Fortune cookie

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A '''fortune cookie''' is a small crispy confectionery device used by Occidental [[restaurants]], personal [[computers]], and unclean [[spirit]]s for encrypted communication.
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{{Q|What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning.|Fortune Cookie}}
   
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{{Q|Brave, yet ossified, is the lion that overcomes the bear.|Fortune Cookie}}
   
{|
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{{Q|Strong-willed is he who tests himself against the mighty waters|Fortune Cookie}}
| valign="top" |
 
==Invention of the Fortune Cookie==
 
Although there are many stories about the true inventor of the cookie, here are some of the most famous.
 
   
* The fortune cookie was invented by the high-tech guru (and part-time [[Vice President]]) [[Al Gore]] in [[1983]]. The original recipe (consisting of cookie dough, liquid [[paper]], [[india]] ink, VLSI integrated circuits, fiber optics, and [[chocolate]] chips) was later perfected by [[Martha Stewart]] using individual place-mats, [[Borg]] [[technology]], and [[Awesomnium]].
 
   
* The fortune cookie was invented by a small Asian man who believed he was able to see into the future. As such, he baked cookies and added paper inside them to warn people of the imminent end of the world and the universe as we know it. The paper contained useful information on survival techniques, such as placing a paper bag over your head and holding a bath towel. This idea was later used in Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, however, he mistook the words 'bad bladder' (which was one of the events the Asian foresaw for the cookie-eater) for 'bugblatter'.
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The '''fortune cookie''' is a crisp, wafer-like cookie that is baked around a message of [[infinite]] wisdom and [[prophecy]]. The cookies are usually served after dinner at authentic Chinese restaurants. Although the [[Chinese]] have known the secrets of the fortune [[cookie]] for millenia, the rest of the world only gained [[knowledge]] of the untapped wisdom of the fortune cookie in the mid 15th century, when the prophet [[Nostradamus]] utilized fortune cookies and [[opium]] to see the future.
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==Origin==
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[[Image:Confucius1.jpg|thumb|"Wisdom mayhaps be attained- but only through great discipline." ''-Confucius'' ]]
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The fortune cookie was developed in the early 5th century B.C. by the Chinese philosopher [[Confucius]]. Confucius sought to make a delicious treat that not only provided physical nourishment, but [[mental]] and [[spiritual]] nourishment as well. It is said that Confucius spent many days meditating in the mountains of [[Tibet]] while training in [[Tai Chi]] with [[buddhist]] monks so that he could condense his wisdom.
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Legend has it that Confucius encountered a nomad while focusing his Chi energies at an ancient temple where he encountered a nomadic clan of goatherders. These people, the Batu-Kashmir nomads, practiced a religion which worshiped the [[Earth]] goddess Aleri. Noticing the way the Confucius was so in tune to nature and its mysterious ways they sought his council and offered him a magical confection, the modern fortune cookie. They taught them how to make the crispy-crunchy tarts which he wrote down on scrolls to be kept by the Tibetan people. These scrolls also contained the first fortune cookie prophecies. Scholars maintain that while most of these scrolls were lost in the Great Fire of Lhasa in 422 B.C, some have survived.
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==Sun Tzu and the Fortune Cookie==
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[[Image:Suntzu.jpg|thumb|150|left|"Skilled and calculating is he who takes the high ground."
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''-Sun Tzu'']]
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Chinese [[General]] [[Sun Tzu]] began to dabble in fortune cookies when he led the Wu kingdom to victory of the combined [[Zoo|Zu]] and Chu kingdoms with the aid of one of Confucius' prophecies. Ancient scrolls found in the Mon-shiko Temple outside of <small>a</small> Hunan tell of how the general, seeking guidance before battle, confided in a Confucian fortune cookie for advice. The cookie told Sun Tzu that he would win the battle, and that the gods favored his faction. Of course, Tzu defeated his rivals and led the Wu to dominance in China. After retiring, Sun Tzu decided to begin writing his own little tidbits of wisdom, which, eventually, he compiled together and published in his famous book "[[The Art of War]]." Historians such as [[Sid Meier]] have noted that with the writing of "[[The Art of War]]," a barracks was built in every city on continental China.
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==Nostradamus and the Fortune Cookie==
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15th century prophet [[Nostradamus]] was the first European to make the fortune cookie a household delicacy. After visiting China while high on [[opium]], Nostradamus began to dictate his intricately detailed prophecies to a scribe. Some of his prophecies offered highly detailed descriptions of [[World War II]], [[9/11]], and the rise of [[Wikipedia]]. Fortunately, these events were avoided due to our knowledge that they would occur beforehand. Although Nostradamus never wrote any fortune cookies, he did manage to make them popular with the West by selling his book ''Les Prophecies,'' which foretold the aforementioned events.
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==Mao Tse Tung and the Fortune Cookie==
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[[Image:E-Mao.jpg|thumb|E. Mao]]
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[[Chairman Mao]], widely regarded as the savior of the working class people of China, was another highly notable fortune cookie-ite. He first discovered the cookie's power when deciding the fate of the Communist Party in China. After weighing the decisions, Mao could not decide whether to gain prominence through peaceful revolution or by declaring war on Chiang-Kai-Shek and the nationalists. Thusly, Mao decided civil war ''and'' defensive war against Japan was the best possible choice, as the cookie he ate contained the message
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[[Image:Roflmao.jpg|thumb|left|Rofl Mao]]
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{{Q|It is better to have blood on hand than dissent throughout body.|Fortune Cookie}}
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Many say Mao applied this fortune throughout his regime. It is certain, that Mao decided to initiate the Great Leap Forward after the instruction of a long-since lost fortune, as is chronicled in Mao's own collection of fortunes, the Little Red Book. This initiative was widely regarded as one of the better policy moves of the PRC, resulting in high crop yields and increased production by the Chinese state as a whole. Mao also sought the guidance of fortune cookies when he initiated the Cultural Revolution, another successful campaign by the Chinese government.
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==Fortune Cookie Fortunes==
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The wisdom of fortune cookies has been long since regarded as the greatest in all the land. Special [[philosopher]]s and thinkers, known as Fortunecookie-ites, have dedicated their lives to interpreting and writing fortunes and prophecies to be inserted into the cookies. Here are some examples:
   
| valign="top" | <div align="right">
 
 
{| cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"
 
{| cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"
 
| colspan="3" | [[Image:Fortune-bowltop.jpg]]
 
| colspan="3" | [[Image:Fortune-bowltop.jpg]]
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<option><small>You will have food poisoning<br />in one hour.</small></option>
 
<option><small>You will have food poisoning<br />in one hour.</small></option>
 
<option><small>Expert fisherman is <br />master baiter.</small></option>
 
<option><small>Expert fisherman is <br />master baiter.</small></option>
<option><small>Hahaha i broke the picture wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.</small></option>
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<option><small>The fore-arm of the [[Uncyclopedian]] is sore from [[masturbation|self-pleasing]]</small></option>
 
<option><small>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</small></option>
 
<option><small>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</small></option>
 
<option><small>All Your Base Are<br />Belong To Us.</small></option>
 
<option><small>All Your Base Are<br />Belong To Us.</small></option>
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| colspan="3" | [[Image:Fortune-cookiebase.jpg]]
 
| colspan="3" | [[Image:Fortune-cookiebase.jpg]]
 
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|}
</div>
 
|}
 
 
==The Reagan Administration==
 
[[Nancy Reagan]] was allegedly an accomplished practitioner of the arcane arts of cookieology. After reportedly devouring hundreds and hundreds of fortune cookies during a particularly intense scene at the [[Pentagon]], she successfully channeled the [[undead]] spirit of [[Elvis]], advised [[Ronald Reagan|President Reagan]] to sacrifice a [[virgin]] [[White House]] intern to the dread lord [[Cthulu]], and demanded the immediate [[nuclear]] annihilation of Grenada, the [[Soviet Union]], and [[Luxembourg]] before collapsing dead in a pool of her own vomit.
 
   
==The Religious Right==
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Fortune cookies also often contain several lucky numbers, which will always win you the [[lottery]]. The opposite side usually has a word or phrase (eg., elephant or elevator operator) that you will probably want to know in [[Chinese]], with its phonetic English pronunciation and equivalent under it. Funny, considering that [[Confucius]] was Chinese after all and would have no reason to provide [[English]] translations for Chinese words, especially when he had no [[knowledge]] of English.
The rising popularity of fortune cookies amongst the general [[population]] has been roundly condemned by all fundamentalist [[Christian]] denominations, partly because it leads to other [[Satan]]-dominated [[occult]] practices like [[astrology]], [[voodoo]], and [[Freecell|FreeCell]]; but mostly because, quote, "those bastards are cutting in on our racket!".
 
 
Bush makes executive decisions based on fortune cookies.
 
 
== How to be Hilarious ==
 
Hilarious people always add the words "in bed" to the end of their fortunes. For example, if your fortune says "A wise man works during the day, and at night he sleeps," make sure to read it as "A wise man works during the day, and at night he sleeps IN BED!" You'll be the life of the party.
 
   
 
==See Also==
 
==See Also==
[[Image:FIFC.jpg|thumb|What you will get from UnFortunate Cookies]]
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*[[Confucius]]
*[[Crystal ball]]
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*[[Sun Tzu]]
*[[Magic 8-Ball]]
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*[[Nostradamus]]
*[[Divination]]
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[[Category:Philosophy]]
*[[Prayer]]
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[[Category:History]]
*[[User:Clorox/diedie|Fortune Cookie by Clorox]]
 
*[[Occult]]
 
 
==External Links==
 
* [http://www.badcookie.com/ On line fortune crookies!]
 
* Confucious say: [http://www.thecoffeeplace.com/Jokes/aaaaabwy.html] [http://www.angelfire.com/ok/ssplasher/xconfucious.html] [http://www.laughs.com.au/Canonical/ConfuciousSay.htm] [http://www.some-guy.com/quotes/confucious.shtml] [http://www.humorsphere.com/confucius/]
 
 
[[category:Desserts]][[category:Magick]][[category:Chinese Food]]
 
{{template:Divination}}
 

Revision as of 19:27, May 3, 2007

“What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning.”
“Brave, yet ossified, is the lion that overcomes the bear.”
“Strong-willed is he who tests himself against the mighty waters”


The fortune cookie is a crisp, wafer-like cookie that is baked around a message of infinite wisdom and prophecy. The cookies are usually served after dinner at authentic Chinese restaurants. Although the Chinese have known the secrets of the fortune cookie for millenia, the rest of the world only gained knowledge of the untapped wisdom of the fortune cookie in the mid 15th century, when the prophet Nostradamus utilized fortune cookies and opium to see the future.

Origin

Confucius1

"Wisdom mayhaps be attained- but only through great discipline." -Confucius

The fortune cookie was developed in the early 5th century B.C. by the Chinese philosopher Confucius. Confucius sought to make a delicious treat that not only provided physical nourishment, but mental and spiritual nourishment as well. It is said that Confucius spent many days meditating in the mountains of Tibet while training in Tai Chi with buddhist monks so that he could condense his wisdom.

Legend has it that Confucius encountered a nomad while focusing his Chi energies at an ancient temple where he encountered a nomadic clan of goatherders. These people, the Batu-Kashmir nomads, practiced a religion which worshiped the Earth goddess Aleri. Noticing the way the Confucius was so in tune to nature and its mysterious ways they sought his council and offered him a magical confection, the modern fortune cookie. They taught them how to make the crispy-crunchy tarts which he wrote down on scrolls to be kept by the Tibetan people. These scrolls also contained the first fortune cookie prophecies. Scholars maintain that while most of these scrolls were lost in the Great Fire of Lhasa in 422 B.C, some have survived.

Sun Tzu and the Fortune Cookie

Suntzu

"Skilled and calculating is he who takes the high ground." -Sun Tzu

Chinese General Sun Tzu began to dabble in fortune cookies when he led the Wu kingdom to victory of the combined Zu and Chu kingdoms with the aid of one of Confucius' prophecies. Ancient scrolls found in the Mon-shiko Temple outside of a Hunan tell of how the general, seeking guidance before battle, confided in a Confucian fortune cookie for advice. The cookie told Sun Tzu that he would win the battle, and that the gods favored his faction. Of course, Tzu defeated his rivals and led the Wu to dominance in China. After retiring, Sun Tzu decided to begin writing his own little tidbits of wisdom, which, eventually, he compiled together and published in his famous book "The Art of War." Historians such as Sid Meier have noted that with the writing of "The Art of War," a barracks was built in every city on continental China.

Nostradamus and the Fortune Cookie

15th century prophet Nostradamus was the first European to make the fortune cookie a household delicacy. After visiting China while high on opium, Nostradamus began to dictate his intricately detailed prophecies to a scribe. Some of his prophecies offered highly detailed descriptions of World War II, 9/11, and the rise of Wikipedia. Fortunately, these events were avoided due to our knowledge that they would occur beforehand. Although Nostradamus never wrote any fortune cookies, he did manage to make them popular with the West by selling his book Les Prophecies, which foretold the aforementioned events.

Mao Tse Tung and the Fortune Cookie

E-Mao

E. Mao

Chairman Mao, widely regarded as the savior of the working class people of China, was another highly notable fortune cookie-ite. He first discovered the cookie's power when deciding the fate of the Communist Party in China. After weighing the decisions, Mao could not decide whether to gain prominence through peaceful revolution or by declaring war on Chiang-Kai-Shek and the nationalists. Thusly, Mao decided civil war and defensive war against Japan was the best possible choice, as the cookie he ate contained the message

Roflmao

Rofl Mao

“It is better to have blood on hand than dissent throughout body.”

Many say Mao applied this fortune throughout his regime. It is certain, that Mao decided to initiate the Great Leap Forward after the instruction of a long-since lost fortune, as is chronicled in Mao's own collection of fortunes, the Little Red Book. This initiative was widely regarded as one of the better policy moves of the PRC, resulting in high crop yields and increased production by the Chinese state as a whole. Mao also sought the guidance of fortune cookies when he initiated the Cultural Revolution, another successful campaign by the Chinese government.

Fortune Cookie Fortunes

The wisdom of fortune cookies has been long since regarded as the greatest in all the land. Special philosophers and thinkers, known as Fortunecookie-ites, have dedicated their lives to interpreting and writing fortunes and prophecies to be inserted into the cookies. Here are some examples:

Fortune-bowltop
Fortune-thumbleft You will have food poisoning
in one hour.
Fortune-thumbright
Fortune-cookiebase

Fortune cookies also often contain several lucky numbers, which will always win you the lottery. The opposite side usually has a word or phrase (eg., elephant or elevator operator) that you will probably want to know in Chinese, with its phonetic English pronunciation and equivalent under it. Funny, considering that Confucius was Chinese after all and would have no reason to provide English translations for Chinese words, especially when he had no knowledge of English.

See Also

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