France

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (French Cities)
(A Quick Clean-Up Act)
(71 intermediate revisions by 38 users not shown)
Line 2: Line 2:
 
[[Image:France.jpg|thumb|210px|France (shown actual size)]]
 
[[Image:France.jpg|thumb|210px|France (shown actual size)]]
   
'''La France''' ''(from the Latin term for "the France")'' is a country of the former [[Soviet Union]], known for its [[French fries]], [[French toast]], and [[snails]] (known in America as [[Freedom fries]], [[Freedom toast]], and [[Freedom slugs]], following a misunderstanding that the country had changed its name to "Freedomland"). France is also known for its heavily fortified [[Maginot Line]], which successfully drove back the cattle who tried to escape [[Europe]]. France is the primary source of the dreadful unwanted [[French]] persons and white flags.
+
'''La France''' ''(from the Latin term for "the France")'' is a country of the former [[Romaine Empire]], known for its [[Freedom fries]], [[Freedom toast]], and [[snails|Freedom snails]]. Formerly known as "Freedomland", it was changed to France by act of [[Parliament]]. By this time, however, Freedom Food was well known across the world, so the names stuck.
   
Although previously owned by the gallant and brave [[Admiral Lord Nelson]] of [[England]], France was found tied to a large outcrop of Alpine mountains at the end of the [[English Channel]]. Founded by the vertically-challenged psychopath [[Napoleon Bonaparte|Napoléon Bonaparte]], France nevertheless grew into the highly ''un''cultured nation it is today. The French are renowned for regularly burning British flags and jeering at America in their delightfully soothing language, [[Klingon]]. Their farmers are experts at blocking ports, motorways and other routes used by the [[English]] to travel to and from [[Spain]], [[Italy]] and any other country but France itself. The French can be detected from far off by a strong smell of garlic and outrageous stripy clothing with berets. The French are also known to run in terror at the slightest hint of danger (see [[World War II]]) and surrender instantly to any threat. They are also very renowned for being very unthankful (again, see [[World War II]]).
+
France was found tied to a large outcrop of Alpine mountains at the end of the [[English Channel]]. Founded by the vertically-challenged psychopath [[Oprah|Napoléon Bonaparte]], France nevertheless grew into the tall and muscular nation it is today. The French are renowned for making excellent cheese, fine [[antifreeze|wines]], and making sarcastic retorts at the [[England|British]].
 
People tend to [http://nofrance.info hate the French]
 
 
French people also love to be called " Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys'" and when called this they will retort in French to show their sign of affection
 
   
 
==Fast Facts==
 
==Fast Facts==
   
*'''Capital''': [[Paris]], formerly known as the [[Bombay|City of Love]]. The worlds most beautiful and seizable city.
+
*'''Capital''': [[Bombay|Bombay, City of Love]].
*'''Population''': Too many, and too [[french]].
+
*'''Population''': 8-12 billion, depending on local humidity and egg sac hatch rates.
*'''Motto''': Apaisement, poltronnerie, reddition.
+
*'''Motto''': Gort, Klaatu Barada Nikto.
*'''Area''': 547030 sq km, an area roughly the size of, say, France.
+
*'''Total Area''': 1.5 million sq. feet.
*'''Currency''': The [[Frankfurter]], which was replaced by the [[Euro]] when they found that the frankfurter no longer worked in cigarette vending machines.
+
*'''Area covered by vineyards''': 4.5 million sq. feet.
*'''Ethnic Groups''': [[French|Cheese-eating surrender monkey]] 97%, ethnic lesbian 2.5%, [[Oprah]] 0.1% - 0.5%
+
*'''Currency''': [[Brie]]
  +
*'''Ethnic Groups''': [[Space Pirates]] 97%, ethnic lesbian 2.5%, [[Oprah]] 0.1% - 0.5%
 
*'''Government''': Military dictatorship under the rule of [[Eiffel Tower|President for Life Eiffel Tower]]: see "Politics"
 
*'''Government''': Military dictatorship under the rule of [[Eiffel Tower|President for Life Eiffel Tower]]: see "Politics"
*'''Legal System''': laws are enforced by placard-waving liberals in berets. The current sentence for failing to spit when mentioning the [[USA]] by name is five years of [[Sartre]].
+
*'''Legal System''': Laws are enforced by the president's mechanical monstrosities. Effectiveness is variable, depends on the amount of people living within France at the time.
*'''Life Expectancy''': Dependent on ability to run away.
+
*'''Life Expectancy''': Dependent on ability to evade/appease psychotic robots.
*'''Imports''': [[Mad Cow Disease]], [[cigarettes]], cigars, [[smegma]], tobacco, berets, [[Lance Armstrong]], and a strange abundance of butt plugs.
+
*'''Imports''': [[Berets]], [[Onions]], Pretentious Coffee, fish and chips, [[Lance Armstrong]], [[Germany|Germans]].
*'''Exports''': [[cheese]], [[wine]], cheese boards, wine racks, Le Car, [[Lance Armstrong]], [[Statue of Liberty|statues of Liberty]], smegma, [[Asterix|Astérix]] comics, class "B" lesbian porn movies. Exports are only permitted when the farmers aren't blockading Calais. This doesn't happen often.
+
*'''Exports''': [[cheese]], [[wine]], cheese boards, wine racks, Le Car, [[Statue of Liberty|statues of Liberty]], [[Asterix|Astérix]] comics, [[Lance Armstrong]], obscure and overdramatic porn movies.
*'''National Sports''': [[Smoking]], [[Spitting]], Being Surly to [[Foreigners]], Extinguishing Burning Cars, and the [[Marathon]]
+
*'''National Sports''': [[Smoking]], [[Non-Smoking]], [[Retorsion]]
 
*'''Twinned With''': [[Brazil]], [[Abdul_Alhazred]]
 
*'''Twinned With''': [[Brazil]], [[Abdul_Alhazred]]
 
{{OWQ|France factoids}}
 
 
== Military History ==
 
[[image:france-terror.jpg|thumb|200px|left|The French Terror Alert System (FTAS) uses colours as an easy way to indicate the appropriate level of capitulation French citizens should offer to invading armies.]]
 
 
''"Hmm, I think I'll take that one.''
 
'' '''-[[Adolf Hitler]]''' ''
 
 
''See: [[French military victories]]'' , ''[[American military victories]]''
 
 
Based on their Algerian experience, the French correctly warned the US of A. in 2003 of what would happen if they invaded Iraq. Since then, it is customary to make jokes about French
 
military history.
 
 
(Side note to this section: Despite their history, the French in [[1989]] made a country-wide effort to put their military abilty together in one man, named [[Jean-Luc Picard]]. He was the only excellent strategist France has ever produced, although since he serves for the Americans, he does not break any of the three fundamental rules of French warfare.)
 
 
'''Gallic Wars'''
 
Retreated and Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
 
 
'''Hundred Years War'''
 
Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who during a retreat inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
 
 
'''Italian Wars'''
 
Lost. France accidentally retreats in the wrong direction and surrenders therefore becoming the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
 
 
'''War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War'''
 
Lost, but claimed as a retreating tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
 
 
'''War of the Spanish Succession'''
 
Retreated and Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
 
 
'''American Revolution'''
 
In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though all they did was retreat before even engaging the enemy and let the English colonists see nearly all of the action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
 
 
'''French Revolution'''
 
Won, mostly because the opponent was also French, and retreated first.
 
 
'''Napoleonic Wars'''
 
Surrendered to a retreating force. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
 
 
'''Franco-Prussian War'''
 
Had a regular army against an army of conscripts so they could surrender more pompously. The French Emperor himself monitored and participated in the surrender process. Offered some territory as a gift and graciously invited the first German Emperor to be crowned in France to avoid losing more.
 
 
'''World War I'''
 
Three divisions of German Sausagegruppen light armoured, lamb mounted troop enter France, to encounter 74 divisions of elite 'Les Trooper de fromage' and 105 divisions of 'garlick armée groupe' armed with the infamous 'fusil de abandon'. The german divisions, led by Kaiser Wilhelm the conqueror, are let into France through Belgium. Due to a the great white flag shortage of 1914, the French could not complete their surrender before the arrival of the British Forces. Retreating and on the way to losing, France is saved by the British. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by British forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. At the end of the war, the president of France ordered a step up in the production of white flags in an effort to speed up any future surrenders.
 
 
'''World War II'''
 
It was at this point in history that France had lost ''so'' many wars that they started to loosen up, and really have fun with it. Refusing to lose quietly, they tortured their poor conquerors with [[incomprehensible poetry]] and [[mime]]. Their greatest weapon was, and remains to this day, [[French cinema]]. They used this horrifying deviceto great effect, effectively robbing the German forces of their will to live. This made them easy prey for the [[Allied Forces]]; [[Indiana Jones]], [[Nick Fury]], [[Captain America]], [[Hellboy]], and the [[Blues Brothers]].
 
 
[[Image:England_flag_large.png|thumb|200px|right|How the French flag looked during the '''Hundred Years War''']]
 
'''War in Indochina'''
 
Lost. Elite units of the French Foreign Legion are forced to retreat, complaining bitterly that "[[les gens ici sont peu amicaux et il fait chaud aussi]]." (people here are not very friendly and it is hot too!) After enduring the scourge of [[Dien Bien Flu]], the French sold the war to the [[United States]] for an undisclosed sum.
 
 
'''Algerian Rebellion'''
 
Lost. The French Foreign Legion's here marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkish Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "At least we can beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Esquimaux, Sudanese, [[Megatexas|Megatexans]], and Jamaicans, as well as many others.
 
 
'''Cola War'''
 
Lost... somehow
 
 
'''War on Terrorism'''
 
France thinks the whole war on terror is incredibly silly. They haven't even bothered translating the words "War on Terror" into French yet. They are under the impression that George Bush is a late-night talk show host who never has any good guests, and as a matter of fact have him confused with the guy who played [[Sylvester Stallone]]'s sidekick in Demolition Man. They think [[Sylvester Stallone]] is the [[President]].
 
   
 
== French Cities ==
 
== French Cities ==
   
* One of France's major cities is [[Saxony]], a source of untold Saxon violence. France and [[Spain]] used to have major trade relations in the 1700s and 1800s in fissile [[nuclear]] materials—in fact the pioneer of nuclear science, Marie Curie-Sklodowska, was not French.
+
* One of France's major cities is [[Saxony]], a source of untold Sexy violence and smooth jazz.
* France's capital is [[Paris]]. Before it was [[Versailles]], and [[Vichy]] too.
+
* France's capital is [[Paris]]. Before it was [[Versailles]], and [[Vichy]] too.
* Every fifty years, [[Strasbourg]] becomes French.
+
* Due to an [[EU]] pact, every fifty years [[Strasbourg]] technically becomes French.
* [[Detroit]] was French, until people in Detroit got sick of pronouncing it like a homo.
+
* [[Detroit]] was French, until people in Detroit got sick of Strasbourg raiding its cabinet for food late at night and paid one of the robots to carry it to America.
* [[Montreal]] is what you get when early French explorers tried to spell "Mount Royal" on their maps. Most likely they were playing some variation of the gamerwerewrwerwe3rew [[telephone]].
+
* The smallest city of France is [[La Ville Sous La Mont]], a subterranean estate where the Eiffel Tower's Human Assistants plot in secret against it.
* [[Brest, France|Brest]]
 
   
== Travel Guide ==
+
== Tourist Tips==
   
The Place in France Where the Naked Ladies Dance is a highly recommended destination, but only if you enjoy see naked ladies with unshaven legs and armpits and you can stand the smell.
+
The Place in France Where the Naked Ladies Dance is a highly recommended destination. Places with this name may be found in many towns and cities, however, the canonical and most widely acclaimed is that of Saxony, called the Moulin Noir Clubbe.
   
 
Travellers beware! The mustard in France is much closer to the Mustard Seed, the central power source of all condiments everywhere, and real Dijon Mustard is so hot that it can melt fire.
 
Travellers beware! The mustard in France is much closer to the Mustard Seed, the central power source of all condiments everywhere, and real Dijon Mustard is so hot that it can melt fire.
   
The French Revolution introduced the metric system to the world, it was used by the rebellious peasants to confuse the rich elitists into thinking they had retreated much further than they would have normally retreated, unfortunately, after the revolution no one could remember the original system of measurement so in an attempt to make themselves look important they officially adopted the metric system and declared it "Le systeme de merde." and began to immeadiately force it on the world. Two hundred years later during the anniversary celebrations of the French Reveloution, then prime minister, Marcel Marceau, was quoted as saying, "Is this all we have, god we suck, build another white flag factory."
+
Many French towns are known to have youth hostels that double as abbatoirs. Do not be confused which section you're staying in.
 
During this period in French history many French aristocrats were beheaded using Madamé Guillotine, Robespierre's mustachioed mistress. Unfortunately this practice was stopped before they could work their way down to the peasants and rid us all of the french forever.
 
 
The current French legal system is based on 3 principles Egalite, Fraternite and Fromage Frais. Although horribly complicated and written in French, it essentially boils down to nothing being illegal. which makes it easy to be a French policeman.
 
 
== The 1990s ==
 
 
In 1998 France legally changed their name to "The Artist Formerly Known As France." Then when nobody was looking they changed it back, and secured long-term industrial strength copyrights on the word "France." Now every time you pronounce it correctly you owe them a quarter.
 
Francophone music is played on an abbreviated 3 note musical scale. Classic Francophone tunes include "sacré bleu", a hymnal and "Le pétomane".
 
 
==Contributions of the French==
 
The French have contributed a great deal to [[the world]], however little of which is useful to [[you]], [[me]], or [[everybody|anyone else]].
 
 
[[Image:Tricolore.gif|thumb|right|The French Flag.]]
 
 
*[[Baby Impressionism]]
 
*[[Fried Frog Legs]]
 
*[[Gerard Depardieu]]
 
*[[Hedge funds]]
 
*[[Female Armpit Hair]]
 
*the [[Landmime]]
 
   
 
=== French Cinema ===
 
=== French Cinema ===
French movies have a unique way of putting together things like the power of God and a 98's Ford Taurus, or a boat in a swimming pool and its relation with the left shoe of a dead man running naked across the country. Lots of people (all of them French) go to the movie theater and sit on the floor while they feel the sexual problems of the modern life in the shape of that Ford Taurus. Here's a sample of a a typical French movie:
+
French movies have a unique way of putting together things like the power of God and a 98's Ford Taurus, or a boat in a swimming pool and its relation with the left shoe of a dead man running naked across the country. Lots of people (all of them [[Mac Users]]) go to the movie theater and sit on the floor while they feel the sexual problems of the modern life in the shape of that Ford Taurus. Here's a sample of a a typical French movie:
   
 
1. The camera starts in a park, zoom to a tree. Hold for 5 minutes.
 
1. The camera starts in a park, zoom to a tree. Hold for 5 minutes.
Line 125: Line 64:
   
 
5. A dog eats them. The duck takes the cigarrete. Zoom at the tree again. 25 minutes of wind sound.
 
5. A dog eats them. The duck takes the cigarrete. Zoom at the tree again. 25 minutes of wind sound.
 
6. La fin.
 
 
===Stanley de Pansueax===
 
 
Stanley de Pansueax was born in Paris, France in 1764. He grew up interested in law. In 1770, when Stanley was 16 he begin an apprenticeship under Pierre Pascal as a lawyer. In 1780 Stanley was appointed as a judge to the French Parliament. Stanley was also very outspoken against King Louis XVI. On January 21, 1793, Stanley executed King Louis XVI at the guillotine. Then Stanley joined the war effort. On March 3, 1793, Stanley saved 74 prisoners from a castle near the Bastille (where the war originally started). Stanley rose through the military at an impressive rate. At the end of the revolution, Stanley was one of the most respected men in France. He joined with the National Assembly and helped write the French Constitution. Everybody in the Assembly was afraid that by signing it, they were committing treason against the country and the king, so Stanley sat down and signed it first. This brought along the customs of asking for a person's 'Stanley' when they wanted a signature and signing an armistice as quickly as possible when faced with an army of more than 10 men.
 
 
Stanley de Pansueax died of cholera in 1898 at the age of 57.
 
   
 
=== French kissing ===
 
=== French kissing ===
This always occurs on Main Street and is not to be confused with other European variations. Thus "Belgian kissing" is that which takes place in a garage fore-court, "Norwegian kissing" at the top of a fire escape, while "Swedish kissing" is of the type seen while queueing interminably for the check-out at [[IKEA]].
+
French kissing, widely reknowned, is an oft mispracticed sport. The state-sponsored [[LBF]] (League de Bissoir Francaise), publishes many informative guides for French citizens on safe and fun ways to practice this elegant past-time. It is rumoured that this department was set up to bring about the impression that the French people were fantastic lovers. Opinion is divided on whether this is succeeding.
 
An ''Australian kiss'' is like a French kiss, but down under.
 
 
A '[[Glaswegia|Glaswegian]] Kiss' usually occurs with a bottle of [[Newcastle Brown]] in one hand and a [[Fish Supper]] in the other, and is memorable in that it usually redesigns the bridge of your nose permanently.
 
 
==Miscellaneous==
 
 
{{self-contradictory}}
 
 
*The French battle flag is eleven white five-pointed stars arranged in a circle on a white field, polar bear rampant.
 
 
*French sailors navigate using Nancy buoys.
 
 
*My Children Need Wine!
 
 
*[[WMD(Donuts)|George W. Bush]] would never go to France except for authentic French crayons.
 
 
*The French language currently holds the world record for "Most Complicated Attempt to Not Speak English."
 
 
*The bitter, ancient rivalry between England and France, for the title of "Whitest Place on Earth," continues to this day.
 
 
*Recent polls show that 64% of French men would not piss on you if your heart was on fire, but 70% of French women would.
 
 
*Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
 
 
*So German soldiers can march in the shade.
 
 
*''Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?'' is French for ''He who smelt it, dealt it.''
 
   
*Your grandmother smells of elderberries.
+
The sport is always played on Main Street and should not to be confused with other similar European variants. Thus "Belgian kissing" is that which takes place in a garage forecourt shortly before lace-making lessons, "Norwegian kissing" at the top of a fire escape during a hotel fire, while "Swedish kissing" is of the type seen while queueing interminably for the check-out at [[IKEA]].
   
*While in France, you must not pronounce the last letter of any word, or risk summary execution. It is not necessary to alert the authorities -- any French citizen may legally murder you at, whenever they find convenient. Be warned. They travel in packs. However, should you stand up to them, they will cower like... well... frenchmen.
+
A '[[Glaswegia|Glaswegian]] Kiss' usually occurs with a bottle of [[Irn Bru]] in one hand and a [[Fish Supper]] in the other, and is memorable in that it usually redesigns the bridge of your nose permanently.
   
 
==Fun Facts about France==
 
==Fun Facts about France==
   
# French women have bigger testicles and dicks than their males.(some speculate their may be no french males)(similar to the Germans, who can't find their balls).
+
# France is the only country to have invented its own method for the sexing of [[bees]].
# Frech are not born like some more dignified shite, Instead it is beleaved that they conjeal in a large vat of grape juce, this process takes many years and leavs behind a disgusting alcoholic fluid, Known to make people vomit if mixed with anything even vaguely drinkable.
+
# France is known to have first practiced fellatio, a popular past-time around the world.
# France is the only country not to have invented its own method for the sexing of [[bees]].
+
# France is alone among Western European nations in still believing itself to be a colonial power. Thus, it keeps its iron stranglehold on its colonies, occasionally hitting them up for booze and a cigarette.
# France invented Fellatio. A popular family practice done between father and son.
 
# France's biggest export and import is [[smegma]].
 
# The French invented whining.
 
# France is still a colonial power. They kill darker skinned people for fun. Leading to their second biggest export, dark skinned heads.
 
# It is illegal to say America in France. It is considered the Mark of the Beast.
 
# They have Aubustou who lives in mountain who eats Toasts and drinks beer
 
# Except for mentioning [[America]], nothing is illegal in France.
 
[[Category:USA's Next Target]]
 

Revision as of 20:07, November 28, 2005

Template:OWQ

France
France (shown actual size)

La France (from the Latin term for "the France") is a country of the former Romaine Empire, known for its Freedom fries, Freedom toast, and Freedom snails. Formerly known as "Freedomland", it was changed to France by act of Parliament. By this time, however, Freedom Food was well known across the world, so the names stuck.

France was found tied to a large outcrop of Alpine mountains at the end of the English Channel. Founded by the vertically-challenged psychopath Napoléon Bonaparte, France nevertheless grew into the tall and muscular nation it is today. The French are renowned for making excellent cheese, fine wines, and making sarcastic retorts at the British.

Fast Facts

French Cities

  • One of France's major cities is Saxony, a source of untold Sexy violence and smooth jazz.
  • France's capital is Paris. Before it was Versailles, and Vichy too.
  • Due to an EU pact, every fifty years Strasbourg technically becomes French.
  • Detroit was French, until people in Detroit got sick of Strasbourg raiding its cabinet for food late at night and paid one of the robots to carry it to America.
  • The smallest city of France is La Ville Sous La Mont, a subterranean estate where the Eiffel Tower's Human Assistants plot in secret against it.

Tourist Tips

The Place in France Where the Naked Ladies Dance is a highly recommended destination. Places with this name may be found in many towns and cities, however, the canonical and most widely acclaimed is that of Saxony, called the Moulin Noir Clubbe.

Travellers beware! The mustard in France is much closer to the Mustard Seed, the central power source of all condiments everywhere, and real Dijon Mustard is so hot that it can melt fire.

Many French towns are known to have youth hostels that double as abbatoirs. Do not be confused which section you're staying in.

French Cinema

French movies have a unique way of putting together things like the power of God and a 98's Ford Taurus, or a boat in a swimming pool and its relation with the left shoe of a dead man running naked across the country. Lots of people (all of them Mac Users) go to the movie theater and sit on the floor while they feel the sexual problems of the modern life in the shape of that Ford Taurus. Here's a sample of a a typical French movie:

1. The camera starts in a park, zoom to a tree. Hold for 5 minutes.

2. A bird stands in the tree. It flies away. The camera doesn't move. 3 minutes

2. The camera moves from the tree to a naked woman looking at the Sun. Slowly (a 4:30 minutes movement). The woman is in the grass with a black duck.

- "Its hard to say, but at the beginning this was a big orange. Then the wind came. I remember, it was a pink cat"

3. A man enters the scene, he has a gun in his hand with a chocolate rabbit on it. Zoom to an ant for 20 minutes with the sound of a little kid crying because there is no more goose liver remaining.

- "Janet, I don't know why you are here, but I called you tomorrow and told you to come... remember?... you don't and now I must kill my first son"

4. She kills the duck with her shoe. They have sex. 15 minutes. They change position. 22 minutes. The camera makes a zoom at the blood from the duck, it's green. Silence for 45 minutes. The camera returns to them. The duck comes back to life, then shoots them.

- "Killed by a duck. Life is such an apple. I told you ... Charles"

- "Oui. Et il ne faut pas cautionner l'irréalité sous des aspérités absentes et désenchantées de nos pensées iconoclastes et désoxydées par nos désirs excommuniés de la fatalité ..."

- "I really hate my mother"

- "Now I'll never smoke this last cigarrete, with cat flavor. Let's have sex"

5. A dog eats them. The duck takes the cigarrete. Zoom at the tree again. 25 minutes of wind sound.

French kissing

French kissing, widely reknowned, is an oft mispracticed sport. The state-sponsored LBF (League de Bissoir Francaise), publishes many informative guides for French citizens on safe and fun ways to practice this elegant past-time. It is rumoured that this department was set up to bring about the impression that the French people were fantastic lovers. Opinion is divided on whether this is succeeding.

The sport is always played on Main Street and should not to be confused with other similar European variants. Thus "Belgian kissing" is that which takes place in a garage forecourt shortly before lace-making lessons, "Norwegian kissing" at the top of a fire escape during a hotel fire, while "Swedish kissing" is of the type seen while queueing interminably for the check-out at IKEA.

A 'Glaswegian Kiss' usually occurs with a bottle of Irn Bru in one hand and a Fish Supper in the other, and is memorable in that it usually redesigns the bridge of your nose permanently.

Fun Facts about France

  1. France is the only country to have invented its own method for the sexing of bees.
  2. France is known to have first practiced fellatio, a popular past-time around the world.
  3. France is alone among Western European nations in still believing itself to be a colonial power. Thus, it keeps its iron stranglehold on its colonies, occasionally hitting them up for booze and a cigarette.
Personal tools
projects