|WOW! I can't believe you're actually reading this! But now that you are please read the text below...|
|Well I guess you're here to vandalise the GAY page on the Uncyclopedia... Fair enough, that's a brilliant idea, you're obviously very clever. But alas, let me tell you something... We could have protected this page from being changed, but we think it's far more fun to let you make your changes, and then undo them with one click of the mouse. You're actually getting fucked by a GAY page, literally. Who's getting the laughs now?|
|So, here's the deal... There's a section of this article called "Gay People & Current Sexual Status". Please use you skills as a queer basher to add to the list and make it as comprehensive as possible... Don't forget though... You can't use an insult which is already on the list. That would not be very insulting and might even turn them straight... If you only touch this list we promise not to remove your edits, well not for a while anyway...|
|Just do something GAY to the page elsewhere, and let those happy chaps have their fun removing it with one click.|
|It's up to you... Have fun.|
“Homosexuality is a negative corruption of humanity with no redeeming attributes. As the 'gay gene' is passed from parent to child, and gays by their definition do not breed, my theory predicts that the gay species will soon become extinct”
“Thought there would be an Oscar Wilde Quote here?”
“He's probably got his mouth full.”
Gay is a word in transition. Years ago, gay simply meant happy. It was an innocuous, commonplace adjective used to describe entire decades (The Gay 90s) or the time had by characters in Hanna Barbara cartoons.
Ah, those golden days... When you could sit around the piano singing black people to worry about and the world was such a gay place... You could have a Gay Day without putting your penis anywhere and even if you had the surname "Gay" you could get through school with all your teeth. Then everything got really complicated.
Today the word gay has 3 uses:
- A man who enjoys putting his penis inside other men's anus, and doesn't like vaginas.
- A woman who enjoys other women's vaginas and doesn't let men watch them doing it.
- A brilliantly insightful and extremely humorous any-size-fits-all insult used by Brits and Americans usually under the age of 14. Although the genius and wit of the insult is without question, it seldom has anything to do with penises, vaginas or indeed anuses..
To confuse matters still further, some men and women like to put their penises/vaginas into various places of both men and women. These people are usually called 'Greedy'.
Gayism through the ages...
The pre-history of the Gayites
In the old days you used to be able to fuck pretty much anything you fancied, animal, vegetable or mineral and didn't even have to ask, unless of course it was a dinosaur. Gay bashing existed, but sucking off a man was far less adventurous than tugging off a lion, so no-one gave a monkeys especially the monkeys who still bum each other silly to this day.
Here cums the God Squad
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. Etc, etc, etc...
When God finally got bored playing with the dinosaurs he decided to create Adam so he could fuck with him instead. After watching poor Adam jerking off by himself God decided to give Adam a good ribbing to creating Eve thereby allowing the family tradition of fucking yourself to continue. Eve was no trouble at all and did not lead Adam astray in anyway... Adam and Eve then had a whole lot of sex to create two children (both boys) who then had sex with each other to create more children who then also had sex with each other. Nothing wrong there of course....
For thousands of years everyone carried on fucking whoever they pleased especially the ancient Greeks who bummed each other silly, mostly because it was less effort than trying to get a girl to do it.
God got a bit upset because man was actually starting to have more fun than him, and decided write a list of things that men were not allowed to do and told Moses to go around telling everybody about it. When no one really listened, God committed adultery with a virgin and created Jesus...
Due to his fashion sense Jesus had his sexual advances rejected by a man, a hippopotamus and even a tree. The only person who did give him some sweet loving was Mary Magdelene, and probably only because he paid twice the going rate. In his rage Jesus banned sexualising anything but the punani leaving the 'modern penis' to wander the desert for forty years without a sniff of anything to suck on.
The ever-increasing trend of deity-bashing continued long after. When a miniature Bonsai tree mocked Buddah's minuscule manhood he added his weight to this prohibition. Abraham also revealed his support for the cause because
everyone else is doing it and
It looked like a thing all the cool kids do. Muhammad also backed the new rules. Obviously he had no feelings of sexual inadequacy and his views are of course all completely correct and reasonable in every way. Mainly because his are the words of Allah himself the one true God. So
now you goat fucking fundamentalists lunatics have no reason to blow my ass up that was that.
Because of the killjoy religon types, public admissions of bum fancying became taboo for 2000 years. Everyone carried on much as they had before, but just didn't tell the priests or their dads. Then in the 1960's some idiot hippies who believed all the fundy hype actually carried some weight decided to liberate the gay oppressed minority because it would be right on. Thanks to all the hippies we now all have to listen to repressed homosexualisers from all manner of churches harping on about sodomy again! Yay!
Hard facts about Gayuality
Thanks to those dam Chinese and all their whispering many misconceptions about gayness exsist. To clear em all up, here is truth:
Gayualismicness - a sin of Biblical Proportions
|Before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old, all the people from every quarter; and they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them." But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, "Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly." Now behold, I have two daughters who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you like; only do nothing to these men, inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof.|
So there we have have it. Next time some anti-abortion evo-hick starts banging on about gay equality and homosexual marriage, just rape their virgin daughter. God said it's fine (as long as you don't use a condom).
The Speculation about gays that seems to Be True:
- Gay men get sex much more easily than straight men, and that's just unfair.
- Gay clubs are more about poor quality house music than meeting men.
- Talking like a woman doesn't make you gay.
- Talking to a woman however, does.
- Madonna does not endorse gayism as it is against [Insert religion here].
Can I bum a Fag off you Mate?
A quick guide to using the 'F' word:
- Fag means the same as cigarette. Use the word in any other way and you are a twat. Unless you're a Fag, then it's OK.
- A faggot is a sausage. Use the word in any other way and you're a Shit. Again, unless you have a well documented history of putting your penis into men's bottoms or letting other men put their penis' into your bottom in which case it's OK. Unless of course you're a sausage.
Gay free zones
In Iran, Bristol and Palestine there are no gays (honest). Brixton, in London, claims to have no gay inhabitants as most of them have been shot by Jamaican immigrants. Mostly thanks to recent funeral services you can now find much of the gay scene in Brixton's underground.
Good gays and Bad gays
Gay people you actually know are OK, that's because they are "our" gays. The other gays, the ones that don't know any straight people, they are the bad ones. They're nasty, all scabby and riddled with aids, and they use butt plugs the size of a fist you know...
Ahh, almost forgot, the Lesbian thing
Apparently women can be gay too?... Well that definitely sounds like a good idea, wonder if they would let me watch? Course no one really cares about this sort of thing, their are not doing any harm and it's not really their fault you know, they just haven't slept with me yet... Poor lemons...
This not funny? You may enjoy the following higher quality articles...
- Gay mailbox
- Gay Body Types
- Molten Gay
- If you read this you are gay
- Gay Marriage
- Gay Numbers
- Gay Fuel
- Rough Gay Wolf Sex
- Pupate Homosexual
- Mr winkler is GAY
...or these superb websites
- The Chicago Cubs are Gay
- How To Tell How Gay Your Gay Son Is
- Gay Nude Beach near Michael Jackson's House
- Raising a Gay Toddler in a Heterosexual World
- Gay culture is often portrayed in "Rave" or "Techno music"
- Leader of the G.A.Y. movement