User:Count of Monkey Crisco/Worst 100 Cars of All-Time

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{{FFW|00:23, July 27, 2011 (UTC)}}
 
{{title|Worst 100 Cars of All-Time}}
 
{{Worst100}}
 
   
 
According to [[God]]'s true word these are the worst cars in the world. If Jesus had a car it would not be one of these. Jesus does not care to count this list too closely, since he IS Jesus, and the only cars he cares about are his Bugatti and his Corvette ZR1.believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration. Note that all of these "cars" <strike>fail everything</strike> meet [[nothing|National Emission Standards]].
 
According to [[God]]'s true word these are the worst cars in the world. If Jesus had a car it would not be one of these. Jesus does not care to count this list too closely, since he IS Jesus, and the only cars he cares about are his Bugatti and his Corvette ZR1.believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration. Note that all of these "cars" <strike>fail everything</strike> meet [[nothing|National Emission Standards]].
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; '''44.''' Sexus: This car line came with a "stress reliving back massager" standard. No explanation was given as to why the massaging device was cylindrical, self lubricating and mounted in the bucket seat.
 
; '''44.''' Sexus: This car line came with a "stress reliving back massager" standard. No explanation was given as to why the massaging device was cylindrical, self lubricating and mounted in the bucket seat.
   
; '''4Э.''' Diashatzu: A Japanese manufacturer of tiny budget cars with stupid names and a strange habit of spontaneously combusting.
 
 
; '''42.''' Toyboata: A Japanese manufacturer of amphibious* vehicles. Most Toyboatas can be found at the bottom of streams, lakes, rivers and harbors. Unfortunately they are not very reliable on land either.
 
*Not guaranteed
 
 
; '''41.''' Hyundead: A Korean manufacturer of "light" vehicles. They may be described as light vehicles because of their construction, primarily cellophane and plastic. Hyungai vehicles are banned in most warm areas because they are prone to melting. Melted Hyungai is '''NOT''' a substitute for chewing gum.
 
   
 
==40-31==
 
==40-31==
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; '''38.'''nigggermobile: designed for black people comes with rope and cotton picker attachment.
 
; '''38.'''nigggermobile: designed for black people comes with rope and cotton picker attachment.
   
; '''37.''' Peugoat: A French manufacturer of vehicles powered by goats milk. Unfortunately goats milk is not a very efficient fuel and prone to turning into butter in the engine (Do not consume butter from the engine), making Peugoat cars very unreliable. When you purchase a Peugoat you are supplied with a free goat to produce fuel or, alternatively, for strange fetishes.
+
   
 
[[Image:51cJMmg86jL._AA280_.jpg|left|thumb|170px|A 2005 model V-MINI convertible.]]
 
[[Image:51cJMmg86jL._AA280_.jpg|left|thumb|170px|A 2005 model V-MINI convertible.]]
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; '''34.''' Monstira: An American manufacturer of practical city SUVs. Great for driving through (or in some cases over) traffic jams, city parking and taking the kids to school, also perfect for tackling mountains driving. Unfortunately the 80 inch rims are rare and a set of stairs are needed to exit the vehicle.
 
; '''34.''' Monstira: An American manufacturer of practical city SUVs. Great for driving through (or in some cases over) traffic jams, city parking and taking the kids to school, also perfect for tackling mountains driving. Unfortunately the 80 inch rims are rare and a set of stairs are needed to exit the vehicle.
   
; '''33.''' Porch: A German manufacturer of cars for the elderly. Special features of Porche vehicles are rocking seats, kettle holder, defibrillator ports, a top speed of 30mph and the revolutionary "no reaction steering" (no matter how much you steer you will drive straight ahead at the same speed). Every Porche vehicle comes with a coffin as a standard feature. Owners are special kind of guys.. wearing Rolex watches and other too expensive glasses, diamond rings and bimbo's wearing white boots.
 
   
 
; '''32.''' BlandRover: A British manufacturer of nondescript grey vans. BlandRovers only come in grey and resemble big boxes. Voted "Most Boring Car" and "Best cure for Insomnia" of 2004.
 
; '''32.''' BlandRover: A British manufacturer of nondescript grey vans. BlandRovers only come in grey and resemble big boxes. Voted "Most Boring Car" and "Best cure for Insomnia" of 2004.
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; '''2.''' Susucki: A Japanese manufacturer of cars that double as vacuum cleaners. This was very impractical as it required serious renovation to actually get the car into the house. Unfortunately they did suck, but not in the vacuuming way, tending to leak fluid and catch on fire rather than vacuum up dirt. At least they drove... sometimes... rarely.
 
; '''2.''' Susucki: A Japanese manufacturer of cars that double as vacuum cleaners. This was very impractical as it required serious renovation to actually get the car into the house. Unfortunately they did suck, but not in the vacuuming way, tending to leak fluid and catch on fire rather than vacuum up dirt. At least they drove... sometimes... rarely.
   
; '''1.''' Chevrolet: An American manufacturer of "drivable" jalopies. Chevrolet vehicles are powered by 2,3,4,6 or 8 365ml cylinders. for the 1 cylinder and a full 3 Tp (turtle power) for the 8 a full 27 Tp. The driver climbs into the sun roof and looks out the windscreen to drive. Chevrolet vehicles are incredibly small but extremely fuel efficient using about 365ml per 100 km. When driving there is no actual way of controlling the speed you got 2 speeds stop or go. While Chevrolet vehicles are advertised as jalopies they cost a lot: 30 000 cents for a 6 cylinders or 100 000 cents for the 8 cylinders supercharged with turbo and NOS. Mexicans with large wieners are often caught unloading their loads onto black women's backs while eating tacos and lighting their pubic hairs on fire.
 
   
   

Revision as of 14:56, August 9, 2011

According to God's true word these are the worst cars in the world. If Jesus had a car it would not be one of these. Jesus does not care to count this list too closely, since he IS Jesus, and the only cars he cares about are his Bugatti and his Corvette ZR1.believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration. Note that all of these "cars" fail everything meet National Emission Standards.

80-71

73. Death star- The car
Ditched due to continuously failing the mot as someone keeps flying into it and its rather hard to park in small spaces. Was very popular in a town called Merrytown, which no longer exists due to a big pile up.
72. The Ronda Accordian
This car's pleated structure was meant to make it the first compact car with more room than a school bus. Its tendency to make a horrible trilling when expanding or contracting or accelerating, braking, turning, parking and starting made it unpopular with onlookers. If caught in a rear end collision while full passengers would get squeezed to the front of the car like sausage meats. If would also contract with fatal force if you pushed the button too hard.
71.The Mitsubishi Eclipse Eclipse
This 2010 limited edition promotional car come with a "sparkles-in-the-sunlight-pasty-pink" finish and choice of Team Edward or Team Jacob interior furnishing package. A built in GPS system with the voice of Kristen Stewart was later found to double as an effective theft deterrent and an even more effective boyfriend deterrent.

70-61

70. The Astley Martin
Nicknamed the "Ricky" this car came with an unusual sound system. Instead of an AM/FM tuner or CD player it came with a pre-installed digital recording of the complete works of Rick Astley and Ricky Martin. While this was a terrible, tragic idea by itself the car shared another unfortunate similarity with Astley and Martin: due to flimsy body design after a single hit they became completely useless. It was often prone to rolling.
69. The Mercedes Benz Elite Platinum Deluxe Supreme XL
Truley the greatest luxury car ever built it came with a chauffeur, standard. So pricey, so elegant, so fucktwistingly classy no man or woman not born of royal blood would even dare purchase this car. Though a select few people could afford it almost none would feel worthy to bask in it's incredible opulence. Even the filthiest pigeon wouldn't deign shit on it's windshield. While the engine was sufficiently powerful and the handling superb it was a not a efficient car for traveling anywhere since you wouldn't even dream of getting inside without getting your hair done and donning a tuxedo or formal gown and finest jewelry. Simply seeing this car made you realize the sort of wretched human filth you truly were. They were also accident prone as other drivers would avert their gaze in humility from the Elite Platinum Deluxe Supreme XL's incalculable majesty. The car was decent but the sales were a spectacular failure. Only three were sold to Donald Trump, Kanye West and The Ultimate Warrior. Nobody else had the overinflated self image to own one of these things.
68. Loyola
See this article
67. Chrysler Montalbán
Marketed as the ultimate luxury car the Montalbán was covered entirely in soft Corinthian Leather. It could not be left in the rain or sun and the entire car had to be dry cleaned. The lucky few who bought Montalbáns in black did have the option regularly applying 70 tins of shoe polish to maintain the finish.
66. Kup
You don't wanna drive Kup. Believe me, he's the shittest looking car you'll ever see. All the other autobots laugh at his crappy paintwork and he coughs up oil alarmingly often.
65. Lixus
A lame but cheap Chinese ripoff of Lexus. The only thing it has is an engine, four doors, four seats, six windows, a boot and seat belts. Plus a steering wheel.
64. Vugatti Beyron
the cheap Chinese version of the Bugatti Veyron. Only thing better about it is that the car is waaay cheaper.

Mitsubishi Lancer EVO X

63. Mitsubishit
Japanese car producer thought that a crap car would gain popularity. He was wrong. HUGE SURPRISE RIGHT HERE
62. Bord
American car company made for fat people. Known for breaking down after you drive one meter. Also takes up 4 lanes of road to fit typical American.
61. A Major-1
All cars this company released in the late 90's was infamous for experiencing deadly rear wheel differential lock ups. Even more despised is the company's recall and safety upgrade policy where they would take the number of vehicles in the field (A), multiply by the probable rate of failure (B) multiply by the average out-of-court settlement (C). A times B times C equaled X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, they don't do one.

60 - 51

60. KrAP
Ukrainian manufacturer of trucks that look awesome & heavy duty & badass & stuff, but will fall apart on you after driving a few seconds away from the dealership.
59. The Jaguar Gemini
A limited edition concept convertible which allowed the drive to not only let the top down for some fresh air but also let the bottom up for some fresh... um... road, I think. With the flick of a switch the entire floor of the car would fold up and stow away. A terrible, stupid idea.
58. Fack
American truck manufacturer that got its name because Irish & Australian owners say this a lot when these trucks break down, which is quite often.
57. Frightliner
American truck manufacturer that manufactures the scariest trucks in existence. In fact, they're so scary that the factory workers are scared to build them!
56. Kenworthless
American truck manufacturer that makes completely worthless trucks, so much that they make Ladas look like Bugattis. Despite being bought by PACCAR along with Penisbilt, they're still worthless.
55. Any remote control car from Radio Shack
Did you ever have one of those when you were a kid? They weren't like the premium ones from the hobby shops or the well built ones from Tyco. The Radio Shack RC cars only had two directions: forward and back with sort of a clockwise turn. You'd open up your present on Christmas day and get all excited because you got a remote control car but then you'd realize that your car was ass. It didn't work like the cars you saw on television. Even though it looked like a real remote control car in the box and the remote looked legit but it only had two working buttons, one for forward one for back and clockwise. It was even worse if you called your friend Christmas morning and told him that now that you had your own remote control car you could race his in the backyard. After you tried it out you'd have to call him back apologetically and explain that your car was shit. It wasn't even your fault, you were only seven. It's not like you could research specs and comparison shop, that's what your parents were responsible for. You'd swear that that was the moment you lost confidence in your parents (or even worse, Santa) and it was the beginning of your long and cynical relationship with the human race. That's why you now feel the need to explain every. fucking. detail.to everyone you've worked with or bought something from so they don't disappoint you. At least you could do some sweet launches off a cardboard box ramp with these things... until the battery casing popped open.. which it would... EVERY FUCKING TIME. I just had to get that off my chest.
54. Cubic Zirconia-Reo
American truck manufacturer who makes trucks out of a fake diamond substance called Royal Lite.
53. Black
American truck manufacturer that made the most gangsta trucks around. Unfortunately, they folded in 1981.
52. Eastern Star
Japanese truck company that makes cheap knockoffs of American rigs.
51. Invisible
For people who can't afford cars, or can't even drive a car comes the invisible. So you STILL have to ride the bus like everyone else!

50 - 41

Daf1

The Dutch built Daf 750 variomatic. Be warned: this one can actually move.

180px-DAIHATSU-MIDGET-MP4-01

A So Shi-Tei "Ma-Siv" people mover. Built to seat 11 people.

Poolcar

A typical Toyboata in its natural habitat.

50. Philip Morris Motors (Also colloquially known as Marlboro-mobile)
After dwindling cigarette sales Philip Morris decided to shift major operations to car manufacturing, as making things that produced dangerous fumes was all they were good at. Philip Morris vehicles run on the revolutionary tobacco engine, powered by the driver "blowing" a "tube filled with burning tobacco". They are also very kind on the environment as 98% of emissions are safely stored in the driver's lungs. There have been recent rumors that powering the revolutionary tobacco engine causes cancer, but these have been firmly denied by CEO Harold c. Brown, "Its not like these are cigarettes... we all know cars can't cause cancer."

Philip Morris Motors has a huge percentage of brand loyalty, with 100% of buyers buying at least 4 more PMM vehicles. Some owners have described them as "addictive" and by one loyal customer as "Once you buy one you can't stop, you need more, more. You need to be driving one all the time, I sit in there for hours with the engine running, not going anywhere." Contrary to popular belief, driving a PMM vehicle does NOT make you thinner.

49. So Shi-Tei
A Chinese car company formed in 1993, its cars are famous for their constant breakdowns and instability, as every model has only 3 wheels. They are the cheapest cars in the market, with the Kra-Pi marketing for only $3.50 US.
48. Beep
An American manufacturer of gigantic SUV's. Unfortunately they spend most of their time stationary unless they are rolling on their side. The typical Beep uses 150 gallons per 0 miles, considered great efficiency by many. Beep has been condemned by hippies as the single cause of global warming. This claim has been refuted by Beep scientists, who have even suggested that emissions from Beep vehicles can be used as a healthy substitute for regular air. One scientist, Franklin C Retarden, successfully backed up these claims by only inhaling these emissions for a whole year. He died 14 minutes in.
47. Acruda
A brand of Japanese automaker Ronda Motor Company that sells the irregular cars produced by Ronda. It has been selling fatally defective cars since March 1986. An Acruda can usually by identified by strange fires, noxious fumes and lack of wheels.
46. BNW - Bayerische Nicht Werke
A German car company formed in 1908 that produces luxury vans and tricycles for drug dealers. Unfortunately the the car does not work unless you purchase the optional engine for $200,000, even then they rarely work.
45. Lameborghina
An Italian manufacturer of badly modified sports cars (stupid-cars) based in the small Italian village of Bolognese. The distinctive features of a Lameborghina are poorly fitted body-kits, abundance of brightly colored lights and an annoying bass beat. A typical Lameborghina driver is a try hard "gangsta" who lives in their mother's basement. They are a favourite car for street racers and brain damage patients also self assimilating the only cool thing about it.
44. Sexus
This car line came with a "stress reliving back massager" standard. No explanation was given as to why the massaging device was cylindrical, self lubricating and mounted in the bucket seat.


40-31

4Ö. Volks Wankin
A German manufacturer of pseudo sports cars for lonely men. Their cars have such handy features as porn magazine holders, a mirror that zooms in on the cleavage of passing women, one way tinted windows (for privacy) and a GPS system with a "saucy" female voice that compliments the driver. The only colour available is red.
39. Daf 750 Variomatic
The Dutch at one time tried to build cars. This was seen by many as a herbally-inspired mistake when it led to the Daft "Daffodil" 750 Variomatic. Variomatic was the sales pitch term for the fact that, because big wooden windmill gears wouldn't fit in such a small car, those cunning Nederlanders used rubber bands in place of the gearbox. The one constant feature on this car, and it's decendants, was the fact that it could at any time drive as fast backwards as it could forwards. This of course is an outstanding feature and got a lot of Dutch and Belgian people killed.


38.nigggermobile
designed for black people comes with rope and cotton picker attachment.


51cJMmg86jL. AA280

A 2005 model V-MINI convertible.

5dd

The Monstira is a very good car for parking.

3∂. Renfault
A French manufacturer of city tractors, most notable for their abundance of mirrors. Renfault tractors have often been referred to as the "Country Metrosexual's car" and have been very popular with latte drinking pig farmers. The slogan for Renfault is "Good for the farm, Good for boutique shopping" referring to its popularity in inner-city areas.
35. V-MINI
A British manufacturer of very compact cars. V-MINIs were originally specially designed for pigmys in the 1960s but have become popular amongst the chihuahua carrying community after a brief return to popularity. The typical V-MINI is so small that the average human can not fit in the driver's seat and must ride on the roof, attempting to drive the car with a second steering wheel attached to the roof.
34. Monstira
An American manufacturer of practical city SUVs. Great for driving through (or in some cases over) traffic jams, city parking and taking the kids to school, also perfect for tackling mountains driving. Unfortunately the 80 inch rims are rare and a set of stairs are needed to exit the vehicle.


32. BlandRover
A British manufacturer of nondescript grey vans. BlandRovers only come in grey and resemble big boxes. Voted "Most Boring Car" and "Best cure for Insomnia" of 2004.
31. Mercedes Bends
A German manufacturer of stretch limousines. Mercedes Bends limousines are around 10 metres long but have only 4 wheels, creating a bend so that the middle drags along the road (this may be because the exterior panels are made of solid gold). They have also been known to fold up like accordians in road accidents. Very popular amongst dictators.

30-21

3θ. McLappedout
A Scottish manufacturer of supercars, described by some as the fastest in the world. Unfortunately this has never been proven because the engine overheats before it has even been started. This is due to the lack of a radiator, which was removed to reduce weight along with the fuel tank, pistons, roof, seats and doors.
29. Aston Martini
A British manufacturer of "James Bond" style sports cars. All vehicles come with built in machine guns, cocktail bar, vibrating seats, rocket launcher, bullet proof body and chainsaws. Aston Martini finds its way onto this list for its badly labeled buttons, the self destruct button is labeled as "air conditioning" and, when pressed, the "Sensual Massage" button activates sensual hidden chainsaws in the seats.
Trailet Loo

Lincolon's failed attempt to enter the buget car market.

Fred-flintstones-car

A typical Ancientsmobile, now a collectors item.

Bogancar

A typical SupeRoo in its normal environment (with a drunk driver).

2β. Dummer
An American manufacgbjfgfgfgffhfghfhjgf gfh gfhg hhjgfgh fgh fg ghf j jhf jh fjhgf j jhg fj fjh fgpoopturer of compact SUVs, popular amongst struggling porn stars. A typical Dummer has way too much chrome and is 3 lanes wide (one L.A. lane), very practical for city driving. A Dummer uses a very economical 10 barrels of oil per mile, considered by many as good for the environment.
27. Lincolon
Lincolon is an American manufacturer of luxury ride on toilets. The ride on toilets are powered by bullshit and all vehicles have warmed leather seats, GPS (Global Poo Screening), dual toilet rolls and a turbo-flusher. The revolutionary engine is powered by the driver saying lies and making false promises into the mouthpiece, these are then converted into electrical signals that power the battery. Lincolon vehicles are very popular amongst lawyers and politicians.
26. Cryzler
An American manufacturer of vehicles designed for emos. Crysler vehicles only come in black and have a depressing black interior, apart from having more metal spikes than a hunting shop (some of which double as razors). The radio in a Cryzler is permanently set to My Chemical Romance or Panic! at the Disco and the GPS system only displays messages such as "Your life is worthless". Unfortunately Cryzler has been suffering from poor sales due to the lack of emos that drive (as most prefer to slit their wrists and commit suicide instead), prompting all the board members to grow their hair, lock themselves in their room and listen to My Chemical Romance.
25. Ancientsmobile
An American manufacturer of cars for Neanderthals. Powered by running along the ground and pushing car along, this caused many people to wonder whether the car was necessary at all (most customers were incapable of such high thought though). Unfortunately it became extinct as there is little demand for "caveman" style cars outside of bad Flintstones remakes. The company's founder, Ransom E. Ancients, went on to found the REO Motor Car Company, which was merged with the Cubic Zirconia T truck company to become Cubic Zirconia-Reo.
24. SupeRoo
An Australian manufacturer of "utes". SupeRoo vehicles are very popular amongst bogans and are most often found outside the local RSL club or Centrelink. Special features of a SupeRoo include 6 stubby holders, storage space for 6 slabs of VB, mullet protector and a radio that only plays Cold Chisel music. SupeRoo's also come with a "Roo" proof front for driving from the pub. The main factory is situated in Tamworth.
2³. Dodgey
An American manufacturer of SUVs most notable for their faulty suspension. When a Dodgey turns even slightly, the suspension fails and pitches the vehicle into a violent roll. This may be because of the high centre of gravity or because the suspension is made of plastic. Most Dodgey owners are found in spinal injury wards.
22. Mitsabitchi
A Japanese manufacturer of cars for the married man. The main failing of Mitsabitchi cars was the revolutionary "Wife" CPU, standard in every car,. The "Wife" CPU contained; a GPS system that only says phrases such as "So were lost" and "Stop for directions", a seat that complains about the drivers weight, a steering wheel that won't allow the driver to drive to the pub or anywhere fun, a cup holder that complains when holding beer, a system that can read the drivers mind and tell them everything wrong with them. Surprisingly very few sold.
дй. Larda
A Russian manufacturer of "cars". The Larda suits the term of "self-constructed carriage" better. Russians buy Lardas in pre-constructed status, with about 55% of parts in their places. Final assembly should be done by buyers with an assist of big hammer and vodka, mind you only half the parts are supplied and the rest must be scrounged from bins, scrap yards and adult stores. Lardas are great for people who love the environment as 99% of the time driving consists of pushing the car and swearing, saving much petrol (or vodka as the case may be).

20-11

250px-Edsel Convertible 2

The "elegant" El Pontiaco, don't worry most end up on fire in the Texan desert.

Aquarius-1

A beautiful??? Suub. 9 out of 10 people prefer to die than drive one (though you most likely will drown when driving one).

2Ø. Vovo
A Swedish car. Comes in a box - you put it together. With allen wrenches. Instructions sold separately.
19. iDrive
An American manufacturer of audio and computer products, Apple, attempt to make a car. Travel in style with the sleek white vehicle that has built in docking station for all Apple products. Fueled by the competition between it and MicrosoFiat. Gets about 20 miles to the purchase of an Apple product and an added 5 miles for every subconscious thought about buying an Apple product. You can download iFuel off iPump.com for the small fee of $200 per download (or download it illegaly off FuelTorrent or LimeFueler). Now available in black or white. There is a soon to be released iDrive Shuffle that will drive you to a completely random place and you have no control over it.
18. El Pontiaco
A Mexican manufacturer of poorly made copies of the 1958 Ford Edsel. El Pontiaco vehicles are made of cast iron, corrugated steal and lead and very rarely have matching wheels. Most El Pontiaco's can be found crashed through border fences in Texas and California.
17. Prozac
A Malaysian manufacturer of budget cars. Anyone who actually buys a Prozac probably needs to be on Prozac.
16. Suub
A Swedish manufacturer of submersible cars. Unfortunately a roll top submersible car was not a very smart idea, but the fish like the Swedish style.
15. Citruin
A French manufacturer of "fruity" city cars. Citruin vehicles are powered by citrus juice and are therefore very popular amongst farmers, lesbians and hippies. Fortunately for the driving public the "stylish" French cars are corroded by citric acid long before they can drive on the road. These are very reliable.
14. Startrucks
An American manufacturer of various kinds of vehicle. Startrucks serves drip brewed SUV, espresso-based Van and other coffee and family trucks. Every Startruck vehicle is installed with 5, fully operational, Startrucks restaurants. Startrucks has a 'you-call-it' culture allowing the customer to specify all modifications to the car such as wings, machine guns, extra coffee-shops and whipped cream dispensers. Startrucks also sells bags of bolts so you can make your own car at home. Startrucks vehicles can be purchased everywhere on earth; there are 27 showrooms in Antarctica, 7 on the Beryl Alpha Oil Rig and 4 on the moon (one is soon to open in Hell) - 1,247,341 show rooms in total.
13. Alf-Alfa Romeo
An Italian manufacturer of sports cars powered by oxidating iron. This may seem like a good idea at first but, after a year or so, all metal parts on the car have been corroded and oxydized.. so the holes appear in the fragil italian style bodyshell.Dispite this obvious paradox they remain very popular amongst kansloze latte drinkers and men with names like Vince, David and Martinos, guys having a mid life crisis. An mandatory extra on all cars is a big toolkit, gsm and a lot of tie-raps.
12. Unfiniti
Unfiniti is an experimental brand of Japanese automaker Missen Motors. Unfiniti vehicles are the test vehicles for experimental features, because of this no two Unfiniti cars are the same. Some experimental features present in a few Unfiniti cars are the; downwards ejector seat, roll-top fuel tank, backwards facing drivers seat, stone tires, time travel and edible brake fluid.
11. 1958 Plymouth Fury
Though a classic example of the fins and chrome design movement the '58 Fury was prone to brake failure, cooling system problems and jealousy. The front seats moved up to far and with excessive force. The hood of the car had a tendency to slam down on people's fingers causing crippling injury and during intense or dangerous driving conditions the 1958 Fury would transform into a '58 Belvedere or '59 Savoy. While nearly indestructible the car was paradoxically high maintenance, causing a level of obsession bordering on demonic possession in its owners. Though no owners returned the car many voiced dissatisfaction with it's handling, air of menace and frequent attempts to kill John Stockton.

10 - 1

Fghjfg

A typical Missen, note the abundant air conditioning.

200px-Washer.600pix

A DUMB vehicle being misused by ignorant owner.

10. Manzda
The MAN's car. With beer pumps that pump directly into the driver's mouth, 15 television screens that constantly show football games or porno videos, a boot filled with power tools, a super-turbo charged double V8 engine and fold back rear seat for "shaggin'" the ladies. Ironically, a few owners actually use the car for driving.
9. MicrosoFiat
Having conquered the world of computers using stand over tactics and defective operating systems, Microsoft then decided to widen its attempt of world domination... its eyes settled on Fiat. After a string of strange disappearances the board of Fiat agreed to hand over control to Bill Gates and the Microsoft Corporation. MicrosoFiat cars are controlled entirely by a supercomputer (the size of a room) "run" on the Windows operating system, currently Vista, when a new system is released all cars running on the old one instantly stop until the new system is bought, for an inflated price, and installed. The MicrosoFiat security system is considered the greatest ever, letting absolutely every hobo, trojan and virus that approaches the car, hijack it. The cars give error reports every time it moves and whenever it gives error reports; to help with these constant errors MicrosoFiat has included a moving paper-clip that dances and contorts into strange shapes and often gets caught in the engine. Luckily MicrosoFiat cars are usually stuck with the Blue smoke of doom pouring out of the engine (referred to as a fatal error, as the smoke is highly toxic and should not be inhaled).
8. Missen
A Japanese manufacturer of "tuner" cars. They cars themselves are nothing special but have the dubious title as the most stolen cars in the world. If you bought one it would be in a Detroit ghetto by now. This may or may not be because of its "keyless start" button and lack of glass in its windows.
7. Krapea
A North Korean manufacturer of budget cars. Krapea cars are bought in bulk (packs of 4 or 6) and must be assembled by hand (and an Allen Key). Krapea vehicles are very bland and are made mainly of plastic and are usually missing several vital pieces. Despite being useless cars they make nice door stops, when not alight. Sometimes known as Kias.
6. Foxhall
A jolly good British manufacturer of hunting vehicles. Foxhall vehicles are very popular amongst the British aristocracy and are most often found transversing country manors in search of foxes during a good ol' hunt. All Foxhall vehicles come with special padded corgi seats, shotgun holder, pipe lighter, tartan trim and a homely fireplace (plus seating in the boot for servants). A jolly fine car all round, ol' boy. The only problem with Foxhalls is that the Foxhall Rova has become popular among chavs.
5. Gaewoo
A Korean manufacturer of cars for homosexual men. Gaewoo cars generally come in bright colours with bright fashionable interiors. They come with safety features such as a condom dispenser. They are usually found in gay-pride parade floats or outside fashionable shops or bars. Many women also find the Gaewoo sexy.
4. Cadillax
An American manufacturer of luxury vehicles for those with bowel problems. Cadillax vehicles are coated with a spray on laxative to help stop constipation, this made them very popular amongst the elderly. Unfortunately the laxative had a bad effect on those not constipated, causing fits of diarrhea this required toilets to be installed on all vehicles. These toilets are often faulty and back up, flooding the car with raw sewage.
3. Wal★Cart
An American manufacturer of powered shopping carts, or "trolleys" if you will, that have an cult following in southern USA, particularly amongst users of the Y'all dialect. All "Wal★Carts" only come in "Mattel lead silver", though the customer can choose to have their cart covered in Republican bumper stickers. Wal★Carts come with a free greeter, who welcomes the driver and directs them to their beer/meth stash.
2. Susucki
A Japanese manufacturer of cars that double as vacuum cleaners. This was very impractical as it required serious renovation to actually get the car into the house. Unfortunately they did suck, but not in the vacuuming way, tending to leak fluid and catch on fire rather than vacuum up dirt. At least they drove... sometimes... rarely.


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