So I was driving down the M27 tonight, thinking about
smacking savethemooses church, when an idea came to me. Since it's so quiet around here, why don't we pre-allocate jobs to all the main users? There are a lot of people who contribute regularly to Uncyc, even it's just to hang around Recent Changes or VFH, and we can put them all to good use. We can allocate Requested Articles, specific NRVs, a particular meme to exterminate, or an order to get rid of a certain amount of ugly templates. If you get given an article you have to write/rewrite, it will encourage the creative juices to flow, honest. Like when my girlfriend threatened to feed my DVD player toast unless I finished the washing up.
See, we all want the work to be done, and we'd all be happy to do it, because we
have no lives love this place. But without a group effort we are loathe to do it ourselves, because nobody would notice our heroic efforts. But those that take part in the great allocation will have an award to put on their userpage, declaring them to be part of Uncyc's elite, or even be awarded an Honory Doctorate or something to put in their sig. Or an Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. And best of all, when n00bs come and ask about the awards we can say: YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING, MAN! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
So what do you reckon, you indolent swine?21:36, 4 September 2006 (UTC)
- Seems a bit businessmanlike for a free Uncyclopedia, all I know is that if you start assigning jobs I am first in line. Mr. Briggs Inc. 22:08, 4 September 2006 (UTC) Eh?
- I say we grow new users by fertilizing the ovas of surgically-removed ovaries in artificial receptacles, and then incubate them in specially designed tubes. One Bokanovsky process and hundreds of embryos later, we divide them into UnCastes and use hypnopaedia to indoctriate them to the Uncyclopedian order ("Be funny and not just stupid... be funny and not just stupid..."). Just as Our Chron would have wanted. -- 22:27, 4 September 2006 (UTC)
- I'm afraid hypnopedia was destroyed in the last Forest-Fire. On another point, what does "fertilizing" mean? Mr. Briggs Inc. 22:40, 4 September 2006 (UTC) Eh?
- Ooh, I wouldn't try that, STM. For all you know, some EDæ could modify the hypnopaedia to "Be stupid and not just funny". One extraterrestrial race nearly became extinct because of that. And they only survived by... okay, I'm rambling now aren't I? ~ 17:44, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- I like the sound of this brave new world of yours: "I'm so glad I'm a user! It's much better than being an IP! IP's are so stupid and slow,and Admins work so hard.." *takes hit of Soma* -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 09:33, 6 September 2006 (UTC)
- This article doubleplusungood by order of miniluv. This page did not exist, neither did any of the users. That's doublethink for you. O'Brien 23:34, 6 September 2006 (UTC) Whoops... just blurred the line between 1984 and Brave new world... Still, the doubleplusungood stands.
- Codeine is bogarting the soma. Again. Pesky Deltas...What a hideous colour khaki is...-- 23:56, 6 September 2006 (UTC)
- This whole idea reminds me of Mandatory Bonus Duties. Friend Computer approves. --Bahustard 23:52, 7 September 2006 (UTC)
- I say no to Free's idea. Giving out jobs is bad. Just find a niche (hope I spelt that right) and DO IT. Don't wait to be told what to do GO THE FUCK OUT THERE AND DO IT BY YOUR SELF YOU DAISY PICKING SISSY-BOY. And if you screw up, odds are you'll get banned, and none one will ever respect you again. -- 01:54, 8 September 2006 (UTC)
While the idea of assigning specific work tasks to non-admins is a complete non-starter, the award idea isn't bad. I think I pointed out last month that the current Uncyclopedian of the Month award seems reserved for admins, so a similar award excusively for non-admins might be a good way to motivate people, sort of a "sorry we're not making you an admin right away, so have this nice template" sort of affair. And at the risk of overstepping the bounds of what's appropriate for me to suggest, it might even be a worthy use of the new Poll Feature! c • > • 03:58, 6 September 2006 (UTC)
- Hey! My old porn name was Poll Feature.-- 04:16, 6 September 2006 (UTC)
SU attempts to logically justify this wacky suggestion
I do want everyone to know that I considered the existing award (Template:Squeegeewarrior) before I spoke up on the subject. That was the main reason I hadn't suggested this myself, some time ago. The fact is, that award just isn't given out anymore, even though there are plenty of people here who deserve one. I think the last person to legitimately get one was User:King In Yellow, and that was months ago. (Since then, User:Wallaroo gave one to himself, along with a Template:Burninator, apparently without anyone noticing.) User:Bradaphraser dreamed up Template:Poopsmith, apparently meant for hardcore VFD'ers, but User:SimulacrumCaputosis was the only person to actually get one, and Sim even had to design it himself...!
I know there are a lot of awards already, maybe too many, but I just think having a monthly award for general awesomeness at proofreading, layout-fixing, general maintenance, and NRV'ing/VFD'ing would foster a nice healthy spirit of competition and reduce the likelihood that people will think their cleanup contributions are being overlooked. Since we'll all know there will be one every month, and it'll be voted on, and it's off-limits to admins, it'll go from being a "bestowal" to a genuine honor - and unless I drastically miss my guess, that should motivate more of us to spend some time cleaning shit up. c • > • 02:45, 8 September 2006 (UTC)
FreeMorpheme For Admin
- AGAINST Because Morpheme is apparently a spammer seeing as how he can't stay on topic. Mr. Briggs Inc. 22:10, 4 September 2006 (UTC) Eh?
- Against Because he has a cooler signature than me. That bastard. My vote counts as 2,000 regular votes by the way. --Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 02:28, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- Against. Sent me marijuana, and charged my mastercard for it.--Wit (tawk) 05:52, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- Comment. A dealer that ships, and accepts credit cards? I'm sorry, but I fail to see the problem. 17:27, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- For, and my vote counts as 2000 regular votes just to bring it even with emc. In fact, that's the only reason I'm voting "for". ~ 17:44, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- Against. We already elected an admin. Just because you're a CUN, doesn't mean I'm going to Nominate you for that.--Jtaylor1 17:55, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- Against. Zest for life cancelled out by terrible idea about giving people jobs. -- 02:53, 8 September 2006 (UTC)