Dad

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[[Image:Ward.JPG|right|thumb|A rare photograph of Dad, taken in early 1939, shortly before dominating Europe and Northern Africa.]]
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Dad, if you are reading this, FUCK YOU. DROP DEAD AND DIE. I HOPE YOU DIE THE SLOWEST AND MOST PAINFUL DEATH IMAGINABLE. AND THAT YOU SHIT YOURSELF RIGHT BEFORE DYING, SO THAT THE LAST WARM FEELING YOU EVER HAVE IS OF YOUR OWN SHIT. SEE YOU IN HELL, FUCKER.
   
{{Wilde|No man has ever known the fear that is Dad!|Dad}}
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[[Category:Fisher Price]]
 
Ruler of the world [[1939]]-[[2012]]. Few people in the 20th Century have changed the world as much as Dad. Born in the year 1895 [[A.C.]], Dad was the son of Ulf and Irma Adler in the remote town of [[Kraftwerk]], Germany, near the Bavarian Alps. It is said that in his youth, Dad aspired to be a competitive eater. However, as much as his tried, Dad failed two enterence exams into the local school of eating, the Deutsche Schule Konkurrenzfähigen Essens, or the DSKE.
 
 
==Anti-Communist Campaign==
 
In the late 1920s, Dad had moved to the Capital of Germany, [[Umlaut]]. This is the place where many believe that Dad became active in politics. It all started on September 23rd, 1924. Dad ran into a rival group of Communists lead by Josef [[Stalin]]. The story goes that Dad said that [[Booberry]] was better than [[Count Chocula]], but Communists like [[Frankenberry]] best because it is red.
 
 
==Dad Defeats Kaiser Larry Bird==
 
On a stormy day, in late 1932, Dad approached the home of the aging Kaiser, [[Larry Bird]]. The Kaiser was waiting. It was customary in those days for a man to challange another to a game of NBA Live 06, in order to defend his honor. "Did you bring your own controller?", asked the [[Kaiser]]. "Yeah, mine is wireless.", Dad replied. The story goes that [[Kaiser]] Bird was first player. He chose the Lakers, because they were good in the 06 game. Dad then picked Cleveland because he thought Lebron James was the bomb.
 
[[Image:LarryBird.JPG|right|thumb|A picture of the Kaiser, Larry Bird.]]
 
For most of the game, The Kaiser was in the lead. Mainly because he was only giving the ball to Kobe, and dunking it. But everyone knows that [[Lebron]] is better than [[Kobe]]. The game ended up going into double overtime, but it ended in a tie. Traditionally, the second game they play is Connect Four. Within minutes Kaiser Bird was defeated. Dad got him diagonally. From that point on, Dad was the ruler of all Germany.
 
 
==Germany's National Anthem (1941-2012)==
 
Feel free to sing along if you know the words.
 
 
[[Image:Anthem.jpg]]
 
 
 
==National Holidays==
 
 
[[September]] 23rd: National Smoked Links Day
 
 
[[November]] 17th: Brothers Against Whitey Day
 
 
[[December]] 29th: [[Yaksmas]]
 
 
[[January 1st]]: [[Umlaut]] Appreciation Week
 

Revision as of 02:21, December 21, 2006

Dad, if you are reading this, FUCK YOU. DROP DEAD AND DIE. I HOPE YOU DIE THE SLOWEST AND MOST PAINFUL DEATH IMAGINABLE. AND THAT YOU SHIT YOURSELF RIGHT BEFORE DYING, SO THAT THE LAST WARM FEELING YOU EVER HAVE IS OF YOUR OWN SHIT. SEE YOU IN HELL, FUCKER.

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