Brazil
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Brassière Democratic Dictatorship of Brazil Brazil | |||||
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| Motto: "Hey wait a minute...when did the Doobie Brothers break up ?" | |||||
| Anthem: "Music is My Hot Sex | |||||
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| Capital | Rio de Janeiro (at summer), Buenos Aires (at winter) | ||||
| Largest city | Rearinia | ||||
| Official language(s) | a strange Spanish dialect called Portuguese, yelping, Interweb speak | ||||
| Government | Piracy | ||||
| Bono's Friend | Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Blanka, Sean, Carlos | ||||
| Declaration of Independence |
2 days before 9/11 | ||||
| Currency | Bananaphones | ||||
| Religion | New Age, Voodoo | ||||
| Population | 51% octoroons pretending being Italians or Germans, 39% mutts, 10% sambistas, about 7 Sting's friends (absolute numbers). | ||||
“The Amazon is so lushy!”
“Reloo mai gringo friemdis”
“They're just called "nuts" here.”
“Give me your wallet,motherfucker!”
Brazil is a tiny tropical island off the coast of Southern Argentina. It is home to several American snorkel factories and is run entirely by dogs. Prior to dogs rule, DR (2005 onwards) Brazil was a great bastion of Latin American Soccer Hooligan-Shenanigenism. Brazil was also known for its topless chick-esque culture of no clothesism. The Capital of Brazil, according to the movies, seems to be Buenos Aires. It is also wise to remember that, like Canada, Brazil is not a real country.
Contents |
History
Before the dogs, Brazil was an imperialist country ruled by cool dictators. In the 60's the Brazilian Army invaded the USA to put an end to that hippie buffoonery, which was destroyed to the bones (just as well). The commie parties in Brazil aren't so successful either, because of the very very authoritarian government. The War Of Canudos is an example.
In the World War II Brazilians allied with the Axis and supported Hitler and Mussolini to victory. Unfortunately, some people in Brazil didn't realize the war was over until 1999 and continued to try to create democracy, the big loser of the History.
Brazil also has one historical enemy country: Sikland, ruled by cats.
It was created by some crazy guys from a silly old country called Portugal.
Brazilian Politics
See: Brazilian political candidates
Brazilian politicians can only be killed with stakes, holy water or exorcisms from the Pope himself. The most popular theory is that they are Sauron's orcs under disguise, while some favor the idea that they are in fact Dracula's poor couisins enjoying a retirement in a tropical country. Support for the latter comes from the fact that famed politician-dark-wizard Ioseph Dircaeus has been seen riding a Nazgul in the sky. His natural enemies are old men with canes and men abused by their wives (i.e. Jefferson); who also tend not to like orcs. IQ tests and their physical appearance support both theories.
Government
Brazil, also known as Brasil, Braziu, Butter or Buttocks, may have been, for many millenia, a hole of political corruption and bad administration. However, this claim is largely unproved, since some people argue that it may not be a hole, but an excavation on the ground, and, most importantly, because the involved subjects always invite each other for some pizza at the National Restaurant (also known as National Congress), so that everybody happily settles a deal before the accusations go too far. The dogs are trying to make Brasil a better place to live, but this is a difficult mission, because they don't have thumbs.
Geography
Regions
Brazil is divided in 107 regions, subdivided in 974 states, sub-subdivided in 38724 provinces. The most important states are: Rondônia (the major state), Piauí, Acre, Amapá, Serjeep and Tokkantins (known as the "locomotive" of the country, while Rondônia is the "where Judas lost his boots"). PS: Acre is a LIE.
Important cities
- Buenos Aires, Capital
- São Paulo, where lies the Palantír of Piratininga
- Rio de Janeiro
- Rio de Fevereiro
- Rio de Março
- Curitiba
- Crackoland
- Funkytown
- Varginha - Aliens camp site.
- Monkeyland - dogs and monkeys fight site
- Campinas - pronounced like "Cum penis". (the end of the biggest and most important gay highway in Brazil)
- Mordor - Acre
- Brasília (Also know as Dog Pound)
Separatism & inner conflicts
Pernambuco is the only state with separatist intentions; this state is totally run by cats, natural enemies of dogs as we all know.
The cats arrived in Pernambuco with the Dutch colonization (0,87 BC). The cats expelled all humans way before the dogs invaded Brazil. When the dogs came they took over Pernambuco and enslaved the cats and then took over all Brazilian territory.
Pernambuco became widely known for its rebellion against communism and right now Pernambucans have a pact with the southern states of USA, including Texas and Colorado, due to its geographic similarities, to form the Confederate States Of The Great America, composed by Pernambuco, Texas, Colorado, Virginia, Georgia, Calorington and later Katatutualankaerantchytchatchlán (a small norse rebel community in Mexico). Once it's organized, they plan to invade Latvia to conquer Lithuania to free Estonia from Brazil.
Economics
Brazil's main exports are Aerolulas. There are serveral species of Aerolulas who attacks people at the streets. Brazil is also the worlds largest producer of consumer electronics. The Poodle corporation has been investing heavily in Capital equiptment since the 7898 BC, to make Brazil one of the most advanced canine countries. Living standards in Brazil are now comparable to a box of cornflakes. Living standards look set to continue to rise with a fall in the size of a box of cornflakes. Actually the Brazilian economy is based 90% in wood extraction from the amazon forest. Whores (putas) are a very economic way to have sex and Brazil exports them to all the World, especially to the USA, so more Americans can be born.
Brazil has only three trans-national corporations:
- Globo makes Mexican soap operas in Portuguese and uses expensive actors, they are completely broke but they still are Brazil's main trans-national.
- Universal Church of the Kingdom of God makes money with believers and will soon be the main Brazilian economical source.
- Habib's makes money selling tiny pizzas called "esfirras" as Arabian food. The owners are not Brazilian anymore: it's been recently bought out by some Chinese freaks who then built a crazy gadget to make smaller, cheaper pizzas.
Society
Brazilians are extremely dumb. They really are. As an example demonstrating such dumbness, when they are told that they are dumb, they answer that they are dumb because they are poor. That is, not only do they confirm that they are dumb, but they also criticize themselves saying that they are poor. However, Brazilians are not total suckers, because they've had the luck to have the same nationality as God (which, according to a Brazilian belief, was born in Belém do Pará).
Brazilians are known to like fucking north americans. By sheer force of coincidence, all Brazilian citizens have one of the last names Da Costa, Santos, Da Silva or Bush.
Brazilians have 10,000 words for being less-than-black (pardo, café-com-leite, sarará, moreninho, petróleo, Pelé, etc.), and every year there are contests to see who is the least black in each village. Nowadays there has been a large massacre from the white population against the black and mixed colored population, and also Jewish families, although the Jews are still a minority there and hopefully will remain so.
The South and Southeast of Brazil is inhabited mainly by Jews, Homossexuals, Turks, Carcamanos, Italians, Gypsies, Semi-Niggers, Travestites and other degenerates and losers.
Culture
Brazilian street fighting capoeira is famous internationally, thanks to some cheesy action movies and popular video games. It's most well known exponant is Grand Mestre Flash who rose to fame after he appeared in the movie Singing in the Rain with the artist formally known as Black Kamen Rider
Sports
Brazil is internationally known as the home of football soccer, it is the only thing they are good, it's the homeplace of the ugliest best football players of the world, like Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Pelé and Maradona.
In Brazil some rather unusual sports are very popular,like Stealing the American's wallet,Running away from prison ,Gun Fightingand Bus Torching.
Military
Brazil has a standing army of 467 paws and one queen; Brazil’s army used to have a lot more paws previous to the War Of Canudos however their recent war with the Ninja Chicken island of China has left Brazil without a leg to stand on. The Ninja Chickens look set to take over the Island by early 2006. The Ninja Chickens have crippled the BDC (Brazilian dog corps) with their laser eyes and ability to polymorph into Ninja Turkeys (note, china was taken by ninja chickens in 2005, it was on the news; dude, you probably didn’t watch the news that day).
Brazilian Language
Note that the Brazilian language is mostly derived from a Belgian dialect (known as Portugaus) which has been spoken by generations of teenagers with a nasty habit of schatological mistranslation.
There are almost 5 billion words in Brazilian Language. The idiom is regarded one of the most difficult in the world and galaxy, since every year the dogs in Academia Brasileira De Letras create more words and grammatical rules to cover holes, problems, with the old flawed system. There is a word for every pain, type of leaves, fruits, bandit, and many other types...
Perhaps the only really important phrase a tourist would ever need to pronounce in Brazil is spoken as "keh-rrrrro-co-nieh-serrrrr mo-rrrreh-nahs brrra-zee-lay-rrrrrahs" (remember to stress the 'r's), which means, "I'd like to meet brazilian brunettes". When saying that, remember to be wearing a "tropical flowers T-shirt", bermuda shorts, long white socks and keep smiling. Sunglasses, a hat, a coconut in hand and some sweat from just venturing some steps in the national dance (Techno) may also help. In fact, you can keep saying that repeatedly in the streets, as long as you don't accept any invitation of anybody telling you to follow them, because they would take you to the girls.
Brazilian bad words
Brazilians are creative people, and the country is known of having the world's biggest collection of bad words, to everything you can imagine. You should be careful because things like filho da puta does not mean good morning, or quero dar o cu does not mean hello.
See also
Videos
- Jeremias, Brazil's evil and drunk dictator, part I
- Jeremias part II
- Jeremias part III
- Leonaldo, Jeremias's father
- Alborghetti, a famous Brazilian philosopher
- Alborghetti singing a very famous Brazilian song
- Alborghetti talking about drugs (the main Brazilian export product)
- Alborghetti. Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Alborghetti talking about Rio de Janeiro
- Ruth Lemos talking-alking about sandwich-ich lags in Counter-Strike-ike
- Dado Dollabela (the emo one) against João Gordo (the fat one). According to Dollabela, Gordo betrayed the punk movement, véio!
- Brazilian male soccer referee
- Video made by Brazilian Tourism Council to promote turism abroad the country.
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