Fish

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==Trivia==
 
==Trivia==
 
* Contrary to popular opinion, it is a myth that a Fish requires a [[bicycle]] for transportation. While bicycles are popular among certain schools of fish, [[scooter|vespas]] are far more convenient for the modern fish lifestyle.
 
* Contrary to popular opinion, it is a myth that a Fish requires a [[bicycle]] for transportation. While bicycles are popular among certain schools of fish, [[scooter|vespas]] are far more convenient for the modern fish lifestyle.
* George Bernard Shaw pronounced 'fish' 'Ghoti', simply because he liked to be different. How much of a bastard was he?
+
* George Bernard Shaw pronounced 'fish' 'Ghoti', simply because he liked to be
* Contrary to popular opinion, fish do not, in fact, taste like [[chicken]]. They taste like puppy.
 
* The only country ever ruled by fish was the Sardinian Empire. Oh and Chile which was until 2006 ruled by a large Patagonian Toothfish named Ricardo.
 
*A Fish once fronted the [[Prog Rock]]/[[Science|Science Band]] Marillion. It was thrown out for being wet.
 
* David is a fish.
 
*My mother is a fish.
 
 
==Global Conspiracy==
 
 
There is an ancient legend about a water dwelling creature, called “fish”. It is not clear why and who created this myth, but in modern times it is heavily exploited by a world-wide global conspiracy group, let us call them THEY. THEY involve manufacturers and dealers of outdoor and fishing equipment, include traveling and transportation companies, entertainment industries, food and health corporations and so on. It engulfs our entire life. This billion dollars industry owes its existence on the simple premise that there is fish. The billion-dollar question is, is there fish? Here are my two-cents on the issue.
 
 
There are two kinds of fishermen: those who never catch and admit it, and those who never catch, but, ashamed probably, lie. The later constantly boast and brag about their experiences, they are the majority. I never caught anything, no matter how hard I tried. Until I realized the reason: There is no such thing. All is a grand illusion. Fairytales, legends, hear-say, gossips, rumors, myths, smoke and mirror. To sustain the illusion good advertisement is essential. A whole industry was created, consisting of magazines, radio and TV-programs, books, know-how workshops, competitions etc. The advancement of technologies made finally possible to support the legend by the means of electro-mechanical devices, able to float and propel in water, and shaped like the above-mentioned mythological creatures.
 
 
The natural question of the reader by now should be, what do we get, when we order fish in the store, or in the restaurant? THEY have thought of everything: What is served as “fish”, is simply flavored chicken meat. And priced accordingly. A cheaper, low quality product was introduced on the market, called “Chicken of the sea”. And if you think, that this is the top of their blatant arrogance, read further and decide for yourselves.
 
 
In Japan THEY introduced the myth of a delicious food, fudu. The chicken meat is spiced with exotic Japanese flavors. Allegedly, fudu is a “fish” with ball-shaped body, armored with spikes and slime that covers the entire body. The slime causes severe pain experience, if one’s finger is pierced by a spike. The mythical fudu is laced with deadly tetrodoxin poison, causing sometimes painful death to the person(s) who ate fudu. Fudu should only be prepared by skillful chefs, creating a convenient way to eliminate political enemies, while and loading the cook with the responsibility.
 
 
The invention of electricity and the advancement of technology allowed for the development of plastic electromechanical devices. They were shaped moved as the mythological fish is supposed to. They were exhibited in zoos, sold as pets, pictured in textbooks, used in movie industry, like “Jaws”, “Old Man And The Sea”, and “Moby Dick” to name a few. But ultimately, fish served as a proof of the very existence of this creature.
 
 
The early models, code named “electric eel” and “electric sting ray”, were so coarse, they were not meant to be touched or examined at a close range. For this purpose, the devices were covered with electro-conducting gel and supplied with high voltage coils, delivering up to 600 V shock to the unlucky and the curious. However, an alternative opinion exists, that the electric properties of the above devices was not a feature, but was due to improper insulation. We shall probably never know for sure. Gradually the fish-devices became more beautiful, smaller and agile. Most recent models, like Viperfish and Anglerfish feature light emitting diodes (LED), that flash periodically. LEDs turned the Viperfish and Angelfish into nice additions for every fish tank. Other electric models are sold in Wal-Mart under the name “Singing Bass”. Singing Bass is not supposed to be submerged and not expected to propel under water either, making it as complicated and as cheap as a Teddy bear.
 
 
The development of the chemical technology allowed to create fish, that can be baked and eaten. The skeleton is made of biodegradable polymers and is not to be consumed. The meat is very tender, and looks like chicken meat, cut into small peaces, and pressed together. The reason is that fish is exactly this: flavored peaces of poultry, pressed together. The real flavor does not really matter, as long as it is strong enough to disguise the chicken. After all, no one knows how the “real tuna” should smell and taste...
 
 
The electromechanical devices meant for sport fishing are quite expensive. The secrecy about fish must be protected strictly. For this purpose, the number of “fish” that can be caught and carried home is limited. This is why limits on the size and on daily catch were introduced. If the “fish” is smaller than the limit, it is supposed to be returned in the water immediately. If anyone tries to take it to the shore, he is expected by an employee of the agency, who controls the particular lake or river, dressed as park ranger, or Fishing and Gaming officer, ready to confiscate the “fish” and issue a fine. Everyone who claims to have caught “fish” has either won a promotional lottery, or is simply an officer of the above mentioned agency.
 
 
In older times, people were much more concerned. They did not like the idea of “fish”. And when they did not believe something, they would say, “It smells fishy”. Unfortunately, we are turning more and more gullible. This is why, the people who run the global fish conspiracy have become so arrogant, careless and self-confident recently, they allow for leaks of information frequently. Examples include the “Chicken of the sea” and the “Singing BASS” sold in Wal-Mart, the “clown fish”, which sings and floats, sold in Toys Are Us, and the Euro-pro’s vacuum cleaner “Shark”. The computer part manufacturers are most careless. Examples include Cobian computer modems, Seagate’s “Barracuda” hard drive, Western Digital’s “Caviar”.
 
 
 
 
 
 
[[Image:Bass player.JPG|thumb|left|200px|Stephen King of popular music combo [[AC/DC]] seen here practicing playing his [[bass]].]]
 
 
==See also==
 
 
{| width="100%" border="0"
 
|-valign="top"
 
|width="50%"|
 
* [[Abe Vigoda]]
 
* [[Babel]]
 
* [[Babel fish]]
 
* [[Big Phish]]
 
* [[Breadfish]]
 
* [[Dead flounder]]
 
* [[Elastic Trout]]
 
* [[Fish fingers]]
 
* [[Fishing]]
 
* [[Fishification]]
 
* [[Fishbone diagram]]
 
* [[Fish in a bucket]]
 
|width="50%"|
 
* [[Goat Cheese]]
 
* [[Guppy]]
 
* [[HowTo:Smell a Bit Like Fish]]
 
* [[Lead fish]]
 
* [[Phish]]
 
* [[Shooting Fish]]
 
* [[Turbot]]
 
|}
 
 
[[Category:Fish|*]]
 
[[Category:Pool]]
 
 
[[de:Fisch]]
 
[[ja:魚類]]
 
[[pl:Ryba]]
 
[[zh:魚]]
 

Revision as of 08:03, September 22, 2007

“So long, and thanks for all the fish.”
~ Lord Byron on this article
“GRUE NO LIKE SEAFOOD!”
~ Grue on this article
“There like cats with gills!”
~ Oscar Wilde on this article
“A creature to be admired, a true tribute to how something with such potential...can be wasted”
~ Tim Henman on this article


0000000000000FishFishyOHHHHH!!
I wonder where that fish did go, a fish a fish a fishy OHHHHH!
Milt2
A man masturbating a fish

A fish is a small carnivorous animal that loiters in oceans, rivers and damp places across the world. Despite warnings from global warming experts, the current melting of the ice caps is set to benefit fish considerably, possibly even making them the dominant species on Earth.

History

Human Domination

In popular history fish have traditionally been the sport of man; most thriving places in the world being fishing towns (Alexandria, Constantinople, Dover, etc). Man has always thrived off the nutritious benefits of the sea-harvest, for they are a great source of protein and, in certain areas, radioactive material. Civilizations such as the Cartheginians, Greeks and (latterly) the Britons were all maritime powers; all exploiters of the seas.

Human Domination?

It is clear, therefore, that fish are likely to be resentful of man's power. Indeed, there is evidence enough to suggest that fish have always been actively against land-domination:

  • The asteroid that almost wiped out life on Earth about 65.5 million years ago did not kill any fish -a coincidence? One likely theory is that fish collectively manipulated the tides on Earth by use of their dorsal fins to create artificial movements; this would disrupt the magnetic potential of the planet, almost certainly drawing wayward objects into the path of it.
  • Despite the supposed abundance of fish (they thrive to the tune of many trillions), they are proving more and more harder to catch, leading to the erroneous assumption that they are, in fact, being hunted to extinction. However, logic dictates that they are willfully avoiding capture.
  • The documentary 'Finding Nemo' was astonishingly sympathetic to incarcerated fish, even depicting the rescue of the eponymous 'Nemo' from a holding-cell in Sydney. Most likely this was a work of propaganda by aquatic creatures, or at least influenced by their spies in Hollywood in much the same way Comintern helped to perverse the sales of anti-USSR tracts in the 20th century.

Trivia

  • Contrary to popular opinion, it is a myth that a Fish requires a bicycle for transportation. While bicycles are popular among certain schools of fish, vespas are far more convenient for the modern fish lifestyle.
  • George Bernard Shaw pronounced 'fish' 'Ghoti', simply because he liked to be
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