John Belushi

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
Line 1: Line 1:
[[Image:Belushi1.jpg|right|thumb|250px|John Belushi was to parties what Katrina was to New Orleans]]
[[Image:Belushi1.jpg|right|thumb|250px|John Belushi was to parties what Katrina was to New Orleans]]

Revision as of 07:07, August 9, 2011

This page is a work in progress
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore.
Now, go away!
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
This page will be re-checked on 16 August 2011

John Belushi was to parties what Katrina was to New Orleans

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to John Belushi.

John Belushi (January 24, 1949 – March 5, 1982) was an Albanian American Blues singer, a member of the original Blues Brothers, and a fellow Mission of God Activist. Besides singing the blues, Belushi was also a Japanese Samurai delicatessen slicer, a college Animal House 'zit', a Toga Party campaigner, a National Guard fighter pilot, a stand-in Captain for the Starship Enterprise, a bit part actor of little consequence on the original cast of "Saturday Night Live", and finally, a dead-as-a-doornail speed-ball junkie jockey who was thrown from his horse and died at the young-old age of thirty-three.

Belushi was born in Chicago, nineteen and forty nine; yeah, he was born in Chicago nineteen and forty nine; and his mama told him, "son you lookin' mighty-fine". Well his first friend went down when he was only twenty-one; yeah, his first friend went down when he was only twenty-one, and his father told him, "son, you had better get a gun!" From that point on Belushi always said, "things just don't seem the same, babe, yeah things just don't seem the same!" And he began playing harmonica - after a fashion - although not in the tradition of Paul Butterfield or Stevie Wonder.

He had a younger brother named James who was much more organized and clever than John. Jim was able to converse with animals, dogs in particular, as well as being both an expert thief and a decorated police detective - which is a fairly normal combination. And, most importantly, Jim never rode a horse to his doom. But, in spite of James' longevity, his late elder brother, John, is still better remembered - as much for his portrayal of himself as the characters he acted-out.



When John was a child he used to pretend to be a fighter pilot.

Early life

John Belushi was the son of Agnes and Adam Belushi, Albino immigrants who fled Albino and moved to America in 1934. Yeah, they moved to America, in 19 and 34, and his mama told him, 'we is looking mighty poor!' Once settled in the United States Adam promptly invented Girl Scout Cookies, but having failed to patient his new new idea, he was sued by the Girl Scouts for Trademark violation. Losing the legal case and having no money Adam traded his eldest and most unruly son, John, to the Scouts committee in restitution. But John was unrivaled as a 'lil devil' and he was soon abandoned.

Wandering the mean streets at a tender age John grew up in the Blues town of Chicago along with with a younger brother James Belushi who ran away from home to join him. When John was a child he was always able to trick his younger brother into eating his vegetable when ever they were found in garbage cans. John picked up a drug habit at the age of 9 which he never mentioned to anyone. His was hardly a typical childhood, unless you dare to call John Belushi "typical."




On March 5, 1982, Belushi was found dead-as-a-doornail in his room at Bungalow number 3, or maybe it was 4, anyway it was in a room of the Chateau Marmont Hotel on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, the entertainment capitol of America. The cause of death was a Speedball-martini, incorrectly stirred not shaken, a combined injection directly into his third eye of cocaine, STP, Demerol, Paint Thinner, Nitro-glycerin, liquid C4 and heroin.

On the night of his death, he was visited separately by friends Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy, Pee Wee Herman, Mick Jagger, Cary Fisher, Jane Fonda, Jerry Lewis, Capt Beefheart, and Robert De Niro, each of whom left the premises, leaving Belushi dead in the company of assorted others, including some girls as well as loan sharks and Russian mobsters. His death was investigated by forensic pathologist Dr. Ryan Norris and the famous firefighter Red Adair among others, and while the findings were disputed between suicide or murder or both, it was officially ruled a tragic accident.


SNL cast original

John TO-GA! Belushi (second from right - NO! My right not your right) on Saturday Night Live in 1975

Saturday Night Live

Main article: Saturday Night Live

John had starred in plays and stuff, doing impressions, and perfectly emulating Joe Cocker. He had become so TO-GA! that he joined the Second City comedy troupe. There he met who would later become the original cast of Saturday Night Live on the nutworks. It drew record ratings, and soon the other Saturday Night Live, a sports show with Howard Cossell, was canceled. Because of the conflicting titles, the comedy show was referred to as NBC's A Pile of Crap and 15 Commercials Between Each Skit before becoming Saturday Night Live or its abbreviation, SNL.

On Saturday Night Live John, who had serious personality disorders, starred regularly as...

  • Samurai Futaba
  • Captain Ned, one of Miles Cowperthwaite's cronies
  • Jacob Papageorge alias 'Joliet' Jake Blues, from the Blues Brothers
  • Jeff Widette, from the Widettes
  • Kevin (from The Mall sketches)
  • Kuldorth (from The Coneheads)
  • Larry Farber
  • Lowell Brock, from the H&L Brock commercials
  • Matt Cooper, from the Land Shark sketches
  • Pete, from the Olympia Cafe
  • Steve Beshekas (who was in real life a good friend of Belushi's since community college)
  • Frank Leary, one of St. Mickey's Knights of Columbus

Apart from impersonating himself, Belushi also impersonated the following:

  • Al Hirt
  • Babe Ruth
  • Bert Lance
  • Cesar Romero
  • Dino De Laurentiis
  • Ed Ames
  • Ed Asner
  • Elizabeth Taylor
  • Elvis Presley
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • Fred Silverman
  • George Wallace
  • Henry Kissinger
  • Hermann Göring
  • Jack Kerouac
  • Jawaharlal Nehru
  • Jimmy Hoffa
  • Joe Cocker
  • John Lennon
  • Julia Child
  • Leonid Brezhnev
  • Ludwig van Beethoven
  • Marlon Brando
  • Menachim Begin
  • Richard J. Daley|Richard Daley
  • Robert Blake
  • Roy Orbison
  • Sam Peckinpah
  • Sanjay Gandhi
  • Steve Rubell
  • Sun Myung Moon
  • Tip O'Neill
  • Truman Capote
  • Vasiliy Alekseyev
  • William Shatner
  • Woody Hayes
  • Yasser Arafat


Animal House was John's big break. It was a true-to-life film that took place at two fraternities called Delta and Omega. The fraternities are in danger of being condemned because of their antics. This film is very famous for it's TO-GA! scene. The Toga scene includes the classic chant of "TO-GA! TO-GA! JOHN TESH! TO-GA! TO-GA!..." and is the greatest scene from a movie of all time, says film critic TO-GA!

Belushi and fellow SNL cast member Dan Aykroyd created this sketch where they were two blues musician brothers known as the Blues Brothers, go figure. When the two left the show in 1980, they spun these characters off into a smash-hit movie called "Neighbors".

The film had a sequel Blues Brothers 2000 with John Goodman, but Dan Aykroyd went back in time and prevented the film from existing. Then John Goodman wanted more money, so he went back in time and remade Blues Brothers 2000. It bombed at the box office in 1999 and regrettably was not eventually a cult hit either.


  • Animal House (1978)
  • The Rutles: All You Need Is Cash (1978)
  • Goin' South (1978)
  • Old Boyfriends (1979)
  • 1941 (1979)
  • The Blues Brothers (1980)
  • Continental Divide (1981)
  • Neighbors (1981)

See also

Personal tools