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- This article is about the memory simulation video game. For the bloodiest coup in recent memory, see Dance Dance Revolution.
“It is sweet to dance on memory
When 0's and 1's aren't bad:
To step on bytes, left down up right
Is super-sweet and rad:
But it is not sweet with nimble feet
To step off of the pad!”
Double Data Rate (DDR) is an arcade game produced by Konami. Its objective is to take on the role of a memory controller in a modern PC and write information to primary storage as quickly as possible.
“Dirty Dancing Reeks!!”
Players assume the role of a memory controller in a modern PC. They stand on a pad of arrows, like the one on an actual chipset, but much larger. Data appears at the bottom of a buffer on the screen and scrolls toward the top. When the data reaches the register, the players must step on the correct arrow to send it to the correct memory bank. As anyone familiar with high-end computing can tell you, proper timing is very important in DDR. Pads are available for home play, but many have a higher CAS latency than a properly maintained arcade system, and thus produce inferior performance.
Players have a variety of chips to choose from, which vary in difficulty. Different chips appear on different motherboard revisions of the game. Chips can be sorted by chipset compatibility, name, or clock speed.
Konami released this game with the intention of creating a fun and enjoyable experience for teenagers and young adults. However, despite the numerous warnings in spanish, french, english, japanese, and african americanese, many of those who play are the incorrect audience for this Deadly Destroying Reaper. Often times parents, the elderly, small children who are deaf and have down syndrome, will end up inserting one of their pieces of shilling into the device. As their body's move and their legs criss and cross, blood vessels in their tendons begin to stop and create large blockages not unlike the blockage of feces in a constipated rectum. The blood clot moves up the leg, and along the spinal cord, then back down the other leg, and then to the brain where the child or parent experiences a massive seizure, heart attack, stroke, head explosion, aids, and even cancer. Since its release in 1703, the game has claimed the lives of over 18 billion people in California alone. The game continues to claim the lives of the young and willing "dancers" to this very day. It has recently been discovered that the alphamale will often times attempt to play this machine in order to atract a mate and potentially release its "sexual tension". This is the leading cause of death in Adults 30 - 139 years old.
Famous DDR Players
Since its recent cloning and subsequent time travel to the Renaissance, DDR has reached popularity with Italians and French royalty. Marie Antoinette was in the middle of playing Max 300 Super-Max-Me-Mix on doubles when she gave the famous line, "let them eat cake" because she was pissed off at those annoying peasents for distracting her with their hungry shouts. Leonardo Da Vinci also had played much DDR, but ran out of tokens and became emo and started drawing and thinking. Pussy. DDR is also responsible for shaping communism in Russia with the policy of "all comrades should play on Standard and get the same score".
Chips can be overclocked or underclocked to alter the difficulty of the game, and other effects, such as power fluctuations and cosmic rays, can also be introduced. More recent versions of the game have introduced technology called SMP (symmetric multi-pads), which allows one player to play on two pads simultaneously, providing a potential performance increase for parallel tasks. Cutting-edge versions such as Intel's new DDR2: Extreme Edition allow for playing two sets of arrows on a single pad. This can offer performance increases similar to SMP, provided the user has a sufficiently fast FSB (foot/shoe bus).
It is unwise to play DDR for long, uninterrupted periods of time, for the page file tends to fill up. Worse yet, when getting up the next morning, your legs may experience some latency, seeing as how your body has been overclocked. If you do choose to play a lot, make sure to equip yourself with an adequate power supply. Also, for some unknown reason, blue LEDs embedded in your shoes improve DDR performance immensely. DDR Solo also sparked some rioting and pedophilia after so-called "Oni" players began sucking all over again just because of two more arrows. Their possies of 12 year olds began to return to their rooms to play Halo 2 and eat hot pockets, leaving DDR nerds in a state of shock. Avoid DDR Solo at all costs. The extra arrows make no sense at all and will thoroughly pwn you and your little dog, Toto.
It is also rumored that DDR was created to kill off the fat gamers, who are coincidentally usually one of the best types of gamers. While considered to be a health time bomb, fat gamers own most everyone in every game because they do not move from their couches, and in the mid-years of life a fat gamer will have moved his fridge, laptop, and pee bucket all next to his couch not to further delay any movement. The rest of the gamers decided to make 'DDR' to kill them all off by inexorably increasing amounts of physical exertion. It's not that fat gamers are necessarily objects of intense hate; it's just that nobody likes a fat guy with no life who sits around playing video games.
Gaming executives loved the DDR idea when presented to them, because of its simplified controllers that are made of cheap plastic and easy to assemble by slave labor in China. Also, knowing gamers are undoubtedly morbidly obese, they figured that just stepping on the controllers would lead to breaking the delicate electronics inside. Then, after breaking the controller they knew the fat gamers would whine to their parents about getting a new DDR controller until they went out and bought a backup supply and sent their kids to fat camp, all increasing the national GDP.
There have been rumours about the Left and Down Arrows, but their children, South and West Arrow are the only ones to know the secret.