Driving in Bucharest

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Driving in Bucharest is the best ever. It takes courage like driving in a warzone because of the number of cars. To drive here , you need to know to curse at least 30 minutes continuously without repeating yourself.

Swearings

You are not allowed to drive on the streets of Bucharest, unless you know how to swear in Romanian. The proficiency in swearing is usually measured in the time you can keep swearing without repeating yourself.

  • under 10 minutes - pedestrians
  • 10 to 20 minutes - amateurs, driving only on Sundays, when they go to church
  • 20 to 30 minutes - commuters, driving to work every day.
  • 30 minutes to an hour - chauffeurs.
  • an hour to two hours - truck drivers
  • more than two hours - taxi drivers.

It is highly recommended to take a university course on Balkan Swearings before driving in Bucharest.

Priority rules

  1. The most generic rule is that the largest vehicle has the priority. Basically, a large SUV would always have priority when meeting another car, but will make way for trucks or buses. However, there are some exceptions.
  2. Right side priority: the vehicle which comes from the right has the priority. It only applies when you come from the right.
  3. Taxi priority. The taxis always have priority.
  4. Truck driver priority, same as with the taxis.
  5. "Şmecher" priority. When neither of the above gives you the priority, you can be a cunning driver and claim to be "şmecher" and just go for it.

Settling disputes

It may be surprising that in a country where baseball is not played at all, the sales of baseball bats are rather high. A study showed that 91.5% of the drivers in Bucharest keep a baseball bat under their chair. What the study missed out is that the rest of 8.5% of the drivers keep it in the trunk. Using a baseball bat is a popular and fun way to settle disputes. We recommend you smash the windscreen with the baseball bat and scrach the side of the car with your keys. After that is done, we think a bit of exercise would do good for you, so start running after the other driver.

Traffic lights

  • If you're on the first row of cars - Relax, there's absolutely no need to hurry, eventually you'd get to your destination. The guy behind you using the horn is not a reason to hurry. If he keeps doing it, you can use the dispute settling explained above.
  • If you're on the second row of cars - The idiot in front of you is probably doing it just to annoy you, so start pressing the horn the instant the traffic lights change to green and keep it pressed until he leaves. This might be a good opportunity to show your swearing capabilities.
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