Fortran

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Main article: FORTRAN

FORTRAN ( an acronym standing for FORgiveme TRANsistors) was invented by John Backus, an IBM researcher, in the mid 1950s, and was the first complex language spoken by humans. Prior to the invention of FORTRAN, humans were only capable of uttering 1s or 0s, or obscure grunts like "push" and "pop". It is believed that nearly simultaneous to the invention of FORTRAN, a group of evildoers invented a language named COBOL, but there is no accounting for this.

Although the first versions of FORTRAN were not capable of modern lexical structure, the invention of FORTRAN nevertheless sparked an explosion in human literature. For the first time, engineers and scientists were capable of expressing themselves. Many simulations and finite elephant codes were written in the FORTRAN language. There is strong evidence that the Bible was originally written in FORTRAN, as ancient sacred texts found at sites LLNL and LANL in the California and New Mexico deserts bear the title "Numerical Recipes in FORTRAN".

FORTRAN enjoyed great popularity during the late 1970s and early 1980s, when the VAX was at its peak among scientists and engineers. But by then FORTRAN was already beginning to atrophy, as more and more humans spoke a language named "C" and "C++", and the sacred texts were translated to these new languages. Whether the original sacred incantations could just as effectively be uttered in these new languages is still open to question.

The last known native FORTRAN speaker died in 1999, but it is believed that FORTRAN may still spoken by several obscure tribes who learned the language from survivors of airoplane crashes in remote regions.

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