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- This is an article pertaining to time; if you are interested in numbers, you may be looking for: 1/7, 0.999..., 1, 9/11, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 15, 17, 23, 26, 40, 41, 42, something, 100, 404, 419, 665, 666, or 1337..
- If you are a musician, you may like to know about 4/0 Time.
“-1 has no square root.”
- Defined as numbers that don't actually exist, but we still have to spend a whole FUCKING SEMESTER learning about them. *Angsty teenagers all over the world cry. (possibly because this is as easy as life gets, unless they learn how to flip a god-damned burger. That's right, biatch. A real/non-real number is AS EASY AS IT GETS.)
- This number represents the opposite of nothing, which is something.
- This was the year God took a squat in the burning bush waiting for his son, Jesus, to appear on Earth.
- The concept of 0 is invented by some guy on 'shrooms.
- the length of pubic hair belonging to the last mimzy
- The number of people you haven't driven to suicide with your stupidity.
- Binary Begins
- The number of Filipinos in the Bible.
- This number represents nothing in mathematical value.
- 0 was murdered five years ago by the number 1
- The amount of people who like World of Warcraft.
- The Number of Women you slept with 0
- Not the amount of jews killed from hitler
“One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.”
“1 is not amused.”
“I am one.”
“I am The One.”
“We are one!!!”
- There's only 1 AN HERO
- Year Uno (uno is the word for the letter 5 in mexiacan)
- Timelines invented
- Banana bread invented, Satanic edition of Delia Cooks includes the first recipe.
- Jebus is born, ironically after Jesus, foreshadowing many future cases of mistaken identity.
- Three Wise Men visit baby Jebus bearing gifts. The next year, everyone exchanges gifts at Christmas. This marks the first time white people steal an idea from black people. It will not be the last.
- One is the loneliest number.
- O.N.E. = three letters :/
- The DOS is invented in ancient Athens where the disks are enormous slabs of stone ten feet across. Augustus is unimpressed at the amount of messing-around needed to get his soundhorn working with his copy of Command And Conquer.
- Binary ends. Do not pass go, do not collect 11001000 dollars
“Awesome gig today!”
- The number of female Smurfs in the world.
- The number of horns on a unicorn.
“All prime numbers are odd except 2, which is the oddest of them all.”
“Two is for my family.”
“Two is just as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one.”
- The Year 2 is the first year absolutely nothing happened and therefore the first uninteresting year. Which makes it very interesting. Therefore the Year 2 is the first year to be simultaneously uninteresting and interesting.
- 2 can be just as lonely as one but always just as fun
- Arabs and Jews started fighting over who got to eat the last cookie, failing to realize there were two left, one was under the other one
- prime numbers were discovered
- It was just a dream, there's no such thing as 2.
- The 2nd bisexual was born on the 2nd day of the 2nd month
- Number of hands You have.
- Clit hanging is invented and subsequently annihilated by morons. I come from a plane of existence where we haven't annihilated clit hanging, I believe you call it heaven.
- Euler discovers the letter 'e' as well as natural logs, especially since his "log" grew quite naturally.
Proof: Let's say D is a variable representing the value 8. Then 8=D. But one could also say 8==D. Then 8===D, then 8====D, then 8=====D, then 8======D, and so on, therefore proving the log naturally grows.
“There's nothing you can do about the number 3.”
“Do not count to Two unless then proceeding to 3.”
“3 is the magic number, yes it is, it's the magic number.”
- This is the year of advanced mathematics. The people begin to wonder why the system of years is so screwed up
- The first number to not have a bodily function assigned to it.
- People also begin to wonder if the light truly does go off when you close the refrigerator door. This has gone unanswered to this day.
- 3 is the only number which if you add one to it makes 4.
- Magic invented by David Copperfield
- The casualties from the war between Arabs and Jews reaches 461 million, and three dogs.
- Gaius Caesar foresees that computers will rule the universe. He is hanged for his insight.
- Where games get forgotten. except Final Fantasy. Wait..technically..yes..just..add a 1 onto it.right? 13? Oh no! KINGDOM HEARTS MIGHT GO ON FOREVER TOO!!
- The minimum number of people required to perform a spitroast
- In contrary to more conservative encyclopedias, the uncyclopedia strives to support claims by reliable evidence. A claim is supported sufficiently by stating it thrice. The repeated claims have to be perfectly identical. The sequence of the three claims has to be in descending order.
- This is the tastiest year ever!
- Pie lovers rejoice!! Pie was invented.
- Jane Goodall and Optimus Prime were married and soon commenced to promiscuous butt sex.
- The number 3.14... was far too long, so they used the Greek letter Pi. This is just like the whole "Jesus Fish" idea. It's for people who are too lazy to spell things out.
- Pi Pants are created. Homer Simpson is witnessed wearing said Pi Pants and enjoying the day.
- Theologists believe world is shaped like pie
- Pi Owns All.
- Pi owns Doub-O on a regular basis.
- Pi pwnz u n00bz.
- The Greek's first practical joke; making the world think this number was of any real importance.
- Pi is something you can burn your tounge on.
- The answer to the meaning of life.
- God pities the poor fools. Humanity is restored, but humans no longer have superhuman strength, and they can now be in the presence of krypto-nite.
- M4 motorway built linking the small fishing village of London with the vast principality of Wales.
- Cth, a small squid-looking thing, hooks up with Hulhu the Whale. They star in their own cop show, but later fuse into one super being. Cthulhu retreats to the city of Rl'yeh.
- There are 4 lights.
- Another Lost number...
- A number surprisingly used in golf, once a target has been acquired.
- "4" means death in Japan. So if your date of birth is April 4th 4:44 AM/PM, it means you will die. (lol, anybody dies. wtf.)
- 5 is a number.
- God sneezed, millions died during the massive flood of Bogusness.
- Biotches Favorite's expensive perfume, including Marilyn Monroe, Coco Chanel, and Her Brother Piña Discovery. As a fact, 1ml of No. 5 Chanel perfume is equal to Over 9000 dollars.
- Jesus invented McDonalds in Jerusalem, then it sprang a chain over the whole of Israel.
- You mean 3, sir. 3.
“1 is masturbation, 2 is regular sex, 3 is a threesome, 4 is a foursome, but 5, my friend, is the ALMIGHTY ORGY ”
- Sex is remade; named so because the figure six in several languages is pronounced "sex". It was obviously very boring at first, until people got the hang of it.
- The age of the whores starts and there is much rubbing of parts.
- God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son, Issac!" and Abraham said, "I can't hear you! You'll have to speak into the microphone!" and God said "Oh! I'm sorry! Is this better? Check! Check! Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here!"
- 7 ate 9
7.1 which is secretely 69
The number that is .1 more than 7, which is 69
- Another Lost number? Could this be the answer?
- When Sideways it become infinity.
Even better than Pi!!!
- Jesus invents wine, humanity rejoices.
- Bowser provided re-animation tech by a man called "Solomon."
- is 6 in disguise
- was eaten by 7
- What Hitler said when asked "You gonna invade Poland?"
- A movie that is coming out on 9/9/09, tickets are $9.99, and are only available for a 9:09:09 (pm or am, which ever time you prefer) showing, you can only see this movie if you are seeing it with 9 of your closest friends.
- Number Fleen pronounced 'Fléén'
- Is a number between 9 and 10.
- has an element named after it called Fleenium, it contains 9.5 protons with the same number of electrons, with the chemical Symbol 'Fl'
- There has been a lot of debate over whether the number is between 9 and 10 (i.e. 9.5) or is actually in fact 10. In the latter theory the placement of Fleen then shifts every number after it forwards by 1 place
- In the Harry Potter books, the train is actually on Platform ‡
"I love that number..."
- Soft core porn is first invented.
- Population of humans on Earth exceeds 1 Billion.
- The first game of dodgeball (or dodgerock as it was known) is played.
- Jews are forced into hiding
- Coincidentally, this is the total number of houses in Nebraska. Everyone else, for tax purposes, decided to live in barns.
- Looks like you.
- Numbers are invented and the history of the universe is retconned to include numeral implementation.
- The English perfect their accents.
- Jews blamed for inventing the Spanish.
- Spanish blamed for inventing ugly people.
- Following the uprise of human religion, cities and conscious thought, Animals create Zodialogical Government
- it is proved Bakers can't count when they make thirteen buns instead of twelve, coincidentally, this happens in the thirteenth year.
- A man flees eastern North America and finds Easter Island. There, he founds Duroria and declares himself the Tempus Popus. He is lonely, and makes himself large stone heads for company.
“I HATE 14!!! AAHH!! What a STUPID number!!! ”
- Shape was invented.
- Augustus becomes a god. Tiberius takes-over his earthy duties with characteristic wackiness.
- 6x4=14, not 24.
- Nothing happened.
- Lost number....
- The age of consent is invented.
- The age era and # and answer to everything
- Jews are discriminated against.
- Optimus Prime makes his first holiday to Earth. Impregnates 40 women and 7 men.
- Another Lost number
- Well... maybe something happened but we'll not get into that... oh and next time you talk to your mom, you should tell her to get checked...
- The optional number between sixteen and seventeen. Umpteen LOOOOOKSSSSSS like *8
“17 is amazing!!! NOT!!!”
“17 should not even be a number, as it is far inferior to 23.”
“17 is the number of times I have make romance explosion with mine sister. Veyyy nice!”
“Hahahahahahahaha 17 in art!!!”
- New world record in air pollution. 0.01% ! Scientist around the world panic and start building anti-ice-age bunkers.
- A single year away from the year which allows you to have sex with nearly anyone.
- In 2009, Ryan Handfield achieved 17 in art.
- Vegetarians are spawned out of the rotting flesh of thousands of ruthless carnivores. They immediately deny this fact and attempt to proselytize the world, irritating the world.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- You are legally allowed to have sex in most civilized cultures. Too bad you never will. Except in Victoria, Australia. There, your legal once passed 12 but only with people -2 years or +2 years older then you, until you'rw 18. Then, it's only with people +2 years older then your maximum, before you're considered a pedophile.
- One of the more useless years, as you're already quite past 18, yet not nearly close enough to 21.
- Unless of course you live in Canada
- Stephen King travelled back in time and conquered this year.
- Nothing happened twice this year. It was a good year for nothings everywhere.
- Nothing happened the year before as well, except for the first time a year was skipped. This happens several more times due to the time-space continuum and Jesus' mother trying to use it as pantyhose, continually stretching it, creating holes and stuff.
- 21 in conjunction with 18 (see above) becomes a drinking age gag.
- Humor is restricted based on context, previously everything was funny.
- A good year, as people everywhere had predicted.
- Lucky the leprechaun has his lucky charms stolen for first time. Rapes and kills 3 random children in revenge. Charms are returned.
- Jesus' younger lesser known sibling Stephen is born.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- Blackjack is invented
- The age where the suicide rate is the highest. Maybe because they are almost done with college, able to drink, and still haven't gotten any.
- THE BEST MOFUCKING NUMBER EVER!!!!
NIGGAS DIE WITH THIS SHIT
WE OUT HERE IN BOMPTON... MOB GANG NAWM SAYIN...
>>>>>CREATED BY TEJ, EDDIE, MOHAN, NIKHIL<<<<
“In Soviet Russia, 23 counts to YOU!”
“23 took over my life......Don't let it happen to you...BEWARE”
why is it everywhere?
The meaning of 23. Holy $#%&!!!! 23!
- The scholar Seneca discovers the genitals, having a bath he salutes his new discovery "Heureka Heureka!" Meaning "I've got it, I've got it", Cause he now knew what he had preformed those sex things with.
- Jews have a pretty good year, although they are still discriminated against.
- "The significance of years and energy" is a thesis published by Doctor Johnathan Smith of the Solomon Foundation.
- No one likes you when you're 23. What's my age again? What's my age again.
- If 25 is funnier then 24, 24 is less funnier then 25!
- Continuing a popular trend, the Roman Empire descriminates against Jews.
- Funnier then 24.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- This is funny because Jews can't spell this number.
- The percentage Jim Dykes got in a recent C3 test.
- The greatest man ever to live Dylan322 is born and sets out to kill all that oppose him.
- How many days Donnie Darko has left before the universe implodes and his girlfriend dies.
- The Holy Hand Grenade is used for the first time by Jesus against Satan Bunny after he tempts Him in the desert.
- God got breast implants.
- The first Emo cut his wrist over a broken Game Boy. Back then they were made from stone and had a detractable dildo.
- Days Later
- Weeks Later
- Months Later
- Years Later
- Random person number 29 is born.
- Joshua Iziah Leea has crossed the Atlantic Ocean on the back of Jesus (hay-Zeus) on this day, 1321 B.C.
- Scientists predict that on the 29th day of the 29th month year 2099, the Earth will be restored. This research is carried out in Falmouth, home of the Solomon Foundation.
- Native American engineers in Carolina develop a hydrogen bomb.
- The 1337 h@x c0d3 "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start" was invented for Contra.
- Native American engineers in Carolina develop an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile.
- The age Jade Goody will never reach
- The banana is born. God is therefore proven true.
- The events of Passion of the Christ II: Crucify This take place in Judea.
- Five people fell into a volcano marked with an image of the Virgin Mary's face. All of them drowned in the lava while carving out the holy image to sale on eBay.
- The world's first coffee filter is invented.
- Proper angle of approach for vaginal intercourse. 35 degrees benefits the most pleasure for the female.("Angle of approach for the proletariat, that's the people." -OC4MoA)
- Caligula invested with imperial powers by the Roman Senate as a result of incredible bad judgment. Completely insane shit start happening almost immediately giving later historians much to laugh about.
- 37 dicks are sucked.
- Apon learning this, Kevin Smith becomes obssessed with the number 37
- At some point during his life, Lex Luthor went back in time and stole this year.
- Completely insane shit finally ends as Caligula is stabbed to bits. Skatman Claudius becomes emperor.
- 200 Horses lose senatorial positions to 200 old men. Chaos resumes in Roman Empire
“When it was 42... It was a very good year...”
- The meaning of life is changed, according to Acerebral Camel's Dungheap Dictionary for Pederasts. The changes to the meaning of life to include such things as:
- NOTE: Neither Uncyclopedia, nor the Uncyclomedia foundation take responsibility for any similarities to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Ian Dury & the Blockheads, the "Hippy" movement, or anything else for that matter... Well... Except brain damage and severe seizures caused by excessive use of doublethink. Nevermind, that liability has been revoked. Also, 42 is the known x coordinate for the end of the universe. Many 'experts' believe this to be false, but colleges are made of salt, regardless.
- All things above are included in the state charter for Nevada.
- The product of 6 and 9.
- 42 is also the answer to everything, especially the 42 Strip Quiz
- 42 achieves celebrity status, and proceeds to shave its head.
- 42 is the number of roads a man must walk. That's just over 2 miles for you American blokes.
- 42 is found to be an answer to a large amount of equations accumulated by the Solomon Foundation.
- 42 is the answer to a famous riddle - see duct tape
- Any number divided by zero equals 42
- One digit higher than 42, therefore being greater than 42.
- Aristotle invents the double-dildo
- Kevin Bacon rubs hot oil on his wang as he runs through a forest. This is apparently how he got that woman from "The Closer" with the fake southern accent, and also why everyone has six degrees to him.
RAM memory full, Autorestart begins in 3, 2, 1... loading... .txt file loaded successfully! What was i thinking about? Ahh yes, 44... Nothing interesting about this year - look at 45 and afterwards.
- God wonders about starting a world war. Decides to "hold it off for a while."
- Spoon invented, but then lost until 2009 due to Cult of the Spork.
- God did ground Jesus for spying on the neighbors though. The naked pictures weren't found on Jesus's laptop until the year 52 however. Oh yeah, God invents 'assmackation.' Uses it on Jesus before getting a patent for it.
- Spoonguard invented. Against spoons.
“Duh, that's my I.Q.”
“No, you stupid bitchface, the section about your I.Q. should have appeared much higher up the list”
- 42 adjusted for mild inflation.
- God has a tea party with Pete Sampras and Judge Reinhold. Judge takes gold for best Cosby impression.
- Supra-lucky number. 7=lucky; 7²=49; therefore, 49=supra-lucky.
- The Pink Death starts, hundreds of gays go on a rampage killing in the thousands. They kidnap Santa from Jail and make him pose naked for pictures, that find their way into the XXX version of the bible.
50 is also EXACTLY half of a hundred. It is the only number that fills this need. This makes it half of a century, of which is a 10th of a millenium, making 50 a 20th of a millenium.
- Buttsecks invented-an alternative if your server does not allow it.
- Naked Pictures of God's neighbors found on Jesus' laptop. Neighbors decline comment.
- If you are interested in answers, you may be looking for: 54.
- The first inhabitants of Indonesia, the 2nd League of Crescent Wrenches, first begin settling in Southeast Asia.
- Jim dies due to a freak accident with a time machine.
- Claudius dies and, in a shock revelation, he was probably poisoned. Nero becomes roman emperor; that's sure to be good.
- Mini Chedders finally given citizenship by Roman Senate. Nero honours Claudius by proclaiming him a God of scat music.
- This much over-looked year was in fact the year when the number 55 1st existed, before that every one always skipped it.
- Nobody in the history of the world has ever been able to drive at this speed or follow this limit.
- This is the year 57 A.D.
- January 22 Gollum dies of loving himself too much; his ring is sent to inspire directors to create movies for preschoolers (The Ring)
- November 1 Tuesday is invented.
- The amount of varieties Heinz claim to produce, though what these are varieties of is not made clear.
- Uncyclopedia's first cult is formed.
- The Pope faces charges of murder.
- Varieties are invented.
- The year I spilled spot remover on my dog and he disappeared.
- Magic number. Pronounce it in Danish and there won't be a dry panty in the room.
- The cat and the dog are created by sick scientist and then trained to shit on the floor.
- The color blue becomes a color.
- People realsie that Elephant shit is huge.
- Teh Colonel requests scissors and comments on how good it is when the famous purple stuffed worm...
- God is bored and makes the first ever nuclear weapon, but then racists steal it and blow up half of the known universe. The grunt of the force is sent back in time via Time Vortex Manipulation Technology and thus the Big Bang.
- The number that comes after:
Shwam. Doo. Two and heif. Scheven. Schfourteenteen. Schwenty one. Twenty seven heif. Twenty seven, thirty seven! WHAT YOU SAY?!?!
- The first trans-national highway is built leading from Rome to the Parthian Empire. Highway quickly closed after it is pointed out to the Roman emperor that it would make it "stupifyingly easy for Parthia to invade at will".
- A couple of gay dudes hook up.
- I need sizors, 61!!!!!!
- The year after 66.
- Wannabe 69.
- Pre-mature ejaculation is invented by accident.
“In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air”
“When I look back now, the summer seemed to last forever..”
“Good year for lesbians”
- Porn becomes interesting.
- Oral sex is invented, revolutionised by the phrase "Life can be fine if we both 69".
- The Cybermen travel back in time via Time Vortex Manipulation Technology to register a patent on the "Evil Robot" thing. Unfortunately patents hadn't been invented yet and they were only mocked for their inability to perform any form of Oral Sex.
- Due to a typo involving the similarities of capital i, lower case L, and the number 1, hundreds of thousands of people starve to death in an administrative accident in the Roman Empire.
- First Queef formed.
- Nero kills himself due to not getting enough of this newfangled 69 action. Roman Senate doesn't care as they're all getting plenty.
- After a bloody battle and a lot of fighting Vespasian emerges as the new emperor of Rome, the first Ross Kemp lookalike to do so. He immeadiatly outlaws oral sex, but does it all the time himself.
- The year 70 is skipped.
- 69 with two fingers up your ass.
- Year named after the number of trombones leading the big parade.
- July 7, luckiest day in history. Ever.
- You feel bad that you missed the luckiest day ever, so you commit suicide.
- Vesuvius blows its load destroying Pompeii and Herculaneum. Emperor Titus promises immediate relief as soon as he's finished eating this splendid banquet.
- The Pompeii Football Club moves its team headquarters to the province of Brittania becoming the second Roman team to join the English Premiership. Coincidentally, the team left only a few hours before the towns destruction.
- 80 is half of 100 in hexadecimal.
- This is the year Mary Magdalene landed on the costa Costa Rica with her daughter Sarah.
- Many people are getting angy at the world. Also hungy and aggy, in their quest to find words that should end in -gry but don't.
- the first time the number 88 is used in Bingo, the anouncer calls out '2 fat ladies 88' and is promptly beated to death by the entire audience of fat ladies.
- Four strong, statuesque women set out to retrieve the Golden Scepter but fail miserably in the process.
- someone builds a time traveling delorean and then sees some serious shit
- 89 is invented, essentially 69 with a Siamese twin.
- Steve Jobs is given a 'Steve Job' by Bill Gates.
- Lily Allen is found guilty for crimes against music and is subsequently hung, drawn and quartered
- Kenny survives the bastards and is worshipped as a God. He is then killed by some bastards.
- Roman Emperor Domitian is brutally stabbed to death as part of the popular Roman theatrical production Punk'd.
- Pioneered by The Unauthorised Kama Sutra, The 96 position is similar to the 69, but was voted less popular in a contemporary poll.
- Sheep-shagging is invented in Caledonia by lonely Pictish shepherds and a great tradition begins.
- Discordianism established as a secular philosophy
- Oral sex was prohibited, but later the ban was repealed by a 2/3 vote in the Roman senate after the emperor demanded it.
- Listing was invented
- Chemistry for Retards is first published in Athens.
- Dalmations are created
- 50,000 people die from trying to eat scissors, scientists around the world strive for the vaccine
- Some guy climbs a hill and eats sandwiches and dies, thus creating the storyline for the first CSI ever.
- That annoying thing bus drivers will say in stead of saying 'ok' or 'alright'
- The first year that anyone ever considered that you can't eat scissors
- love me sexy thats one the number 101 butch
- Named after the number of cornets close at hand. (see 76)
- Dutch time travelers return from the year 999 via the Solomon Vortex 5 and introduce the police department, fire department and ambulances. Arjen Robben gets into the history books by being the first passenger.
- Trajan becomes Roman Emperor, the first gay pin-up to do so since Tiberius.
LIVING IN A WORLD OF FANTASY
Made famous by Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 of the Office of Naval Intelligence Section 3's(we also like to call him big matt homie),. It also deals with benching that is something that big matt homie can't do. He brags he can pull off this wonderous stunt but ends up screwing himself over in the process and lies to make himself feel bad ass. So if you ever see him down the halls, yell out 115 until you get in trouble, then yell out 114.9. Big Matt Homie is like no other, he is a bad ass/ tattle tale, confusing huh. Big Matt Homie is more than just a body builder, he is always a pimp, NBA point guard, Wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins, and head coach of Mansfield University's sprint football coach. In the NBA he plays for the domination Oklahoma City Thunder leading them with 363845096837405967309586 points on the season....(even though the team has a total of 544245 this season). SPARTAN-II "Supersoldier" program of the United Nations Space Command Defense Force emergency military uniting Earth and her many colonies.
That's when the delivery company 118 was set up. It is surprising how even now we still haven;t figured out why they are always one day late and deliver the chewed ball-point instead of the flower you asked for.
- Man finds out that cum is salty, travels the world preaching the fact, nearly starts new religion.
It can't find its way home
“WE ARE 138! WE are 138! WEEEEE ARRRREEEE ONE THIRTY EIGHT!!!!!!”
- The Year of the Hyakugojyuuichi begins.
- The World Council of Bodhisattvas strips the High Bodhisattva of his bodhisattva status. Meanwhile, people in the Roman world don't give a shit about what a bodhisattva is (many Romans think it's a piece of bread).
- Antidisistablishmentarianism is first witnessed being fueded over as the "biggest word in Webster's Dictionary"
“Nothing happened this year? What in the world?”
- Nothing happened this year. At all.
- And I mean nothing, like entirely.
- I don't think you get, not one thing happened in the entire universe.
- It's like this: imagine it's New Years, right? and you're all happy 'cause it's New Years 154 and there's a countdown and everything but instead of the calendar turning to 154 it turns to 155, that's how us mortals saw it.
- Seriously, that's what happened. It's like entropy just went to zero for a year then came back to normal.
- OK, fine, don't believe me. Just ask Bhudda, I think you'll be enlightened.
- Mass chaos and rioting occurs because people are confused as to why nothing happened in 154 and because the calendars that they got for Christmas in 153 have gone to waste. Mostly the latter.
- Uncyclopedia isn't invented. Stupidly.
“It's a mystery how that nothing happened in 154 but yet Uncyclopediacs were still disappointed no matter what. Crap.”
- Oxygen takes a break, population holds breath.
- Carbon Dioxide replaces Oxygen and there is a small decrease in life expectancy.
- Humanity realizes that this was a stupid waste of time.
- People in China get angry after they receive 2,000,000 yellow turbans rather than 2,000,000 copies of new Dan Brown novel. Rebellion starts.
- Romans ditch Mary Antoinette in Scotland after they discover her dyke doesn't keep Scots out.
The Roman Emperor Commodus is killed in the Colloseum by general-turned-gladiator Maximus leading to the restoration of the Roman Republic. Lying historians claim Commodus was assassinated and that some bloke called Pertinax became Emperor. The truth is only uncovered with historian Ridley Scott's 2000 film Gladiator.
- Discordianism recharacterized as an applied religious philosophy.
- Nitrogen is discovered so people would stop catching fire.
- The Holy Chariot of the Trinity is built in Alexandria. It is capable of reaching speeds of up to 2 feet per second.
- Emergency Protocol X invented by Solomon Foundation.
- California runs out of available unused Interstate highway numbers.
Lame joke made, much sighing and rolling of eyes.
- A young Chinaman invents Tea, this is known as First Tea.
242, Hut! What?
- Native Americans found the oldest city in America Rock Hill.
- Native American scientists in Carolina invent nuclear power on the Savannah River.
- An outbreak of supposed Madness occurs, later re-diagnosed as Sparta.
- This year, Leonidas dines in Hell.
- This is the year where You're a Transistor, a Lightning Resistor, conducting to the (your)Mother Star... And yes, that IS what you are. Just ask the band.
- About 95% of the readers of Uncyclopedia don't know what the above entry refers to. Hint: Lead singer is Zack Morris, and lead rapper is Vince "SA" Martinez
- Rotterdam is again looted by Vikings. The city would continue to be attacked by everyone from the Mongols to the French until the present day when it finds itself under siege by Euro-Disney Land
- Car of Donald Duck has been invented for the first time by God. It was rebuilt by Oscar Wilde in 1999
- The world destroys itself, but comes to its senses and realizes that we really CAN all get along. World reforms soon after, with it, destroying the years of precious war humans fought valiantly for. War begins again. Solomon Foundation invents the Cannon.
- Man finds out that its funny to 'dip yo' nutz' in a females mouth and make them choke.
- An old lady from somewhere in Latin America notices Jesus Christ's image in a pi she had just baked.
- Also, this is Commander Keen's IQ.
- A year that will live forever in infamy, this was the year when the Pirates, the Vikings, the Ninjas, the Robots, the Zombies, the Gunslingers and the Canadians went to war. Solomon Foundation begins research into these seven powerful races.
- The Book of Austin is written.
- Attila the Hun loses his virginity.
- Kenny loses his virginity. He is then killed by some bastards.
- Stone Cold says so.
- The calendar is lost.
- The calendar is found. Oops, forgot about that meeting with the UN -Underwear Ninnies.
- Satan liked this half much
- a woman is born with 3 pairs of tits
- He's blue and circular, of annoyingly questionable alleigence, and sounds like the gay-gold-bot from that space movie.
- It's Three-Four-Three Guilty Spark (Monitor of Installation 04)!!!!!!!!!
- October 15 - Marathon becomes Snickers.
- Bruce Wayne is born.
- The Moon and Earth split.
- The Moon gets sucked into a black hole.
- A new Moon is constructed by the surviving inhabitants of the old Moon. Aid is provided in this endeavour by the Solomon Foundation.
- Aliens visit earth, and settle. They are known as Asians. Reasearch is conducted on them by the Solomon Foundation.
- Kayne West rapes his mother, which is later in the book she wrote. Nobody read it.
- Myspace and the Trojan Virus created. Trojan Virus found to be created from Project: Heart of Darkness, a research project begun by the Solomon Foundation.
- "This band wont last past the year 478" Mick Jagger say's after his first gig.
- First documented use of the letter "P" instead of "O" in Owned
- Other P/O related things such as Pokémon, Porn and Pockets invented. Pockets are credited to Sol Inc.
- Everybody born this year was really really really tall.
- First documented event of a cat asking his dog to look at his Pokémanz.
- Microsoft executives meet in this guy's basement and begin development on the Xbox 360.Bill Gates collaberates with desdigners from Sol Inc to create the specs.
- Jesus tries weed for the first time.
- Bruce Wayne is born again
- Jesus kills Kenny. Bastard.
- An Internet forum with changing name was invented. First it had no own name, now the forum name changes twice within a minute or two.
- Bruce Wayne refuses fellatio offer from Poison Ivy.
- jesus get pure baked
- Between 396 AD and 398 AD, 397 AD was, in fact, the Current Year.
- February 19 - First Kitten Recyling Centre founded near Dublin, Ireland, much to the dismay of local residents
- March 23 - Tom Hanks elopes with a giraffe, who is later found out to be his mother.
- October 23 - Jesus X is killed by an meteorite on Mars while studying Proust.This event is later discovered by observers from the Solomon Foundation.
- Harper Lee won the Pulitzer Prize for her groundbreaking coming of age tale, I Know Why the Huckamocking Finnbird Sings.
- Pasta and kittens were discovered. The two would not be combined in a delicious meal for another 700 years.
- Sorry, you do not have the authorization to visit this year. Your Time Machine may not have supplied the required credentials. Insert several dozen quarters; that might help.
- 404's little brother Andrew 403 is born. Up for adoption at a local Best Buy.
- It is discovered that comedy helps extend life expectancy by 10 years. This is published by Doctor Johnathan Smith of the Solomon Foundation in his thesis "The use of comedic talent in the human genome.
|The year you are looking at is unreachable.|
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- Cleaning product invented, but no one has any clue what to call it.
- Jebus returns to life and creates Mountain Dew.
- Α&Ω founded by Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, and Roseanne.
- Sol Inc puts up applications for jobs in their HQ in One Canada Square, also known as Canary Wharf.
- The Nigerian Money Scam becomes illegal.
- Marijuana is invented in Chiba, Japan, via research scientists of the Solomon Foundation. Subsequently, God creates the duck-billed platypus.
- Atlantis celebrates the invention of Marijuana by attempting to smoke it continuously for a year. This resulted in disaster after only four months and twenty days. At 4:20 PM the island ran aground and swiftly sank in only 260 seconds (four minutes twenty seconds)
- The Great Marijuana War starts in England. The war began when a man against the smoking of the "evil herb" killed two who were using it. These men's friend went and alerted the guards, but the killer had already started a guild to end the use of Marijuana. They would then go out onto the fields and have several great battles with more than 2000 men on each side. (Marijuana was, in fact, legal before the end of the war in 425.) Weaponry was provided via Sol Inc.
- is the number of hitler so on 420 god commands us to say fuck hitler lets get high!
The writer of the Atlantis bit was most likely celebrating 420, since an island cannot run aground.
- Not to be confused with "Black Monday", it is the time of the year when the sales of snacks, pizza, and Black N' Mild cigarillos throughout the world soar to unbelievable heights. This day is referred to as "Green...uhh, what's today dude?"
- Cattzs was born, therefore beginning the second world war.
- Canadians and Vikings sign peace treaty in Vancouver.
- During the Great Marijuana War, an army of Canadians and Vikings, users of Marijuana, defeat a Gunslinger Army in what will become Texas. One of the last great victories for the users.
- The non-users win the Great Marijuana War on April 20. Marijuana use is then declared a violation that is punishable by beheading by the king. According to well-known historians, the reason the non-users won the war was because the users were so smashed that they didn't know which side they were on and began killing their own men. If this hadn't happened, Marijuana would still be legal. Marijuana users then complain, "This sucks," Before being beheaded. Axe used for the act was inscribed as being created by Solomon J Grundy.
- Attila the Hun
- June 23 The Western Roman Empire falls to Barbarians. Last Emperor of the West, Romulus Augustus (16), is sent into retirement without any supper.
- June 24 The Goths settle all around Europe.
- June 27 The Emo people settle in England, France, and Scandanavia.
- August 23 The Byzantine Empire surives the carnage of the West. This is because they ate three shredded wheat.
- Emo people build on ruins of "Taylor Inc".
- Start of the Thousand Years War.
The Rolling Stones still exist.
- The Uncyclomedia Server Project gets underway. The technology used to run the Sever, as well as the money, are provided by the Solomon Foundation.
- The Lovely Password of Younha.
- See also : Password 486
- 500 Internal Year Error.
- Laws are invented. Widely considered overrated.
- Also, the Ford Five Hundered was invented in this year using V-5 SF. VROOOM!!
- A strong alcoholic drink is brewed, too many people drink it and become Drunk for a long peirod of time, they all form a country named Ireland.
- Plasma is discovered by George Washington.
- In his asshole. This shocks resident Solomon Foundation scientists.
- April 3 Henry Kissinger sets sets Rome on fire, leaving half of the city not in flames.
“"Burn Rome Burn"”
- A number invented by slipknot so that they could make a folk metal song called "the heretic enema."
- The number of humans.
- God realises that slipknot sucks total balls, so he kills them all.
- They then come back from the dead as zombies just to laugh at god.
- Penguins win.
- Konami becomes the shadow government of Japan; the Dance Dance Revolution Ninjas are formed. Conspirasists believe that the money used by the government is provided by Sol Inc.
- Maradona invents a white country in south america called Israel
- Some bastards kill Kenny.
- Some bastards kill Kenny again.
- some emo wizard turns some guy into a frog because his immaginary freind told him to, after killing his real dad
- the steriotype of people being turned into frogs by magic people is born
- some frog pwnz a bunch of scary nuns with a broadsword while at the same time saving a mute kid named chrono and his lesbian nerd girlfreind. by doing this he invents multitasking
- An angry Wizard wages war with a random Kingdom for "Being Meanies!!!!"
- The Beast is born.
- Shortly after, The Beast, also know as Bob, was put up for adoption.
- My dad touched me down there.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- Rey Mysterio was born
- A angry wizard called Denisa created Kitten Chauffeuing
- Al Gore invents the Zula planet.
- God gets 12363,000,000 numbers of spam mail (world record)
- Febuary 30 - The great war with the three most awesome groups ended. Much pillaging occurred in the many years, but in the end the Pirates took out the Ninjas and the Vikings. This confirms the research released by the Solomon Foundation, titled "The Superiority of Pirates".
- Osama bin Laden founds Ladenism in Dubai. The religion sucks ass and is overrun by n00bs from the barnyard of Mecca.
- Bill Gates makes his famous declaration that this ought to be enough years for anybody.
- Mario finally reborn. Goes on a killing spree.
- The first "FATALITY!" done by Scorpion
- May 15 - First recorded use of the word 'ankle' in a game of Scrabble.
- December 14 - People began wondering if Jesus ever wore double-breasted suits. In 643 wearing double-breasted suits was still very exceptional. Even today, historians are still arguing if anybody ever wore double-breasted suits during that time. Unfortunately nobody has found any evidence.
- Pie inherits the earth.
- Colin Mochrie saves the world... again.
- Sol Inc release's their annual report on world progress. Their verdict? "Snails Pace".
- Satan comes early. "I swear, this has never happened before. It's just that I've got all this stress at work", Satan apologized. Despite being deprived of a fiery climax, humanity was sympathetic, saying "It's okay, honey. It happens to every man at some point in his life."
- Is an award winning sex position in which people line up and take it in the ass.
- Satan Loves this number!
- Spyro Is born
- June 6, 6 am - Satan turns 6 2/3.
- The Beast Jr. is born.
- First recorded Satanic cliché made about people's birth dates
- Ronald Reagan is reborn as Satan's son and high priest of the Church of Scientology.
- Church of Scientology put under reveiw by Solomon Foundation, to seek truth in claims.
- The Rolling Stones first Gig, at the upside down tavern in Kings Cross.
- Iron Maiden Present their first CD
- Jack Thompson is born
- Harry The Hamster is horribly thrown from his ever powerful perch of leader of the united spades. Belief's that this was due to influence via Sol Inc was unconfirmed.
- Abdul Alhazred, author of the Necronomicon, is born
- Jesus' lesser known brother Stephen rises to the position of High Priest of the Satanic Temple.
- Satan Decides to plague all earth street corners with chavs
- People fear the end of the world. Sol Inc reps assure public of chance of happening being low.
- Jesus wonders what the big deal is.
- December 30 - Saddam Hussein is legally married to Paris Hilton
- Mister Rogers is born.
- 4Kids Entertainment is formed.
- When Something goes bad on this day blame society, or better yet, blame vista.
- Satan sends his bastards to kill Kenny.
- Casket is born. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
- The prince of darkness, Ozzy Osbourne, was borne. Satan laughed and spread his wings.
- The sum of ASCII code of Bill Gates
- The FCC is formed.
- The neighbour of the beast.
- Due to the chavs coming to Earth last year, Optimus Prime announces the annual chav shoot out.
- George W. Bush gets lost in the uterus and is born a year late.
- Research into the chav via the Solomon Foundation reveal a lower capacity of brain power. This is published by Professor Oscar Strife, with aid from Doctor Johnathan Smith, in the thesis, "The reduction of intellect in the alien species IV "Chav".
- See 999
December 30 - Native American scientists at MUSC release "The Perfect Man" into Carolina to breed with other humans at age 15.
- July 7- Seeing that the Native Americans are about to bring the end of the world God sends Jesus to earth.
- Native American engineers in Carolina in the town of present-day Charleston invent a robot.
- The Town of Chikakee (modern-day Charlotte, North Carolina) reaches 12 million people.
- December 25 - A super-quake rated at 1,830.4 on the Richter scale and lasting for 30 minutes is accidentally caused by native American scientists and engineers in Carolina trying to control tectonic plates with hydrogen bombs it destroys every city on modern day eastern seaboard of United States and kills 100,078,943.
- Appalachian Mountains are thrusted up to a height of +29,000 feet in just 30 minutes.
- A volcano called Satan's Dick located in modern-day upstate South Carolina is created and explodes with the force of 100000 hydrogen bombs.
- Long Island in New York is created.
- The the earth's tilt is altered by 10 degrees starting an ice age.
- The earth's orbit is altered to the point that in the year 1000 it will crash into the sun.
- A human runs for president, ending the one year species barrier.
- You still think that reading this was stupid.
- Solomon Foundation return to active status amid the rubble of the Robots|Human wars. Their findings indicate how evolution is what controls the outcome of these wars.
- February 14 - The Sultan of Carolina orders 500 hydrogen bomb ICBM's be sent to China to destroy the Zhou Dynasty, showing that the Native Americans of Carolina are the master race. Then, he sends his scientists over to study the effects.
- 90% of the world population is killed.
- February 15 - Thinking that The Sultan has gone to far, "The Perfect Man" creates an ultra-twister with 100,000mph winds and destroys every major city in Carolina and rips a hole in the atmosphere.
- February 18 - Nuclear winter makes ice age worse.
- May 24- The Sultan of Carolina is assassinated by five students who where followers of "The Perfect Man" from present-day College of Charleston. Which begins a new era of peace and prosperity in Carolina.
- May 25- "The Perfect Man" becomes Sultan of Carolina and makes present-day Charlotte, North Carolina the new capital.
- May 29- CSA (Carolina Sky Association) is created by The Sultan to re-tilt the earth ending the ice age and put earth back in orbit.
- Ice Age ends
- A RABID CLAN OF MUDKIP TAKE OVER THE PLANET.
- Lil wayne stutters one of the first of his many raps about getting that cash-money, hos, drugs, and on occassion about his idol Tom Jones, where it's believed he got most of his musical influence from. Then this happened. Everybody and their mother's cat then puts whatever latest (s)hits he has out on their cryspace. Boo lil wayne.
- Mark Henry stops Lil wayne's godcousin from eating Randy Orton & John Cena's children FOR BREAKFAST!
- Geoge W. Bush resides in the asshole of Godzilla.
- Kelly Clarkson is bred.
- This Guy stands under your Um-br-ella 'ella, 'ella, ay, ay, ay.
- Mrs. Clause is born from a family of cats, and raised as one of their own. She then proceeds to become a sixth grade teacher, and eat duke.
- Another lucky year.
- Survivors crash on the Lost Island.
- The Others subsequently invent the Metric System
- In Soviet Russia, Metric System invented YOU!!
- What fucktards? 777? waht about 777? you thought 777 was going to be luckier than the year 77? Well FUCK YOU!
- Luck number for short actors.
- When 8 is added to 2 then added to 6 u get 16.
- The year when beavers(yes the animals) controlled East Russia(The files and records of this were burned when Lobster Jesus saw their rule unfit and banished the beavers to a life of making dams, eating wood, and living in low society parts of the zoos and of the world).
- The reciprocal of 1/826. (yes carly that is the reciprocal)
- The Huns attack the Goths, who respond by attacking the Emos, who then attack the Klingons, who attack Patrick Swayze but get whooped, thus forming that one country that is known today as "that one country."
- Eli Whitney invents the cotton gin and tries to take over the earth. He dies of trying to drink something gross.
- You know that really amazing thing that happens, and someone sees it happen, and he wants to tell all his friends about it, but when he does, they throw rabid capybaras at him? Yeah, that happened in 899.
- Those Aristocat cats finally find their way back home. After being raped multiple times by O'Malley the Alley Cat.
- My locker number!
- Again nothing out of the ordinary happened, Jew persecuted, Hitler sits in Satan's anus waiting for the right time to strike.
Joanne Rivers is born.
- The police, fire stations, AND ambulances are invented in America
- Followed by a boyband who suck more than anyone could ever comprehend
- Death to America! Jihad! Jihad!
- Lu Bu returns after a long wander-slaughter, finds the world boring and thus destroys Atlantis and then a swarm of hippies.
- Everyone takes a break for the day except for treehugging hippies who
"always are on break" -President Bush after his 52nd game of bowling in a row
- WARNING:Shameless Plug: Day of the most elaborate TV hoax of all times, where "the only people who saw airplanes work for FOX or CBS or CNN". (Reference: www.livevideo.com/video/6F393F4DE41C4CF798CBB438E6378129/september-clues-part1.aspx)
- After 6 years of sadness and flag mongering, American realize that maybe they should just get on with their lives.
- The Stock Market is invented and subsequently crashes, thus causing the Great Depression which inevitably tumbles into the creation of emo.
flava flav starts infamous pimp regime, and Mike tyson did (not) rape that girl (not)!!
The scribe Abu Kuffar records the Islamic prophecy of the Mustaches of Legend, regarding nine mustachioed individuals destined to oppose the Mahdi on the Last Day. There was subsequent suicide bombings, even before gun powder was widely used.
- The Rus invade Bulgaria, subsequently setting off the chain of events that later becomes The 69 Conspiracy.
- Stalin records his hit black metal record "...And I Will Fuck Lenin's Creation" with his band J.V.S
May 1 - Ethelred II, ever-unready, shows up late with his April Fools' Day gag.
- King Ethelred the Unready fought off no fewer than 23 challenges to the throne of England in a single year. He successfully repelled invasions by Danes, Normans, a Native American, documentary film-makers, and Hell's Angels.
- The Native Americans of Carolina decided they needed more than one 10 year-old girl to invade England.
- Lame video game studio is formed
- Matrix found and subsequently rebooted
- 10,000,000 Heretics burned in Rome, after watching a Slipknot concert.
- England bitches at America.
- Satan's mentally retarded brother Drew Morgan shows up on earth and just kinda chills out for a while.
- America decides to steal the English language before discovering it originally came from Japan.
- Americans screw up the English language.
- Black people fuck the English language up.
- Rednecks further the English-language-fornicating-up procress.
- Japan formally denounces the use of English, except on cute T-shirts.
- Oprah eats her first baby
- Nutmeg gets you high!
- Lu Bu disappears for a while, he is seen stealing an entire ship and walking offshore with it in his hands.
This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.
Represented here are the time periods from 1AD to 999AD.