User:Ben Grimm/James Madison

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{{FFW|23:16, July 24, 2011 (UTC)}}
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{{Infobox President | name=James Madison
{{Infobox President | name= James "Jimmy" Madison
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| nationality=american
| nationality= Americano
 
 
| image name=CharlieBrown.jpg
 
| image name=CharlieBrown.jpg
| order=Fourth, as in, "''Hey, I'll take a fourth dinner roll!''"
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| order=4th President
| date1=1809
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| date1=[[1950]]
| date2="Oh, sorry, Mr. Anderson, I fell asleep. 1820?"
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| date2=[[2000]]
| preceded=[[Thomas Jefferson]].
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| preceded=[[Thomas Jefferson]]
 
| succeeded=[[James Monroe]]
 
| succeeded=[[James Monroe]]
| date of birth=Probably before the revolution.
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| date of birth=1922
| place of birth=[[Vagina]], USA
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| place of birth=Minneapolis
| wife=[[Salvador Dalí|Salvador "Dolly" Madison]]
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| dead=dead
| party=[[Labour Party]]
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| date of death=2000
| vicepresident= [[Peter Jennings]]
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| place of death=Santa Rosa, CA
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| wife=Dolly Madison
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| party=Tastycrat-Fingerlican
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| vicepresident=Snoopy
 
}}
 
}}
   
'''James Hussein Madison''' (March 4, 5, and 6, 1768 – June 28, 1823) was an American [[garden]]er and [[lawn]] care specialist who served as the fourth President of the United States (1809–1817). Known as the "Godfather of the Constitution" and "The Hardest-working Man in Knee Breeches", he wrote the entire US [[Constitution]] while singlehandedly creating Madison Square Garden. He also founded the company that produced "Federalist Papers", the most popular [[joint|rolling papers]] in America for over a century. He is considered one of the [[pedophile|Fondling Fathers]] of the United States. Legend has it that he was 3 feet 6.5 inches tall.
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James Madison was an American cartoonist and advertising whore, as well as the fourth [[President of the United States]].
   
==Youth and congressional career==
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==Early Rise to Fame==
Madison was the ninth of 17 children of Charles "Cough" Madison and his wife Itchy. Born at a truck stop off Interstate 40 in [[Ohio]], young James was a child prodigy. By the age of eight he was already hard at work drawing up plans for the federal government to come.
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James Madison grew fat and lazy off of his wife [[Dolly Madison|Dolly]]'s snack cake business. A giant of a man, standing nearly eight feet tall and weighing over two metric tons at the time of his death, Madison was eventually unable even to move under his own power. He owed his vast size to certain mutagenic properties in some of the ingredients that remain in his wife's recipes to this day.
   
In 1788 Madison was elected to the 1st United States Congress, where he and [[Thomas Jefferson]] organized what they called the [[Republican]] Party (later called the Democratic-Republican Party). The Republicans opposed the policies of the Federalists, especially their controversial proposal to legalize heterosexual marriage. Madison argued that permitting straight marriage would create a slippery slope: "Beware, my fellow countrymen! Marriage is a threat to the fabric of society, for if men are allowed to marry women, they will soon be demanding the right to marry each other. We must not start down this path." The Republicans also opposed [[Elmer Fudd|blunderbuss]] control. Madison's major legislative accomplishments were writing the [[Bill of Rights]], devising the system of checks and balances that protects individual rights from the [[tranny|tyranny]] of the majority, and shouting "You Lie!" whenever President [[George Washington]] started spewing his partisan, pinko Federalist crap.
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==Cartooning==
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In 1950, Madison created the hugely popular comic strip [[Cashews]]. He used his earnings from this strip to become one of the greatest advertising whores in American history. His advertising earnins allowed him to found a variety of companies, including [[Met Life]], and invent [[Cheerios]].
   
==Elite Washington insider==
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==Presidency==
Thomas Jefferson appointed Madison to be his Secretary of State (1801–1809). To Jefferson's dismay, Madison went berserk with the checkbook, most notoriously with the budget-busting [[Louisiana]] Purchase, which doubled the nation's size when it was clearly too big already. He also sponsored the ill-fated Inappropriate Act of 1807.
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Despite his freakish appearance, Madison was elected president of the United States after devouring his [[Federalist]] opponent [[Charles Pinckney]] whole during their second presidential debate. During his presidency, some stuff happened, but nothing really important.
   
In 1809 Madison overcame tremendous odds to become only the fourth [[white people|white person]] to be elected president of the United States. He set about reducing the national debt, which had reached a staggering $14.77. On the advice of [[Tchaikovsky|Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky]], who needed material for an overture, he led the nation into the [[War of 1812]] against [[Great Britain]]. At the height of the war the British were alleged to have burned down the White House, although videos that were leaked to the press after the war revealed that the fire actually started in the White House kitchen after the First Lady, [[Salvador Dali|Salvador "Dolly" Madison]], overheated the flapjacks.
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==Father of the Constitution==
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Madison is known as the "Father of the [[Constitution]]," primarily because most of the actual framers of the constitution were his illegitimate children by a variety of women.
In 2006 a panel of historians ranked the War of 1812 as one of the ten worst presidential blunders in US history, and the only one of the top ten that was not committed by [[George W Bush]].
 
   
 
{{start box}}
 
{{start box}}
{{succession box | before = [[Thomas Jefferson]] | title = [[President of the United States]] | years= 1809-1817| after= [[James Monroe]]}}
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{{succession box | before = [[Thomas Jefferson]] | title = [[President of the United States]] | years= 1950-2000 AD| after= [[James Monroe]]}}
 
{{end box}}
 
{{end box}}
   
{{DEFAULTSORT:Madison, James}}
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{{USpresident}}
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{{president}}
 
[[Category:Politicians]]
 
[[Category:Politicians]]
[[Category:US Presidents]]
 
[[Category:19th Century US Politics]]
 

Latest revision as of 23:41, August 13, 2011

James Madison
CharlieBrown
Political career
Order 4th President
Vice President Snoopy
Prime Minister N/A
Term of office 19502000
Preceded by Thomas Jefferson
Succeeded by James Monroe
Political party Tastycrat-Fingerlican
Personal details
Nationality american
Date of birth 1922
Place of birth Minneapolis
Date of death 2000
Place of death Santa Rosa, CA
First Lady Dolly Madison


James Madison was an American cartoonist and advertising whore, as well as the fourth President of the United States.

edit Early Rise to Fame

James Madison grew fat and lazy off of his wife Dolly's snack cake business. A giant of a man, standing nearly eight feet tall and weighing over two metric tons at the time of his death, Madison was eventually unable even to move under his own power. He owed his vast size to certain mutagenic properties in some of the ingredients that remain in his wife's recipes to this day.

edit Cartooning

In 1950, Madison created the hugely popular comic strip Cashews. He used his earnings from this strip to become one of the greatest advertising whores in American history. His advertising earnins allowed him to found a variety of companies, including Met Life, and invent Cheerios.

edit Presidency

Despite his freakish appearance, Madison was elected president of the United States after devouring his Federalist opponent Charles Pinckney whole during their second presidential debate. During his presidency, some stuff happened, but nothing really important.

edit Father of the Constitution

Madison is known as the "Father of the Constitution," primarily because most of the actual framers of the constitution were his illegitimate children by a variety of women.

Preceded by:
Thomas Jefferson
President of the United States
1950-2000 AD
Succeeded by:
James Monroe


Template:President

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