Ann Coulter

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{{Q|Waaaah! She called me a faggot! Mummyyy!|[[John Edwards]]|Ann Coulter}}
 
{{Q|Waaaah! She called me a faggot! Mummyyy!|[[John Edwards]]|Ann Coulter}}
   
{{Q|She's a disgusting-looking crack whore. Liberals, on the other hand, are sexy - just look at [[Nancy Pelosi]], or that sex god [[Michael Moore]].|New York Times|Ann Coulter}}
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{{Q|She's quite right. I want Jews to be [[kill|perfected]] too.|Adolf Hitler|Ann Coulter}}
   
 
[[Image:Judge Coulter.jpg|thumb| Ann Coulter showing the more human side of evil.]]
 
[[Image:Judge Coulter.jpg|thumb| Ann Coulter showing the more human side of evil.]]
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
   
'''Ann "No Heart Dinosaur Prude Ass Bitch"<ref>Actually, ''Hart''. But due to her bullying of liberals and lack of caring about [[Terrorist|oppressed ethnic minorities]], we decided to label her "No Heart", because she's so mean and made us cry.</ref> Coulter''', born <s>1961</s> <s>1963</s> <s>1969</s> <s>1980</s>, is a popular [[America]]n entertainer, political author, journalist and [[model]]. Best-known for having a [[cat]] [[fight]] with homosexual [[John Edwards]] on live television (which she won), she is also known for bullying [[Faggot|poor harmless liberals]] who can't stand up for themselves. She has also been criticised for apparently advocating vicious discrimination against [[Terrorist|law-abiding Muslim citizens]], and for failing to show proper understanding and care towards oppressed minorities such as [[terrorist|Muslims]], violent criminals and [[liberal]]s. She has also attracted controversy with her outrageously extreme beliefs about the [[The War Against Terror|war on terror]], actually arguing that the aim of the war should be to defeat the enemy and prevent them from killing more Americans. This radical doctrine has been condemned by the [[mainstream media]] and the [[Democratic Party]], who stick to the mainstream view that a proper response to terrorism is to ensure that the alleged "terrorists'" [[human rights]] are not violated. As one [[ACLU]] lawyer argued, ''"Ann Coulter's views are fascist and evil. Just because someone attempts to board a plane carrying ten tons of explosives and shouting "Allah Akhbar!" doesn't make them a terrorist. It's unconstitutional to discriminate against people simply because they're trying to kill us."''
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'''Ann "No Heart Dinosaur Prude Ass Bitch" Coulter''', born <s>1961</s> <s>1963</s> <s>1969</s> <s>1980</s>, is a popular [[America]]n entertainer, political author and [[model]]. Best-known for having a [[cat]] [[fight]] with homosexual [[John Edwards]] on live television (which she won), she is also renowned for her [[fascist|moderate]] and [[insane|sensible]] comments on [[The War Against Terror|the War on Terror]], advocating [[bombing|gentle but firm correction]] of America's enemies.
   
Ann Coulter's looks and sexuality have also been criticised extensively in the media, which has compared her unfavourably to such stunningly attractive liberal sex gods and goddesses as [[Michael Moore]], [[Helen Thomas]] and [[Nancy Pelosi]]. It has been theorised that Coulter, and indeed all Republicans, may be [[sexual repression|sexually repressed]], and this is self-evident; why else would the Republican Party be full of hideously ugly people like [[Michelle Malkin]] and [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]]? As a [[New York Times]] editorial points out, ''"All true liberal-minded progressive Americans would rather screw [[Madeleine Albright]] than Ann Coulter. Clearly conservatives are just not sexy."''
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Despite calling herself a [[conservative]], she has, in fact, been labelled a [[liberal]] by mainstream political figures such as [[David Duke]] and [[Adolf Hitler]].
   
As demonstrated by the picture to the right, some have also speculated that she may be a [[cyborg]]. This has given rise to the widespread accusation that she supported the [[Iraq War]] simply so she could get some more oil to drink.
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As demonstrated by the picture to the right, some have also speculated that she may be a [[cyborg]]. This has given rise to the widespread accusation that she supported the [[Iraq War]] simply so she could get some more oil to drink.
   
 
== Background ==
 
== Background ==
[[Image:Ann coulter scary.jpg|thumb|100px|left| Ann Coulter in humanoid form. Conclusive proof that she is, in fact, evil alien spawn of the devil. Of course, this picture could not ''possibly'' have been created on Photoshop by a liberal.]]
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[[Image:Ann coulter scary.jpg|thumb|100px|left| Ann Coulter in humanoid form.]]
   
Ann Coulter claims to have been born in [[New York City]]. This is clearly a [[fact|lie]] cooked up by [[Fox News|evil conservative propagandists]], however.<ref>Mere so-called "evidence", such as her birth certificate, should be ignored. This conservative insistence on so-called "facts" demonstrates conclusively that conservatives are, in fact, [[fascist]].</ref>
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Ann Coulter claims to have been born in [[New York City]]. However, this is not true.
   
 
In fact, Coulter is the spawn of a race of evil [[alien]]s, come to Earth to destroy humankind, as conclusively demonstrated by the picture below.<ref>Evil conservatives assert that these pictures were simply created on Adobe Photoshop. However, they are clearly lying. Since these pictures support a liberal viewpoint, they must ''clearly'' be completely true and accurate.</ref> Their aim is to silence [[Al Gore]] and other heroic progressive liberal [[prophet]]s, so as to prevent them from saving the world from the horrors of [[global warming]]. This is clearly true, because [[liberal]]s and the [[New York Times]] have said so.
 
In fact, Coulter is the spawn of a race of evil [[alien]]s, come to Earth to destroy humankind, as conclusively demonstrated by the picture below.<ref>Evil conservatives assert that these pictures were simply created on Adobe Photoshop. However, they are clearly lying. Since these pictures support a liberal viewpoint, they must ''clearly'' be completely true and accurate.</ref> Their aim is to silence [[Al Gore]] and other heroic progressive liberal [[prophet]]s, so as to prevent them from saving the world from the horrors of [[global warming]]. This is clearly true, because [[liberal]]s and the [[New York Times]] have said so.
   
 
==Controversies==
 
==Controversies==
===Inaccuracies in books===
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===Confusion of Michael Moore with a pig===
Brave [[liberal]] progressive media outlets, such as Media Matters for America, have tirelessly worked to expose all the factual errors, plagiarism and lies in Ann Coulter's books. Shockingly, in one book, she incorrectly referred to "footnotes" as "endnotes", which was immediately identified by the media as a brazen attempt to mislead readers and to spread [[facts|evil conservative lies]]. On another occasion, she confused [[Michael Moore]] with a [[pig]]. She later tried to justify this error by pointing out that he is, in fact, a [[walrus]], and that the walrus looks somewhat similar to the pig. However, this grievous error has clearly discredited any so-called "facts" which Coulter may attempt to adduce, in her vicious and ill-founded criticisms of [[bullshit|the progressive, enlightened vision of the world]] which Moore and other liberal heroes have promoted.
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On one occasion, Coulter confused [[Michael Moore]] with a [[pig]]. She later tried to justify this error by pointing out that he is, in fact, a [[walrus]], and that the walrus looks somewhat similar to the pig.
 
[[Image:Booksigning.jpg|left|thumb|250px| Ann Coulter's studio where she writes and signs her so-called "books".]]
 
[[Image:Booksigning.jpg|left|thumb|250px| Ann Coulter's studio where she writes and signs her so-called "books".]]
 
===Sexual harassment of Alan Colmes===
 
===Sexual harassment of Alan Colmes===

Revision as of 20:32, May 19, 2008

“Waaaah! She called me a faggot! Mummyyy!”
~ John Edwards on Ann Coulter
“She's quite right. I want Jews to be perfected too.”
~ Adolf Hitler on Ann Coulter
Judge Coulter
Ann Coulter showing the more human side of evil.
Bouncywikilogo6
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ann Coulter.

Ann "No Heart Dinosaur Prude Ass Bitch" Coulter, born 1961 1963 1969 1980, is a popular American entertainer, political author and model. Best-known for having a cat fight with homosexual John Edwards on live television (which she won), she is also renowned for her moderate and sensible comments on the War on Terror, advocating gentle but firm correction of America's enemies.

Despite calling herself a conservative, she has, in fact, been labelled a liberal by mainstream political figures such as David Duke and Adolf Hitler.

As demonstrated by the picture to the right, some have also speculated that she may be a cyborg. This has given rise to the widespread accusation that she supported the Iraq War simply so she could get some more oil to drink.

Background

Ann coulter scary
Ann Coulter in humanoid form.

Ann Coulter claims to have been born in New York City. However, this is not true.

In fact, Coulter is the spawn of a race of evil aliens, come to Earth to destroy humankind, as conclusively demonstrated by the picture below.[1] Their aim is to silence Al Gore and other heroic progressive liberal prophets, so as to prevent them from saving the world from the horrors of global warming. This is clearly true, because liberals and the New York Times have said so.

Controversies

Confusion of Michael Moore with a pig

On one occasion, Coulter confused Michael Moore with a pig. She later tried to justify this error by pointing out that he is, in fact, a walrus, and that the walrus looks somewhat similar to the pig.

Booksigning
Ann Coulter's studio where she writes and signs her so-called "books".

Sexual harassment of Alan Colmes

Coulter has attracted criticism from humanitarian organisations for her treatment of progressive liberal talk-show host Alan Colmes. It is alleged that Coulter repeatedly humiliated Colmes on live cable television by interrupting his intelligent exposition of liberal ideas and forcing him to listen to conservative lies and propaganda, while simultaneously sexually harassing him. Being a vulnerable liberal, he was unable to stand up for himself against this onslaught of conservative thuggery and sexual intimidation, and on one occasion broke down in tears as Coulter, reportedly, "touched his hair". "It was disgusting," said one observer. "It just shows that men are just as vulnerable as women to sexual harassment in the workplace." Several humanitarian groups have announced that they are considering filing a lawsuit against Coulter for this shocking behaviour.

Views on Islamic terrorism

Ann Coulter's radical views on Islamic terrorism have been labelled as fascist by mainstream progressive commentators. As one New York Times editorial said, "Coulter seems to think that we should actually fight terrorists. This is a very outdated notion. What we need to do is understand the terrorists, appreciate the way they think, and negotiate with them to reach a mutually acceptable outcome." A poll showed that 99% of all Americans (excluding the unenlightened conservative ones, who don't count)[2] agreed with this viewpoint and regarded Coulter as an evil fascist.

Critics

Anndredd
Ann Coulter, masquerading as her alterego Ann Dredd when she intervenes in human rights, dignity, and her conscience is more important than the peculiarly universal strategy of liberty.

Critics allege she is an unrepentant user of prohibited substances and an aging whorish slut. Ann is quoted as saying of her critics "They think they are so smart just 'cause they done gone to college and I didn't." This is misleading, of course, because she not only went to college but attended law school. Fellow students in her graduating class unanimously voted her Most Likely to Become a Complete Fucking Asshole. Shortly thereafter, each and every one of them mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again. Ann received her diploma under heavy guard. Her valedictorian address ("Fuck you, you fucking faggots!") was the shortest on record.

Despite being a member of the world's oldest profession, Coulter denies that she uses her body to sell her viewpoints; however, the talking head insists on wearing short skirts to show off her spindly legs and lack of underwear.

Critics also make up inflammatory quotes which they attribute to her. This happens far more frequently than it does to Oscar Wilde, but since Ann is an avid believer in the Liberals Always Lie theory, she doesn't have to defend herself against these accusations.

Defeat

Brunhilda of Austrasia
Ann Coulter, after the equigluteal fusion.

In the year 1851, Ann Coulter waged war on Frogland. It has been mentioned earlier that Coulter is a cyborg (as well as a fucking bitch), so in keeping with that, she used her dark powers to summon vast legion of Republican cyborg death machines, including the likes of Condoleeza Rice, Dickard Q. Cheney, Oprah Winfrey (a flaming conservative as you well know), Bill O'Reilly, and Sailor Moon, who is a famous evangelist and the minister of Westboro Baptist Church. The battle lasted twenty years and had over thirty casualties. Unfortunately, Coulter was defeated by the fag-enabling, god hating liberal army of California when she was caught giving head to Sailor Moon. The enemy proceeded to pawn her vagina (for a paltry sum) and anally violate her (which she didn't mind a bit). However, due to an unfortunate bout of flatulence on her part, Coulter's head was irreversibly fused to a horse's ass (see picture), which explains the way her face looks. The horse was amputated in 1969, when sliced bread was invented, and she has proceeded to live a full and normal life despite losing 93 percent of her brain. According to Coulter, losing 30 IQ has helped her immensely, since it meant she qualifies to be a guest on the Faux News channel. The brain fragments, along with the horse, were donated to a McDonalds chicken-nugget factory and haven't been seen since.

Fun Factoids

  • The 1970s film 'The Omen' is loosely based on the childhood of Ann Coulter, but was toned down for general cinema release, and replaced the neo-facist spoutings of the young Coulter with the more abject avatar of SATANIC SPAWN.
  • Miss Coulter, though she keeps herself slim and trim, is well-known as a lover of pie, and washes it down with the blood of virgins. Typically, she goes to a college, invites people to watch, and has the pie brought to her mouth via an overhand throw delivered by one of the local students. Historically the students have had terrible aim, which completely ruins it for everyone.
  • Anagramically speaking, "Ann Coulter" is "a loner cunt", a "rectal noun", and a "real cunt, no?"
  • Coulter lacks the ability to see herself in a mirror. She often checks, though, to ensure that horn and cloven foot are not visible to the common television host..
  • She's also a redeadhead, meaning she's a huge fan of the Grateful Dead, though the reverse is not true. It is known that she had followed them on a couple tours, but it's not known what substances entered her body at that time. It is on record that she was shot at by the band members.
  • During the Armageddon, Ms. Coulter will be the Whore of Babylon, primarily due to the fact that in her high school years, she was Junior Miss Whore of Babylon both her junior and senior years, at the age of eleven and twelve respectively.
  • A recent memo uncovered by CNN found that Ms. Coulter was actually behind the war in Iraq. When questioned on the memo, Ms. Coulter simply stated that "US oil reserves were running dry, and I'm thirsty as a bastard." This is in line with earlier assumptions that Ms Coulter is a cyborg.
  • Mrs. Coulter worked for a time as an Associate at Hell Desk. Satan awarded her Employee of the Month (October, 2001) for her outstanding work as telephone screener for Rush Limbaugh.
  • Coulter is a close friend of Al Franken. They've been known to go antiquing together.
  • Ann Coulter writes daily for the Human Events Magazine, despite the fact that she is not a human.

Quotes

Feminine Articles
Cleavage
Articles About Feminine Issues
Sophia-Loren
  • "Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like Liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now." (actual Coulter quote...what's it doing HERE?!)
  • "They're always accusing us of repressing their speech, I say let's do it. Let's repress them. Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment." (ANOTHER authentic quote! WTF?!)
  • "You don't want the Republicans in power, does that mean you want a dictatorship, gay boy?" (YET ANOTHER authentic quote! ZWTF?!)
  • "Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!" I Hope this is a fake quote
  • "At least when right-wingers rant, there's a point. We're trying to prove the fact that clouds actually ARE made of cotton candy!"
  • "I think women should be armed but should not be allowed to vote."
  • "AL FRANKEN! GET ON YOUR KNEES AND LICK IT LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE!!!!" (Nocturnal-emission-dream quote)
  • "Nuke them all from orbit; it's the only way to be sure."
  • "Save the whales? Hug a tree? God gave this world to people and Liberals want to save it? For fucking what? Unicorns? Are we going to shit in God's face and tell him that his air, water, timber aren't good enough for us to use and deplete? God gave us this world and God wants us to trash this place and it's our God given right to do it!"
  • "You know why Air America sucks ass? They have enough hatred and vitriol in them like I do, but they don't have the hypnotic mind-powers that REALLY gets the ratings."
  • "Why should America wage war against Adolf Hitler, one of the most successful European leaders of our time? At least he's not a crippled liberal imposter like that long-chin retard FDR."
  • "Al Franken doesn't call me anymore; it's because my dick is bigger than his dick any day." ~ This, of course, destroys her previous point. Ooops! I just sounded like a minion of Wikipedia!
  • "Those fuckers better elect a Democrat in 2008, or I'm going to be out of material, and I need to complete my diamond-encrusted bidet collection!"
  • "Step back, or the bunny gets it!"
  • "I eat liberals for breakfast, but I puke them up by 10:30 to maintain my stick figure."
  • "My mommy said that when I was born, God cried."
  • "just because Christians are the dominant beings of earth doesn't mean that I hate Jews, I just want them to be perfect like me."

Quotes about Ann Coulter

“Maybe my darker instincts are correct about Ann Coulter . Maybe the knowledge that I deny is the truth... the knowledge that Ann Coulter is dark and willing to destroy all things
~ Martin Heidegger on Ann Coulter

“Annie makes insanity look quite reasonable”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ann Coulter

“Der Lachende hat die furchtbare Nachricht nur noch nicht empfangen.”
~ Adolf Hitler on Ann Coulter
“Ok sure, I torture people and break their fingers to get information, but Ann's voice makes them want to pierce their eardrums with their fingernails. Needless to say I'm impressed.”
~ Jack Bauer on Ann Coulter
“Fuck Ann Coulter!”
~ Countless millions on Ann Coulter
“Her face and figure aren't the only thing horse-like! Get it? Because she has a monster heat-seeking meat missile?”
~ Ron Jeremy on Ann Coulter
Anncounter skinsuit
"I'm melting! I'm melting! "Ohhhh...what a world, what a world.."
“"She looks like anybody you see on the street. But when she grins, birds fall dead off telephone lines...the grass yellows up and dies where she spits. she's always outside. He came out of time...she has the name of a thousand demons. Jesus knocked her into a herd of pigs once. Her name is Legion. she's afraid of us...she knows magic. She can call the wolves and live in the crows...she's the king of nowhere."”
~ Tom Cullen on Ann Coulter
“"That bitch is going straight to hell!"”
~ God on Ann Coulter
“"Yeah right! I don't want that bitch anywhere in my domain!"”
~ Devil on Ann Coulter
“"Ann Coulter is god! All hail Ann! Let's blindly agree with everything she says"”
~ Conservapedia on Ann Coulter
“Whoops! I appear to have run over Ann Coulter. Then backed over her. Then run her over again. Oh well, no loss.”
~ Bill Clinton on Ann Coulter

“Oh my gosh! A shadow's creeping, ominous and black, it's seeping slowly 'cross a moonlit square of light! Suddenly a floorboard creak announces the bloodsucking freak is here to steal my future years away! A sulf'rous smell noe fills the room heraldingmy imm'nent doom! A fang gleams in the dark and murky gray! Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles! Throbbing, pulsing ventricles! Mucus-oozing pores and frightful claws! Worse, in terms of outright scariness, Are the suckers multifarious That grab and force you in its mighty jaws! This disgusting aberration Of nature needs no mitivation To devour helpless children in their beds. Relishing despairing moans, It chews kids up and sucks their bones, And dissolves inside its mouth their li'l heads!

.”
~ Bill Watterson on Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter Anagrams

Ann Coulter = rectal noun
Ann Coulter = unclean rot
Ann Coulter = Real cunt, no?
Ann Coulter = ol' cunt near
Ann Coulter = Filthy Whore

Bibliography

WorthlessAnnCoulter
Ann Coulter's 2006 autobiography, WORTHLESS. Continuing her trend with her other books, she appears on the cover looking like a cokehead slut.

References

  1. Evil conservatives assert that these pictures were simply created on Adobe Photoshop. However, they are clearly lying. Since these pictures support a liberal viewpoint, they must clearly be completely true and accurate.
  2. Since, as Barack Obama has highlighted, they're all bitter and clinging to guns and religion.

See also

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