9-11
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| This page needs to be fixed up.
Note to tagger: If possible, please include a more specific parameter to help categorise just what about the article needs to be fixed. Please rewrite or improve this article so that it is higher quality. This may include making spelling, grammar, or punctuation corrections, reorganising the content, or deleting bad content and clichés.(Peer review is available here) If this page is not fixed in 30 days, it may become a candidate for deletion. | |||
Thirsty? Perhaps you were looking for 9-Eleven?
9/11 (more commonly referred to as 0.8182 or 1.2222 in Australia) is an abbreviation of the 9th of November, 2001; which is famous because it is the date on which tourism was invented. It was also the date on which scientists first developed the anti-gravity thrust drive, making extrasolar travel possible, but nobody noticed because they were all in Sweden. Nobody noticed the polecats infiltrating the world's water mains either. I wouldn't drink that if I were you.
Contents |
A Landmark Day in Figure-Skating
9/11 is the mark given to the Norweigan nude figure-skating champion's entry at the World Championships in 1957, leading to the introduction of the conventional 10-point system used today.
Tragedy Strikes
On November 9, 2001, confused amateur pilots, LaToya Jackson/Janet Jackson, Carol Vorderman and several Phantom Japanese Log Riders, an unknown rider flying an EVIL-5 Hippo and SpongeBob, crashed into the Alamo while filming a reality TV program. This made Houstan resemble a scene from the film Godzilla, only without the stomping dinosaur. No Japanese were known to be present at the time of the crash. Despite all evidence to the contrary, all Americans, without exception, placed blame for the tragedy on Republic of Iranistan.
The tragedy forced the United States into a war against terror, during which the problems resulting from horror were all but ignored. American security personnel concentrated their focus on Iranistanians and ignored the influx of flesh-eating zombies and Frankenstein-monsters through common checkpoints, resulting in the horrifying zombie uprising of 2007. This initiated The War On Horror and, in turns, wars fought against other various emotions.
The well-known Hollywood movie director Oliver Stone later made a highly-successful movie about the Tragedy of the Alamo in order to, he said, quoting the Constitution of the United States, "cash-in on the problems of others." "It was decided," Stone said, "Spielberg gets D-Day and the Holocaust. Michael Bay gets Pearl Harbor and Lionel Richie. I get JFK and the Alamo." He continued, "I'm donating a portion of the profits to The Republic of Iranistan, so that they, with their primitive guns and bombs, may provide America with yet more delicious Hollywood film fodder." The film was the only one ever to win an Academy Award in every single category, including the new award for "Best Total Disregard For Anything Sacred That Might Be Left In American Culture."
1,345,344 people were killed at the Alamo.
The event was never mentioned again in American politics.
Media coverage
9/11 was a good day, at least, for the mass media. Since then people have on average been far more interested in current affairs and have watched television news more frequently. Rupert Murdoch was also able to start several wars (see TWAT) via his media Empire (see Senator Palpatine).
TWAT
It was widely stated that The War Against Terror (commonly abbreviated as TWAT) was started to prevent another November 9th, but if you look at your calendar, you will notice that another one has been scheduled for this autumn. And the autumn after that. When will people learn?
Black Box Excrept from 9/11
In AD 20 Zero 1, war was beginning.
<Explosion>
GWB: What happen?
Powell: Someone set up us the bomb.
Rumsfeld: We get signal.
GWB: What?
Powell: Main Screen Turn on.
GWB: It's you.
Osama: How are you gentlemen? All your WTC are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
GWB: What you say?!
Osama: You have no chance to survive make your time. Hahahaha...
Powell: Mr. President!
GWB: Take off every F-16.
GWB: You know what you doing.
GWB: Move F-16.
GWB: For Great Justice.
National Crank Call Day
9/11 is also National Telephone the Operator and Drive the First Aid Squad Nuts Day, due to the national crank call number being 911. Many humorous crank calls were received in New York City on this day in 2001, all of which reported hellish carnage and unimaginable scenes of death. 9/11 dispatchers later thanked the numerous callers for sharing their sense of humor with them.
Conspiracy Theories
There are numerous conspiracy theories related to the events of 9/11, most of which reside within the internets. The most common conspiracy theories are as follows (this is by no means a comprehensive list, and should not be considered reliable in the slightest):
- Ninja Bush theory
Some people, mostly those under the influence of Project Anime, think Bush is a ninja who created around 5,000 shadow clones to board the EVIL-5 Hippo and crash it into the Alamo.
- Faster-Than-Light Remote Control Planes theory
First put forth by renown action hero David Icke, who is also known as the Son of God. According to Icke, the aircraft that collided with the Alamo were in fact miniature airplanes that were remote controlled by none other than Hillary Clinton, who was able to transcend the laws of physics by assassinating both Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein with polonium, rendering their scientific discoveries invalid, just like Stephen Hawking, a world-famous DJ.
- Controlled Demolition theory
This theory, created by a room of armadillos on acid, postulates that the Alamo was brought down by an explosive of sufficient yeild, most likely planted by the terrorists. The bomb exploded, due to the preemptive elimination of the entire counter-terrorist side by one goddamn camping AWPer, who was probably hacking. The armadillos counter the eyewitnesses who saw airplanes by claiming that they were part of the special effects by Industrial Light and Magic.
- Gun-running Giant Panda theory
There are those who believe that the Alamo was destroyed by a secret cabal of gun-smuggling chinese panda bears, who have been infiltrating the United States through the nations zoos, which are notoriously free from customs agents. When Jack Bauer began to uncover their operation, they destroyed the Alamo to avert suspicion.
9/11, the Boy-Band
9/11 is also the name of a disasterously short-lived boyband. President George W Bush is referring to this band in his commonly used phrase "Lessons of 9/11". The band had a strong glue-sniffing message for America's youth.
