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“The human brain is like a huge bowl of spaghetti: it's flat and slimy, and has gills through which it can see. Should one of these gills fail to open, the messages sent by the lungs will fail to be received by the brain. It's that simple.”
“With the thoughts you'd be thinkin', you could be another Lincoln.”
While commonly mistaken for a muscle, the brain is actually an organ composed entirely of cabbages. Its exact purpose remains unknown. Some physiologists believe that, similar to the appendix, it is merely the vestige of an organ which once enabled our ancestors to turn milk sour by glaring at it. Another popular theory, first promulgated by Aristotle, is that the brain functions as an blood-cooling device, much in the manner of the large ears of the desert fox, or a dog's tongue. In many people, the brain shrivels to the size of a cashew nut during puberty.
Scientists have suggested that in order to fully understand the workings of a human brain, we would require a higher level of understanding than is possible with the aforementioned human brain. This is known as the "In order to fully understand the workings of a human brain, we would require a higher level of understanding than is possible with the aforementioned human brain" Paradox.
History of the BrainThe original attempts to create the first brain occured in ancient Japan, but the Japaneese research data was later ripped off by the Chineese in 2013 BJE (Before John Elway). The first rudimentary attempts at Chinese brain construction appear to have had such basics components as an egg, some water and a lightning conductor, although these initial experiments only gave rise to the poached egg, which was subsequently nicked by the Brits . Several wall carvings have been discovered in Northern Wales showing that a later prototype of the Chineese brain was initially bright red with a yellow bits, siilar to the Chineese flag, but it was thought that this would decrease sales to foreign markets and so purple and a kind of disgusting putty color were chosen because these was the only colours absent from the flags of every country. It is suspected that the French stole a copy of the Chinese prototype in the post-prehistoric era, however, they wasted centuries debating what kind of hat it should wear, and no further progress was made. The brain was eventually lost in the Reformation. The organ mysteriously re-emerged shortly afterwards, and was renamed for the most prominent proponent of its use, Sir Brian; however, this was corrupted over the years to Brain, due to an unfortunate spelling mistake. Gradually, it became more and more fashionable to have a brain as an accessory, like the codpiece, which served no real purpose, but was adopted by many of those wishing to stand out from the crowd.
Other Brain FactsBrains are among the primary food source for zombies and other creatures in the undead kingdom, including several seemingly 'normal' people. To quote Mindless Self Indulgence's lead singer, 'I'm going to lick out your brain...'. Brains also are tired of seeing their name prominently misspelled on the sports trophies of guys named Brian.
For many years, people thought that brain transplants could work. It was not until the developer of the idea, Sir Edwin Hubble, had such a transplant in which his own brain was replaced with that of a penguin that it was proven that brain transplants would not, in fact, work. Hubble died ; however, the penguin began an illustrious career in astronomy and eventually had a telescope named after him.
How The Brain Works
In general, when dosed with liberal amounts of alcohol, the thought muscles of the brain take a well-earned rest. Under some circumstances however, alcohol induces conscious thought in a brain which previously did not have this ability. This contradiction is known as the methanol whazooo.
What happens to your brain when something goes wrong
WARNING: WITH CONSISTENT OVERUSE, YOUR BRAIN CAN EXPLODE
Phonetic representation of brain exploding by the exertion of pressure:
NNNGGHHHH....BLAHT!!...plt!, splat!, plok!
(just so you recognize the sound should you ever happen to hear it in the street or wherever.)
When this happens, the brain posts the following message:
"please leave a message after the AAAAAAAA" mode. After the brain switches into the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA mode, it has scary nightmares about Wombats and Micheal Jackson until the brain's "doctors" in white coats come TO THE RESCUE!!
In exteme cases, the brain's owner may also see this screen go completely blue. This is known as The Blue Screen of Death. A few moments later the screen will go black and display the following message: D911_2333442248GODHATESYOUORLOVESYOUSOHEWANTSYOUNOWOHWELLWHOCARESSHUTTINGDOWNNOWGOODBYE!.
Brains are not to be confused with the 'branes', the thinking organs of the hive-mind that occupies usenet and AOL. When a group of the hive-mind gets together to discuss a specific topic (also known as a meme), the collection of branes involved in the discussion are called a meme-brane. Branes are commonly considered inferior to brains, and are even rejected by zombies as being too thick and sludgy to be palatable.
Physicists would argue that a brane is in fact a universe floating through four-dimensional space, which causes a big bang when it interacts with another universe. Zombies are know to dislike these branes because of the difficulty of eating something with more dimensions than yourself (however, if four-dimensional zombies happen to exist, our universe may be in for it one of these days).
- Those with brains
- Brain Peppers
- Pinky and the Brain
- Mirror neurons
- Not George W. Bush
- Pixellated Brain Disease
- Dramamine Pathway
- Brain Pop