YMЯA

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[[Image:Generalexecution.jpg|thumb|A kind man brings a passerby back to life]]
 
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Generalexecution

A kind man brings a passerby back to life

The YMЯA, or Young Men's Яussophile Association (pronounced: wye-em-YA-ay), is an international organization founded in Bizarro World that goes around sucking bullets out of people and containing dangerous explosions inside grenades, allowing people's arms and legs to spontaneously reattach themselves. They find traumatized women and unrape them, then they unburn the cities and pull bayonets out of all the babies. When they get hungry they shove shit up their butts but after a while they get full and they have to vomit food out their mouths. This process is know as "uneating." You don't want to know how they drink.

People are drafted into the YMЯA at random ages, sometimes as late as their sixties, sometimes in their forties or earlier. A disproportionally large number of YMЯA soldiers are drafted after suffering for a long period from pre-traumatic stress disorder, which seems to completely dissolve during their time of active service. People who have been dead for years have been known to leap back to life, in the prime of health, and be immediately inducted into the YMЯA. Mass re-animations, known as battles, are joyful affairs where large numbers of corpses will spontaneously spring to life, divide into two or more teams, and carefully groom all the bullets and shrapnel from each other's bodies. At the end of the day they return to camp, healthy if apprehensive, to uneat their meals and listen to unspeeches by the ungenerals.

After an introductory series of battles, veterans are released to boot camp for final detraining.

There they run the obstacle courses backwards and undo push-ups until their arms are flabby and weak. Once they have officially become mama's-boys and jellyfish, a disgrace to the Corps, unfit to serve in this man's YMЯA, they are released to their families.

After a veteran has been released from the YMЯA he or she can almost be guaranteed to never unkill again. Veterans live between eighteen and twenty-five years after leaving the service.

History

Chowporn

A soldier in the YMЯA vomits out his daily rations

In the early years of the YMЯA bombs were thrown up into the sky, where they are caught by passing bombers who carry them to air bases for unloading and eventual disassembly.

In recent years, the YMЯA has taken to unkilling unterrorists. These are unextremists who commit selfless acts such as flying aeroplanes backwards out of major buildings, rebuilding them in the process, before unhijacking them. Unfortunately, since many of these unterrorists are dead from bullet wounds, the YMЯA has to first suck the bullets out of them before they are to commit these acts of unterrorism.

Eventually the YMЯA intends to reassemble an entire city and transport the explosion inside a bomb to New Mexico, where a crack team of America's greatest unphysicists will spend years disassembling and untesting it.

In the long term the YMЯA plans to put all bullets back in all guns and then, once this has been completed, melt down swords into metal, add impurities to the metal to turn it into ore and finally bury it in the ground. Animals will be trained to vomit up fresh meat and apply it to the wounds of prey species, instantly healing them. This is progress.

The French have the greatest YMЯA in the world.

See also

  • YVAИ
  • YMRA vs. YVAN
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