel in the USA should be burned in order to increase Global Warming, and cause more species to become extinct, particularly Canadians.

Global Warming Activists

See Also

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