Allah

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==Attributes==
 
==Attributes==
[[Image:allah.JPG|thumb|The only known photograph of Allah.]]
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Even the most fervant Allah-ite is not able to offer a description of what his [[god]] looks like. According to Islamist tradition, it is blasphemous to attempt to portray Allah in any visual way; instead, followers may only print his name in [[Arabic|fancy Arab squiggles]]. How convenient... is this because Allah is too holy to be painted, as they claim, or is it because they don't know what Allah looks likes because he ''doesn't exist''? We will let the reader decide.
 
 
One of the main reasons we know that Allah is a false [[god]] is because of the attributes given to him by his followers. For instance, it is said that this Allah fellow is "omnipotent", "omniscient", and "omnipresent", whatever that means. Only heartless heathens would use such blasphemeous terms. We know that the one ''true'' God is none of these things; according to the Holy [[Bible]], God is actually "all-powerful, all-knowing, and ever-present". Forget all those sinful, untruthful "omni" words - this is the only ''real'' [[truth]] about God!
 
 
Another thing that these devious Muslimites say is that Allah lives in a realm called "Jannah". Only a corrupted fornicator would fall for such evil lies. It is obvious that the ''real'' God lives in [[Heaven]], a.k.a. paradise, because that is what the Bible says. Why would God live in some weird place called "Jannah"? How could a place like that be heavenly, or paradisical? It is easy to see that these [[lie]]s about Allah are just that: lies.
 
 
Islamism supplements its Allah-worship with a cult of personality based on the character of [[Mohammed]]. Mohammed is supposedly the founder of the [[Islam]]istic religion. He was the first leader of the Islamite [[church]] and did the most to spread the [[lie]]s of Islamism around the [[world]]. Because of this, Islamists elevate Mohammed to a godlike status that is completely unwarranted even by their own religious writings. All Islamistical leaders strive to act like Mohammed, he is [[prayer|prayed]] to and [[American Idol|idolized]], and some even swear to seeing his image in bowls of [[soup]] or in the [[cloud]]s. Such childishly silly acts only throw the infantile nature of [[Islam]]istism into sharp relief. How could any self-respecting monotheist claim to see their god in a burnt [[tortilla]]?
 
 
 
==Logical Impossibility==
 
==Logical Impossibility==
   
The surest way to tell that Allah is imaginary is that his followers say that he has not "begotten". In other words he doesn't have [[children]]. This is preposterous. How could Allah be the real God if [[Jesus]] is not his son? How could he deserve worship if he did not sacrifice his son for our [[sin]]s? The Bible ''clearly'' states that Jesus is the Son of God. Ergo, if this Allah character doesn't have children, then he isn't God. It's pure [[logic]], really.
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But in fact, that is only one of countless logical arguments proving that Allah does not exist. For example, let's suppose for the sake of argument (as silly as this might sound) that Allah is indeed omniscient, omnipotent and perfectly good. If there was any suffering or evil in the world, Allah would know about it (with his omniscience), be able to stop it (with his omnipotence) and want to stop it (what perfectly good being would let evil happen?). Therefore there should be no evil or suffering in the world - but there is, proving that Allah does not exist! Any true and holy God would not be succeptible to such easy logical disproof.
 
 
 
==Character==
 
==Character==
 
[[Image:Cartoon hezbollah nasrallah.gif|thumb|right|Allah looking happy.]]
 
[[Image:Cartoon hezbollah nasrallah.gif|thumb|right|Allah looking happy.]]
Even if you ignore these iron-clad [[proof]]s against Allah's divinity, there are plenty of [[emotion]]al and [[spirituality|spiritual]] reasons to disregard him. A perfect example is how merciless Allah is said to be. According to Islamistic tradition, Allah is believed to watch you like a hawk [[day]] and [[night]], just waiting for you to disobey him even [[once]]. The [[second]] you break Allah's arbitrary rules, you are condemned to [[Hell]] forever. The only way to escape this unjust condemnation is to grovel like a maggot at his [[feet]], sniveling like a [[child]] for him to forgive you. Even if you believe that you've been absolved, you always tremble in [[fear]] that you might unknowingly cross him again. This ever-present fear is used as a psychological tool to [[brainwashing|brainwash]] the follower into being even more of a mindless Allah-ite.
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This is a sharp contrast to our loving and forgiving [[God]]. We know that God watches you like a father [[day]] and [[night]], just waiting to help when you stray the path even [[once]]. The [[second]] you break God's wise rules, you condemn yourself to [[Hell]], possibly forever. The only way to escape this just condemnation is to kneel humbly at His [[feet]], asking like a [[child]] for him to forgive you. Once you are absolved, you always live in [[fear|respect]] of the Lord, so you won't cross Him again. This ever-present respect is used as a learning tool to [[brainwashing|mold]] us into being even more of a believer in Christ.
 
   
 
==History==
 
==History==
[[Image:AllahActionFigure.jpg|thumb|An Allah action figure]]
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Allah was first made up by some crazy guy named [[Mohammed]], who lived in the [[desert]]s of what is now Saudi Arabia. He claimed that an [[angel]] had come to him and dictated to him the complete text of the [[Koran]], the complete compendium of Islamistical beliefs. This is obviously false - we know that when [[God]] wants someone to add to his [[Bible|Holy Book]], he ''inspires'' them. And if he wanted to get his attention, he would have used a burning bush. Why would he send an angel to dictate it? Only a deceitful kitten-murderer would be taken in by such lies.
 
 
Anyway, this scandalous [[book]] eventually took a hold on the impressionable [[mind]]s of the [[Arab]]ian people, and convinced them to set up a corrupt [[theocracy]] that did not tolerate any deviation from its dogmatic beliefs. The Islamicist Church soon grew decadent, bloated, and despotic - quite unlike the idyllic Christian kingdoms which were blossoming at the same time in medieval [[Europe]]. How could a religious government, based on worship of a [[god]] who is alleged to be so forgiving and pure, become so ''corrupt'', ''intolerant'', and ''repressive''? Maybe it's because the ''real'' God was unhappy with their conduct. This became evident when the [[Aids|Black Plague]] swept through Arabia, killing off countless Allah-ists while leaving the righteous people of Europe completely unscathed.
 
 
Belief in Allah brought [[evil]] to the world again when he commanded his hordes to unprovokedly attack the Christian city of [[Jerusalem]] during the Middle Ages. In response, the wise kings of Christian [[Europe]], under the benevolent guidence of [[Pope]] Urban II, led their righteous armies of the [[Lord]] bravely into the villainous [[land]]s of Islamicism. The holy armies of [[Jesus]] fought bravely against the despicable legions of Arabia, and eventually won through in one of the most absolute victories in [[human]] history. The rulers of Europe, however, made one small [[error]], when they mercifully allowed the Arab heathens to remain living in their so-called "holy lands". Without warning, the Arab armies broke the [[peace|truce]] and callously [[murder]]ed all the Christians there. The [[Europe]]ans, mercifully, decided to turn the other cheek. That is why Islamers still live in that region today.
 
   
 
==Today==
 
==Today==
Today Allah-worship still has a death-grip on the minds of people worldwide. His [[religion]] of Islamism is the sole reason for all of the suffering in the world today. All [[disease]], all [[war]], all [[tax]] fraud stems directly from his corrupt commandments. The ideas he represents are completely inimical to everything [[Christianity]] stands for. No Christian nation has ever invaded an innocent country without provocation, like the Islamites did. Our loving God and his devout worshippers have never engaged in any act of aggression that was not based on pure principle.
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The opposite, however, is true of the [[Islam]]ics. For instance, did you know that the countless Islamist agitators currently destabilizing the nations of [[Arabia]] are there solely to disrupt the region's [[oil]] supply? It's true. That is why the good old U.S. of A. is sending troops over there now: to safeguard this important commodity from their greedy hands, and to replace their shaky, wartorn, martial lifestyle with a strong [[government]] based on sound, all-American principles. Of course, the Islamitic leaders oppose the good work we're doing. They claim that ''we'' are intruding on ''them'', and they attack our troops even as they're making the region safe for our all-American ideals. This undeniably proves that Allah and his [[religion]] are naturally vengeful, hateful, and [[murder]]ous, and out to get the old-fashioned, all-American Christian [[value]]s that we strive to uphold.
 
   
 
==Conclusion==
 
==Conclusion==
   
In recent [[year]]s the outrageous anti-Christian [[jihad]] has only grown in intensity. The aggressiveness of this "holy war" is characteristic of the [[religion]] that spawned it. The ultimate aim of the jihad is to invade every [[land]] in the [[world]], destroy all traces of [[Christianity]], make these places into bastions of [[Islam]]ism and Allah-worship, and then to spread their lies even farther. There is no room for tolerance or coexistance in the religion of Islamism.
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[[Genocide]] is the only way for them to seed the [[world]] with their [[evil]]. Their warlike and intolerant [[god]] commands it.
 
 
The only way for righteous followers of the [[Lord]] to protect themselves is to stop the scourge of Islamism at its source. The ultimate aim of our crusade must be to invade every [[land]] in the [[world]], destroy all traces of the Islamistism, make these places into bastions of Christianity and [[Jesus]]-worship, and then to spread the Word of God even farther. There is no room for tolerance or coexistance with the religion of Islamism.
 
 
[[Genocide]] is the only way to cleanse the [[world]] of their [[evil]]. Our peaceful and tolerant [[God]] commands it.
 
 
Amen.
 
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==

Revision as of 18:43, May 17, 2007

“Wait... you mean... there's more?”
~ Oscar Wilde on yet another "only God"

“There is no chicken but Allah, and Muhammed is his egg.”
~ Colonel Sanders on Allah
“Allah see you tomorrow!”
~ Pat Robertson on Allah



NOTE: If the following article offends you in any way, please see Allah: The Annotated Version. It intersperses this article with subtle notes and asides which explain the satire in cases where it may not be immediately apparent. See this article's talk page if you have any questions. Thank you, and have a nice day.

Allahade

A famous citrus fruit drink distributed by Allah himself.

Allah is one of the many false, non-Christian gods that plagues the Christian world today. This particular "god" is the figurehead of the Islamism (Also called Mohammedianism) cult, which is such a hideous perversion of good old-fashioned all-American Christian values that it barely deserves mention here.


Attributes

Please edit this part to include less Xenophobia.

Logical Impossibility

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Character

File:Cartoon hezbollah nasrallah.gif

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History

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Today

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Conclusion

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See also

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